This summer I’ve had the beautiful privilege of getting to know Emily Wierenga and have thoroughly enjoyed the gift of her story told in her new book Atlas Girl. Emily is an award-winning journalist, blogger, commissioned artist and columnist, as well as the author of five books including her memoir, Atlas Girl: Finding Home in the Last Place I Thought to Look (Baker Books).
In celebration of Atlas Girl’s book release this week, I asked Emily to stop by and share some of her story with us {and she offered to give a few copies away too!}
by Emily T Wierenga
I tried to starve away my curves when I was nine years old.
I had my mother’s pear-shaped body, and I thought if I stopped eating maybe I could become small enough to slip into the lives of the other girls at school, the ones the boys stared at. I would douse myself with Exclamation perfume and spend my allowance on brand-name clothes and cry myself to sleep because I was starving.
And even though it got so bad that I was dying at thirteen, and hospitalized at sixty pounds, my hair falling out and my braces showing through the skin of my cheeks, I don’t know that any of us women is much different.
I don’t know that any of us isn’t hungry like this for love.
I wanted my Dad to stop preaching at the pulpit about a God I couldn’t see or taste or touch or feel. I wanted him to come and hold me, play with me, read me stories again like he used to when I was little, the scruff of his beard on my cheek, but life has a way of stealing your loved ones away from you and so I starved myself instead.
And when a friend of mine died when I was eight I hurt so bad it felt like my soul turned inside-out.
Because no one had told me you could love so hard only to lose.
So I spent my life trying not to feel because it ached too much when I did.
And then I met Jesus.
I met him after years of thinking I already had. I met him after years of calling myself a feminist and relapsing back into anorexia when I got married, after years of battling infertility and addiction to sleeping pills and drinking too much wine and never eating enough because part of me always wanted to feel hungry.
Because full isn’t safe. Full means you might start to feel comfortable, and then you might get hurt because nothing good lasts forever.
But that’s where I was wrong.
Because God is good and He lasts forever, and I met Him one day when I was twenty eight and pregnant. I was standing in worship, closing my eyes, and I saw myself as a little girl in heaven. I was wearing a white dress and running to Jesus who looked a lot like a shepherd in one of those children’s paintings.
And Jesus picked up that little girl and he spun her around and then he held her close and said, “Emily Theresa Wierenga, do you know that I love you? I love your feet, I love your knees, I love your legs, I love your arms, I love your head, I love your hair, I love you.”
And sister? He’s saying this to you too. He sees you, the little girl in you—the one who once believed she could swing so high she could touch God, who now struggles to believe He even exists. And He loves you.
Jesus offers a kind of food that will never perish. A love that will never leave you hungry.
He provided the loaves and fishes for 5,000, with twelve baskets leftover. Some would call that a waste; I call it extravagance. He’s the Savior at the well, telling the woman about a kind of feast that will never end—with living water, and living bread. Food that will fill us up forever.
So, I’m eating again.
I’m eating, and I’m no longer scared of getting full.
Emily lives in Alberta, Canada with her husband and two sons. Her memoir, ATLAS GIRL, releases this week and she is graciously giving away 3 copies here! All you need to do is leave a comment under today’s post to enter the drawing! {If you’re reading this via email, click here and return to my blog to ENTER TO WIN.}
From the Back Cover
“Disillusioned and yearning for freedom, Emily Wierenga left home at age eighteen with no intention of ever returning. Broken down by organized religion, a childhood battle with anorexia, and her parents’ rigidity, she set out to find God somewhere else–anywhere else. Her travels took her across Canada, Central America, the United States, the Middle East, Asia, and Australia. She had no idea that her faith was waiting for her the whole time–in the place she least expected it.
“Poignant and passionate, Atlas Girl is a very personal story of a universal yearning for home and the assurance that we are known, forgiven, and beloved. Readers will find in this memoir a true description of living faith as a two-way pursuit in a world fraught with distraction. Anyone who wrestles with the brokenness we find in the world will love this emotional journey into the arms of the God who heals all wounds.”
Click HERE for a free excerpt from Atlas Girl. Emily is also giving away a FREE e-book to anyone who orders Atlas Girl this week. Just order HERE, and send a receipt to: [email protected], and you’ll receive A House That God Built: 7 Essentials to Writing Inspirational Memoir — an absolutely FREE e-book co-authored by Emily and editor/memoir teacher Mick Silva.
ALL proceeds from Atlas Girl will go to Emily’s non-profit, The Lulu Tree.
The Lulu Tree is dedicated to preventing tomorrow’s orphans by equipping today’s mothers. It is a grassroots organization bringing healing and hope to women and children in the slums of Uganda through the arts, community, and the gospel. Find our more and connect with Emily on her blog at www.emilywierenga.com, or find her on Twitter and Facebook.
But remember, before you leave, be sure and ENTER TO WIN!
Just leave a comment below.
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What a great article about this upcoming new book release! I was touched by it and will definitely be reading this book!
I realize the love we are all searching for. I have come to realize that God loves me more than and human ever can. Recently, I learned about God’s Hesed love. His I’ve got your back kind of love. That was just what I needed at this time in my life and has kept me going and allowed me to share that with others.
God wants to be our true love. The one we hunger for. I am so thankful for the opportunity to know that love and experience it.
Thank you Emily for sharing your story.
Juanita, I love this–God’s Hesed love. I hadn’t heard of that before! Thank you for sharing, friend. Bless you, e.
I think I need to read this book! What a message!
Thank you so mich for sharing this. I’m now 63 and sti.l struggle with my weight and my feeling of being unlovable.
my dear Sharon, may you know, without a shadow of a doubt, the incredible, extravagant love Abba Father has for you. believing in it for you sister. e.
I know the feeling of wanting to be perfect like you think everyone else is, wanting what you think is a perfect life! Thanks for this devotional!
Wow this book sounds very personal and powerful. I am sure her story will bless so many! I would love to read it.
That is one book I would love to read. What you shared really touched my heart. Thank you Emily for being couragous by sharing your story.
Wow! What a gift when we walk in the Truth of God’s love for us. So exciting to see this offered & would love to have the book!
This looks like a very inspiring book. Thank you Emily for sharing your story. I am sure it will touch many lives and I am very interested in reading it!
Beautiful post, Renee…thank you and Emily for sharing it with us.
This book sounds so good! I just ran across the name about ten minutes ago and had added it to my wishlist!
So much of this hits home. Looking, crying, dying for daddy’s approval; shutting down to avoid the constant hurt and turmoil! Well, let me tell you, God began a huge work in me just over a year ago and while there is still lots to do, the changes have brought me more peace then I ever expected, even though raw emotion is now a very real part of my life. I implore all of you that have hidden your hearts to let God in – really IN! To absolutely know His love is the most amazing thing, but you have to let Him in!
God bless you all, in your journeys!
Amen Alice… well said! e.
Sometimes I still find it hard to believe that God intentionally made me, Karen, for Himself. I belong to Him, even when I don’t know sometimes where I belong in life. I would love to win a copy of your book.
“So I spent my life trying not to feel because it ached too much when I did.”
Many of Emily’s words struck a chord with me.
Such a huge explosion of this horrible disease in our society today…my 16 year old daughter battled it as well. She is now 35 and healthy and serving God. God is our only hope! For anything…and everything…
Thanks Emily for this post.
Thanks Renee!
Bless you both!
I believe any girl can relate to Emily’s story even if her story is a little different at the ore it is the same!!
With all of my heart, I want such an encounter with the lover of my soul! Thank you so much for sharing!
After reading just a little bit and just losing my father just saying how girls just want to be loved this brings tears to my eyes. My father was an alcoholic and we grew up fighting anorexia and depression it has taken Gods love and mercy to show me I have value. The picture says it all.
Emily,
I would so much like to read this book. What little girl hasn’t just wanted to be loved as they are? I am raising 2 daughters by myself. I tell them daily that I love them but is that really enough? I spend time with them, I tuck them in at night, we say prayers together and I am trying so hard to instill in them that God will always love them no matter what they do or how they feel. I also want them to know that I love them unconditional as well. Thank you for writing a book like this. So, hope that I am picked to receive one of the free copies you are giving away.
HAVE SPENT MOST OF LIFE FEELING INVISABLE ESPECIALLY TO PEOPLE I MOST WANT TO SEE ME