Can we have an honest conversation about guilt? Everywhere I go, women are wrestling with feeling guilty all.the.time. And I understand. It’s something I struggle with, too.
If you are familiar with the heavy weight of guilt, pull up a chair and lean in. I’ve invited my friend Ginger Hubbard to share with us some powerful truths she’s learning to hold onto – truths that point her back to God’s grace again again again. Truths she writes about in her book, “Guiltless Living.”
For so long in my life, I struggled with trying to be a good Christian.
Inevitably, I would blow it on a daily basis then proceed to beat myself up spiritually and emotionally.
In setting my standards high for being what I perceived the perfect wife and mom, I chose the woman described in Proverbs 31 as my role model. On one particular morning, I remember reading about her and making unfavorable comparisons.
She got up before it was still dark. I had rolled out of bed around 8:30 am.
She was well dressed in fine linen and purple. I was in a baggy, terrycloth robe with my hair pulled up in an orange chip clip.
She held the distaff while grasping the spindle with her fingers (not sure what those things are, but I am certain they contributed to her noble character). I held the dust buster to the crumbs on my bed sheets while grasping the empty bag of Doritos.
She provided good food for her family and was always on top of things. I offered a choice of Burger King or McDonalds and felt the weight of my unaccomplished to-do list crashing down on me.
In comparison, I did not measure up. I felt anxious, defeated and disappointed in myself.
I wanted to be the wife who was always cheerful, never irritable, and only said words that edified, encouraged and built up. I wanted to be the mom who never lost it and only spoke with kindness, wisdom and faithful instruction. But, as hard as I tried, I always wound up blowing it in some way.
I just could not achieve the “good Christian” status I desired.
Through prayer and studying God’s Word, I began to realize that no matter how hard I tried, I would never achieve being the perfect Christian. I learned that the battle of victorious Christian living could not be won by sheer willpower or by teeth-gritting determination, but by tucking myself underneath the full armor of God and trusting that God is not only fighting for me, but He has already won the battle.
In measuring our self-worth in accordance with our own performances, we not only become anxious, but we miss out on experiencing the peace and rest of who we truly are in Christ.
Our worth is not based on what we do or do not do. It is not based on our successes and failures. It is not even based on whether we sin a little or sin a lot.
Our worth is based solely on Christ and the atoning work He has done on our behalf. We are His children, purchased at a price, forgiven and fully redeemed.
Embracing this wonderful truth brings about freedom. It is the freedom to forget about ourselves and lay down our measuring rods of self-worth and ongoing scrutiny. It is the freedom to release the suffocating anxiety our weaknesses cause, and instead take hold of God’s grace given to us through the cross.
Join me today in letting go of performance-based worth and self-imposed expectations. May we purpose to rest in the victory Christ has already won and truly experience the rich and satisfying joy of guiltless living!
ENTER TO WIN {book giveaway}
Because Ginger has struggled so much with the issue of performance-based self-worth, she has a deep compassion for other struggling women. Se can relate and understand the mental, spiritual and physical exhaustion that comes from this way of living. If you are one of these women, Ginger’s deep desire that you will lay down your measuring rod of self-worth and stop beating yourself up so you can take hold of God’s grace and embrace guiltless living! Today, Ginger is giving away 3 copies of her new book, Guiltless Living!
Click “Share Your Thoughts” below this post to leave a comment and ENTER TO WIN.
Thank you for the encouraging words. Ready to take off my chains of guilt from “not measuring up” especially to the Proverbs 31 woman. I am ready to be the best “me” that God created ready to use the gifts he gave me to bless others.
Thank you for sharing this devotion. I often feel like such a failure compared to the women described in Proverbs 31
This books sounds so awesome!
I was married to a man who didn’t know the Lord and vowed he would never know the Lord. Well he was true to his word he left and a year later we were divorced in July 3rd 2003. Ten years later on May the 17th in 2013 I married a wonderful man who knows and loves the Lord with all his heart. I began to realize that I didn’t how to be his wife?? I know this kinda fits the Give God Your Can’t but I struggle everyday with not only being a ” good christian” but also with being a ” good christian wife” I joined Proverbs 31’s small bible study group for The Best Yes and am now awaiting Before Amen!!!! You all are awesome I’m learning so much through this ministry and I know God lead me to find you! Thank you for all you have done and all you will do for women like me who struggle with doubt, regret and sometimes even shame you are truly a blessing!
I am an author, and I, too, focus a lot of my writing on the guilt-shame freedom that we have (but often leave on a shelf at home) in Christ. I’m glad you have your book out there to help us all remember that we are set free to serve Him, not bound by self-condemning paralysis! I’d love to read your whole book!
Spot on! I struggle daily with guilt. I don’t believe the guilt is from my father in heaven. I know that satan is out there to destroy. My oh my, I have been through the ringer a time or two. My marriage struggled a few years back. We got through it through by miracles provided by our Father in Heaven! To this day, those struggles from the past sneak up on me and try to take me down by making me feel like I am inadequate for my husband, that he could have a better looking wife or a wife who wants to please him 24/7. Or a better mother for our girls. Life is work, marriage and parenting is work and we do make mistakes. Guilt can and will destroy us if we allow it to.
Thank you for your post! I look forward to reading your book down the road! Sounds like it would go well with Renee’s book, “A Confident Heart”. Which in itself is an amazing book!
Leah
I struggle with performance-based self worth but know God’s truth. As a mom I can identify with trying to be the perfect wife, mother, friend, and then feel guilty when I fall short. It’s a daily dying to self and focusing on what God’s word says and not the lies Satan wants me to listen to. I unfortunately passed my perfectionism and performance issues on to our son. I have confessed this to God and my son and I work on it together with God’s help. Seeing your mistakes lived out in your children can be painful, but I cling to God’s word that He is changing me and it is through His strength not mine. I’m thankful our son is learning God’s truths at a younger age than I did.
Great post.
I forget who I am in Christ, a forgiven and very much love sinner, and feel I must hid behind some sort of facade
I just had a rough week dealing with these emotions. This book has definitely made it to my reading list.
That hit home for me today! Wow! I have felt like that so much! Thank you.
Timing is everything — and the timing on this is great for me! I’m in a tough season of life right now. I know it wasn’t all my fault I wound up here but I still take on all the responsibility and wonder why I wasn’t good enough. I have been searching for something to take my thought processes down a different road, this looks like a good tool to help with that.
I think my middle name should be “Guilty”. I have always been quick to speak and slow to think of listen to God before I speak and end up eating those filthy words. I have been a Christian for close to fifty years now and seem to be getting worse at it than better. But I do know that God that I claim to be the Child of would not agree with how I feel, think of myself or act/react.
I need to once and for all make some real changes. We just finished doing a week-long Revival at our church because of some health issues I am dealing with currently I was only able to attend two times. But learned a lot and have already messed up on what I learned at least three specific time.
I need to “trust and obey” I know as the songs says: “There is no other way!”
He is My Abba Father and I praise Him every day for being the God of Second Chances but I have gone way pat that. Need to get serious. Find a better way and go forward not drown in my sorrows. Mary
This touched my heart in such a deep, secret place. These are thoughts and feelings that I have, but I don’t share them often, if ever. Too many times I think I am the nly one that is feeling like this. Thank you for sharing this. I needed this today, badly.
I am so blessed to be a part of this board. I love getting into my email to see what Renee and others have sent me to read read each day. I loved reading this and related to it in many ways. Guilt is such a part of my life these days. I feel guilt if I don’t get something done right away that needed to be done in the time mandated to do. God weighed this on my heart yesterday at our woman’s LACE meeting at church on Sunday. We were all switching roles in the group. No one wanted to be a group leader. I have had weeks to think about it. I had decided long ago that I didn’t want anything to do with it because I didn’t feel like I was good enough to do a leader job. God weighed this heavily and I mean heavily. I felt guilty that I was ignoring Gods lead to do this. So, yesterday I went to this meeting and I spoke up and now am leader of our woman’s LACE group.
Robin R.
I worry about this every single day. It is a constant struggle.
Guilt has been one of my worst enemies! In my early 20’s, a very caring, observant, woman of God told me something that has made a HUGE difference in my lifelong struggle with guilt. She said that satan loves for us to feel guilty because he knows that the guiltier we feel the less effective we are in everything – & especially for God! Altho it’s over 30 years later & the struggle is still ongoing & even now I still have a long way to go, it doesn’t have near the hold on me that it did back then. I am constantly reminded that I do not want satan to win today’s battle. So my prayer is that we cry out to Him, “I feel guilty today God, please remind me that it’s about way more than this “feeling” & that I absolutely do not want satan to get his way letting guilt stifke me & I need you & your strength to get past this as fast as possible so that You can have your way with me today. Amen.”
This book is exactly what I need to read. I feel this frustration and sense of failure daily. I want so much to be like Christ. I pray daily for kindness and compassion. Thank you for this post, It was an encouragement to know there are so many others out there just like me.
Oh my goodness – this was so timely for me right now. The post was so encouraging as were the comments.
Oh how I dislike feeling guilty – when I tell my kids “no”, when I get angry over things, when my feelings are so easily hurt due to insecurity… on and on…..
To only be able to “get it all right”…
I can truly identify with this author. I lived most of my Christian walk feeling like a failure. No matter how hard I tried, I couldn’t get it right. always wrong, always failing…..that was me. Although I am better about it now, I know I still have a very long way to go. I sit and wonder how on earth God can have so much grace for a wretch like me. I so enjoy your writings and emails, Rene. Thanks for being you and for taking the time from your busy life to share with us.
Wow could I relate to this post. Amazing how we as women do this so often and the exhaustion we experience from it whether at home, work and even in ministry. Thank you for the reminder of where our true self worth really lies.
I struggle with the disease to please with myself being the price. I live with daily panic attacks and have gotten to the point of staying home as much as possible so I don’t have to face people or crowds. Exhausting!
I really appreciated this devotional this week. It is a great reminder to not compare myself to others and yet to continue striving to be better and bring honor and glory to God. I struggle with guilt a lot. But I believe God does not want me to live this way. Thanks for the great reminder. And this will be my next book, definitely one I need.
His mercies are new every day. It helps to remember that!
We as women struggle so much internally with things. And guilt is a huge one because we want to be the best wife, mother, godly woman, etc, but God already made use perfect! We just need to breathe and feel his presence and not worry. But I know, easier said than done. That intimate relationship with Christ daily is the only way I can keep my head afloat 😉
I want to learn to give all to God, specially the warfare with Satan. It seems I pray to give it all to God but soon find myself with worry and guilt. The more I learn about guiltless living the better. Thanks for the opportunity.
I want to take hold of God’s grace and embrace guiltless living!
I’ve tended to measure my worth by my performance for as long as I can remember, but it’s gotten much worse since I became a mom a little over 2 years ago. In my head, I know the truth contained in this post, but it never seems to soak in deeply enough for me to feel free and joyful without the guilt of imperfection.
How wonderful it is to know that I do not need to compare myself with others. My Savior rescued me from condemnation that always arises when my false expectations are not met. I love Jesus’ expectation of me, to Love the Father with all my heart and all my soul. Because of Jesus I am reconciled with the Father. A gift that no person could ever give me and its a gift that I cannot give to myself. It was freely given I need only to accept it.
That was such a good story. Enjoyed it a lot.
Amen & Amen! Thank- you Renee & to all who replied, God Bless.
What A Friend We Have In Jesus..
I could have written those exact same words myself! And I am SO tired, and so unfulfilled in my Christian life, and life in general.. Carrying around this heavy burden of guilt is so hard, and I would love to win this book
As I was feeling the weight of all the self-inflicted pressure I continually pile on in the name of performing perfectly as mom, wife, professional, friend, daughter on my way home from work yesterday, the Lord peeled back my blinders and showed me that He has got me covered. I just need to be. Just need to try to keep remembering that though! Thank You Lord for your Love!!!
I was just feeling this way tonight, looking at all my mistakes and feeling such a sense of failure. God knew I needed to read this and realize I was not alone.
I feel like you’ve been reading my heart. Thanks for the chance to win the book. Sounds like it’s just what the doctor (Lord) ordered.
Sometimes the expectations from family are what make it so difficult to live Guiltless. Thanks for the blog, it has really motivated me, I would be so grateful to receive the book. God bless you.
There are days that I definitely feel like I don’t measure up, then there are days when I feel sore from beating myself with the measuring stick! I feel like I never will measure up to the Proverbs 31 definition of a Godly woman, but I don’t fit the mold of a “Good Wife” or a “Good Mother” that everyone else has laid out there.
But amidst all my complaints and worries and frustrations, there are those that I DON’T hear complaining: my husband and my children. And with lots of prayer, I feel a peace that says God knows I’m trying and He’s not complaining either. Talk about undeserved grace! The stress is still there, but God is showing me that most of my stress are from my own demands, not the demands of those around me. Thankful for my walk with Him in my crazy – and most days hypercritical – life!
I am struggling with areas of my life and have felt that my worth is in those areas. I have come to realize through growing closer to God and trusting Him everyday for my life that my worth is in Him! I’ve always felt that I have to do everything and measure up to others, but that is not what God wants me to do. He wants me to be the best me that He has created me to be and let Him guide me through everything that I do, say or am.
Do I still feel guilty at times? Yes, when I fail God and others, which happens sometime every day. Satan uses guilt as one of his tactics, but Jesus died for our guilt. We just have to confess to God and ask forgiveness and God’s grace will cover us through the blood of Jesus. I think we all struggle with guilt many times in our lives, we just have to keep our eyes on Jesus and allow Him to guide us. Amen! What an awesome God we have!