My friend Kathi Lipp has written a book every mom needs to read. And I promise I’m not saying that because she’s my friend. I’m saying that because {you} are! Maybe we’ve never met but, because our hearts and lives are connected through my blog or Facebook page, I see you as a friend God’s brought into my life to encourage. A friend to pray for. A friend to offer hope to and remind you of God’s truth for you.
Kathi’s book is unique and the timing of it is perfect! Over the past few months, I’ve heard from countless moms who feel guilty, overwhelmed and like a failure as a mom. They are discouraged and depleted. And I’ve been there.
One of my favorite chapters in Kathi’s book is chapter 2, Don’t Hang Out in the Motherhood Alone. Now that will preach! Gosh we need to know we’re not alone, and that our kids aren’t the only kids who struggle or make horrible choices.
Today, I’ve invited Kathi to sit across the table and give us a little help and a lot of hope for our hearts. {And if you’re not a mom I hope you’ll keep reading and share this encouragement with a mom you know!}
My kitchen table has become the Confessional, only better, since I also serve banana muffins.
“My teenager is having sex.”
“I found pot in her dresser,”
“My son got kicked out of school. Preschool.”
I’ve heard it all. All of it.
And what everyone thinks is that as soon as they confess – as soon as they tell someone else about their son cheating at school, that they will automatically move from one category to the next.
They move from Good Mom to Bad Mom.
And now everything that your friend has known as fact is up for debate:
If I’m a good mom, I will raise great kids.
If I take them to church, they will grow up trusting God.
If I pray for my kids, they will turn out fine.
All the things that parenting books and Christian talk radio promised them has gone out the window, along with their sense of self and their hope for their kids. Because of a child’s lousy decision, you or your friend’s world has fallen apart.
So what do you say to the crumpled mom who feels like a mess? The one sitting at your kitchen table or looking at you in the mirror? Here are a few things that have been said to me (and I’ve said to other moms,) that have actually helped when my kids didn’t go according to plan:
- “Don’t judge your parenting on one bad day.” This is especially helpful when it’s a younger child who bit their teacher, hit their brother in the head with a tool box, or had to have security called at Target because they were throwing such a fit. We all think we have great kids – until they’re not. But one bad day doesn’t undo all that parenting that you’ve poured into them.
- “I’m still a fan of your child!” When our child has royally messed up, there is something about another adult who you admire seeing something besides “future adult delinquent” in your child that will give you hope. Let them know how smart, funny, creative and helpful their child is. It really can make a difference. And if it’s your kid, find something to remind yourself, that is good about him.
- “Don’t put your faith in the sheep, put it in the Shepherd.” We base the outcome of our lives on the actions of our children. Wrong. Our hope is only in God.
Psalm 25:1-3
In you, Lord my God, I put my trust.
I trust in you; do not let me be put to shame,
nor let my enemies triumph over me.
No one who hopes in you will ever be put to shame,
but shame will come on those
who are treacherous without cause.When our hope is in our kids, we are slaves to shame, but when we put our hope in God there is no shame.
- “God has not given up on your child.” Some the greatest mentors and friends in my life were the ones who were running the furthest away from God in their teens, 20’s and 30’s and causing their parents to be on their knees constantly. God loves your child and will use other means than you to pursue his heart.
- “Me too.” We all need to know that we are not alone. We all need to hear the two sweetest words of community: “Me too.” Let your friend know of your failures – and your child’s failures. “Me too,” is a great sting removed to a hurting parent.
And can I say, thank you? Obviously, if your friend is confiding in you, you have done something to demonstrate that you are a safe place – a refuge. We need more yous in the world.
ENTER TO WIN: (Thanks so much for stopping by, the GIVEAWAY is now over, but I would still love to hear from you!)
It’s easy to feel worried and anxious as a parent. There are so many areas of your child’s life that can go wrong along the way. What’s a mom to do? In I Need Some Help Here! Hope for When Your Kids Don’t Go According to Plan, Kathi meets you in your moments of panic or despair with wit and wisdom.
In each chapter, Kathi offers the most powerful tools, from prayer to practical tips, for you and your child. The book covers all of the stages of your child’s life from toddler to young adult and tackles the most common issues that cause stress and anxiety, sharing:
- Practical wisdom when your child makes poor choices
- How to pray when your child is running away from God
- Comforting words fore when your child feels left out
- “been there” advice for when your child is different than other kids
Whether you are at the end of your rope, or simply need a little extra support as you walk the parenting road, you’ll cherish Kathi’s heart, humor and experience!
Enter to WIN 2 copies by clicking “Share Your Thoughts” below!
(Thanks so much for stopping by, the GIVEAWAY is now over, but I would still love to hear from you!)
What’s one thing Kathi shared that you will tell yourself or share with a friend this week? And let us know why you’d like to win a copy and what friend will you give the 2nd copy to if your name is chosen?
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It makes me feel better that she said you don’t go from being good mom to bad mom. I always feel like I’m being judged and as soon as my daughter( who is quite strong willed) reacts in a way that isn’t all peaches and cream, people look at you like you are not doing a good job. (Or you feel like your doing a bad job.) I feel like this book would be a great confidence booster to any parent! I would give the extra book to a friend of mine who has a strong willed child as well. She would appreciate the confidence boost. And once I finished I would pass my copy on to another mom who might need some peace.
I would love to have this book as my daughter is preparing to enter her teen years soon and I feel that despite my chosen career field I am going to need all of the help that I can get. Maybe I can even recommend it to families who come to me. I raised two sons who are now adults, but I realize that I am raising a daughter in a different time than my sons grew up in and that girls experience things in a different way than boys.
“When our hope is in our kids, we are slaves to shame, but when we put our hope in God there is no shame.” Wow, such wisdom and insight. So often we feel our identities are in our kids – when things are going well, we’re at the top of the world, and when things are NOT going well, we are in the dumps (at least I am). THANK you for this. “Me too” is shared with my friend Trudy who would love this book.
Don’t judge your parenting skills by one bad day. As a new mother, I constantly judging myself and worry if I’m doing this thing right! I would share a copy with my friend Samana as she has three kids, and two foster kids… All boys! She has been an inspiration and she would love this book!
I would love to win 2 copies….. One for me and one for my daughter in law. My son is enlisted in the US Army and his job takes him away from home often. She and I talk a lot about my grand kids. She is a writer and would just love this book!
“Don’t put your faith in sheep!” Learning this, would love a copy to read!
I love where she says to remember that our hope needs to be in God and not in our child’s behavior. That’s powerful stuff. Honestly I’m not sure who I would share the second copy with. I might hang on to it until I see a friend in need of some help and hope.
I believe these tips would also apply to grandchildren. I have three children who are parents (one is a foster mom), and sometimes they all get frazzled and could use a little encouragement. I only have two grandchildren close by, the others on the easy coast, but I want to make an impact in all of their lives. One thing I appreciated from Kathi is that I may not be the one involved in helping them pursue God. But, I still pray for all of them. I would love a copy to pass on to one of my parenting kids, or if God laid someone else in my heart it would go there. Humor in stressful situations can be the best medicine.
I had my first son at the age of 19, hardly old enough to be raising a child..or so I was told nearly every day, week, month. I came out of the Mom gate thinking I was inadequate and not good enough. My son was ALWAYS a challenge from age 2 on..he is now 28, soon to be 29, and trying to get into seminary. I have carried the bad mom guilt for nearly 29 years, he was into drugs, stole from anyone he could, was defiant and so passive agressive that his counselor gave up on him. I have three children in total and all of my kids are loved and cherished for themselves. I had some minor trying times with my now 21 year old daughter when she was a teenager, again I instantly thought bad mom. My last kiddo at home is my 8 year old son and thankfully have not had a bad mom thought..yet. As parents we have a responsibility to give our children love, support, and a healthy environment to grow up in, one that is devoid of chaos, uncertainty, violence. We are NOT responsible for their every action and/or choice they make. We do our best and that is ok…just don’t give up and keep giving them the best you can.
This is great! I know when my kids make poor choices it is automatic to think what didn’t I do right and to feel like I’m the worst mom. I love Kathi Lipp’s point about knowing that all mom’s can struggle with these thoughts and sharing them can be helpful to me & other mom’s who may be feeling alone in their thoughts as well. I would love a copy of Kathi’s book!
Thanks.
Our children are grown. Our daughters each have two beautiful children. We see them struggle each week with behaviors and wondering what they could have done differently to help their child behave. To let them know they are not alone is so important. I would love to win these books to give to our daughters. Thank you for the opportunity
Oh, I so need to read this….and wow such Godly wisdom. Thank you so much for writing this book. I pray I win a copy as I cannot afford to buy one right now as I’m single mom and have raised 4 kids on my own, from ages now 32 – 15 yrs old and I’m tired…I know I’m not alone, God is with me, but I could definitely use this help. I’m so happy to find she put it in words…Thank you and God Bless You….
The thing that stuck out the most to me is remembering to trust the Shepherd, not the sheep. I am not perfect and cannot expect my children to be either. But with God’s grace we are forgiven and still loved so much. I would love to have this book as I have 2 young children and am going to be a stay at home mom beginning next month. I need help remembering to keep my patience when my kids get out of control. I would share this book with a friend at church who is a single mom that has struggled with her sons behavior at school this past year. I think it would be a great asset for her.
Thank you!!
I really need to win this book. You see I have two daughters who are now 7 and 9. They started out as our foster children in early 2010. They are not biological siblings. We adopted them in July 2012. We love so very much but we have serious problems with respect, sibling rivalry, my youngest is stealing cash from us, finds her behaviors cute, stole a milk from school, and the oldest as an attitude to all of us. I’ve so many things and pray that God will somehow direct me or send someone my way to direct me. I’m lost and I have no idea how to turn things around. I truly want them to grow up to be God girls, to have a compassion to help others, and to be productive members of society and have a better life than they came from. I don’t know if it is because it was an open adoption that we still have these issues or not. But I really would love a chance to read your book and see if this could be just what we need to find peace and joy back in our home. Thanks for the giveaway and may God bless you both for your blog and for your book.
Don’t trust the sheep, trust the shepherd … powerful and encouraging words! If I won I would surprise my friend, Eryca, with the extra book! She has three amazing boys, I have one amazing boy and we pray each other through the tough times.
I would share this book with my friend who is raising her grandchild. Sometimes we get weary and think that parenting a grandchild is overwhelming because we want to get it “right” with this child and not make the mistakes we made with our own children. It would be great to hear that parents today are still having the same challenges she is with her grandchild and it is comforting to know that no matter what your age, every parent needs help and encouraging sometimes!
How wonderful it would have been to have had a book so down to earth while I was raising my 2 sons.They are now grown and raising their own children! YIKES! This book would be helpful to their wives,who are in need of some very helpful and realistic views from another mom! The girls both have July birthdays,and this would make such a great gift! The kids range from 1-6. Very busy toddlers…..:) Thank you for the opportunity to be a winner! God bless you as you help others and point them toward Jesus! Rachel W.
I really need this book
“Don’t put your faith in the sheep, put it in the Shepherd.” I love ALL of them, but this one touched my heart.
As a mom of four and a teacher, I desperately need all the help I can get!