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A guest post from Heather Bleier:
I grew up in the security of knowing my parents loved me and loved each other dearly. I also knew Jesus as my Lord, Savior, and confidant and that He had a plan for my life. I was excited to find out what He had in store for me.
With a flair for drama, I’d break out into song anytime and anywhere…grocery stores were my favorite. When I was five, I boldly told my mom I was going to be the next Celine Dion. But as my faith grew, I decided to become a contemporary Christian artist instead. I joined every choir I could. By middle school I was in our church’s Praise Team and adult choir, plus two of my school choirs. I could picture myself being on stage one day, singing my heart out for God; perhaps sharing a duet with Celine Dion at one of my concerts.
Life, however, rarely goes the way we plan.
As a young girl a man exposed himself to me and tried convincing me to follow him into the woods. Although I didn’t go with him, it left me feeling confused and ashamed. My parents divorced while I was in middle school. If that wasn’t hard enough to process, just before I started high school, my ex-boyfriend sexually assaulted me.
I wanted to be strong for those around me, so I chose not to tell anyone.
Throughout high school I pressed on, pretending nothing bad happened. I became a skilled actress, fooling even myself. Food became the only controllable thing in my life; going without for days at a time. When I graduated, I moved to Austin, TX to go to college. It was supposed to be a fresh start. I was supposed to be able to leave my pain in San Antonio, allowing it to vanish from my memory. It didn’t. Instead, my wounds were torn open when I was assaulted again in the fall of my freshman year. I silently clung to the cross harder than ever.
Still, I felt broken and empty inside, useless for ministry or marriage. How could someone prevail, becoming a woman of purpose and confidence?
One night, I hit rock bottom. God’s Word told me He was with me, but I felt forgotten and alone. As I stood in my room in despair, I thought about taking my own life as I held a knife to my wrist. I begged God to tell me how any of my past would fit into His plans. I needed to know; otherwise I had no reason to remain in existence. It was just too hard.
There are no words to describe what happened next. The devil’s hot breath was in my ear, urging me forward. But then I felt God wrap Himself around me, holding on to all I was worth as I crumbled to the floor. He spoke Jeremiah 29:11 into my heart, and I fully surrendered my life to Him, my plans, and every broken piece of my heart.
Through every trial, every pain, I had to cling to the promises poured out in God’s Word. Instead of being ruled by my ravaged emotions, I learned to stand firm on His unshakeable Truths.
Healing hasn’t been easy. But it’s been possible as I have filtered my thoughts through God’s Word… which is unchanging, true, and from the One who loves His children beyond what we can hope for or imagine.
I have clung to Psalm 46, especially the first two verses. Regardless of how I “felt” the Truth remained, God was WITH me through every trial, every pain, and He caught every tear. This simple Truth stays with me even now when hard times come.
Music has been another way God has spoken His Truths and comfort to my heart in a BIG way. I found music artists that helped me stay focused on who God is and who I wanted to be in Him. Margaret Becker’s album Soul was the first Christian CD I remember owning and every song filled me with hope, comfort, God’s Truth, and some really awesome 90’s dance moves.
Every day I have to make a choice. I can either choose to be swallowed by my painful past or my daily circumstances. Or, I can have faith in God’s plan for my life. I now know faith isn’t about believing everything will turn out well…it’s about trusting God NO MATTER how things turn out.
To be the woman we want to be, we must see ourselves through God’s eyes. We must cling to the cross of Jesus Christ and to His promises. He does not falter when our emotions run circles around our hearts. His view of us does not change…ever. We will always be His children. As His beloved daughters we can become the women HE wants us to be!
As Renee shared in Chapter 11, God tells us we are:Chosen, Redeemed, Loved, Remembered, Secure, Able and Called.
These are Truths worth clinging to. We don’t have to be confident in ourselves rather, we must have confidence in God’s love. Confident that He sees us; He knows our hurts and where is needed. He also knows our whole story and how it fits into the lives of others.
I so agree with Renee: “I pray that you will become a catalyst for other women to learn to live in the power of God’s promises because they have seen it happen to you.”
I didn’t become a professional singer. God moved in my heart to become a Director of Christian Education. He showed me that my calling was to help lead others to His heart, to demonstrate trust in His plans above our own…no matter what may happen.
Thank you so much Heather for sharing your story so vulnerably because you wanted us to see and draw near to the power of Jesus’ healing and hope. You have reminded us that it is in our brokenness and surrender He uses our dreams and gifts – to offer others the same comfort, redemption and encouragement we have found in Him.
Friends, I pray Heather’s story touches your heart and brings you hope as you read chapter 11 and ask God to help you become the women HE created you to be. He has a plan and a purpose for your life!! And He wants you to give away each day – a little bit or maybe a lot – by sharing what He’s given you through Jesus.
In 2010, Heather married her best friend and the love of her life, Daniel. They brought their first bundle of joy, Stacy, into this world last December. God is also using Heather, and the power of His healing in her brokenness, at the church where she works now, leading a middle and high school youth group and teaching middle school religion part-time. Heather also volunteers at Proverbs 31 Ministries serving on Melissa Taylor‘s Online Bible Studies leadership team. You can connect with Heather on her blog Transformed, or on Facebook.
Your Turn: Would love to hear your thoughts about Heather’s story and how it touched your heart today. “Share your thoughts” below and {if you are in my online study} feel free to share your answer to one or two of the questions at the end of Chapter 11. {If you are reading this via email, click here to return to my blog.}
Next week we’ll finish our Online Study with a word of the week, a guest video and a message from me as we talk about how we can live in the truths of Chapter 12. And I’ll have a short survey to find out your interest in a summer study and what you’d like for us to talk about based on the topic of listening to God. Be thinking and praying so you can share your thoughts next week! 🙂
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Thank you for the good writeup. It in fact was a amusement account it.
Look advanced to far added agreeable from you! By the way, how
could we communicate?
The woman I want to be reminds me of Psalms 46 ..oh yes he is our refuge and strength, we will not fear though the earth should change powerful
Thank you Heather for sharing your testimony of how God does heal, and does give us hope! He knows the plans He has for each of us. The enemy would like to destroy each one of us who know God, but God is sovereign and in control of our future…no matter how bleak our past may have been. Praise God, He holds us and loves us with an everlasting love…
May God richly bless your life!
Thanks Renee for this awesome life-changing book and study!
Heather, thank you for sharing your tremendous story of brokenness and redemption. I can relate so well to it, coming from a childhood of abuse; into a young adulthood of seeking comfort, love and affirmation in relationships; then hitting rock-bottom, seeking God, trusting in His Son as my Savior and Lord, and marrying my best friend and the man who led me to the Lord. It has been a journey, and God has brought me through a lot of pain, doubt, depression; through periods of relative peace; and has now led me into a new period of realizing that I have some deeper issues of trust/doubt that He needs and wants to heal. As I get a better understanding of what my identity in Christ means, God is moving that knowledge from my head to my heart. A special message from your story: “Every day I have to make a choice. I can either choose to be swallowed by my painful past or my daily circumstances. Or, I can have faith in God’s plan for my life. I now know faith isn’t about believing everything will turn out well…it’s about trusting God NO MATTER how things turn out.” Amen!
Rene, this study has been exactly what I have needed at just the right time. God has been taking me down into the valley this year, allowing me to see my desperate need for His healing, and that He alone can do it. While it felt for a while that I would never get out of this valley, your study has helped me to walk with God through the valley, not try to climb out in my own strength, and to see the promise of dawn at its edge. I have been so encouraged by the message of your book, and by all of the guest posts you have shared, and all of the women participating. I will be starting a Beth Moore study on Strongholds this summer with a friend (her choice, but a book that I have been blessed through), and I hope to follow that study with your book. I especially appreciate from Ch 11 your reminder of God’s sovereignty and that “God tells us we are:Chosen, Redeemed, Loved, Remembered, Secure, Able and Called.”
I would love to be a part of a summer discussion/study!
Father, thank You for each of these sweet sisters in Christ. Thank You for allowing what You have done in my life to touch theirs, giving them hope and encouragement. Lord, You truly have a plan and a purpose for each of Your precious children. We are truly Chosen, Redeemed, Loved, Remembered, Secure, Able and Called! None of that changes, no matter what circumstance surrounds our lives, no matter what we have done…or what has been done to us. Our worth is not determined by circumstance, but by Your love for us, shown to us through the cross of Your Son Jesus Christ. Help each of us Lord to cling to You for everything we are worth. Drown out the lies of the Evil One as we replace his words with Your unshakable, unchangable TRUTH. Amen.
Thank you sweet sisters for sharing your heart and how God has touched you through what He has done in my life.
<3 Heather
Wow. what great testimonies. I was encouraged by reading each post. The past year has brought so many changes for my family-many good and yet unsettling. Coming out of years of hardship to now a place where I can adjust to the newness, and re-coop. This bible study has come at a timely way for me. Each turn of the pages brought me to another place I needed to open my eyes and heart. Life does not bring us ‘easy’ or ‘pain-free’, I too had days of abuse and hardships. This time of pressing into God has brought growth and I am grateful. I will share my answer to q2; how I saw how I was before- I was one hopefully waiting there in line for my turn to make it to the front of the line to ‘get in’. Yet I was always overlooked, by-passed, and others were allowed to take cuts. thus pushing me further to the back of the line. Often I felt as if the one guarding the door was chuckling and smirking at me with the ‘as if I would let you in’ look. Now-my focus is not in line waiting to be seen or allowed. Rather I am at the feet of Jesus, there I am granted free access. It has shown me I have turned from’ being in a line’ to running into Gods open arms.
Thank you Heather & Stephanie for being brave enough to share your painful stories. Something similar happened when I was 18, and I was mortified and kept quiet. Thinking maybe in my innocence I had done something to deserve it from people I worked with everyday. Later, I ended up in a very bad relationship, one full abuse of all sorts. After years of fear, and anger at my situation (I would walk away, but be pursued by the man I was trying to get away from; I would end up going back, but not because I wanted to, but because I was afraid of his threats, and also wanted to be able to protect his children). Anyway, I was invited to a Bible study at a local church; my boyfriend at the time hated it and gave me a hard time about it (let me note here: he was/is truly possessed by demons, which scared me immensely. Even to the demonic snarling and he didn’t even know he did it. I would pray for a hedge of protection each time I was in his presence; his thermometer would literally change to 66 at any time I was around, regardless of the actual temperature). The point is, God was there while I was suffering and not fully trusting in HIM. The Bible study brought me back to where I needed to be in my faith. And I figured out that my purpose with that particular season of my life was to share my story with other women who are in similar situations. There is a way out. You aren’t alone, no matter what lies satan tells you. And satan will do everything in his power to make you believe his lies, to steal your joy, but trusting in God will get you through anything. You ladies are truly blessed, and I believe your stories will help many, many people, even though you may never personally hear of it. God bless you!
Please excuse my run-on sentences! My brain is just a whirl with thoughts all trying to come out. I would like to also add that God helped me stay strong and not respond to any communication with this guy. This guy even tried using my name as a reference for him to make purchases, 2 years after I had broken up with him. And he assumed a fake identity to try and become a facebook friend. I told the business that I would not be a reference and would not relay messages to him; I reported him for harassment to facebook. And one and a half years later (while I was dead set against ever having another relationship!), God brought me the most amazing man. Not perfect, but perfect for me. One who has been incredibly good to me. Satan has tried to steal my joy here, by putting doubts in my head based on the previous relationship. However, I am wise enough to know to hand over these doubts to God and not let them take over my life.
I am so grateful that others can gain strength from the things I shared. Know that we are all survivors and are recovering form the wrongs done to us. Ladies, don’t put a deadline on feeling ‘normal’. Things will NOT be normal again. Ask God to help you adjust to what I tell my patients is the ‘new normal’.
Lord, You know the plans You have for me, plans to prosper me and not to harm me, plans to give me a future and a hope. You say that if I come to You and pray, You will listen and will lead me. So, today I surrender my plans for Your plans. Please guide my decisions and thoughts to match Yours so I can experience hope and not harm. Even though things aren’t going so great today, I trust the plans You have for me.”
The prayer above was part of devotion about praying the scriptures from the Proverbs 31 devotion website. While shopping out of town I noticed a hair salon names Salon Jeremiah 29:11. I stopped in the shop to inquire about the purpose of the name., I hoped that it was a reference to my life verse and it was. The name of the shop was the starting point to a very important conversation with my daughter’s boyfriend last night. I told him the name of the shop and the meaning of the verse. In bad times, God is in control, protecting me with his plans for hope and a future. In good times I am reminded to be humble and grateful because He is in control and it is His plans that are being worked out in my life. He asked about the difference between how God is seen in the Old Testament and how he is seen in the New Testament. This led to a conversation about His love for us and the restoration of our relationship with Him through sacrifice of His Son Jesus Christ. I am thankful for this shop and your devotion, for it gave me a beautiful moment to share God’s love. Ruth Godwin, Wilson, NC
Good day,
I can identify with Heather. Being abused is a very painful experience, especially when it happens twice by different people. One would tend to think there is certainly something wrong with self. Maybe there is something that am doing that makes these abusers want to sexually abuse me. But tell you what, the devil is a liar, he will do and say anything to keep you away from believing Christ. When we walk with the Lord in the midst of all that might want to cramble our faith then He is there to show us His plan for our future.
God’s timing is perfect.
Many of us become skilled as actresses, fooling others and ourselves.
Fortunately or unfortunately we can’t keep up the act forever.
This last year God has brought everything and I mean everything I have tried to hide to the surface.
As painful as it has been I now feel truly blessed to have a wonderful pastor, friends and of course this study and the thoughts and testimonies of all the ladies posting here. Many of which have helped me to truly understand I am not on my own in this journey.
Now as I begin to see things with a clearer mind and becoming free from those ties that have bound me for so so long I want to thank my loving Father God and all you lovely ladies for your support and encouragement throughout this journey.
The study may be drawing to an end but our journeys are not.
I will continue to pray Gods blessing on us all as we live this journey together.
Glenda I will pray for God’s continual healing in your life. I am grateful that we all were draw to this study, and I so agree about feeling free from the past, I am healing, but can truly say that Renee’s book has so changed my life, I also thank all these sisters including you that have shared stories and words of comfort, but most of all I praise our King, He will lead us all out of our valleys…and His light will guide our journeys, whatever they may be, and use them for our good, and His glory.
Psalm 46:10 ” Be still and know I am God”….love this
Blessings,
Anna
Hi. So, I think singers are people who to some degree are to be risen from ashes.
I am glad that I am not the only one with cool dance moves.
It sucks that being assaulted once increases the chances of being assualted again. (Maybe we should all just lie if we have to and say our experience only includes going to a baseball game with a guy buddy who is awesome and cool (To avoid repeat offense.) There’s even a song that goes with, if one forgets.
(I mean, maybe not lie to the love of your life/ life companion, but…)
It is good that your life turned out ok, it makes me happy
Heather thank you for sharing your story, I thank God that He saw your pain and that He came to you when He did. I pray that you will continue to heal, and know that God will never leave you.
I have read so many stories since I started reading Renee’s book and I can’t believe that so many of us share almost the same painful memories. Chapter four was so hard, yet so freeing, I remembered a painful past from my childhood, which I had hide in my mind…and i have been dealing with other things that happened…..I’m healing, and learning so much about myself, and especially about our Lord. I have so loved this book, I find myself reading more and searching God’s word. I love Psalm 46:1-2, and I also love verse 10 “Be still and know I am God”. He is our enough, and will be our refuge and strength through anything in our lives. It has taken so long for me to feel free, and as I continue to heal I know He will always be there.
Thank you all for opening your hearts, and for helping me open mine. I had never been so open to share before, and now its is getting easier and easier.
Answer to Question 4. I was not open to sharing anything about my life, and I always felt like something was not right, since I have read this book, like i mentioned, I feel free. I feel more confident. TOday I was asked to open our ladies meeting with prayer….I have never, ever, ever done that before, stood in front of so many and prayed or talked about anything. Although I was so nervous, and my prayer was short, I felt so good about doing it. I know that one day I will be confident enough to speak more and to share my story. I will continue to “sit at the feet of Jesus” everyday, I have kept my appointment daily. I have journeled and written so many scriptures.
I am God’s chosen child and although we all have healing to do, we can rest assured….”He will never leave us or forsake us” Hebrews 13:5
Thank you for this post, I really needed it today. I’ve been feeling depressed lately over wrong choices I’ve made in my life and the person I’ve become. Sometimes it feels like there’s too many issues to overcome. I know I need to cling to God’s truth but as Heather said in the post I too feel ruled by my emotions.
Thanks again Heather and Renee for sharing this. It helps knowing I’m not alone in my struggles.
Michele, you aren’t alone…we’ve all made bad choices, it’s part of being human 😉 but through Christ we are forgiven and redeemed. No matter what you have done, God forgives you and offers you a way out. Satan is quite happy to make you feel overwhelmed so you won’t try to rise above it, because he is fully aware that God is far more powerful than he is. You are loved and blessed my dear. Perhaps one of my habits would be useful for you: I take small pieces of paper, and I write a praise or a prayer request on each one and date them. Then I put them in a special container (a milk bottle for me, but could be anything you choose) as a physical act of the praises and prayer request that I lift up to God. Writing each thing down by itself seems to lighten my burden with every word. Every now and then, I will dump all these tiny folded pieces of paper out and reread them. It’s a great way to see how far I’ve come, and what prayer requests were answered and how. The ones that were answered, I throw out and replace with a praise. Some don’t get answered, and I’ve found most of them were not important in the big picture, and writing them down and praying allowed me to let go of whatever it was and focus on other things. Other things are a work in progress, but still a praise! This has helped me so much!
Thank you for sharing your story, Heather. It’s so inspiring to hear stories of people who have overcome heartache in their lives by the mighty power of God! So glad your life has become full of so many blessings!
My Chapter 11 answer to question 4 is that I’m planning on co- leading a Bible study group using this book as our study guide. There is at least one woman in the group who was abused sexually and physically. I plan to copy Heather’s testimony and give it to her this week so she can read it now and again later in the study. It will be a good reminder for her. She’s also going through some hard times and needs encouragement. I think Heather’s story will help a lot!
A study on hearing God’s voice is always a good topic! Thank you, Renee for all you do and for sharing your heart!!
What a beautiful story. God does provide for us in all ways – even when we may not always realize it.
Thank you, for your story.