This summer I’ve had the beautiful privilege of getting to know Emily Wierenga and have thoroughly enjoyed the gift of her story told in her new book Atlas Girl. Emily is an award-winning journalist, blogger, commissioned artist and columnist, as well as the author of five books including her memoir, Atlas Girl: Finding Home in the Last Place I Thought to Look (Baker Books).
In celebration of Atlas Girl’s book release this week, I asked Emily to stop by and share some of her story with us {and she offered to give a few copies away too!}
by Emily T Wierenga
I tried to starve away my curves when I was nine years old.
I had my mother’s pear-shaped body, and I thought if I stopped eating maybe I could become small enough to slip into the lives of the other girls at school, the ones the boys stared at. I would douse myself with Exclamation perfume and spend my allowance on brand-name clothes and cry myself to sleep because I was starving.
And even though it got so bad that I was dying at thirteen, and hospitalized at sixty pounds, my hair falling out and my braces showing through the skin of my cheeks, I don’t know that any of us women is much different.
I don’t know that any of us isn’t hungry like this for love.
I wanted my Dad to stop preaching at the pulpit about a God I couldn’t see or taste or touch or feel. I wanted him to come and hold me, play with me, read me stories again like he used to when I was little, the scruff of his beard on my cheek, but life has a way of stealing your loved ones away from you and so I starved myself instead.
And when a friend of mine died when I was eight I hurt so bad it felt like my soul turned inside-out.
Because no one had told me you could love so hard only to lose.
So I spent my life trying not to feel because it ached too much when I did.
And then I met Jesus.
I met him after years of thinking I already had. I met him after years of calling myself a feminist and relapsing back into anorexia when I got married, after years of battling infertility and addiction to sleeping pills and drinking too much wine and never eating enough because part of me always wanted to feel hungry.
Because full isn’t safe. Full means you might start to feel comfortable, and then you might get hurt because nothing good lasts forever.
But that’s where I was wrong.
Because God is good and He lasts forever, and I met Him one day when I was twenty eight and pregnant. I was standing in worship, closing my eyes, and I saw myself as a little girl in heaven. I was wearing a white dress and running to Jesus who looked a lot like a shepherd in one of those children’s paintings.
And Jesus picked up that little girl and he spun her around and then he held her close and said, “Emily Theresa Wierenga, do you know that I love you? I love your feet, I love your knees, I love your legs, I love your arms, I love your head, I love your hair, I love you.”
And sister? He’s saying this to you too. He sees you, the little girl in you—the one who once believed she could swing so high she could touch God, who now struggles to believe He even exists. And He loves you.
Jesus offers a kind of food that will never perish. A love that will never leave you hungry.
He provided the loaves and fishes for 5,000, with twelve baskets leftover. Some would call that a waste; I call it extravagance. He’s the Savior at the well, telling the woman about a kind of feast that will never end—with living water, and living bread. Food that will fill us up forever.
So, I’m eating again.
I’m eating, and I’m no longer scared of getting full.

Emily lives in Alberta, Canada with her husband and two sons. Her memoir, ATLAS GIRL, releases this week and she is graciously giving away 3 copies here! All you need to do is leave a comment under today’s post to enter the drawing! {If you’re reading this via email, click here and return to my blog to ENTER TO WIN.}
“Disillusioned and yearning for freedom, Emily Wierenga left home at age eighteen with no intention of ever returning. Broken down by organized religion, a childhood battle with anorexia, and her parents’ rigidity, she set out to find God somewhere else–anywhere else. Her travels took her across Canada, Central America, the United States, the Middle East, Asia, and Australia. She had no idea that her faith was waiting for her the whole time–in the place she least expected it.
“Poignant and passionate, Atlas Girl is a very personal story of a universal yearning for home and the assurance that we are known, forgiven, and beloved. Readers will find in this memoir a true description of living faith as a two-way pursuit in a world fraught with distraction. Anyone who wrestles with the brokenness we find in the world will love this emotional journey into the arms of the God who heals all wounds.”
Click HERE for a free excerpt from Atlas Girl. Emily is also giving away a FREE e-book to anyone who orders Atlas Girl this week. Just order HERE, and send a receipt to: [email protected], and you’ll receive A House That God Built: 7 Essentials to Writing Inspirational Memoir — an absolutely FREE e-book co-authored by Emily and editor/memoir teacher Mick Silva.
ALL proceeds from Atlas Girl will go to Emily’s non-profit, The Lulu Tree.
The Lulu Tree is dedicated to preventing tomorrow’s orphans by equipping today’s mothers. It is a grassroots organization bringing healing and hope to women and children in the slums of Uganda through the arts, community, and the gospel. Find our more and connect with Emily on her blog at www.emilywierenga.com, or find her on Twitter and Facebook.
But remember, before you leave, be sure and ENTER TO WIN!
Just leave a comment below.
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Sounds like a wonderful book that many women like myself should read whether we suffer from anorexia or not.
To feel that God loves me … what a treasure. I know it in my head but am having trouble feeling it when life can be so lonely.
I’m so glad I read this, and obviously this is touch many other women. I’m so excited to see that. I commend you for giving the profits to charity. I love to see that thank you. I hope it helps many! And the blessings come back to you and your family a thousand fold! That’s a sincere prayer. I hope that God intends for me to read this book, it feels like a fit!
Blessings,
Kelly
Wow. I’m 50 years old and you just described my life. I need this book. I’m scared to eat. All the time. And I’m tired of it.
Wow what a story and this would be a book to read!!!
Terri Marsh, I couldn’t agree more. I feel so unworthy of God’s love in fact of any ones love. I am always searching for the fulfillment in my heart but I don’t let God fill me up. Sometimes I feel so very alone and I am not alone at all. The enemy sure does know our weakness’ and he loves to take your mind back to it. I am a fighter and will continue to try and open up my heart for my Lord and Savior. Love seeing so many women longing for Jesus.
So many of us have feelings of being unloved, unwanted, undesirable, abandoned…and we feel alone with it. It always surprises me to read when other gals write about that too- and yet, it shouldn’t. We just LIVE so deep in our own stuff that we get covered up with the darkness and desolation of it to realize that we are NOT ALONE! Wonderful, always, to read and hear of the break through times! Our challenges are so EVERYDAY because the evil one KNOWS our weaknesses and seeks to puncture our hopes and dreams! So, YAY for our HUGE sisterhood in Jesus!!
I cried when I saw the picture…It is me…. Just waiting on God to bring me someone to love me….Not understanding why no one does but trusting in God to give me flesh and bones to love……Telling Jesus everyday I still trust in You!!!
Thank you for sharing this with us. I feel this book is a must read and look forward to it!
I would love to read this book, rather it be by me winning it or purchashing it from you. I am excited to see what God has placed in your heart to write.
My dad was also in ministry – and I missed him. I really look forward to reading your book, Emily. Thanks so much for sharing your life with the us, too.
What a captivating story! I would love to read this book. We yearn for love and along the way become so hurt and disillusioned. Thank you for reminding us that we have a daddy who loves us NO MATTER WHAT!
I can relate to this. I would love to read her story.
This sounds like a fabulous book!
Emily, it is funny that you used to swing high to touch God because that is something that I used to do also. I so desperately wanted to reach Him that my mother was afraid that I would swing totally around the entire swing top! I would love to read to read your new book! Thank you for sharing it with us!
I haven’t heard of this author, but would love to read her new book! I’m searching to find that love of God. My head just won’t get through to my heart.
I am looking forward to this one!
Thanks for sharing your story. I would love a copy of your book to share with a friend who has had similar struggles.
Amazing! Thank you for sharing about Emily. I recently had an Aha moment when I also found myself thinking that all good things come to an end. I can relate to her story. Thank you. I enjoy reading stories like Emily’s and would love to own her book.
I would love to own a copy of Atlas Girl!