My friend Kathi Lipp has written a book every mom needs to read. And I promise I’m not saying that because she’s my friend. I’m saying that because {you} are! Maybe we’ve never met but, because our hearts and lives are connected through my blog or Facebook page, I see you as a friend God’s brought into my life to encourage. A friend to pray for. A friend to offer hope to and remind you of God’s truth for you.
Kathi’s book is unique and the timing of it is perfect! Over the past few months, I’ve heard from countless moms who feel guilty, overwhelmed and like a failure as a mom. They are discouraged and depleted. And I’ve been there.
One of my favorite chapters in Kathi’s book is chapter 2, Don’t Hang Out in the Motherhood Alone. Now that will preach! Gosh we need to know we’re not alone, and that our kids aren’t the only kids who struggle or make horrible choices.
Today, I’ve invited Kathi to sit across the table and give us a little help and a lot of hope for our hearts. {And if you’re not a mom I hope you’ll keep reading and share this encouragement with a mom you know!}
My kitchen table has become the Confessional, only better, since I also serve banana muffins.
“My teenager is having sex.”
“I found pot in her dresser,”
“My son got kicked out of school. Preschool.”
I’ve heard it all. All of it.
And what everyone thinks is that as soon as they confess – as soon as they tell someone else about their son cheating at school, that they will automatically move from one category to the next.
They move from Good Mom to Bad Mom.
And now everything that your friend has known as fact is up for debate:
If I’m a good mom, I will raise great kids.
If I take them to church, they will grow up trusting God.
If I pray for my kids, they will turn out fine.
All the things that parenting books and Christian talk radio promised them has gone out the window, along with their sense of self and their hope for their kids. Because of a child’s lousy decision, you or your friend’s world has fallen apart.
So what do you say to the crumpled mom who feels like a mess? The one sitting at your kitchen table or looking at you in the mirror? Here are a few things that have been said to me (and I’ve said to other moms,) that have actually helped when my kids didn’t go according to plan:
- “Don’t judge your parenting on one bad day.” This is especially helpful when it’s a younger child who bit their teacher, hit their brother in the head with a tool box, or had to have security called at Target because they were throwing such a fit. We all think we have great kids – until they’re not. But one bad day doesn’t undo all that parenting that you’ve poured into them.
- “I’m still a fan of your child!” When our child has royally messed up, there is something about another adult who you admire seeing something besides “future adult delinquent” in your child that will give you hope. Let them know how smart, funny, creative and helpful their child is. It really can make a difference. And if it’s your kid, find something to remind yourself, that is good about him.
- “Don’t put your faith in the sheep, put it in the Shepherd.” We base the outcome of our lives on the actions of our children. Wrong. Our hope is only in God.
Psalm 25:1-3
In you, Lord my God, I put my trust.
I trust in you; do not let me be put to shame,
nor let my enemies triumph over me.
No one who hopes in you will ever be put to shame,
but shame will come on those
who are treacherous without cause.When our hope is in our kids, we are slaves to shame, but when we put our hope in God there is no shame.
- “God has not given up on your child.” Some the greatest mentors and friends in my life were the ones who were running the furthest away from God in their teens, 20’s and 30’s and causing their parents to be on their knees constantly. God loves your child and will use other means than you to pursue his heart.
- “Me too.” We all need to know that we are not alone. We all need to hear the two sweetest words of community: “Me too.” Let your friend know of your failures – and your child’s failures. “Me too,” is a great sting removed to a hurting parent.
And can I say, thank you? Obviously, if your friend is confiding in you, you have done something to demonstrate that you are a safe place – a refuge. We need more yous in the world.
ENTER TO WIN: (Thanks so much for stopping by, the GIVEAWAY is now over, but I would still love to hear from you!)
It’s easy to feel worried and anxious as a parent. There are so many areas of your child’s life that can go wrong along the way. What’s a mom to do? In I Need Some Help Here! Hope for When Your Kids Don’t Go According to Plan, Kathi meets you in your moments of panic or despair with wit and wisdom.
In each chapter, Kathi offers the most powerful tools, from prayer to practical tips, for you and your child. The book covers all of the stages of your child’s life from toddler to young adult and tackles the most common issues that cause stress and anxiety, sharing:
- Practical wisdom when your child makes poor choices
- How to pray when your child is running away from God
- Comforting words fore when your child feels left out
- “been there” advice for when your child is different than other kids
Whether you are at the end of your rope, or simply need a little extra support as you walk the parenting road, you’ll cherish Kathi’s heart, humor and experience!
Enter to WIN 2 copies by clicking “Share Your Thoughts” below!
(Thanks so much for stopping by, the GIVEAWAY is now over, but I would still love to hear from you!)
What’s one thing Kathi shared that you will tell yourself or share with a friend this week? And let us know why you’d like to win a copy and what friend will you give the 2nd copy to if your name is chosen?
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I have boys of all ages and a daughter 26 married, 23 still at home, 17 at home 9 and then 8 and boy could i use this uplifting encouragement.
🙂
Kim
I love the advice of confiding in a friend who can point out the good stuff to you while you’re only seeing the delinquent. I’d give the 2nd copy to a friend going through a similar thing.
Don’t judge your parenting on one bad day. That’s a great reminder. Thank you for a chance, I would give the second copy to my sister because she sometimes feels like she has bad parenting skills. Please pray for my sister Jenna, to have peace and satisfaction in everyday parenting, Amen.
I love that Kathy reminds us that God is bigger than our parenting AND our children’s choices. I’m a mom of 4 children, and I always felt like I was a great mom, until number 3 came along….from the time he first crawled out of his crib at 14 months (he’s 4 now), he has turned my world upside down and made me strongly question whether or not I am “a good mom”! It’s also humbled me and changed my worldview on parenting. I no longer see a mom with a child that is strong-willed and automatically assume mom is missing something on the mom front (which I humbly admit that I had to repent of!) I want to read Kathi’s book for myself, but I’m also a MOPS coordinator and I would love a copy to give to another mom in my group!
I would love to read this book. I am constantly feeling like a failure for things my child has done and I always wonder what I could have done better in raising them to change things. A lot of sleepless nights.
I always feel like I’m the only mom going through some of the things with my kids. But if I can just remember that I’m not alone thay will help
3.“Don’t put your faith in the sheep, put it in the Shepherd.” We base the outcome of our lives on the actions of our children. Wrong. Our hope is only in God.
Exactly! Thanks for the opportunity.
It is so difficult to not let your child’s poor choices be a reflection of your parenting ability. This is a prayer that I never cease to ask for His understanding, and it is quite a challenge for me.
I’d like to win this book because I know my children are little sinners who will not always make the right choices and I need all the wisdom I can get to raise them well. I’d give my extra copy to my good friend who is always willing to watch my kids when I need it.
We are all in this together and don’t judge one day in your parenting journey, I see that often amongst our moms group. I love to read this and share with a friend.
I love the words “being present over perfect”. I am a bit of a perfectionist, and it can certainly become a problem. I want to be present with my children instead of just having it all picture perfect.
I would love to win a copy of this book. I have a couple friends in mind that I would love to share it with, the biggest set back is that those two friends do not enjoy reading. 🙁 I may have to come up with another, or add it to our church library.
Thanks for the great advice and encouragement you offer daily.
So many parents need to read this book.
I need to read this book- I am struggling with the belief that if I do this, and this and this and some of this, my kids will grow up great, never leave church, always love and serve God, and I am learning that is not the case. The whisper of me too is so powerful to me. I have felt like a failure so much because I don’t have the perfect family and so many people seem to have it all together and all the answers. I feel alone in our struggles. I have a friend who is divorced and is struggling with the behavior of her child from her first marriage and gained two more little ones in a new marriage. I would love to bless her in this walk that she is experiencing right now.
Thank you for the thoughts shared above, so helpful!
Skimmed through some of the comments – there are so many challenges to life! I have a friend going through the “I must be a bad Mom…” right now & will share the e-mail with her. Would love to win this, read it as a way to encourage others, then pass it along! Thanks so much for this opportunity!
I have two adult children — one is 23, pregnant, not married, lives at home with me part-time and still with her boyfriend (who is not good to her at all) the other part and a 19 year old son who has not quite made his way to adulthood yet. I pray daily that they both will come to know Jesus as their savior. I did use to blame myself and my mistakes for the way my kids would act and I now know better………the devil took hold of them and is holding on tight. I would love to see what this book could offer to me; I am always looking for further inspiration and ways to pray over my “babies”. I would also give the second book to my sister who is dealing with similar issues. All the time God is good and He nor I will ever quit!!
I would love to win this book. I would give the second book to my sister who is a new mom and helping other moms through the journey. I think this book is going to guide and show moms where they have started to fall for lies like “if I pray my child will turn out ok”- Definitely pray and keep praying, but suffering is a part of everyone’s journey more or less. A hard truth for mother’s to grasp and let it resonate in their soul. God is good!!!
I have two adult children, one is struggling in her christian life, and one has denounced Jesus as his Lord and Savior. I believe that God still loves my children and that He is pursuing their hearts. I would like a book for myself and one for my daughter who is a mom of an infant and toddler. I became a prodigal as a teenager and turned back to the Lord when I was 26. I am so grateful for my mother’s prayers and prayers of others..no one gave up one me. I will not give up on my children.
How very needed this book is, from the sheer number of responses to your post indicates ! Wow! How much as parents we need to be reminded that
“When our hope is in our kids, we are slaves to shame, but when we put our hope in God there is no shame.”
As a parent of 2 children, who are not walking with God right now, how often I have felt that shame, and how quick the enemy is to load that shame onto me. Thank you for this important reminder, that when I put my hope in God I don’t have to carry that shame, that at times has been so very very heavy. I have a couple of close friends I would love to share these books with, after I have read it myself !
I would share it’s encouragement and wisdom with my 8 grand children
I’d love the book and frequently need encouragement and support. If I were to win a copy would go to my friend Tammy M who is walking a journey similar to mine.