This summer I’ve had the beautiful privilege of getting to know Emily Wierenga and have thoroughly enjoyed the gift of her story told in her new book Atlas Girl. Emily is an award-winning journalist, blogger, commissioned artist and columnist, as well as the author of five books including her memoir, Atlas Girl: Finding Home in the Last Place I Thought to Look (Baker Books).
In celebration of Atlas Girl’s book release this week, I asked Emily to stop by and share some of her story with us {and she offered to give a few copies away too!}
by Emily T Wierenga
I tried to starve away my curves when I was nine years old.
I had my mother’s pear-shaped body, and I thought if I stopped eating maybe I could become small enough to slip into the lives of the other girls at school, the ones the boys stared at. I would douse myself with Exclamation perfume and spend my allowance on brand-name clothes and cry myself to sleep because I was starving.
And even though it got so bad that I was dying at thirteen, and hospitalized at sixty pounds, my hair falling out and my braces showing through the skin of my cheeks, I don’t know that any of us women is much different.
I don’t know that any of us isn’t hungry like this for love.
I wanted my Dad to stop preaching at the pulpit about a God I couldn’t see or taste or touch or feel. I wanted him to come and hold me, play with me, read me stories again like he used to when I was little, the scruff of his beard on my cheek, but life has a way of stealing your loved ones away from you and so I starved myself instead.
And when a friend of mine died when I was eight I hurt so bad it felt like my soul turned inside-out.
Because no one had told me you could love so hard only to lose.
So I spent my life trying not to feel because it ached too much when I did.
And then I met Jesus.
I met him after years of thinking I already had. I met him after years of calling myself a feminist and relapsing back into anorexia when I got married, after years of battling infertility and addiction to sleeping pills and drinking too much wine and never eating enough because part of me always wanted to feel hungry.
Because full isn’t safe. Full means you might start to feel comfortable, and then you might get hurt because nothing good lasts forever.
But that’s where I was wrong.
Because God is good and He lasts forever, and I met Him one day when I was twenty eight and pregnant. I was standing in worship, closing my eyes, and I saw myself as a little girl in heaven. I was wearing a white dress and running to Jesus who looked a lot like a shepherd in one of those children’s paintings.
And Jesus picked up that little girl and he spun her around and then he held her close and said, “Emily Theresa Wierenga, do you know that I love you? I love your feet, I love your knees, I love your legs, I love your arms, I love your head, I love your hair, I love you.”
And sister? He’s saying this to you too. He sees you, the little girl in you—the one who once believed she could swing so high she could touch God, who now struggles to believe He even exists. And He loves you.
Jesus offers a kind of food that will never perish. A love that will never leave you hungry.
He provided the loaves and fishes for 5,000, with twelve baskets leftover. Some would call that a waste; I call it extravagance. He’s the Savior at the well, telling the woman about a kind of feast that will never end—with living water, and living bread. Food that will fill us up forever.
So, I’m eating again.
I’m eating, and I’m no longer scared of getting full.
Emily lives in Alberta, Canada with her husband and two sons. Her memoir, ATLAS GIRL, releases this week and she is graciously giving away 3 copies here! All you need to do is leave a comment under today’s post to enter the drawing! {If you’re reading this via email, click here and return to my blog to ENTER TO WIN.}
From the Back Cover
“Disillusioned and yearning for freedom, Emily Wierenga left home at age eighteen with no intention of ever returning. Broken down by organized religion, a childhood battle with anorexia, and her parents’ rigidity, she set out to find God somewhere else–anywhere else. Her travels took her across Canada, Central America, the United States, the Middle East, Asia, and Australia. She had no idea that her faith was waiting for her the whole time–in the place she least expected it.
“Poignant and passionate, Atlas Girl is a very personal story of a universal yearning for home and the assurance that we are known, forgiven, and beloved. Readers will find in this memoir a true description of living faith as a two-way pursuit in a world fraught with distraction. Anyone who wrestles with the brokenness we find in the world will love this emotional journey into the arms of the God who heals all wounds.”
Click HERE for a free excerpt from Atlas Girl. Emily is also giving away a FREE e-book to anyone who orders Atlas Girl this week. Just order HERE, and send a receipt to: [email protected], and you’ll receive A House That God Built: 7 Essentials to Writing Inspirational Memoir — an absolutely FREE e-book co-authored by Emily and editor/memoir teacher Mick Silva.
ALL proceeds from Atlas Girl will go to Emily’s non-profit, The Lulu Tree.
The Lulu Tree is dedicated to preventing tomorrow’s orphans by equipping today’s mothers. It is a grassroots organization bringing healing and hope to women and children in the slums of Uganda through the arts, community, and the gospel. Find our more and connect with Emily on her blog at www.emilywierenga.com, or find her on Twitter and Facebook.
But remember, before you leave, be sure and ENTER TO WIN!
Just leave a comment below.
Can’t wait to read the book. Bought one for my good friend too so we can read it together and be blessed.
JJ
The book sounds intriguing!
This is such a timely post! I wish I knew how to be helped when those feelings of guilt and condemnation come over me. Usually mine are about my kids and how as a younger unsaved mom, poison was poured into them frequently. I look at what I could have been doing and what I did and it seems to open the door to these two! I know that I am forgiven and I know that God had a plan the entire time, I just feel I wasted time and as a result still sometimes waste time. I would love some guidance on this! Thanks for the transparency!
When I was about six years old God gave me a dream I saw a dark sky full of rolling clouds in which two
Huge medallions appeared. One was full of radiant light, in the other I saw Jesus on the cross. From the
light I heard God’s voice: “Your life won’t be easy, but I will always look after you.” My young years were
dominated by a father who resented me being a girl firstborn, he tried to sell me when I was just a few days
old. and I always had to earn his “love”. I was continuously told how ugly and worthless I was. Yet, it never
did me lasting harm because God had promised me that He would look after me. Over the years I had some
very serious “near misses” (I think I could fill a booklet with the stories of how my Heavenly Father prevented
me from falling by the wayside), but God showered me with His blessings in the form of loving friends and
wonderful teachers, a good brain, a heart full of love and compassion for my fellow humand beings, for
animals and nature, discernment a gift from the Holy Spirit, because we are human and need continuous
correction. I had a wonderful marriage and four beautiful children. Now I am a secular Franciscan which
has given a totally new direction to my life, it is so beautiful. God has given me a decent voice and I sing in
our church choir. Our choirmaster always emphasises that we sing to praise God, to His glory. There’s
nothing I’d rather do. I have often wondered what would have become of me if God hadn’t spoken to me
when I was so young. If He hadn’t accompanied, guided me my whole life. I am 77 now, so I am close to
Going to my heavenly Family. But until that time I keep walking with Jesus and St.Francis by my side
and thanking my Father for His blessings.
Your story was so moving and at the same time so uplifting. God has a plan for each of us, but I think that
each plan has one thing in common with all others: we must share what we learn from our walk with the
Lord so everybody can become a son or daughter in a His Kingdom. In the meantime we must keep growing
in our prayer life and keep learning from God’s Word.
I am new to Emily. Sounds like her book will be a real inspiration to anyone. Thank you for allowing her to share her testimony.
Sadly @ 60yrs old, I’ve devoted my whole life to having, caring for and being the everything for my 10 children, my 13 grandchildren & 1 great granddaughter & husband, I think I lost me a long time ago…Not even sure where to start to find the Lord or me again… 🙁
What a very raw and touching story, I use to teach eating disorders as a Psychology teacher but the theory can never prepare you for the reality of it. So thankful you found your peace and fullness in God Emily. I think ‘Eating Disorders’ come in many shapes and sizes and for many different reasons. Many women (myself included) who may not feel they have an ED use food as a form of comfort and escapism but as the title of the posts shows, it’s only a ruse to fill our deep seated desire for Abba’s love. It’s a beautiful freedom to know that we do not have to be dictated to by food or anything else when we know or begin to know who we are in our Lord and Saviour.
Thank you for your beautiful story.
This brought tears to my eyes! I can’t wait to read this book! 🙂
I, too, suffered with knowing Jesus but not knowing Him. I wanted to just fit in with the “popular” girls and when they all made fun of me it broke my heart. I have suffered for years from lacking self esteem, always feeling not good enough or not pretty enough for them. I truly met Jesus when I was 16 at a youth convention and then the Holy Spirit came upon me one day at church soon after that. The doubts creep up on me every once in awhile but now I know that I have Jesus’ name to protect me from those thoughts. His Love is forever. All you need do is accept what he has to offer and you can live at peace with yourself.
New to Emily, but am happy to see a book that reflects the intimacy that Jesus loves each of us with. I am looking forward to reading it. Thank you Emily for sharing.
I used to not eat out of fear. Now all I do is eat out of fear. I have gone from being skinny to being obese – all through fear. And I am walking this path to letting go and it is painful and scary and I wish it was done. Reading that God can love me and see me – that little girl inside – brings me to tears and I want to run from it. I don’t feel good enough. And yet, I know that I am because He loves me. Could it be even possible that this God who created the world in six days can be mindful of me. It scares me and all I want to do is hide. Stories like this give me great encouragement that one day I, too, can eat normally and healthily, that I, too, will be past this.
So excited to read this book! Thank you for sharing your story.
Powerful words and feelings that so many of us carry in our hearts. I know I belong to Him, but still find my mind seeking to find ways to excell in looks, friendships, and other areas. He gently pulls me back to Him, but oh to be free of the insecurities life gives. Thank you for a book so many relate to!
Sounds like a thought-provoking book born out of painful experiences. Definitely goes on my to-read list!
Renee and Emily, I read the P31 devotion today which brought me here and to Emily’s page where I immediately subscribed. Dont want to be repetitive with my comment so I will just say thank you and God bless! Sharing all posts and sites with my daughter who needs to know how much God loves her for who she is, His daughter, created to fulfill His purpose for her, according to His Divine plan, to give her a future and a hope!
Renee … a big Kudos to you for having Emily as your guest today. And to “e” … I have had the privilege of working and serving the youth of my two churches over the years and have heard your story – or a very similar rendition of the same – so many times. Thank you for your candid insight and ability to put it to paper and pen for others to have the chance at a better understanding of their own story … or the story of the ones they love but are unable to reach … or those who they long to reach out to with an understanding gesture of grace. I have followed your writings, blogs and publications for years … for the insight into the darkness of another’s world, but also for the promise of hope that our Lord and Savior eternally offers with His enduring, unconditional, and “no questions asked” magnificent love that is there through the ages if only we ask for forgiveness by turning our sin over to Him, and by believing that our precious Jesus died on that Cross, shed His blood – for you, for me, and for all mankind. What a beautiful Saviour we have in Christ Jesus! So again “e,” thank you for being bare, raw and truthful so that others might see a path of hope and love through your story. May God bless. ~T
What a HUGE issue for women today… acceptance, love, unconditional love for who we are and what we look like. I struggled with an eating disorder in my early 20’s (now 57). Although I no longer purge or starve myself, the woman I see in the mirror is never “just right”. I wear clothes that hide who I am and worry myself sick about what others think. I spent my teen years/early 20’s looking for love in all the wrong places…trying everything but the Lord. One of my daughters has also struggled with purging, exercising too much, running her legs off (not literally of course)… she is now carrying my 4th grand-daughter and is struggling with that weight gain. I can’t wait to read this book and share with my daughter!!! Thank you Emily.
Hi Emily
Oh dear wheree do I start, I feel abandoned by God, I pray for the sale of my house which is a burden to this family, I pray for extra support to help me raise my family as my mum as passed away, I pray for positive thinking to be a good role model for my children, yet I continue on receiving no answers to prayers, I feel abandoned by God and feel like my faith of nearly 20 years has been a complete waste. I don’t know or understand and I feel powerless to create change to the point I can’t help but feel desperate
I can’t wait to read this!
I am looking forward to reading your memoir and being emotionally touched by your sincerity and transparency. Thank you.
Whoa! wasn’t expecting what I read to bring old feelings, memories and tears to my eyes…. and I’m at work! what a fabulous writer. Touching deep to our hearts. I would love to win a book. Thank you 🙂
I never wanted to “go back home”, perhaps your book would be healing in this area?
Emilie, Your story looks absolutely fascinating to me. I believe all of us are broken in some way and have a story to share. I admire your bravery. I have shared the trailer on my Facebook timeline. I pray I can be blessed enough to win a copy of this insipiring memior. In addition to being an avid reader: I am bravely stepping out in faith as a writer so I can one day tell my story and share with others what God has shared with me. His love truly is amazing. God bless you.
Would love to read the entire story. Wonderful!!!
Can only imagine the power of her full story. The little bit she shared here is wonderful – so tender & real.
I would love to give this book to my granddaughter, Courtney, who is turning 18 this year. This is a great message for teenagers to help them through those hard years.
thank you so much.
Gwen
Wow! I ‘m already in tears, I want to read this book!
As I struggle with depression and a struggling marriage, I’ve turned to God, really for the first time in my life. It’s hard to accept His love when I have such low self-esteem… I look forward to reading your book for some encouragement.
I love, love, love each of you with all my heart!!! As I read your comments all throughout the day, I prayed for you and for Emily. Thanking Jesus for you both. I know how God takes broken and makes beauty. I know what it’s like to search and someone be found. I know what its’ like to want to end up somewhere and realized where I wanted to be was never where I thought I’d end up. Yet it’s exactly what and where my heart needed God to take me.
I am so grateful for you and our beautiful, authentic, vulnerable, honest, loving, encouraging, wanting-to-have-all-of-Jesus community here.
You are LOVED!! You are CHERISHED!! You are PRAYED for!!!
I believe with all my heart God has a purpose for each of your lives and Im so honored and thankful HE gives me this space to encourage you towards it, but more than anything to help you experience the depth of God’s love in the looking and finding.
Love,
Renee
oh friend, THANK YOU for opening up your space and allowing me to meet these incredible women. I’m so touched by their transparency and their courage… by Jesus, shining through all of the cracks in our stories…. May God be given full glory through our lives! Bless you sister. e.
As women we all desire to be loved for who we are on the inside, not what we look like on the outside. God gives us this love….I am an x-pastor’s wife and raised my children probably a lot like you were raised. My daughter has dealt with OCD and I would love for her to read your book. This came about when her dad and I went through a divorce when she was a teenager. Divorce wrecks so many lives, but God is there through it all. So glad he loves us just the way we are and leads us to come to know him like we never have! He does make things turn around 180 degrees!
I believe there is a little girl in all of us women that is hungry to be known & loved.
Would love to read Emily’s new book and share it with others!
Emily’s story sounds amazing, can hardly wait to read her book!!
Thank you sharing your story. Anorexia is a terrible disease, close to our family, but God is greater!
What an amazing testimony – thank you so much for sharing!