A guest post from my friend, ~Darlene Schacht, The Time-Warp Wife
Darkness enveloped the sky drawing its curtain around us, while the rumble of thunder composed a symphony of sound that was carried by on the wings of the wind.
It was only 8 pm, but Michael was fast asleep. Stretched out on his recliner by the window, he dozed off while two little puppies wrestled under his chair.
The steady tip-tapping of rain made me want to curl up beside him and fall asleep too, but I had some dishes that needed to be cleared away and some laundry to do for the morning.
I wasn’t surprised to see him sleeping like that. I knew he’d be exhausted after the crazy week he just had. Working overtime every night, he was struggling to catch up at work.
And the weekend? It wasn’t much better. Since he’s been at the shop so much lately, the honey-do list was long and he was determined to get it all done.
He’s a hard worker, there’s no doubt about that. And weeks like this remind me of just how hard he pushes himself when the going gets tough.
There’s a lot of weight on that man’s shoulders. In fact, I can say that about most husbands I know. Even when they aren’t facing deadlines at work, they are dealing with the spiritual and financial responsibilities that come with leading a family.
While many of them appear to have everything under control, most of our husbands would not only appreciate encouragement from us, they would benefit from it.
Any mom who cares for a growing child knows the importance of praise in their children’s life. Not only does it help to build a healthy sense of self-esteem, it also reminds a child that he or she is loved.
In the same way, any wife who cares for her husband will also know the importance of praise in a marriage. It’s vital to a growing relationship.
Matthew L. Jacobson once wrote, “We need your affirmation – we have to have it and, oh, how we thrive with it. Typically, men are quiet about these things but that doesn’t mean we need and enjoy our wife’s affirmation any less. And every man feels it: When his woman is behind him, he can slay dragons.”
Do you realize that there are four verses in Proverbs alone that talk about nagging wives? They are referred to as quarrelsome, fretful, and a continual dripping. If you have ever experienced a leaky roof, you’ll know how annoying that is. We experienced one about 20 years ago in our back porch, and regardless of how many times I emptied the pail it would only fill up again.
That’s the danger with nagging. It becomes a never-ending habit if left unchecked, and unfortunately it festers resentment. Praise on the other hand has the reverse affect. It builds the bond of marriage and draws a couple closer together.
That’s only two of the benefits, but there are so many more. Let’s look at five of them:
- When you affirm him, you are affirming your love for him. Knowing that someone loves you deeply strengthens the bond of marriage. Think of it this way: we form the strongest friendships with those that we deeply trust.
- When you praise him for the little things he does, it’s more likely that he’ll be encouraged to repeat them in the future.
- When I praise my husband, whether it be in his presence or in his absence, we bear witness of our marriage covenant. Keeping in mind that marriage reflects the covenant between Jesus Christ and the church it’s important to honor our vows in the best way we know how.
- Kindness is an attractive quality. There’s no possible way a wife can be attractive when she’s constantly nagging her husband. Sure, you can put the pretty on, but unless you’re also attractive it wears thin. There’s nothing appealing about a critical spirit.
- He’ll be glad to come home. Let’s face it, the world is tough place. Many of our husbands are dealing with difficult situations at work and need a sense of relief when they walk through the door. Unfortunately, some other husbands are working with women who are building them up outside of the home. If we want a husband who is glad to come home to his wife, we can make him feel welcome by letting him know that we appreciate him, that we respect him, and that we’re glad he is with us.
You are loved by an almighty God,
~Darlene Schacht
The Time-Warp Wife
Check out Darlene Schacht’s newest book, Messy Beautiful Love: Hope and Redemption for Real-Life Marriages
Messy Beautiful Love delivers an incredible testimony of grace that offers hope for today’s marriages and a spark for rekindling love.
Love gets messy.
Financial problems, sickness, aging parents, a chronically unhappy spouse . . . trials will inevitably come that threaten your marriage. No matter how long you’ve been married or how strong your relationship is, sooner or later you are going to have a mess to clean up.
Messy Beautiful Love is about cleaning up messes God’s way, exchanging your ideas for His, and being prepared for both the best and the worst that marriage has to offer.
When you surrender your relationship to God, then and only then will you experience the blessing of marriage as He intended. This is the blessing of obedience.
Messy Beautiful Love is an invitation to that obedience. The cynical world says marriages don’t last, but God knows better. Tune out the world and tune in to Him. When you do that, a beautiful marriage is not only possible, it’s inevitable.
Want to win a copy?
We’re giving away two copies of Darlene’s book, Messy Beautiful Love. Enter to WIN a copy by clicking “Share Your Thoughts” below this post, and leave us a comment telling us something you love about your husband. We’ll randomly choose two winners. {If you’re reading this via email, click here to ENTER TO WIN by leaving a comment on my blog}
I have been married now for only three years. I was such an out going person and went everywhere even the Mojave desert before I married him. Now God is teaching me it is okay to slow down and smell the roses. Life is still an adventure with him, and it is even more beautiful then I sometimes notice. This is my Mary time, the time Mary sat at the feet of Jesus, I GET to stay at home and build one, listening to my Savior and learning to build up this wonderful man. My life may not be as busy as it use to be but that`s okay there is a season of life where all is peace, and quiet. So I love reading good books on marriage anything that will help me to keep my eyes on the One that has given me everything I need for life and godliness.
I know it’s a little late…..but I love the way .mu husband cuddles with me at the end of the day.
Needed to hear this! Thank you.
Reading all of the wonderful comments wives are making about their husbands has brought tears to my eyes and conviction to my heart. I know I should be more appreciative of my husband’s hard work ethic, but so many times I just see him putting work before me and the kids. How do I stay positive when he is working all of the time? He got promoted 3 years ago and all I can say is that I am so grateful it wasn’t any sooner!! We have 5 children. Three have graduated high school but two are still in school. I am always reminding him that our parenting isn’t done. I even got mad at him this Friday night when he said he was coming home “on time” because he had worked late every night that week. He came home late, again. Now, I want to say that my husband is a God fearing man, an excellent provider, devoted husband and father and loves being with us when he is home. I know I need to be more encouraging and not so critical. I just feel like if I am then he will continue to work late hours. He is pressured at work and doesn’t know what to do. It is a constant prayer of his asking God to help him balance it all. Even if I don’t get this book, I know I need to ask God how I can be the wife “He” wants me to be. Not the wife I think “I” need to be. I have prayed this prayer many times. We will celebrate 25 years in December. I need to get my act together so we can truly celebrate this time God has given us! I know two widows my age in our church that would love to celebrate just one more day with their husbands. “Lord, forgive me.”
I am always looking for ways to “self-help” my marriage in any way possible. I loved reading the posts so I know the book will be just as good. We have a great relationship but there’s always room for improvement right?!
I find this post a blessing, made me stop being busy for a minute and realize how fortunate I am that God gave me my husband! Too often we take our gifts from God for granted!
Sorry about my few spelling mistakes in my post. I typed it up off my phone.. Two words should read “through” not though and the other “their” not thier. 😀
God Bless!
My husband compliments me so perfectly, where I am weak in areas he is strong. He is so patient, kind, and gentle with me and our two older son’s. He truly is a gift to me from God! My husband is the love of my life next to God!! (God comes first, then my husband and then our son’s).
He is myBestest Bud too!! I’m truly blessed to be married to my husband.
Our marriage is still a work in progress, we’ve had our share of up’s and down’s in the 26 years married.
There was a very hard time in our marriage that nearly ended us.
But God…
He has grown our marriage into something I at one time never thought or imagined possible!!
When I began to learn the power in praying for our marriage and the Lord began turning things around according to His Will, not mine… I had to learn to be in His will for our marriage, both my husband and I surrendered our hearts and lift our marriage and lives to Him. His Will be done, not ours.
God has done amazing things in our marriage though faithfulness,obedience and prayer.
Praying scripture over our marriage also has grown us in leaps and bounds. I encourage all couples to pray over thier marriages.
We serve a Great God!! God is good All of the time!!
He can save the deadest of marriages! Believe me, He saved mine!! Never doubt or loose hope in your marriage, He is bigger then our marriage issues. He is Almighty God!! King of Kings and Lord of Lords.
God Bless each of you~
Just posting an email address so I can see replies. Thanks.
Wow. I could really use help right now. Trying to recover and put things back together after my husband had an extended affair with my sister. I just don’t know how to do this. God has been my refuge and strength and I have hung onto him with a death grip. He has literally held me together. I am so broken. Some days He helps me just to breathe. We have three beautiful boys that we both love so much. I have no where else to turn but to Him.
This sounds like a very encouraging read.
I recently got married and it’s been an awesome journey so far. I’d love to win this book so I can learn how o can keep encouraging my husband.
Would love to win a copy of your inspiring words.
Loved reading your inspiring words – thank you!!
My husband has an admirably strong work ethic. No matter how tired he is, he will use his gift to help anyone in need, friend or stranger. I can’t count the times I’ve sent him to the store for something and he has come home with a story of seeing someone having car trouble, or in need financially, that he has stopped to help. ♥
Praise the Lord for this sight. I hope I win the free resources. So far everything on the blog has been very inspiring and encouraging to me in my daily life. Thank you.
I love that my husband supports me in all that I do and is always there to pick me up if I fall. His love is a blessing to me.
I love my husband for the selfless way he loves and cares for my children and I.
I love my husband for who he is. He has always been my biggest cheerleader and a listening discerning ear.
Recently we’ve been through a lot in our marriage, my husband lost his job a year ago. He was without a job for the entire year. Our marriage took a lot of strain as all the financial responsibilities became mine. However, although bits of bitternes and less communication tried to break us down…every time God came and show me the person I married 10 years ago. The Holy Spirit reminded me all the time to see in my husband the small things that he does…his attitude toward me never changed, he treated me always with respect, although I was not so nice to him many times.
Today I can say I love him so much…because of God’s love for me…I am able to love my husband. We still have a lot to work through…but with Gods grace Im sure we will make it till death do us part.
My husband is my best friend and biggest help in this world. We have 6 children together and 2 have special needs and we make a good team. He is a good communicator and always makes me laugh. It’s not always been easy in our 23 years of marriage but always worth it.
I love that my husband is always there for me, always making the effort to try to help me and support me. Our lives certainly are not easy but it makes it a lot easier knowing he is a part of this life WITH me and not IN COMPETITION with me.
I love that he is creative, even domestic and cooks better than I do! Love it 🙂 he has shown me Gods love time and time again by how He loves me
I love my husband, it’s crystal clear to everyone in our vicinity… But I sometimes worry its not so clear to him. I suspect the issues lies with my level of comfort with him… I trust in his love and thus take him for granted at times, my people pleasing nature gets such a work out in the other areas of my life that I am on empty by the time it comes to my husband and I find myself being short, uncompromising and domineering…. I hear my words sometimes and I immediately want to call them back, to wish them unsaid- they are born of frustration and exhaustion not of truth or love and it breaks my heart that he may take them on board and add them to his burdens. Thanks for this blog post, it certainly has made some things clearer for me and I’m definitely going to apply some of these principles starting now
My husband shows me that he loves me even when I’m at my most unlovable..
This was a great article for me to read. I sometimes forget that my husband wants, needs, and sometimes seeks my attention, affection, and approval. Sometimes I get so side tracked with the day to day things I do that I forget he has a lot on his plate as well. Thank you for this article. It’s always great to have that little reminder that our marriage isn’t about the hustle and bustle of the everyday but on the ways we can bless each other and in turn bless our family.
I love how my husband lets me be messy and then wipes away the tears with love when I am! I love him also for then speaking truth into me in love even if it hurts because then he helps to heal the wounds he’s necessarily created <3
My husband is a hard worker and will do anything for his family. We are a young family and trying to do what we can to raise a family on God and love. Often times my husband and I burn out and our marriage suffers because of this. We could use some help in navigating through this. I think the book would help.
What I love about my husband is that he can comfort me when I’m down like no other (human) person can.
Love the article on supporting your spouse.
I love that he always takes time out of his day to text, email or call me and check in on my day.
My Dear Husband suffers from mental illness. I appreciate his desire to be involved in the work of Christ and his love for Him and for the children and I. I love the way he always tries his best to do things. He is my best friend.
Linda
Forwarded this to my bible study group. We were just talking about this last week at study. Thank you for sharing!!!!
I really need the help, and I feel like I benefited so much just from the email.
I would live to win a copy of the book . We just celebrated our 38 th anniversary . We had our ups n down. It ‘s only by the grace of God that we r still together. My husband is such a hard worker n I try to pray for him everyday that God lifts his heavy load at work. I have worked 2 jobs just to help out with bills . It’s been hard but God has helped n blest us.
God has been doing such a work in my husband and my marriage. We started out rough but slowly are getting it together. It would be such a blessing to get this book !!
Always need to grow and be reminded of thoughtful deeds and needs. Thank you
I appreciate his unconditional love and attentiveness to my needs…Thanks for the chance to win! 🙂
I will celebrate my 30th wedding anniversary this year. How time flies! They say it’s supposed to get easier and in some ways it has but…maybe not. Just because you become more comfortable with someone doesn’t make it a great relationship. I’m guilty of not appreciating my husband, of taking him for-granted. Thank you for sharing your devotional with us!