This summer I’ve had the beautiful privilege of getting to know Emily Wierenga and have thoroughly enjoyed the gift of her story told in her new book Atlas Girl. Emily is an award-winning journalist, blogger, commissioned artist and columnist, as well as the author of five books including her memoir, Atlas Girl: Finding Home in the Last Place I Thought to Look (Baker Books).
In celebration of Atlas Girl’s book release this week, I asked Emily to stop by and share some of her story with us {and she offered to give a few copies away too!}
by Emily T Wierenga
I tried to starve away my curves when I was nine years old.
I had my mother’s pear-shaped body, and I thought if I stopped eating maybe I could become small enough to slip into the lives of the other girls at school, the ones the boys stared at. I would douse myself with Exclamation perfume and spend my allowance on brand-name clothes and cry myself to sleep because I was starving.
And even though it got so bad that I was dying at thirteen, and hospitalized at sixty pounds, my hair falling out and my braces showing through the skin of my cheeks, I don’t know that any of us women is much different.
I don’t know that any of us isn’t hungry like this for love.
I wanted my Dad to stop preaching at the pulpit about a God I couldn’t see or taste or touch or feel. I wanted him to come and hold me, play with me, read me stories again like he used to when I was little, the scruff of his beard on my cheek, but life has a way of stealing your loved ones away from you and so I starved myself instead.
And when a friend of mine died when I was eight I hurt so bad it felt like my soul turned inside-out.
Because no one had told me you could love so hard only to lose.
So I spent my life trying not to feel because it ached too much when I did.
And then I met Jesus.
I met him after years of thinking I already had. I met him after years of calling myself a feminist and relapsing back into anorexia when I got married, after years of battling infertility and addiction to sleeping pills and drinking too much wine and never eating enough because part of me always wanted to feel hungry.
Because full isn’t safe. Full means you might start to feel comfortable, and then you might get hurt because nothing good lasts forever.
But that’s where I was wrong.
Because God is good and He lasts forever, and I met Him one day when I was twenty eight and pregnant. I was standing in worship, closing my eyes, and I saw myself as a little girl in heaven. I was wearing a white dress and running to Jesus who looked a lot like a shepherd in one of those children’s paintings.
And Jesus picked up that little girl and he spun her around and then he held her close and said, “Emily Theresa Wierenga, do you know that I love you? I love your feet, I love your knees, I love your legs, I love your arms, I love your head, I love your hair, I love you.”
And sister? He’s saying this to you too. He sees you, the little girl in you—the one who once believed she could swing so high she could touch God, who now struggles to believe He even exists. And He loves you.
Jesus offers a kind of food that will never perish. A love that will never leave you hungry.
He provided the loaves and fishes for 5,000, with twelve baskets leftover. Some would call that a waste; I call it extravagance. He’s the Savior at the well, telling the woman about a kind of feast that will never end—with living water, and living bread. Food that will fill us up forever.
So, I’m eating again.
I’m eating, and I’m no longer scared of getting full.
Emily lives in Alberta, Canada with her husband and two sons. Her memoir, ATLAS GIRL, releases this week and she is graciously giving away 3 copies here! All you need to do is leave a comment under today’s post to enter the drawing! {If you’re reading this via email, click here and return to my blog to ENTER TO WIN.}
From the Back Cover
“Disillusioned and yearning for freedom, Emily Wierenga left home at age eighteen with no intention of ever returning. Broken down by organized religion, a childhood battle with anorexia, and her parents’ rigidity, she set out to find God somewhere else–anywhere else. Her travels took her across Canada, Central America, the United States, the Middle East, Asia, and Australia. She had no idea that her faith was waiting for her the whole time–in the place she least expected it.
“Poignant and passionate, Atlas Girl is a very personal story of a universal yearning for home and the assurance that we are known, forgiven, and beloved. Readers will find in this memoir a true description of living faith as a two-way pursuit in a world fraught with distraction. Anyone who wrestles with the brokenness we find in the world will love this emotional journey into the arms of the God who heals all wounds.”
Click HERE for a free excerpt from Atlas Girl. Emily is also giving away a FREE e-book to anyone who orders Atlas Girl this week. Just order HERE, and send a receipt to: [email protected], and you’ll receive A House That God Built: 7 Essentials to Writing Inspirational Memoir — an absolutely FREE e-book co-authored by Emily and editor/memoir teacher Mick Silva.
ALL proceeds from Atlas Girl will go to Emily’s non-profit, The Lulu Tree.
The Lulu Tree is dedicated to preventing tomorrow’s orphans by equipping today’s mothers. It is a grassroots organization bringing healing and hope to women and children in the slums of Uganda through the arts, community, and the gospel. Find our more and connect with Emily on her blog at www.emilywierenga.com, or find her on Twitter and Facebook.
But remember, before you leave, be sure and ENTER TO WIN!
Just leave a comment below.
Sounds wonderful…I could see so many women benefiting from reading the book as well as a Proverbs 31 online bible study…hint, hint, hint!
I love that idea Loretta 🙂 I will be over at Proverbs 31 tomorrow! Bless you! e.
This book sounds excellent – and something that I can relate to 🙂
Such a touching story–I want to read more! Thank you for sharing!
What a beautiful way to portray the average young girl, whose shoes we have all been in. Hooray to Emily for being able to overcome anorexia! I too remember being in high school and starving to death while taking diet pills. Thanks for the wonderful email.
I would love to be part of these pages, walking through life with Emily. Relating and see what the Lord has done in another sisters life.
Oh Emily, I understand your pain and what you went through. I experienced the same thing in middle and high school. The anorexia and bulimia were so bad I too was hospitalized. It was on a retreat that I met Jesus, I mean really met Jesus for the first time. Some girl (don’t even remember her name) had just finished her witness and followed it up with the song El Shaddai. The words to that song saved my life. God spoke to me so clearly I cried for three hours.
Thank you for being transparent and willingly sharing your story with others. Know that many young ladies and women will heal through your truthfulness. Praying God will continue to hold you close and surround you with his unconditional love and grace. I would love to read your book.
El Shaddai is an incredibly powerful song isn’t it friend? It always leaves me gasping. Love that God has brought both of us home sister…
Loved this excerpt – sounds like a great book, can’t wait to read it!
Wow, what a powerful message that everyone can relate to in one way or another. This sounds like a great book…thank you for sharing your story!
Ive heard so much about the release of Atlas Girl, and now I can see why. This article was so simple and short and yet so powerful. Very rarely can I say that i get choked up reading something, but this did it. I remember my first revelation with Jesus was when I too was feeling unloved. And when God shows up, He shows off! 🙂 Congratulations on the book release and God bless your beautiful mind!
oh Leonora, this is so encouraging–thank you. You nearly brought me to tears. It’s been a long road, but I’m grateful to be sharing my journey with others. Bless you sister!
Tears sprung to my eyes as I read this. That hollowness I knew and felt until I realised my hollowness was empty like the tomb…it was empty because only Christ awakening in me could fill me. Now I ache to be near Him and to radiate His light to the world but I still need Him daily to stop the world creeping in filling me with darkness and doubt. Thank you for this.
oh Trish, this is exquisite–I love how you worded this: it was empty because only Christ awakening in me could fill me. Wow.
Boy I can relate. It’s so hard sometimes to wait. It’s easier to believe the lies of the enemy. I didn’t starve instead I ate more. Trying to use food to fill my void. Very good post. Definitely a book I want to read. Thanks.
My Sweet Em,
How my tears are falling from my face, In your past life living so alone within your inner self.
Brings so much pain to my heart, It brought so much memory back to where I was that little girl.
I felt your words living so deep in my heart, as I was reading my own story.
It took me many years to learn how to love myself, to learn that I was special.
That I was not that ugly little girl like I had been called ever since I was born.
I felt no love because I did not receive love, I felt like I didn’t matter if I was dead or alive.
I carried this for so long, that I also ended up in the hospital for five months because I didn’t eat.
I starved my self nearly to death, I had to learn just to put a spoon in my mouth with out
spitting up my guts.
I use to ask God why? Why was I even born in the first place? Why didn’t God take me
when I was that tiny little baby girl who just weigh four pounds.
My life was like a rag doll who just laid around for days, and not being picked up to be loved.
I knew there was a God at that time, But I didn’t really know any thing about Him.
Took me a life time to get on my own two feet and face life and to learn life from the beginning.
All Baby Steps! One day at a time.
Very hard work just to learn whom God had made me.
Now I can look in the mirror and say look at yourself, God made me Beautiful.
God loves me so much that He gave His only Son to die on the cross for me.
Jesus loves me, Wow!
Now I love me! Now my Brothers and Sisters in Christ loves me.
Even my gift that God gave me, My one and only son loves me so much.
My little dogie loves me that God had gave to me.
I know when I read your book “Atlas Girl” I will have my box of tissues right at my side.
God Bless You Sweet Em, And Your Beautiful Family.
You are always in my Heart and Prayers,
Sending Warm {{{{{{{{{{HUGS}}}}}}}}} Love You! ( Loretta )
I love you so much dear Lorretta, and that precious little girl within you too… you are such a beautiful sister to me! XOXO
This is the first time I’ve heard of Emily, but her book is one I want to read. I was the opposite as a young girl/teen. I was overweight and giving myself to any guy who would speak nice words to me. I got pregnant and had an abortion. I was raised in the church, but never really knew God intimately until many years later.
Now I am still overweight, but I see myself through God’s eyes and I am not embarrassed by my weight now. I am married to a wonderful man who loves me just the way I am
I can relate as I never felt good enough (and still struggle with that today). I too had anorexia years ago- I was never thin enough or pretty enough. Even though I have overcome anorexia, I still struggle from time to time with an eating disorder. I’m learning that God loves me the way that I am and that I don’t have to be perfect.
Wow. Just that short entry brought tears to my eyes. Thank you for sharing your life. I don’t have that kind of courage.
Sounds like an encouraging book — something most of us can use. Your story brings back memories – alone – don’t fit in.
I would like to express my thanks to you for having the courage to open your heart, mind, and life for us to connect with. I beleive that this book with be a blessing to many people and I can’t wait to read it but more importantly, I can’t wait to give it to someone that shared with me today. She is truly hurting and she expressed to me everything that the picture says. Your book is the answer that God shared with me.
wow Tawnee. this gives me shivers. God is SO good. praise Him. bless you friend, for loving on the hurting…. in Him, e.
What a beautiful testimony you have, Emily. Your book sounds like a must read!
Emily what an inspirational story!! I love how you describe how Jesus saw you !! It made me cry. That little girl in all of us need that so badly’!! Thank you for sharing .
Congrats on working or the Lulu Tree. Those precious children need all we can hove them. God Bless you for all you do!!
I recently went to Haiti with my husband and church friends. The needs are great all over!
Sue K.
oh Sue, I love your compassionate heart, friend! God bless you as you serve others… e.
I have always had just the opposite problem, I have always been overweight and I have always felt unloved and treated differently because of being fat all my life and being made fun of. Now my two grown daughters deal with the same problem, in fact they both weigh more than I do. I know they also deal with not feeling loved especially since their father is now gay.
oh Faith, this resonates deep …. while we have different struggles, we’re all on the same journey, longing to find an everlasting love that will never leave or forsake us… praying for you and your girls. thank you for sharing sister. all my heart, e.
I’ve seen so many posts about this book. It would be a blessing to read!
This ministers down deep.
I would love to share this book with my daughter who constantly struggles with self-image and worth
My heart aches for your daughter Renee… it’s so hard, growing up in this world, and yet, God is faithful. May she know how beautifully and wonderfully made she is… e.
Sounds like this will be an awesome read going to add it to my wish list. Glad to hear of yet another wonderful writer!
Wow. I struggled through another hard day and then came home to more bad news in the mailbox. I’m a faithful believer and try so hard to help others out of my love for people. I pray for a break and lately gave wondered if God can even hear me anymore. Then I opened my email and opened Renee ‘s daily blog email… and I sobbed. Emily quote truly hit home… I must somehow afford to buy this book as it sounds like just what I need right now.
Thank you both for sharing …
oh Ramona… praying for you sister, hoping you win this book. I’m so sorry for those hard days, for the bad-news-days. Wishing I could sit and have tea with you. Bless you, e.
Emily, your story is very touching. I ran as far & as fast as I could when I was 15, after my father was murdered. There were so many things going wrong in my life. I finally found God when my youngest son became a heroin addict. (Thank God, he’s left that world). There have been so much of me broken all my life. But I get stronger everyday. Your story is quite an inspiration.
God Bless you & your ministries.
oh Patti, life has thrown you some incredible hard curve balls… and yet, you stand, and you encourage me … thank you. I’m moved by your story and your heart friend. bless you, e.
Thank you for that article-i can relate to that since i have battled an eating disorder since i was 12 years old. The LORD has been so good to me and i am thankful that He is patient and faithful! I would be totally hopeless without Him!
oh alisa, you are not alone friend…. may you find the love only Jesus can offer, and may it fill you full. bless you, e.
I have not read any of Emily’s books, but I am going to read Atlas Girl. I could see me as a young girl with the same hunger for love. Only difference was I battled with being the ” chubby girl” that was always on the sidelines wanting so much to be excepted. It’s taken years for me to realize that I am wonderfully created by a God who loves me for who I am.
oh Katherine, I ache for that little girl on the sidelines. I’m so glad you know you are loved and accepted by our heavenly father. All my heart, e.
✫✫¸.•°*”˜˜”*°•.ƸӜƷ “Go where you are celebrated
not tolerated.
If they can’t see the real value of you,
it’s time for a new start.”
– Unknown ****************************************************************************************************************** I saw this poem the other day, it made me realise how one must let go of others who neither love you or care for you. How I am praying for a fresh new start.. away from this loneliness, away from lack of finance, away from lack of quality health, away from those who do not have a heart of God within their pitiful souls. I am at the end of a very long and tired road and now need the Jesus I have trusted for so long to come and get me, to raise me to heights that I can only dream about, to be loved as I’ve never known and painfully was robbed as a child, a woman and now in my middle years, searching for someone to belong to; that someone who will have the heart of Christ within his own heart. I want to belong again and be filled up to overflow.. it is time for me to come home.
Praying Jesus holds that little girl and reassures her over and over how loved she is… Bless you sister. e.
I have been divorced for almost eight years and felt unloved from my marriage. My dad died of cancer almost two years ago. I find it really hard to let people in. If I do I seem to limit how much and for how long. I would love to read more from your book. I also am a single mom to an autistic daughter who is 13.
oh Melissa. your journey is a hard one sister…. you are not alone. i pray you would feel Abba’s loving arms around you, holding you and your precious daughter…
What a great article about this upcoming new book release! I was touched by it and will definitely be reading this book!
I realize the love we are all searching for. I have come to realize that God loves me more than and human ever can. Recently, I learned about God’s Hesed love. His I’ve got your back kind of love. That was just what I needed at this time in my life and has kept me going and allowed me to share that with others.
God wants to be our true love. The one we hunger for. I am so thankful for the opportunity to know that love and experience it.
Thank you Emily for sharing your story.
Juanita, I love this–God’s Hesed love. I hadn’t heard of that before! Thank you for sharing, friend. Bless you, e.
I think I need to read this book! What a message!
Thank you so mich for sharing this. I’m now 63 and sti.l struggle with my weight and my feeling of being unlovable.
my dear Sharon, may you know, without a shadow of a doubt, the incredible, extravagant love Abba Father has for you. believing in it for you sister. e.
I know the feeling of wanting to be perfect like you think everyone else is, wanting what you think is a perfect life! Thanks for this devotional!
Wow this book sounds very personal and powerful. I am sure her story will bless so many! I would love to read it.
That is one book I would love to read. What you shared really touched my heart. Thank you Emily for being couragous by sharing your story.
Wow! What a gift when we walk in the Truth of God’s love for us. So exciting to see this offered & would love to have the book!
This looks like a very inspiring book. Thank you Emily for sharing your story. I am sure it will touch many lives and I am very interested in reading it!
Beautiful post, Renee…thank you and Emily for sharing it with us.
This book sounds so good! I just ran across the name about ten minutes ago and had added it to my wishlist!
So much of this hits home. Looking, crying, dying for daddy’s approval; shutting down to avoid the constant hurt and turmoil! Well, let me tell you, God began a huge work in me just over a year ago and while there is still lots to do, the changes have brought me more peace then I ever expected, even though raw emotion is now a very real part of my life. I implore all of you that have hidden your hearts to let God in – really IN! To absolutely know His love is the most amazing thing, but you have to let Him in!
God bless you all, in your journeys!
Amen Alice… well said! e.
Sometimes I still find it hard to believe that God intentionally made me, Karen, for Himself. I belong to Him, even when I don’t know sometimes where I belong in life. I would love to win a copy of your book.
“So I spent my life trying not to feel because it ached too much when I did.”
Many of Emily’s words struck a chord with me.
Such a huge explosion of this horrible disease in our society today…my 16 year old daughter battled it as well. She is now 35 and healthy and serving God. God is our only hope! For anything…and everything…
Thanks Emily for this post.
Thanks Renee!
Bless you both!
I believe any girl can relate to Emily’s story even if her story is a little different at the ore it is the same!!
With all of my heart, I want such an encounter with the lover of my soul! Thank you so much for sharing!
After reading just a little bit and just losing my father just saying how girls just want to be loved this brings tears to my eyes. My father was an alcoholic and we grew up fighting anorexia and depression it has taken Gods love and mercy to show me I have value. The picture says it all.
Emily,
I would so much like to read this book. What little girl hasn’t just wanted to be loved as they are? I am raising 2 daughters by myself. I tell them daily that I love them but is that really enough? I spend time with them, I tuck them in at night, we say prayers together and I am trying so hard to instill in them that God will always love them no matter what they do or how they feel. I also want them to know that I love them unconditional as well. Thank you for writing a book like this. So, hope that I am picked to receive one of the free copies you are giving away.
HAVE SPENT MOST OF LIFE FEELING INVISABLE ESPECIALLY TO PEOPLE I MOST WANT TO SEE ME