My friend Kathi Lipp has written a book every mom needs to read. And I promise I’m not saying that because she’s my friend. I’m saying that because {you} are! Maybe we’ve never met but, because our hearts and lives are connected through my blog or Facebook page, I see you as a friend God’s brought into my life to encourage. A friend to pray for. A friend to offer hope to and remind you of God’s truth for you.
Kathi’s book is unique and the timing of it is perfect! Over the past few months, I’ve heard from countless moms who feel guilty, overwhelmed and like a failure as a mom. They are discouraged and depleted. And I’ve been there.
One of my favorite chapters in Kathi’s book is chapter 2, Don’t Hang Out in the Motherhood Alone. Now that will preach! Gosh we need to know we’re not alone, and that our kids aren’t the only kids who struggle or make horrible choices.
Today, I’ve invited Kathi to sit across the table and give us a little help and a lot of hope for our hearts. {And if you’re not a mom I hope you’ll keep reading and share this encouragement with a mom you know!}
My kitchen table has become the Confessional, only better, since I also serve banana muffins.
“My teenager is having sex.”
“I found pot in her dresser,”
“My son got kicked out of school. Preschool.”
I’ve heard it all. All of it.
And what everyone thinks is that as soon as they confess – as soon as they tell someone else about their son cheating at school, that they will automatically move from one category to the next.
They move from Good Mom to Bad Mom.
And now everything that your friend has known as fact is up for debate:
If I’m a good mom, I will raise great kids.
If I take them to church, they will grow up trusting God.
If I pray for my kids, they will turn out fine.
All the things that parenting books and Christian talk radio promised them has gone out the window, along with their sense of self and their hope for their kids. Because of a child’s lousy decision, you or your friend’s world has fallen apart.
So what do you say to the crumpled mom who feels like a mess? The one sitting at your kitchen table or looking at you in the mirror? Here are a few things that have been said to me (and I’ve said to other moms,) that have actually helped when my kids didn’t go according to plan:
- “Don’t judge your parenting on one bad day.” This is especially helpful when it’s a younger child who bit their teacher, hit their brother in the head with a tool box, or had to have security called at Target because they were throwing such a fit. We all think we have great kids – until they’re not. But one bad day doesn’t undo all that parenting that you’ve poured into them.
- “I’m still a fan of your child!” When our child has royally messed up, there is something about another adult who you admire seeing something besides “future adult delinquent” in your child that will give you hope. Let them know how smart, funny, creative and helpful their child is. It really can make a difference. And if it’s your kid, find something to remind yourself, that is good about him.
- “Don’t put your faith in the sheep, put it in the Shepherd.” We base the outcome of our lives on the actions of our children. Wrong. Our hope is only in God.
Psalm 25:1-3
In you, Lord my God, I put my trust.
I trust in you; do not let me be put to shame,
nor let my enemies triumph over me.
No one who hopes in you will ever be put to shame,
but shame will come on those
who are treacherous without cause.When our hope is in our kids, we are slaves to shame, but when we put our hope in God there is no shame.
- “God has not given up on your child.” Some the greatest mentors and friends in my life were the ones who were running the furthest away from God in their teens, 20’s and 30’s and causing their parents to be on their knees constantly. God loves your child and will use other means than you to pursue his heart.
- “Me too.” We all need to know that we are not alone. We all need to hear the two sweetest words of community: “Me too.” Let your friend know of your failures – and your child’s failures. “Me too,” is a great sting removed to a hurting parent.
And can I say, thank you? Obviously, if your friend is confiding in you, you have done something to demonstrate that you are a safe place – a refuge. We need more yous in the world.
ENTER TO WIN: (Thanks so much for stopping by, the GIVEAWAY is now over, but I would still love to hear from you!)
It’s easy to feel worried and anxious as a parent. There are so many areas of your child’s life that can go wrong along the way. What’s a mom to do? In I Need Some Help Here! Hope for When Your Kids Don’t Go According to Plan, Kathi meets you in your moments of panic or despair with wit and wisdom.
In each chapter, Kathi offers the most powerful tools, from prayer to practical tips, for you and your child. The book covers all of the stages of your child’s life from toddler to young adult and tackles the most common issues that cause stress and anxiety, sharing:
- Practical wisdom when your child makes poor choices
- How to pray when your child is running away from God
- Comforting words fore when your child feels left out
- “been there” advice for when your child is different than other kids
Whether you are at the end of your rope, or simply need a little extra support as you walk the parenting road, you’ll cherish Kathi’s heart, humor and experience!
Enter to WIN 2 copies by clicking “Share Your Thoughts” below!
(Thanks so much for stopping by, the GIVEAWAY is now over, but I would still love to hear from you!)
What’s one thing Kathi shared that you will tell yourself or share with a friend this week? And let us know why you’d like to win a copy and what friend will you give the 2nd copy to if your name is chosen?
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“Me Too.” I wish SO much I had someone I could be honest with about my kids’ poor choices. I don’t. I walk this road pretty much alone. If I were to be honest with anyone, I know they would look at my kids in an unfavorable light. I’m not sure this book applies to people like me whose children are young adults, but it sounds like something I could use if for nothing else but for the prayers for kids who go astray. I was just talking to someone today at a grad party who is also dealing with a young adult on the verge of making bad choices. She would benefit as well.
I’m in desperate need of this book! I have a 16yr old son that’s pushing me to the brink of insanity. He’s a good kid… And I feel like the choices we’ve made (okay- me) are now coming back to bite us in the rear and he’s making poor choices because of it. He’s not doing bad things – he’s just not doing ANYTHING. He doesn’t wanna work, doesn’t wanna do his school work, doesn’t wanna do anything.
The nugget that struck me most was “Don’t put your faith in the sheep, put it in the Shepherd.” What a revelation!!!
If I win, I’d share the other book with my exhusband so we can help our son together.
I just have to say Shelley that I think it is AMAZING that you would share this with your ex-husband. I don’t have an ex-husband but my parents got divorced when I was in high school and they didn’t share anything except for me and they used me to fight through. I just wanted you to know that you are awesome and God is so proud of your co-parenting! God Bless!!!
Korrine
I’ve been here many times. I like the part about trusting the Shepherd and not the sheep. I always feel more peaceful when I keep God in my thoughts. Praying through the laundry, dishes, & messy rooms carries me through my day. 🙂 I’ve spent many days feeling completely alone & I’m glad to finally have a few friends who are transparent & let me know they are right where I am, too. When I remind myself that my kids are sinners, it frees me to love them as I want to be loved & to extend the grace to them that I so desperately desire from God & others.
I would love to win this book. I have a son who is 13 and another who is almost 11. They don’t listen to me and are so defiant right now. I know it’s because of the teenage hormones, but it’s very hard for me to handle at times. My husband is in Afghanistan right now and that makes it even harder. I would give a copy to my sister Nicole, who has 2 little boys, ages 3 & 1.
I would love to share this book with my oldest daughter. My beautiful grandchildren, aged 2 & 3 1/2, are going to grow up before she knows it. She is also a 3rd year Med school student. whew! She is a believer, and raises the children as such. She is very fortunate to have other Believers in her class, and they support each other and grow together. This would be an Awesome tool to have available and lean on…
In His love~Anne
I will hang on to the words: God loves your children and He hasn’t given up on them. He will use another means to reach them besides you. I paraphrased…but thank you Kathi as those words spoke right to my heart, as a parent of 3 young adult children who are not saved yet. I would love to read your book as I enjoy reading parenting books written by friends in Christ. I would give my extra copy to a girlfriend of mine who is a single parent and a mother to young adult children also.
It is so easy to feel alone and overwhelmed as a single mom (Dad doesn’t help at all!). I would love to win a copy of this book and I would give an extra copy to my friend Angie.
I would love to win this book!
Would love to win this book.
I need to remember to be a fan of my friends’ kids. 🙂
Apparently I cannot type my own name… Jones
Wow. Would love to win a copy of this book. The timing couldn’t be better ( isn’t it funny how God works?). I needed to hear not to judge my parenting based on one bad day, and I know a friend that might need to hear that this week as well.
As the mom of three girls – the oldest of which is on the brink of becoming a teen – I welcome any and all advice & hope! Every teen thinks they are alone in feeling different and out of place. It is heartbreaking as a mom! I would love a copy to read & a second to use to start a MOPS library for our group!
I’m a ministry wife with 2 daughters. I know that I need help and I can also mentor other moms as well. My friend who is also a ministry wife could benefit from this book and minister to other moms as well.
If we can be blessed in this way, we can bless and minister to others.
Ministry families are always seen as “perfect” and there are high expectations in place. In all actuality, ministry families are just as human and flawed as the rest of humanity out there. There is a certain amount of stress that a ministry family lives with – some of which (I agree) we bring on ourselves, and some of which are unspoken and/or unrealistic expectations.
I would love this book! I think my MOPS group would also enjoy this resource!
I love “Don’t put your faith in the sheep; have faith in the shepherd.” I am a mother of 5 kids age 4 months -9(4 boys and 1 girl). I lost my mother a month after my daughter was born. This year I homeschooled my oldest and often felt subpar and overwhelmed. If I win, I would give the other copy of the book to my best friend. Also a homeschooling mother of 5(3months-9). Her family has several food allergies and she is unable to buy many things that make cooking or eating out easy.
I love that this book provides practical wisdom for my child’s poor choices. I struggle with this area because sometimes the punishment may not fit the crime. I would share this book with my sister-n-law who just had her first baby.
Mom here to a five year old son and twin two year old daughters. Would love this book. Was encouraged so much by his post.
Every mother wants the best for their child/children and imagines themselves the best mother and when things happen and you think the worst of yourself as a parent, you look for help and suggestions. This book would help me with all those doubts! Thanks for the opportunity to win!
I live in a very small community where everyone knows what happened later. After reading about this book, I thought of a mother that has had a “bad year” not day. Prayers and encouraging words have helped but you can see the despair in her eyes. They are a strong Christian family that has been affected by the ever growing drug problems that our youth face today. I had the opportunity to say some encouraging words to her thinking it was not enough. We all have so much going on in our lives these days it is nice to know we are not alone. The second copy I would like to give to my cherished friend Leah. She has been a rock during my times of need. We compare stories about our kids even with the huge age differences and experience of public school/special needs versus home schooling. I have so many friends that I would love to share this book with that I plan to give them as gifts….myself included!!!
failure. despair. isolation. living it. no idea how/where we went so horribly wrong. could use a little encouragement minus the judgement.
Me too Megan! Praying for you and your children. He is faithful to carry us through this and He does love them as well as us. God has convicted me to pray for mine. I can’t make their choices or fix things or make any of it go away but I can faithfully pray for them.
“Don’t put your faith in sheep , put your faith in the Shepherd ” . Psalms 25:1 spoke to me out of your book. A lot times we forget that God is in control of our lives, if we would just let him in…
I would share this book with my daughter. She has three children in a blended marriage, ages seven, two and eleven months. There are times that she feels pulled several different directions but she some how makes it thru.