This summer I’ve had the beautiful privilege of getting to know Emily Wierenga and have thoroughly enjoyed the gift of her story told in her new book Atlas Girl. Emily is an award-winning journalist, blogger, commissioned artist and columnist, as well as the author of five books including her memoir, Atlas Girl: Finding Home in the Last Place I Thought to Look (Baker Books).
In celebration of Atlas Girl’s book release this week, I asked Emily to stop by and share some of her story with us {and she offered to give a few copies away too!}
by Emily T Wierenga
I tried to starve away my curves when I was nine years old.
I had my mother’s pear-shaped body, and I thought if I stopped eating maybe I could become small enough to slip into the lives of the other girls at school, the ones the boys stared at. I would douse myself with Exclamation perfume and spend my allowance on brand-name clothes and cry myself to sleep because I was starving.
And even though it got so bad that I was dying at thirteen, and hospitalized at sixty pounds, my hair falling out and my braces showing through the skin of my cheeks, I don’t know that any of us women is much different.
I don’t know that any of us isn’t hungry like this for love.
I wanted my Dad to stop preaching at the pulpit about a God I couldn’t see or taste or touch or feel. I wanted him to come and hold me, play with me, read me stories again like he used to when I was little, the scruff of his beard on my cheek, but life has a way of stealing your loved ones away from you and so I starved myself instead.
And when a friend of mine died when I was eight I hurt so bad it felt like my soul turned inside-out.
Because no one had told me you could love so hard only to lose.
So I spent my life trying not to feel because it ached too much when I did.
And then I met Jesus.
I met him after years of thinking I already had. I met him after years of calling myself a feminist and relapsing back into anorexia when I got married, after years of battling infertility and addiction to sleeping pills and drinking too much wine and never eating enough because part of me always wanted to feel hungry.
Because full isn’t safe. Full means you might start to feel comfortable, and then you might get hurt because nothing good lasts forever.
But that’s where I was wrong.
Because God is good and He lasts forever, and I met Him one day when I was twenty eight and pregnant. I was standing in worship, closing my eyes, and I saw myself as a little girl in heaven. I was wearing a white dress and running to Jesus who looked a lot like a shepherd in one of those children’s paintings.
And Jesus picked up that little girl and he spun her around and then he held her close and said, “Emily Theresa Wierenga, do you know that I love you? I love your feet, I love your knees, I love your legs, I love your arms, I love your head, I love your hair, I love you.”
And sister? He’s saying this to you too. He sees you, the little girl in you—the one who once believed she could swing so high she could touch God, who now struggles to believe He even exists. And He loves you.
Jesus offers a kind of food that will never perish. A love that will never leave you hungry.
He provided the loaves and fishes for 5,000, with twelve baskets leftover. Some would call that a waste; I call it extravagance. He’s the Savior at the well, telling the woman about a kind of feast that will never end—with living water, and living bread. Food that will fill us up forever.
So, I’m eating again.
I’m eating, and I’m no longer scared of getting full.
Emily lives in Alberta, Canada with her husband and two sons. Her memoir, ATLAS GIRL, releases this week and she is graciously giving away 3 copies here! All you need to do is leave a comment under today’s post to enter the drawing! {If you’re reading this via email, click here and return to my blog to ENTER TO WIN.}
From the Back Cover
“Disillusioned and yearning for freedom, Emily Wierenga left home at age eighteen with no intention of ever returning. Broken down by organized religion, a childhood battle with anorexia, and her parents’ rigidity, she set out to find God somewhere else–anywhere else. Her travels took her across Canada, Central America, the United States, the Middle East, Asia, and Australia. She had no idea that her faith was waiting for her the whole time–in the place she least expected it.
“Poignant and passionate, Atlas Girl is a very personal story of a universal yearning for home and the assurance that we are known, forgiven, and beloved. Readers will find in this memoir a true description of living faith as a two-way pursuit in a world fraught with distraction. Anyone who wrestles with the brokenness we find in the world will love this emotional journey into the arms of the God who heals all wounds.”
Click HERE for a free excerpt from Atlas Girl. Emily is also giving away a FREE e-book to anyone who orders Atlas Girl this week. Just order HERE, and send a receipt to: [email protected], and you’ll receive A House That God Built: 7 Essentials to Writing Inspirational Memoir — an absolutely FREE e-book co-authored by Emily and editor/memoir teacher Mick Silva.
ALL proceeds from Atlas Girl will go to Emily’s non-profit, The Lulu Tree.
The Lulu Tree is dedicated to preventing tomorrow’s orphans by equipping today’s mothers. It is a grassroots organization bringing healing and hope to women and children in the slums of Uganda through the arts, community, and the gospel. Find our more and connect with Emily on her blog at www.emilywierenga.com, or find her on Twitter and Facebook.
But remember, before you leave, be sure and ENTER TO WIN!
Just leave a comment below.
This is the first time I’ve met Emily. Love how she sees the little girl inside. Looking forward to reading her book. Thanks for the introduction.
So good to meet you too dear Darlene! Bless you, e.
Thank you for sharing this. I look forward to reading this book.
Inspired by this post and her journey, God writes straight with our crooked lines.
LOVE this: “God writes straight with our crooked lines.”
I so needed this message today. I grew up wanting this all from my dad and married thinking the love would fulfill that empty place in my heart. I left a destructive marriage only to meet the man of my dreams or so I thought. After 12 years I found he had a secret life and again I felt my heart shredded
And empty. I’m making my way back only by the grace of God and seeing this in my inbox reminded me of gods love for me. Despite what others don’t do to fulfill me god is all I need and them I am full again.
Thank you, thank you, thank you. I can’t wait to read the book.
oh my dear Kathie, I wish I could hug you. May you know the deep everlasting love of a father who will NEVER leave you or forsake you. All my heart, e.
Awesome testimony
I loved the places this blog post touched my soul such as:
“Jesus sees you, the little girl in you—the one who once believed she could touch God.” I remember when I was young swinging so high and working my legs so that the swing would extend as far as it could, in that moment of freedom I could feel the presence of God and believe that He really had made heaven for me!
Thank You for bring back that sense of the little girl that still lives in me!
oh Marie, this made my heart soar! e.
Oh my goodness! Just sitting hear checking email and read this! Instant tears filled my eyes. I have been making this journey over the last year! She summed it up in just a few powerful words! Just to know I’m not the only one-brings relief and reassures me that it’s worth purging all the pain! Thank you.
Sister, you’re not alone! I’m walking this journey with you! So grateful to “meet” you here today. e.
I would love to read this book. You can never have too much knowledge that Jesus is the only one that will love you unconditionally and heal you.
Amen, April! Bless you! e.
Just reading this brought tears to my eyes and an ache to my soul. Can’t wait to read the book and share it with others!
oh Cindy–may you know the deep abiding love of a Father who adores you. Bless you sister, e.
Thank you for sharing, Emily. I am deeply touched by your story. I would love to read your book.
I’m SO glad it resonated with you dear Courtney! bless you friend. e.
Oh, how I love your blog. Thank you so much for sharing your life with us!
God Bless You!!!
Emily your story touch my heart. I stuffed the feeling of being unloved or feeling unworthy of love for years. Food was my only friend I thought. It took so long for me to get that God loved me unconditonally. God love us we need to share that truth. Thanks Emily for sharing yours.
oh Laura. I understand friend, completely. I love that you’ve found the love you were looking for–and yes, we need to share about it with others. bless you! e.
I know that this would be a great book to read.
Emily is new to me, but I was so moved by her story. Would love to read her book.
Cindy
This book sounds amazing! Emily is new to me so I’m excited to check out her blog. Thanks!
What a wonderful testimony of God’s love and redemption! I would love to read her entire story and then share it with someone else. God is good…all the time. All the time…God is good!
Thank you dear Cindy! Amen, God is good, all the time…
Thanks for introducing Emily to us! I look forward to reading this book!
WOW! What a great article – wish so many people could have a chance to read and really understand that God loves them so much! We don’t have to do a thing to earn His love.
thank you so much Cheryl! I appreciate your encouragement! e.
I can relate to Emily in a lots of ways by the feelings she describes. If I don’t win It I will get this book and share it with my nieces who have eating disorders. :/ Emily is new to me. Thank you for sharing about her and her book.
oh friend, thinking of all your nieces who have eating disorders… aching for them. i have written a book called Chasing Silhouettes–How to help a loved one battling an eating disorder. (www.emilywierenga.com/books). perhaps it might help also? all my heart and prayers, e.
As a mom of twin girls AND that fights the daily battle of anorexia I can so relate to the hurting and the belief of feeling unloved. What a treasure it would be to introduce Emily’s blog and heartfelt endurance of anorexia to my daughter. Please consider us in your giveaway. i believe we can receive emily’s message and rejoice. Thank you for sharing. Marti
oh Marti, thinking of you sister–you are not alone. i have written a book called Chasing Silhouettes–How to help a loved one battling an eating disorder, which might speak to you also. (www.emilywierenga.com/books). Please know I’m praying for you. in Him, e.
Great reminder, after recent events in my life.
may Jesus comfort you dear Danice… e.
I can so relate with this excerpt. I’m constantly “hungry” for others’ approval and struggle to find any worth in myself. I met God for the first time 6 years ago and still can’t understand that He loves me just the way I am. Thank you for sharing this; I’d like to read more of Emily’s work. Blessings 🙂
oh, friend, may you know without a shadow of a doubt how deeply he cares for you…. thank you for being so transparent. Bless you! e.
Wow – it sounds like I have a lot in common with Emily. I, too, was a preacher’s daughter, and I, too, battled with anorexia when I was younger. I had an addiction to pills and to alcohol when I was a young adult. I would LOVE to win this book so I can read!! Thanks for the opportunity!
So glad to meet a sister like you Krystal! It’s so reassuring to know we’re not alone in our struggles, isn’t it? Bless you. e.
I am so excited at the chance of winning her book. This was necessary to read….Thank you Renee for allowing her to share a small portion of her testimony. It was inspiring and in some ways hit close to home. Broken, struggling to accept forgiveness (or perhaps rather the worthiness of His forgiveness), and yearning desperately for HIS love….this is something I continue to struggle with and thought I was alone and now I know even as a STRONG believer I was struggling with my earthly father. I sure hope I get the opportunity to read her story!!!!
You are not alone dear Heather… walking with you in this longing for heavenly, and earthly, love… bless you, and thank you for encouraging me today! e.
I’m new to Emily’s books. This sounds like a nice one to read!!
Thank you for introducing me to Emily……..wow! I have reached my 5th decade, and am still struggling with these things……But thanks to God, He is always faithful and waits for us until we are ready to deal with issues we have……I think it is time for me to read this and begin to find freedom !!!
Believing in this freedom for you dear Linda! Yes! He is faithful. Bless you sister, e.
I was reading an email from a friend of mine saying to me that Jesus loves me the way I am. After more than 1 year no talking with him, I sent him a message on facebook talking about somethings that had happened in my life but nothing too much intimate about me. He answered saying that : “Jesus loves you so much, his love for you is huge”. And now I read a message/email from Renee and the picture says all that I am going through, someone who one day thought she could reach God in one touch of my hand, who believed without boundaries on God and now is struggling to believe He even exist and yet He loves me. Even if I did not win the book I will buy because I need to read that, I also worry since a little kid about my weight and always mirroring myself in the others women slim and fit. God bless you so much for letting me read once again that Jesus loves me. My heart rejoices. Thank you.
oh Milena. My eyes are welling up with tears. I praise God that you read this post today–He wanted you to read it so He could tell you how deeply loved you are. He sings over you sister. Keep believing. All my heart, e.
I needed to read this today. Great encouragement.
For me today.
my heart goes out to you Martha… you are loved, sister. Blessings on you. e.
Broken, struggling to accept forgiveness (or perhaps rather the worthiness of His forgiveness), and yearning desperately for HIS love…. I’m walking this road and all along have thought I was the only one. It’s refreshing, in a terribly painful and selfish way, to learn I’m not. Hopeful to get the opportunity to read this book. Thanks for sharing….so blessed God lead me to this blog post today!
oh girl, it’s not selfish at all–you are definitely not alone, I am walking this road with you sister. May you know how deep and long and wide and high the Father’s love is for you. e.
What a touching story. I would love to read her book, primarily to share with someone I love very much that seems to feel the same way.
Entering! I’ve never heard Emily’s story but it sounds beautiful!
This touched my heart just reading this part of the book. Look forward to reading it.
I love Emily’s blog, and would love to win a copy of her book!
Thank you so much dear Jessica!
Candid honesty anchored courageously in God’s grace is so refreshing! I’m glad I checked my e-mail today!
Thank you so much Gloria! I really appreciate your encouragement! Bless you sister, e.
I needed this encouragement today. Sometimes I struggle with feeling like I am not enough and becasue of that God must be disappointed in me. I want to feel love, but I reject my self worth. I am thankful that good women are willing to share their stories. It helps to build me up.
oh Sandra, you are not alone sister… may you know the God that sings over you and delights in you and quiets you with his love. e.
I have lost 35+ pounds since 1/7/14 and am excited about sharing my God story – I realize it can be shared before I think my size is not an issue – be that as it may, would love to win!
🙂 Yay Beverly! But yes, you’re right–your story can be shared anytime 🙂 Bless you! e.
You’re ready my story.
I thought about myself and my teenage daughter when I read today’s post. I am reading so many more books, blogs, etc. to try to fill myself with the words of God and to learn from other’s experiences. I then pray that I can share what I learn with my daughter in a way that she will hear. Emily’s book sounds like it could give me insights and wisdom to learn from.
I love your heart Tina. Your daughter is so blessed to have you as a mother. e.
I time’s I’m so very lonely I know that God is always with me I understand that but since my son pasted away three years ago I come home to a empty house. I’m not allow to see my grand children now. It’s really hard at time to see why I’m really still here.
oh my dear Gayle… aching for you over here. Just longing for you to feel Abba’s arms around you. I will pray for you sister. e.
Gayle, Don’t give up! God has a plan for your life filled with promise for a bright future. My heart goes out to you over the loss of your son and clearly, I don’t understand all that is involved with seeing your grandchildren. What I do know is that we live for a great God that is full of mercy and grace to see us through our darkest hour, from that place of gut wrenching pain, all the way to the mountain top. I encourage you to keep your heart focused on how big our God is, and how much He loves you and He will get you through these difficult days. I prayed for you when I read your post. You matter, your life matters and you are here for a very special reason.
What a beautiful passage! We all are so hungry..so hungry for one thing or another! Don’t we all starve ourselves of one thing or another for a fulfillment?
Yes, Misty, exactly… we’re all starving for fulfillment and purpose. Bless you friend! e.
What a beautiful story!
“the one who once believed she could swing so high she could touch God, who now struggles to believe He even exists. ”
I can’t wait to read this book.
Thank you so much Sarah! That means a lot to me. e.
As a severely obese, divorced woman just now after 5 years of living alone, starting to live again, this story really hits home. I really needed to hear this, how much God loves me – all of me – without judgment. So I thank you from the bottom of my heart.
This makes me teary-eyed Katrina. You are SO loved, my friend. So loved. I wish I could sit with you and have tea. All my heart, e.
Would love a chance to win her book!
I too am new to Emily, but just the blog has me in tears reflecting on my youth and I know that I must read this book too! What a beautiful, raw story of the Daddy’s girls we all truly are; what a reminder to keep a childlike faith. That is something God put on my heart last year when I started bringing small tubes of bubbles to our Women’s retreats so that we could celebrate our Daddy God with giggles and bubbles at the end of the event. It keeps this 54-year-old YOUNG HEART smiling!!!
oh Debbie, it’s SO good to meet you here…. I can feel Abba’s love for you sister. Bless you, e.
Would love to read the entire book. Have not read her works but would like to do so.
Thank you Sandy, grateful to “meet” you today! e.
Sounds like a great story of healing! Looking forward to checking it out!
Thank you Brianne! e.
I am new to Emily, but her book looks wonderful to read!
Thank you so much Michelle! e.
Oh I have been following Emily in great anticipation of the release of her book! I can relate to her, the younger, hurting her, and I know in my heart I MUST read this book. Renee- thank you for giving Emily the platform today on your blog. What an exciting thing to be apart of!
My dear Shannon, you have been a great support to me! So good to see you over here sister! Bless you, e.