This summer I’ve had the beautiful privilege of getting to know Emily Wierenga and have thoroughly enjoyed the gift of her story told in her new book Atlas Girl. Emily is an award-winning journalist, blogger, commissioned artist and columnist, as well as the author of five books including her memoir, Atlas Girl: Finding Home in the Last Place I Thought to Look (Baker Books).
In celebration of Atlas Girl’s book release this week, I asked Emily to stop by and share some of her story with us {and she offered to give a few copies away too!}
by Emily T Wierenga
I tried to starve away my curves when I was nine years old.
I had my mother’s pear-shaped body, and I thought if I stopped eating maybe I could become small enough to slip into the lives of the other girls at school, the ones the boys stared at. I would douse myself with Exclamation perfume and spend my allowance on brand-name clothes and cry myself to sleep because I was starving.
And even though it got so bad that I was dying at thirteen, and hospitalized at sixty pounds, my hair falling out and my braces showing through the skin of my cheeks, I don’t know that any of us women is much different.
I don’t know that any of us isn’t hungry like this for love.
I wanted my Dad to stop preaching at the pulpit about a God I couldn’t see or taste or touch or feel. I wanted him to come and hold me, play with me, read me stories again like he used to when I was little, the scruff of his beard on my cheek, but life has a way of stealing your loved ones away from you and so I starved myself instead.
And when a friend of mine died when I was eight I hurt so bad it felt like my soul turned inside-out.
Because no one had told me you could love so hard only to lose.
So I spent my life trying not to feel because it ached too much when I did.
And then I met Jesus.
I met him after years of thinking I already had. I met him after years of calling myself a feminist and relapsing back into anorexia when I got married, after years of battling infertility and addiction to sleeping pills and drinking too much wine and never eating enough because part of me always wanted to feel hungry.
Because full isn’t safe. Full means you might start to feel comfortable, and then you might get hurt because nothing good lasts forever.
But that’s where I was wrong.
Because God is good and He lasts forever, and I met Him one day when I was twenty eight and pregnant. I was standing in worship, closing my eyes, and I saw myself as a little girl in heaven. I was wearing a white dress and running to Jesus who looked a lot like a shepherd in one of those children’s paintings.
And Jesus picked up that little girl and he spun her around and then he held her close and said, “Emily Theresa Wierenga, do you know that I love you? I love your feet, I love your knees, I love your legs, I love your arms, I love your head, I love your hair, I love you.”
And sister? He’s saying this to you too. He sees you, the little girl in you—the one who once believed she could swing so high she could touch God, who now struggles to believe He even exists. And He loves you.
Jesus offers a kind of food that will never perish. A love that will never leave you hungry.
He provided the loaves and fishes for 5,000, with twelve baskets leftover. Some would call that a waste; I call it extravagance. He’s the Savior at the well, telling the woman about a kind of feast that will never end—with living water, and living bread. Food that will fill us up forever.
So, I’m eating again.
I’m eating, and I’m no longer scared of getting full.
Emily lives in Alberta, Canada with her husband and two sons. Her memoir, ATLAS GIRL, releases this week and she is graciously giving away 3 copies here! All you need to do is leave a comment under today’s post to enter the drawing! {If you’re reading this via email, click here and return to my blog to ENTER TO WIN.}
From the Back Cover
“Disillusioned and yearning for freedom, Emily Wierenga left home at age eighteen with no intention of ever returning. Broken down by organized religion, a childhood battle with anorexia, and her parents’ rigidity, she set out to find God somewhere else–anywhere else. Her travels took her across Canada, Central America, the United States, the Middle East, Asia, and Australia. She had no idea that her faith was waiting for her the whole time–in the place she least expected it.
“Poignant and passionate, Atlas Girl is a very personal story of a universal yearning for home and the assurance that we are known, forgiven, and beloved. Readers will find in this memoir a true description of living faith as a two-way pursuit in a world fraught with distraction. Anyone who wrestles with the brokenness we find in the world will love this emotional journey into the arms of the God who heals all wounds.”
Click HERE for a free excerpt from Atlas Girl. Emily is also giving away a FREE e-book to anyone who orders Atlas Girl this week. Just order HERE, and send a receipt to: [email protected], and you’ll receive A House That God Built: 7 Essentials to Writing Inspirational Memoir — an absolutely FREE e-book co-authored by Emily and editor/memoir teacher Mick Silva.
ALL proceeds from Atlas Girl will go to Emily’s non-profit, The Lulu Tree.
The Lulu Tree is dedicated to preventing tomorrow’s orphans by equipping today’s mothers. It is a grassroots organization bringing healing and hope to women and children in the slums of Uganda through the arts, community, and the gospel. Find our more and connect with Emily on her blog at www.emilywierenga.com, or find her on Twitter and Facebook.
But remember, before you leave, be sure and ENTER TO WIN!
Just leave a comment below.
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I stopped loving & letting anyone love me when I was 8 and lost my Nanny (GM) i would not allow that kind of pain in my life again. Got mad at God & didnt look back till I was 39. needless to say my marriage & children have suffered and even though I have spent the last 18 yrs. trying to make up for all the damage done by this broken soul I still dont know how to love or be loved by God or anyone else. its been a very difficult journey but I know a God who has this in the palm of His hand & one day I will be delivered from the chains that bind my heart. This has been my prayer since I found Jesus & will continue to be until my dleiverance. Emily brought tears to my eyes & I’m not a crying kind of girl : )
Daddy’s are the first men a little girl falls in love with. His interaction and acceptance of her makes such differences in her life as an adult! I was the opposite, a little girl who ate too much, and as the oldest, had many pressure put on me to the smartest, more “normal” looking to fit in, etc. When I went into therapy as a young adult, my father told my mother, “It will be all my fault.” But it wasn’t. I had to learn to be a stronger person in who I was, and that took some time. In my 50’s now, I am comfortable in my own skin, but work hard to eat right, wear sunscreen, etc. for the right reasons. I want to be happy and healthy as long as possible, not just because it is fashionable to do so. Emily is new to me, but I feel her pain, as the world’s realities are sometimes raindrops, and fairytales do not always come true. I would be proud if selected to receive her book! Thank you!!!
oh Darlene, I feel your pain too sister! So grateful we’ve both met a Father who will never let us down… Bless you, e.
Powerfully touching…..
Thank you for sharing.
This sounds like a wonderful story. I too ache and feel unloved and do the opposite of Emily, I try to fill up that void. I’ve tried to fill it up my whole life with food and at various times in my life with other destructive things, to no avail. I am in the process, after being a Christian for the majority of my life, of learning to get all I need and require from Jesus alone!! Thanks for this opportunity!
oh Elena, I’m still in that process too… it’s a journey. Walking alongside you sister. You are not alone! Bless you, e.
Sounds like an amazing journey to discover a deep relationship with God. Can’t wait to read the book!
God’s grace is so amazing…..So thankful for His working .
“…a God I couldn’t see or taste or touch or feel.” or hear. This is where I am at. My life was shattered 7.5 years ago and the tiny remaining pieces of my heart have been continually ground into the dirt until there is not even dust left. And still God remains silent. A God I can’t see or taste or touch or feel. The end of my rope was 3 years ago and I long ago could not absorb another blow but they have kept coming.
oh no, Lyn. oh friend. I’m going to spend some time in prayer for you today. Begging Abba to remember he promised not to let a bruised reed break… oh Father, hear our prayers… I lift up my friend Lyn to you. Be so very, very near.
Lyn,
I can’t promise to know what you are going through. I do understand when you say how the blows can keep coming, even though our actual circumstances may be very different. Just like Emily’s words impacted each of us, in my case I did not struggle with anorexia, and your case may be different also.
As someone who struggles with receiving the Father’s love, I am the last person who should say to you, ” He loves you no matter what, Lyn.” He does. Beyond comprehension. I have trouble saying it to myself, trouble holding onto that hope, especially at times when it seems he is silent or distant. And thankfully, he loves me even in those times. And he loves you even in those times, too.
Joining with those here, the seen and the unseen, who are lifting you up in prayer.
Would love a copy of her book! Started with relating with the little girl on the swing and starving myself to gain the perfect body. Thank you for posting her story!
oh Sheree, may you continue to re-connect with that little girl on the swing… bless you friend. e.
God is so wonderful, he will supply all our needs according to His riches in glory. I am a 76 year old wife, Mother of five and grandmother of seven. I was born to parents an only child and my Grandmother raised me from a baby. I loved my parents and I believe they loved me but I longed for them to show their love as my Grandma did. I did not travel the path of dealing with my weight until I was in my sixties . My husband became very ill and eight years ago his doctors said he would live only two days, Praise God his is still here and God’s Love, grace and mercy has carried us this far. I have daughters that have or may have experienced some of the struggles that I was reading today and I would like to read and share with them and even my granddaughters. I am not familiar with Emily’s work, but I would like to become more familiar. Faith in God has taken me across many hurdles and as I write my mother is in Hospice and another family member also, There is non greater than God and He has promised never to leave us or forsake us. I’m standing on his promises. Keep up your good works Emly
oh Burdell, what a testimony! I love the joy i hear in your voice in spite of everything you’ve been through. may you continue to know how loved you are, friend. Bless you! e.
This is the first time I’ve met Emily. Love how she sees the little girl inside. Looking forward to reading her book. Thanks for the introduction.
So good to meet you too dear Darlene! Bless you, e.
Thank you for sharing this. I look forward to reading this book.
Inspired by this post and her journey, God writes straight with our crooked lines.
LOVE this: “God writes straight with our crooked lines.”
I so needed this message today. I grew up wanting this all from my dad and married thinking the love would fulfill that empty place in my heart. I left a destructive marriage only to meet the man of my dreams or so I thought. After 12 years I found he had a secret life and again I felt my heart shredded
And empty. I’m making my way back only by the grace of God and seeing this in my inbox reminded me of gods love for me. Despite what others don’t do to fulfill me god is all I need and them I am full again.
Thank you, thank you, thank you. I can’t wait to read the book.
oh my dear Kathie, I wish I could hug you. May you know the deep everlasting love of a father who will NEVER leave you or forsake you. All my heart, e.
Awesome testimony
I loved the places this blog post touched my soul such as:
“Jesus sees you, the little girl in you—the one who once believed she could touch God.” I remember when I was young swinging so high and working my legs so that the swing would extend as far as it could, in that moment of freedom I could feel the presence of God and believe that He really had made heaven for me!
Thank You for bring back that sense of the little girl that still lives in me!
oh Marie, this made my heart soar! e.
Oh my goodness! Just sitting hear checking email and read this! Instant tears filled my eyes. I have been making this journey over the last year! She summed it up in just a few powerful words! Just to know I’m not the only one-brings relief and reassures me that it’s worth purging all the pain! Thank you.
Sister, you’re not alone! I’m walking this journey with you! So grateful to “meet” you here today. e.
I would love to read this book. You can never have too much knowledge that Jesus is the only one that will love you unconditionally and heal you.
Amen, April! Bless you! e.
Just reading this brought tears to my eyes and an ache to my soul. Can’t wait to read the book and share it with others!
oh Cindy–may you know the deep abiding love of a Father who adores you. Bless you sister, e.
Thank you for sharing, Emily. I am deeply touched by your story. I would love to read your book.
I’m SO glad it resonated with you dear Courtney! bless you friend. e.