A guest post from my friend, ~Darlene Schacht, The Time-Warp Wife
Darkness enveloped the sky drawing its curtain around us, while the rumble of thunder composed a symphony of sound that was carried by on the wings of the wind.
It was only 8 pm, but Michael was fast asleep. Stretched out on his recliner by the window, he dozed off while two little puppies wrestled under his chair.
The steady tip-tapping of rain made me want to curl up beside him and fall asleep too, but I had some dishes that needed to be cleared away and some laundry to do for the morning.
I wasn’t surprised to see him sleeping like that. I knew he’d be exhausted after the crazy week he just had. Working overtime every night, he was struggling to catch up at work.
And the weekend? It wasn’t much better. Since he’s been at the shop so much lately, the honey-do list was long and he was determined to get it all done.
He’s a hard worker, there’s no doubt about that. And weeks like this remind me of just how hard he pushes himself when the going gets tough.
There’s a lot of weight on that man’s shoulders. In fact, I can say that about most husbands I know. Even when they aren’t facing deadlines at work, they are dealing with the spiritual and financial responsibilities that come with leading a family.
While many of them appear to have everything under control, most of our husbands would not only appreciate encouragement from us, they would benefit from it.
Any mom who cares for a growing child knows the importance of praise in their children’s life. Not only does it help to build a healthy sense of self-esteem, it also reminds a child that he or she is loved.
In the same way, any wife who cares for her husband will also know the importance of praise in a marriage. It’s vital to a growing relationship.
Matthew L. Jacobson once wrote, “We need your affirmation – we have to have it and, oh, how we thrive with it. Typically, men are quiet about these things but that doesn’t mean we need and enjoy our wife’s affirmation any less. And every man feels it: When his woman is behind him, he can slay dragons.”
Do you realize that there are four verses in Proverbs alone that talk about nagging wives? They are referred to as quarrelsome, fretful, and a continual dripping. If you have ever experienced a leaky roof, you’ll know how annoying that is. We experienced one about 20 years ago in our back porch, and regardless of how many times I emptied the pail it would only fill up again.
That’s the danger with nagging. It becomes a never-ending habit if left unchecked, and unfortunately it festers resentment. Praise on the other hand has the reverse affect. It builds the bond of marriage and draws a couple closer together.
That’s only two of the benefits, but there are so many more. Let’s look at five of them:
- When you affirm him, you are affirming your love for him. Knowing that someone loves you deeply strengthens the bond of marriage. Think of it this way: we form the strongest friendships with those that we deeply trust.
- When you praise him for the little things he does, it’s more likely that he’ll be encouraged to repeat them in the future.
- When I praise my husband, whether it be in his presence or in his absence, we bear witness of our marriage covenant. Keeping in mind that marriage reflects the covenant between Jesus Christ and the church it’s important to honor our vows in the best way we know how.
- Kindness is an attractive quality. There’s no possible way a wife can be attractive when she’s constantly nagging her husband. Sure, you can put the pretty on, but unless you’re also attractive it wears thin. There’s nothing appealing about a critical spirit.
- He’ll be glad to come home. Let’s face it, the world is tough place. Many of our husbands are dealing with difficult situations at work and need a sense of relief when they walk through the door. Unfortunately, some other husbands are working with women who are building them up outside of the home. If we want a husband who is glad to come home to his wife, we can make him feel welcome by letting him know that we appreciate him, that we respect him, and that we’re glad he is with us.
You are loved by an almighty God,
~Darlene Schacht
The Time-Warp Wife
Check out Darlene Schacht’s newest book, Messy Beautiful Love: Hope and Redemption for Real-Life Marriages
Messy Beautiful Love delivers an incredible testimony of grace that offers hope for today’s marriages and a spark for rekindling love.
Love gets messy.
Financial problems, sickness, aging parents, a chronically unhappy spouse . . . trials will inevitably come that threaten your marriage. No matter how long you’ve been married or how strong your relationship is, sooner or later you are going to have a mess to clean up.
Messy Beautiful Love is about cleaning up messes God’s way, exchanging your ideas for His, and being prepared for both the best and the worst that marriage has to offer.
When you surrender your relationship to God, then and only then will you experience the blessing of marriage as He intended. This is the blessing of obedience.
Messy Beautiful Love is an invitation to that obedience. The cynical world says marriages don’t last, but God knows better. Tune out the world and tune in to Him. When you do that, a beautiful marriage is not only possible, it’s inevitable.
Want to win a copy?
We’re giving away two copies of Darlene’s book, Messy Beautiful Love. Enter to WIN a copy by clicking “Share Your Thoughts” below this post, and leave us a comment telling us something you love about your husband. We’ll randomly choose two winners. {If you’re reading this via email, click here to ENTER TO WIN by leaving a comment on my blog}
My husband is such a hard worker and I appreciate that so much. And, although I am one of those insufferable women who always feels ugly, he is so good at making me think that he does NOT feel that way in the least and always makes me feel desired.
I really need this book. I was married but we went through such difficult times. He said I didn’t affirm him enough when I though I was. I felt like walking on egg shells in this marriage trying to please someone. I really dont know……..I pray that I will be blessed with a husband and reading this message has been a blessing to me.
I have just been through 5 months of being sick, my husband has loved me and cared for me with no complaints at all, he has chosen to miss certain things to stay home with me, even miss work, he has laid in bed with me when I needed his comfort to go to sleep. I have loved him for his love for me, he is a great man.
My husband constantly thinks of others before himself and I love him for that!
I would love to win this book!
I love my husband he is my high school sweetheart and after being married for 8 years I still fall more and more in love with him. He is the best!
My husband is not a Christian, but he goes to church with and has for 25 years. He has changed so much over those years. I am so thankful he supports me in caring for my parents. He keeps the grass cut and weed eats, drives them when we have to take them for doctor appointments. He does all the up keep on their rental property’s, which is a lot of hard work. It gets hard for both of us, my father has Alzheimer’s and Mother cares for him and she has health issues also.
I feel like your book is very needed for the days we live in. We all are so busy and rushed we forget sometimes to say loving and kind things to our husbands.
My husband and I have been married 44 years……we have had our ups and our downs but have always managed to overcome and go on. Ten months ago the ugly head of porn rose up in our home. I just didn’t know if I could go on…my heart was broken…..I prayed and asked for God to help me forgive him… while I was praying my prayer…my husband went before God and repented and made a vow with God to never do this again….. to make a very long story short…..I forgave….He has kept his vow….almost 11 months clean….and we began a new journey together to rekindle the things in our marragie that had died….it has been an amazing journey so far……My husband is really an amazing man….. I would love to win this book so we could read it together and to continue to grow in this journey we are in right now.
my husband is so forgiving when it takes me forever to let things go. he also doesn’t nag me when I continue to screw up, like I do him.
I love that my husband loves the Lord and therefore is able to love me flaws and all. He is truly a picture of God’s love for me… I love that he leads our family to God and he teaches me as the Lord teaches him – I’ve been so blessed by him! He brings to life the scripture of 1 Corinthians 11:1 Imitate me, just as I also imitate Christ.
These are such great points! Frequently thanking and appreciating your husband’s hard work and his role as a leader also gives him the respect he needs!
Very encouraging words to help save marriages today.
Appreciating anyone makes them feel great and wanting to do more, how much more your loving and caring husband, you cannot overdo it.
I love my husband because of his ever so kind heart, he is compassionate and brightens other’s day. He not only compliments me on a daily basis but also compliments those he comes in contact with! I am amazed at his ability to pick up the little things in others and compliments them. It is awesome to see the look on their faces when they receive this from him! Not a day goes by where he doesn’t show me how much I mean to him, he cannot walk past me without touching me in some small way, and we have been married for 38 years!
Although my husband and I are complete opposite on things most of the time, I’m so glad God chose him for my husband. Today’s message really hit home because I look back at this week, and I’ve been nagging way too much lately. My husband works six days a week, and I expect him to have the energy and work as hard as I do around the house.. I work around the clock and often get frustrated because my husband is resting on the couch and not helping me. I love my husband for loving me despite my faults, and he is a wonderful father to our three children. God has surely blessed me.
I love that my husband is willing to help when he sees a need, whether it’s with recycling, driving older parents to the city when needed or packing food for the third world countries!
After 3 months of dating, and married 1 year after our first official date, 32 years of marriage and 5 kids, I feel truly blessed! Yes we do have our ups and downs, but when friends, relatives around us are getting divorced, (married close to the same time we were) we realize how important it is to Support. I don’t want to be the nagging wife, patience is sometimes not my greatest virtue! Trying to be more positive to everyone around me. The books you have are great, and I have re-read several. I would love to add this to my collection.
Now that’s a hard question… How do I narrow it down? He balances me… My struggles are his strengths. He listens well and understands when no one else does. He’s my best friend! He loves people and cares about their needs and hurts. He’s everyone’s hero… He’s MY hero!
My husband has one of the sweetest spirits I have ever known….a real softy inside….and a wonderful provider and father to our children….but, even with all that, we have had some highs and lows over our 26 years of marriage. I would love to have this book to help in anyway that I can to have more and higher highs and many, many fewer lows….and so my husband and I can even be better role models to our children of what marriage is all about…a Christ-centered marriage, which can look very different from most other marriages in this world…..
You guys are just so amazing with the books you come out with, They so touch us right wear we’re at. If I had know God growing up I would have looked for a Proverbs 31 man if that is correct to have one. I grew up in an abusive home, had a baby out of wedlock just to have something I could love and would love me back. Unfortunately my baby’s father was exactly like my dad. I married him to get away from my home. It lasted 5 years. My spirit was gone and then God gave me that wonderful man to love me unconditionally. My body is deformed through so many surgeries but he thinks I’m beautiful. He lets me be the child I never got to be growing up. My parents can’t say a kind word to us ore each other no. They’ve been married 69 years and they are the most hateful people I know with no empathy for anyone. He’s 92 and she’s 90. I haven’t always done things the Godly way but my husband never thinks bad of anyone. I don’t want to be a bickering couple as we grow old like I see so many couples do. I would love to win the book and see how much better my marriage can be. My husband is a diabetic and I’ve had 25 abdominal surgeries and 9 nose surgeries so we have a sexless marriage. I know there is other ways to treat each other like King and
Queen. Do you think you will be doing an online bible study of it. So many people get married now knowing that if anything goes wrong they don’t have to work it out, they can get a divorce. What are we teaching our young people that are just starting their lives. We need both mom and dad’s to show how to treat each other especially dad’s with their daughters. With the right father showing the daughter how to be treated like a lady she will choose a mate that treats her like a lady too. Thanks.
I’ll be having 31 days of prayer on my blog this October, and Women Living Well is having a book club in November. You have been through so much. My heart goes out to you. And I see that God has provided the perfect man to ride these waves with. I rejoice at the gift you have in your husband.
My husband and I just celebrated our 11th annniversary. He is my rock and I couldnt imagine life without him. He constantly gives to others, even when we have little to offer ourselves, he remains positive in trials, he is very creative, has many talents and most of all loves his family and provides. He is quite a tough guy on the outside and a manly man, but as his wife I know the softer gentle side of him and he reserves those tender moments for me.
Awe, what a gift you have!
I love the closeness my husband and I share. I often communicate my appreciation for him. He is my closest friend.
So true!! Every relationship gets ‘messy’ at times, and it is ONLY through God’s strength and HELP that we get through. After all, we are ALL human!! Praise God for His mercy!! Terri Kirk
I love how my husband shows me his love daily, and loves our children. He is determined to do whatever he has to to provide for us.
My husband is my best friend..we have been together since high school and I love how we have grown up together. He has taught me how to love and he has loved me when I didn’t deserve his love.
My husband-to-be…he keeps me grounded when I jump to being irritated with someone, reminding me that I don’t know what they are going through and God has a plan. And he is always thoughtful, thinking of me when he’s out & about, and bringing me home small treasures when he finds something he thinks I will like or can use. Love this man!
This is a beautiful book to share with so many women who are brought up in the now world, and for many that means they each think of themselves more than the other, and marriage is hard enough as it is already, but if you don’t have God’s love, and love like He does, and women in your lives who teach you to love your husbands – marriages are in trouble. We need material like this out there as so many of us take our husbands for granted…and we should tell them we appreciate all they do even if it’s take the trash out so we can continue doing what we need to do. My man, is a worship leader, works full-time as I do and we clean on the side to make ends meet. I fall short on telling him and showing him how much he means to me and how I appreciate all that he does for his family and the body of Christs. We often times get caught up in the chaos of life, but truly need to remember what is important and that is loving, honoring and keeping our men built up so they can be all that they can be – through that, they will see/feel love and honor us as well.
Blessings to all….
Penny
So much encouragement here Penny. Thank you for sharing that.
I love my husband because he is a hard working provider for our family,
I love that my husband still finds me desirable after 14 years of marriage and how much he is willing to give to provide for our family.
I lost my husband 9 years ago to cancer and had been married for 39 years. It was a long marriage but not always a good one. Single then, 4 months ago I remarried. I have only known Bob since Nov., but I couldn’t love anyone more. He is kind and considerate and treats me very special. We care how each other is feeling and what we can do for each other to make the other person happy. We want to do things for each other instead of feeling that we have to. I thank God everyday for sending Bob to me, he is a. Very special man and I love him dearly.
I find it the most amazing thing is when he knows what is on my mind before I ever have to tell him. Makes me know he is very connected to me.
– I love to see the joy that overtakes my husband when he is helping someone! 🙂 Whether it is cleaning out someone’s gutters for them, helping them with yard work or just helping someone move, he comes alive when he is able to do something for someone! …I love that about him! ♥
He sounds awesome.
I really need this book; my marriage is in a tough place and I want to fight to get it back. I’m going to start by praising my husband and want to learn more.
Praying for you and your marriage Jackie. Jesus is fighting for you both too!!
What a wonderful reminder! I need to work more at praising my husband! When life gets busy, it seems that is the easiest thing to forget, but the one things that needs to be remembered.
One thing that I love about my husband is his servants heart. He just wants to serve the Lord. He has such a heart to help people. Yes sometimes I get annoyed with people asking him to help because he can’t say no to helping, but it’s one of the things I love about him.
My husband is a wonderful man of God. He’s been a provider for our home. We’ve had some rough roads because we came together as a blended family. People often say blended families do not last. Well, I’m here to tell you they do if God is in the midst. It’s not been easy but we have been married for 10 years and our girls are 17, 17, and 14. When we got married they were 7, 7, and 4. I have said from the beginning of our relationship that he is my angel. I had went through a bad divorce and felt my life was just a complete mess. Then I met him and he’s been wonderful and very supportive. He is a retired Army veteran who served in the Iraq War in 2003. He loves the military and would love to go back active duty if he could. We are going through a big hurdle right now that is challenging but God will see us through. My husband has multiple myeloma which is bone cancer and terminal. He was diagnosed last year and has been through so much in a years time. It is believed that being in Iraq is the reason for his cancer. We are in the process of proving our case at this time. He just says that he handing this disease over to God. Thank you so much and God bless each and everyone of you.
I’m so sorry to hear this. I pray that God will strengthen you both during this time, and I pray for a complete healing for your husband. In Jesus name. Amen.
I love my husband because he is so caring, giving and has a grreat sense of humor. People often comment, “how do you put up with that?” or “you must laugh all the time.” Yes, it is one of the things I love best about him. But the absolute number one thing I love about him is his love for our Lord, and the spiritual leadership he gives. He has always had a strong work ethic, and in fact, I thought Darlene was talking about my husband when she described hers. In a few weeeks we’ll celebrate 25 yrs of marriage. Even through the tough times, I can’t imagine doing life without him.
Michael also has an awesome sense of humour. Pair that with a love for God and you have an awesome combination!
I love the heart my husband has for serving The Lord and how he shares his talents every day ministering toGod’s people!
I am blessed with a wonderful husband. Sometimes I get caught up in the busyness of life and lose sight of that. He is always willing to to help out without being asked, always there with a helping hand not only to me and our family but to others in need. He is a remarkable man of God who lives out his faith.
I love the deep down connection my husband and I share even in the messiest of times it is uncanny how we can be having the same thoughts and ideas.
Wow, thanks for sharing. I could really use this book to help me in our relationship. You spoke of many things. We have been married for 29 years but those have not always been the happiest of years. My husband is the sole bread winner in the home and there is always more for him to do or deal with when he gets home from a long day at work. I know I am not always the encouragement or affirming wife I need to be. I would love to read this book and study what all God says to me about changing me to support and love my husband more.
We can all use change. I love how you’re ready and willing to be clay in the Potter’s hands.
What I love about my husband is that he works so hard for us. He rarely has free time and never complains. I know he’s unhappy with his job, but keeps on plugging because we need him to.
Wow. He brings a sacrificial gift of love to you.
We have moved a lot! And with each move, it is a choice to take better care of our family for one reason or another that life has thrown our way. My husband is a great provider and is always looking to help others, even in our most difficult times.
I love my husband for being so committed in all that he does. He is always dedicated to providing for his family.
I would LOVE to win this book for my daughter who is getting married next Saturday, October 4th. Thank you for the giveaway!
I am Blessed by the Almighty God with a loving, caring husband who is the spiritual and financial provider for our precious family. I am uplifted by all of you beautiful ladies and your words of wisdom. Thank you emmensely! Blessings in Christ Jesus~
One of the things I love about my husband is that he doesn’t mind going places with me… such as family gatherings, antiquing, the farmers market, etc.
There are times I do not understand my husbands line of thinking, but I was just reminded on Sunday by a dear friend from church that he is very special. My friend’s husband is an over the road trucker, and many people ask how her husband is doing, my husband, Kerry, asks her how she is doing and it totally makes her day. I need to ask God for his perspective on my husband. I have much to learn.
One of the things I love about my husband is his caring and generous spirit. One time we passed a guy standing beside the road with a sign. My husband turned in the first fast food place we came to bought a meal and took it back to the guy and gave it to him. He did this at a time when he was struggling with God (and still is) so it impressed me even more. He has such a heart for people hurting.
What a testimony of love. Awesome.
One of the many things I love about my husband is how selfless he is. He is the most caring, respectful man I have ever met.
I love how my husband finds me beautiful when I don’t see it and how he lifts me up when I fall. He is my strength on Earth that God has blessed me with.
Sounds like he mirrors the love of our Savior. What a gift!