A guest post from my friend, ~Darlene Schacht, The Time-Warp Wife
Darkness enveloped the sky drawing its curtain around us, while the rumble of thunder composed a symphony of sound that was carried by on the wings of the wind.
It was only 8 pm, but Michael was fast asleep. Stretched out on his recliner by the window, he dozed off while two little puppies wrestled under his chair.
The steady tip-tapping of rain made me want to curl up beside him and fall asleep too, but I had some dishes that needed to be cleared away and some laundry to do for the morning.
I wasn’t surprised to see him sleeping like that. I knew he’d be exhausted after the crazy week he just had. Working overtime every night, he was struggling to catch up at work.
And the weekend? It wasn’t much better. Since he’s been at the shop so much lately, the honey-do list was long and he was determined to get it all done.
He’s a hard worker, there’s no doubt about that. And weeks like this remind me of just how hard he pushes himself when the going gets tough.
There’s a lot of weight on that man’s shoulders. In fact, I can say that about most husbands I know. Even when they aren’t facing deadlines at work, they are dealing with the spiritual and financial responsibilities that come with leading a family.
While many of them appear to have everything under control, most of our husbands would not only appreciate encouragement from us, they would benefit from it.
Any mom who cares for a growing child knows the importance of praise in their children’s life. Not only does it help to build a healthy sense of self-esteem, it also reminds a child that he or she is loved.
In the same way, any wife who cares for her husband will also know the importance of praise in a marriage. It’s vital to a growing relationship.
Matthew L. Jacobson once wrote, “We need your affirmation – we have to have it and, oh, how we thrive with it. Typically, men are quiet about these things but that doesn’t mean we need and enjoy our wife’s affirmation any less. And every man feels it: When his woman is behind him, he can slay dragons.”
Do you realize that there are four verses in Proverbs alone that talk about nagging wives? They are referred to as quarrelsome, fretful, and a continual dripping. If you have ever experienced a leaky roof, you’ll know how annoying that is. We experienced one about 20 years ago in our back porch, and regardless of how many times I emptied the pail it would only fill up again.
That’s the danger with nagging. It becomes a never-ending habit if left unchecked, and unfortunately it festers resentment. Praise on the other hand has the reverse affect. It builds the bond of marriage and draws a couple closer together.
That’s only two of the benefits, but there are so many more. Let’s look at five of them:
- When you affirm him, you are affirming your love for him. Knowing that someone loves you deeply strengthens the bond of marriage. Think of it this way: we form the strongest friendships with those that we deeply trust.
- When you praise him for the little things he does, it’s more likely that he’ll be encouraged to repeat them in the future.
- When I praise my husband, whether it be in his presence or in his absence, we bear witness of our marriage covenant. Keeping in mind that marriage reflects the covenant between Jesus Christ and the church it’s important to honor our vows in the best way we know how.
- Kindness is an attractive quality. There’s no possible way a wife can be attractive when she’s constantly nagging her husband. Sure, you can put the pretty on, but unless you’re also attractive it wears thin. There’s nothing appealing about a critical spirit.
- He’ll be glad to come home. Let’s face it, the world is tough place. Many of our husbands are dealing with difficult situations at work and need a sense of relief when they walk through the door. Unfortunately, some other husbands are working with women who are building them up outside of the home. If we want a husband who is glad to come home to his wife, we can make him feel welcome by letting him know that we appreciate him, that we respect him, and that we’re glad he is with us.
You are loved by an almighty God,
~Darlene Schacht
The Time-Warp Wife
Check out Darlene Schacht’s newest book, Messy Beautiful Love: Hope and Redemption for Real-Life Marriages
Messy Beautiful Love delivers an incredible testimony of grace that offers hope for today’s marriages and a spark for rekindling love.
Love gets messy.
Financial problems, sickness, aging parents, a chronically unhappy spouse . . . trials will inevitably come that threaten your marriage. No matter how long you’ve been married or how strong your relationship is, sooner or later you are going to have a mess to clean up.
Messy Beautiful Love is about cleaning up messes God’s way, exchanging your ideas for His, and being prepared for both the best and the worst that marriage has to offer.
When you surrender your relationship to God, then and only then will you experience the blessing of marriage as He intended. This is the blessing of obedience.
Messy Beautiful Love is an invitation to that obedience. The cynical world says marriages don’t last, but God knows better. Tune out the world and tune in to Him. When you do that, a beautiful marriage is not only possible, it’s inevitable.
Want to win a copy?
We’re giving away two copies of Darlene’s book, Messy Beautiful Love. Enter to WIN a copy by clicking “Share Your Thoughts” below this post, and leave us a comment telling us something you love about your husband. We’ll randomly choose two winners. {If you’re reading this via email, click here to ENTER TO WIN by leaving a comment on my blog}
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My husband is amazing he is always there for me and our family no matter what. Works overtime to help with the bills after I lost my job. He is my other half and completes me perfectly. I thank God for him everyday!!
I love my husband because he came I to my life during a very dark time. I was going thru pastoral sexual abuse and trying to overcome childhood sexual abuse while being newly Wed. He rescued me and starting teaching me about God. He helped me to understand who God is and he loved on me during a time where my heart was so closeed up. He also took in my too kids as his very own and took on all the duties of a Father. He loved me with the love of Christ something I didn’t even know existed for me. We went thru a very hard time in our marriage while I was trying to heal from all the abuse I had encountered in my life and we never had the honey moon stage. We went from marriage to just trying to survive as I was a broke mess. He stood by my side and today we are 6 years strong now helping others in their walk with God
My husband and I both lost our fathers this summer – within 7 weeks of each other – and we are working hard to buoy each other up each day, getting accustomed to our loss. There was a service scheduled honoring my dad in a town about 45 minutes from home yesterday, and after an exhausting day at work, I knew my husband did not want to make the trip. With no complaining, he generously changed his clothes and hopped into the car, showing me as he always does that our needs together are more important than his needs alone. I am blessed to have him on our journey.
My husband has always been there for me. We support each other, and I am so blessed to have him.
What I love about my husband is he has a sense of humor and very talented and working hard.
Yes, messy, but God is teaching me lots. This book could help.
He worries about keeping everything working for me!
I love that he is such a hard worker at his job.
We are celebrating our 16-year wedding anniversary today and would love to win a copy of this book to become a better wife.
My first husband’s primary love language was words of affirmation & that was a hard one – I spoke well of and to him but it took awhile to learn how to ‘speak’ not just flattery but words that affirmed his character. He passed away and I have been blessed with a second marriage. I’m learning that he receives notes of appreciation at a deeper, heart level more than speaking to him; he also is ‘lifted up’ when someone shares what I’ve spoken to them about him! It’s been exciting seeing God birth ‘new’ strengths in him as he ‘hears’ what others see in him. Ladies, it’s so important to not emasculate our men. Kinda like Peter Rabbit quoting his Mama in Bambi “If you can’t say nothin’ nice, don’t say nothin’ at all!”
I love that my husband cooks, and is good at it. He likes to cook (I could take or leave it) and he’s adventurous in his creations. I also love how he fathers our daughter. He is an awesome daddy.
Thank you for sharing 6 Reasons to Build Up Our Husbands. I needed this confirmation. I am learning to look past all the mistakes and imperfections of my husband and just love.
I love his beautiful green eyes and that he works tirelessly very long hours to provide for us even though he does not enjoy his job. I also love that even though he was not raised in a religious home he has given his life to Christ truly making our home a house that serves the Lord. (As for me and my house, we will serve the Lord!) 🙂
I find life interesting with my husband. We have been married for 18 yrs now and am blessed to have him in my life. We have a family that sticks together thru thick n thin Nomatter what comes our way. Yes my husband makes decisions sometimes that is hard to accept, but he does it for a reason. It’s awesome the life we have, although it gets sticky, ugly, stinky, and all kinda of stuff that doesn’t feel good. But it’s the glory and blessings we enjoy when the storm passes that I look forward to. Thank you for writing this book, I am a work in progress, a runner in this race, and an overcomer in Jesus. Look forward to reading your book.
I love my messy, beautiful life and I love my husband and respect him like crazy. He’s the hardest working guy I know – at his job, at being a father, at being a husband, at being all that he’s called to be. I’m so thankful that God knows exactly who to give to each of us!
I love that my husband is so even in his temperament when I many times do not rely on God to help me with coping skills. This sounds like a great book for me to learn how to surrender and be a better wife. When my life gets out of balance, I want God to be my first line of defense, my source of strength, comfort, and peace. My default temperament seems to be to react instead of respond and that is not very Christ-like. I am praying earnestly for God to change this in me.
I love that my husband now seeks The Lord and desires to live a Godly life! Praise God!
I’m currently waiting for Him to show me another husband – if that’s what He intends for me. Having this book would be good thoughts to help guide me.
This sure would be a great helper as I do tend to nag and feel justified by doing so. My husband or I didn’t grow up with any positive marriages for us to immolate. One thing that I am grateful for is that he’s always had the desire to support our family. I’m looking to do things differently now. I’m tired of always fussing and complaining. Thanks in advance!
My husband is faithful & trustworthy.