“Should I be honest?” I wondered. “What if I start crying? What if she doesn’t really have time to listen? What if she is just asking to be nice? I could keep it simple and tell her I’m fine.”
There I was, standing in the lobby at church waiting for my husband, when an old friend walked up and asked how I was doing. Our then three-year-old daughter had been diagnosed with a severe speech disorder a few weeks earlier, and I was not “fine.”
I was exhausted. I was overwhelmed. I was afraid my little girl may never be able to talk.
Yet I felt like I shouldn’t be any of those things. I should have more faith, more stamina, more strength and courage to navigate the unknown path of special needs parenting.
Sometimes it’s hard to let people know how we’re really doing because we don’t want to be high maintenance, right? We don’t want anyone to feel sorry for us. Or we fear that if we’re honest, someone might perceive our struggle as a lack of faith.
Other times we don’t let people know how we’re really doing because we assume they’re only asking to be nice and don’t really have time to listen. And what if we’re honest but it gets awkward because they don’t know what to say?
Sometimes someone sincerely wants to know and we just don’t want to tell them. That is the place where things get tricky for me. I will tell people I’m fine even when I’m not, because I want to be.
I don’t want to be weak and broken. I want to be okay. I want to feel strong, resilient, and courageous.
And that is where I stood that day in the lobby at church. Everything in me wanted to keep my guard up, keep my heart sealed off and my lips sealed tight. But I was tired of hiding and pretending. So I took a risk and let my heart, my words, and my tears spill. I shared the hard parts of Aster’s countless assessments, unexpected diagnosis, and the heartache of not knowing her future.
Although Kelly probably had places to go, she stayed with me and listened. She grabbed some tissue when the tears started down my cheeks, and asked if there was anything she could do to help.
When I wanted to be strong, God showed me the powerful gift of being weak.
Paul describes what happens when God allows struggles that make us feel weak. And what God does in our weakness when we’re willing to rely on Christ. How God’s power comes and rests on us.
Therefore, in order to keep me from becoming conceited, I was given a thorn in my flesh, a messenger of Satan, to torment me. Three times I pleaded with the Lord to take it away from me. But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. 2 Corinthians 12:7 NIV
Paul had been struggling and asking God to take away the pain. But somehow he realized and accepted that God allowed the hardship to continue to protect him from pride and the danger of becoming self-sufficient.
There’s nothing that can hinder community and friendships more than us not needing each other. Like Paul, I think God wants us to become more comfortable with our weaknesses because it keeps us dependent on Him and needing each other.
We don’t need to keep pretending we’re fine. What we need, to have and to be, is a friend who says “you don’t have to be strong all the time.” A friend who gives us permission to be weak and remind us of the truth we so easily forget: God’s power shows up in our weakness when we’re willing to be real about our struggles and our need for His strength.
Before we went our separate ways, Kelly asked if she could pray for me, right there in the lobby at church. Afterwards she thanked me for telling her what was really going on, and told me that knowing I didn’t have life all figured out made her feel normal.
God is able to work His grace and His strength in our weakness. When we’re willing to be weak, He gets to be strong for us. When we’re willing to be real, others get to see, pray for and get to know the “real” us and the real God we so desperately need and love.
One of our deepest God-given longings is to be known, by Him and each other. I’m so excited to celebrate the launch of Craving Connection, my new all time favorite book about the beautiful, vulnerable, hard and holy gift of friendship. Grateful to have my heart and my story tucked in these pages with thirty other friends from the inCourage community who took turns writing each chapter for you. If you want to invest in meaningful relationships right where God has you, become the friend you wish we had, and embrace the desire God has placed in you to connect with friends, you are going to LOVE this book!
BOOK GIVEAWAY: In partnership with DaySpring’s inCourage and Broadman & Holman publishers, we’re giving away 6 copies of Craving Connection!! Three of you will receive t books – one to keep and one to give a friend.
ENTER TO WIN:
- SHARE this post – on Facebook, Twitter and/or Instagram using the hashtag #CravingConnection and @ReneeSwope.
- SHARE your thoughts under this post, and let me know who you’d like to give a copy to.Winners will be randomly chosen next week and notified via email. If you are reading this via email, click here to leave a comment on my blog. All entries must be entered on my blog for participation in the drawing.
Today’s post is a partial excerpt of my chapter in Craving Connection, a new book written by 30 different women from the inCourage community,
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what a great sounding book. I look forward to reading it
I loved this. Showing my weakness is so difficult for me, yet I am the first in line to help another when they are weak. God has taken me to that place where I need him and others like I never had before. The lessons learned were amazing. Thank you for your post.
I am always afraid to share my feelings and am very guarded about myself. I have very few close friends and they are sometimes hard to connect with, I feel a couple of possible new relationships developing but holding myself back. I need to be able to reach out more. thank you for sharing this writing
Thank you so much for the opportunity to win this book. I would give a copy to my dearest, longest time (notice I didn’t say oldest lol) friend, Alice. She and I have been friends for 30 years. Sometimes we don’t see each other for awhile, but we seem to pick up right where we left off. I would love to give this to her and discuss it with each other via facebook now that we live in different cities. She was my maid of honor and I was her matron of honor. Our husbands are best friends. We’ve been married 25 years. We’re besties for life.
Thanks you for your generosity and giving us all this opportunity to win.i would love this book so I could be more intentional in my connection with others
I’ve gotten to the point where my typical reply when asked how I am is: it could be worse, it could be better. Which part do you want to hear about?
My real friends say all of it, acquaintances don’t usually know how to respond. There are times I don’t go to church because I’m not up for any conversation. Those are the days I stay home and just talk to God.
When you’ve been through the Fire enough, you realize that being a ” Faker” got you where you are. Alone. Deserting ones own heart and God’s Voice to please others is manipulation. The Bible sees this as witchcraft.
I have a woman in my group whom I’d love to give this book. She’s not a believer, but I believe there’s so much practical wisdom that she could use in this painful season of life.
Anytime anyone asks me how I am, I always say “fine”…….I don’t want to burden them and I always feel my feelings are small compared to others. I’ve been depressed and lonely since we moved because I don’t know anyone and I fear driving so I have to depend on my husband to take me anywhere even to get my hair cut! I called an old friend to talk but just couldn’t!!! I would love to have a copy of this book to read and know that I am not alone. Thank you
I would love to read this book! I relate to the I’m fine…It’s hard not to say 🙂
There are so many I would want to give this book to so I would have to say the Women’s Dorm of Union Mission(Program) at the West Virginia Rescue Ministries.
Wow! OK, I am ALWAYS fine! The ladies in my Bible study group have been with me for almost five years now and they are just barely getting a peak at the real me who is NOT fine at all!
Who would I give this book to? After I read it, I would give it to my best and only covenant friend, Karen. After the second time we spent time together, she said “I think God is calling us to be covenant friends” – WOW!! And with her, I can be real, thankfully!
I constantly wear the “I am fine” mask! I would love to share this book with my daughter. We are currently going through some very scary, stressful, and intense health issues with her, and this book would be an amazing book for us to read together as a reminder that it is okay to not be fine all the time. She is so strong, and takes after me when it comes to being “fine” all the time. I want to just hold her in my arms, and wipe the tears as she lets them go! She is headed for a journey of lengthy testing, possible major surgery, and worries of her children as she recuperates. My heart is breaking for her. No matter how old they get, they are still our babies. I feel so helpless, watching her walk through this storm. Of course, I walk beside her, but my momma heart is breaking!
I was just speaking to a friend today how I wanted to find a new church home in my new city so I could connect to a community. I’m thankful I moved to a place where I have a close cousin so I have a starting point knowing I’m not alone. I would like to share a book with her.
Renee, I would share a copy of this book with my daughters. They are both going through some challenging times… with children and work… they need to know that even in their weakness, they are loved and never alone! I would love to read it as well!
Would love this book and would give copy to my sister who just lost her job, has been fighting cancer and has trouble walking #craving connections
Is it pride that keeps us from connection, which we need?
Is it pride that keeps us from connection, which we all need?
Oh, how we women sure do crave connection. I would love to use this book in my quiet times! If I won a copy I would like to use the additional book for a giveaway on my blog. Thanks so much for the opportunity to enter your drawing! Blessings
This is correct email address. I saw the error on the above email address (which is incorrect) after I had clicked the submit button…
Thanks for this Renee.
Can’t wait to read this book. We can all learn how to be a better friend.
I would read one book and then send it along to others to read, and the second book will go to my daughter in another state who will also read and share it as well I know!
Blessings!
“. If you want to invest in meaningful relationships right where God has you, become the friend you wish we had, and embrace the desire God has placed in you to connect with friends, you are going to LOVE this book!” These word SO spoke to me as I am embarking on living in a new home, new neighborhood, new state….making new friends while still investing in the meaning friendships from my other home.