I know, I disappeared again. I’ve been living in the land of the blahs and I didn’t want to lure you guys there. It’s hard to write when you have nothing encouraging to say!
I’ve felt a heaviness over me ever since we moved into our new house. I didn’t recognize what was going on until this week but I’ve been oppressed spiritually, physically and emotionally. We have been in survival mode and it’s not a good place. God moved us here for a bigger reason than we even know and there’s someone jumping on every opportunity to get us down. I am trying my best to pray through it, believe through it, fight through it and move through it; but let me tell ya, what I want to do is sleep through it!!!
There have been non-stop demands, unexpected needs and mini-crises every day that are exhausting me. I got sick last week with asthma which really wore me down until I got meds this week. Yesterday, Andrew got poison ivy all over his face and near his eyes which meant another trip to Urgent Care. The Dr. prescribed the wrong form of meds (he can’t do liquids b/c he gags) so I had to make two trips to the store after a long day of driving everywhere. I’ve been running back and forth to school and the drug store to get him, to get meds, to get year-end supplies for classroom parties, teacher gifts, etc.
JJ and I have both been battling doubts (mainly tied to his work/my speaking). We haven’t been taking time to talk about it and didn’t even know until this week that we’re both going through the same hard stuff spiritually and emotionally. We’d spent so much time together the past two months praying, planning and working together to get moved that we got used to just talking as we went. Now we’re in our new home and working separately to get different parts of the house set-up and guess what, you cannot communicate in different parts of the house.
Plus he’s had to work A LOT of late night, has been discouraged about some things and has been sick with a cold, too. Last week he slept upstairs two nights b/c we was coughing so badly. This week we realized that a wall was being erected between constructed by bricks of frustration, disconnection, unmet expectations, opposing opinions on kid stuff, etc. A perfect set-up for the blahs and impending doom. Finally, last night after a heated discussion we prayed and confessed to God that we are too small to handle all that is going on. Honestly, we’re slap worn out!
On top of all that, I found out that someone I love has been sentenced to 10 years in prison and it is breaking my heart. I’ve been a prisoner to depression and darkness in my past which only makes it harder to imagine a sentence of 10 years behind bars. I know God is God and in control, but my heart is still very heavy and sad.
Then I feel guilty as I think about how completely and indescribably blessed we are by all that God has done in our lives and provided for us – why can’t my thankfulness bring me out of the pit? Then I remember David and Solomon and I stop beating myself up, knowing that material blessings can’t rescue me from defeat and discouragement. So I wonder how I can do what God has called me to do in the coming weeks in the state I am in…
Then Jesus comes, and He rescues me. He draws me to Himself, He turns my eyes away from my circumstances and emotions, and reminds me of His promises that have been my light when the shadows of doubt threatened my hope in the past. And He whispers, “You are…” (read below to see what He whispered to my heart and what He whispers to you now…)
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Renee,
I was wondering through all the speakers, and your post hit the nail on the head. I have a serious case of the blahs, worries, with a little anger mixed in!
I’m hoping (normally I would put praying but honestly my prayer life is suffering right now) that coming to the confernce will shake me up. I almost backed out of coming because of some issues, but felt like that wouldn’t be right either.
See you soon!
Jen
Renee, as I read, I gathered together prayers, one at a time, held them into my hand, and lifted them up. God is now in possession of them.
I’ve been hearing way too much lately about how the loser enemy has been compromising what should be joyful, God-glorifying times. Enough is enough. I pray that he gives up quickly (and he WILL give up) and hits the bricks.
Much love and many, many prayers for you. When I read what God has been whispering to your heart, I felt my own literally swell inside my chest. We are THAT precious to Him. Let that Truth carry you through your current trials. He will not forsake you.
Love and prayers!
Renee,
This post was so real and transparent. By sharing your daily struggles you are helping so many others. Thank you for using your talent to lift us up just by sharing you heart! You and your family are in my prayers.
Renee,
I really loved this post. Surprising? You are such a kindred spirit! I know exactly what you are going through. I went to my writer’s conference last week full of doubts and uncertainty. My roommate greeted me and asked me what I write. I just laughed. That was my way of saying, “I don’t what the heck I’m doing here!” 🙂
You are on the front lines right now. Satan is aiming his arrows right at your family. I want to be committed to lifting you up and praying for protection as you get ready for She Speaks. God wants to speak THROUGH you and TO you.
The blahs take up residence around here regularly. But I’m ready to be done with them! Phil 4:8 – I’m going to focus on GOD and what He is doing and not on Satan’s work.
I wish I could just wrap arms around you and give you a big hug.
Renee – I am praying for you, your ministry and your family today. May God protect you and fortify you for the She Speaks conference. Turn your face to Him and He will give you strength.
Hi Renee, I’m so sorry you are experiencing so much before the She Speaks conference. I just wanted to tell you that you and all the P31 women are in my prayers this week. I cannot wait to see what the Lord has in store for this time!! Praying!!!
I am so sorry of your struggles. Depression is an evil thing and can destroy lives. I pray that you see the Light in the darkness (Jesus) and that you cling to that light. Remember there are lots of woman (myself included) praying for the P31 team, and the excitement coming with the conference.
Remember you have a God who adores you, his sweet daughter, and he is there to pick you up when you are down.
Renee – Thank you for being real on your blog. Cling to truth and throw out Satan’s lies. You are in my prayers.
Blessings,
Megan
Hi Sweet Friend…
I have been praying for you this morning.
Walk in His calm assurance and blessed confirmations…
Love you!
Hi Renee,
Just wanted you to know that I am praying as you prepare for next week. May you feel God’s loving presence in a special way and feel His anointing as well.
Blessings,
Jodie
Yes, our wonderful blessed hope! If we’re saved, the Holy Spirit is in us for keeps; so He won’t leave without US! 🙂
A lot of Christians seem to be under persecution lately. I think Satan is stepping up his tactics. I’m just so thankful that we have hope because in the last days it says God’s presence will be removed and I don’t know what I’d do if that happened.
Renee,
Thanks for sharing the good, the bad and the ugly of life.
Your willingness to be open and real continues to draw women to our sweet Jesus.
I know your heart is heavy over the prison sentence. I will pray that burden will be lifted from your shoulders and that each of you will receive rest for your bodies and spirits.
Love you sweet sista,
Zoe
Thanks for the note. I got the orange ones at Meijer (kind of like Walmart which we also have here.)
I put in purple daisies last night on google and I guess some places do breed them. Still, I think it was awfully nice to find one when I didn’t plant it and didn’t see any like it in the store or I would have gottent some!
It just felt like a neat rememberance of God’s care.
A year ago this past April we moved our family 2,000 miles to a new state. Those feelings of uncertainty, fear and lonliness became our new friends.
Just this morning I sat reading back over my journal during that difficult time. Those were months of intense lonliness and blahs. I can so relate to where you are. One thing that came through my journal as I poured out my heart to God was the fact that I clung to Him and His Word. I knew that He works all things together for good. I trusted that the plans He had for us were for a future and a hope. It was a daily, sometimes difficult, choice to praise and trust Him during the storms of depression and isolation, but the resulting peace allowed us to weather the storm.
One year later, He has begun to show us a tiny portion of His perfect will. Some things we may never understand, but we continue to trust Him just the same. Be encouraged and rest in His presence today. He loves you with an everlasting love and will not leave you where you are today!
thank you for being so open and sharing. it’s so good to know that others go thru the pits too in their marriages, parenthood, etc. satan tries to get us down that everyone else doesn’t have the hard times like we do.
you are such a blessing. May God fill yer cup to overflowing.
Thank you for sharing Renee..We’ve were in a fog all last week with weariness and issues weighing heavy on our hearts. Prayer and scripture really get us through times like that!
Alyce
Renee,
thank you for always sharing your heart. It is so encouraging to me.
I pray that life will slow down for you soon. That as you become settled in your new home, that the frustrations, doubts and anxieties that you are dealing with now will also settle. I will pray this cloud of heaviness be lifted.
I can’t wait to hear you at She Speaks. I am very excited!
Thanks for the comment and encouragement. I can’t wait. But I’m glad it isn’t tomorrow since I’m still working.
I know you were just at my site, but you want to see somethng fun? I planted orange and white daisies and today God gave me a purple one! I was thrilled since purple is my favorite color.
Hiya girl!
Love ya ~ mean it! I’m praying for you and for your family. I am claiming God’s peace and perspective and I know that He will supply everything that you need!
See ya at the conference!