I know, I disappeared again. I’ve been living in the land of the blahs and I didn’t want to lure you guys there. It’s hard to write when you have nothing encouraging to say!
I’ve felt a heaviness over me ever since we moved into our new house. I didn’t recognize what was going on until this week but I’ve been oppressed spiritually, physically and emotionally. We have been in survival mode and it’s not a good place. God moved us here for a bigger reason than we even know and there’s someone jumping on every opportunity to get us down. I am trying my best to pray through it, believe through it, fight through it and move through it; but let me tell ya, what I want to do is sleep through it!!!
There have been non-stop demands, unexpected needs and mini-crises every day that are exhausting me. I got sick last week with asthma which really wore me down until I got meds this week. Yesterday, Andrew got poison ivy all over his face and near his eyes which meant another trip to Urgent Care. The Dr. prescribed the wrong form of meds (he can’t do liquids b/c he gags) so I had to make two trips to the store after a long day of driving everywhere. I’ve been running back and forth to school and the drug store to get him, to get meds, to get year-end supplies for classroom parties, teacher gifts, etc.
JJ and I have both been battling doubts (mainly tied to his work/my speaking). We haven’t been taking time to talk about it and didn’t even know until this week that we’re both going through the same hard stuff spiritually and emotionally. We’d spent so much time together the past two months praying, planning and working together to get moved that we got used to just talking as we went. Now we’re in our new home and working separately to get different parts of the house set-up and guess what, you cannot communicate in different parts of the house.
Plus he’s had to work A LOT of late night, has been discouraged about some things and has been sick with a cold, too. Last week he slept upstairs two nights b/c we was coughing so badly. This week we realized that a wall was being erected between constructed by bricks of frustration, disconnection, unmet expectations, opposing opinions on kid stuff, etc. A perfect set-up for the blahs and impending doom. Finally, last night after a heated discussion we prayed and confessed to God that we are too small to handle all that is going on. Honestly, we’re slap worn out!
On top of all that, I found out that someone I love has been sentenced to 10 years in prison and it is breaking my heart. I’ve been a prisoner to depression and darkness in my past which only makes it harder to imagine a sentence of 10 years behind bars. I know God is God and in control, but my heart is still very heavy and sad.
Then I feel guilty as I think about how completely and indescribably blessed we are by all that God has done in our lives and provided for us – why can’t my thankfulness bring me out of the pit? Then I remember David and Solomon and I stop beating myself up, knowing that material blessings can’t rescue me from defeat and discouragement. So I wonder how I can do what God has called me to do in the coming weeks in the state I am in…
Then Jesus comes, and He rescues me. He draws me to Himself, He turns my eyes away from my circumstances and emotions, and reminds me of His promises that have been my light when the shadows of doubt threatened my hope in the past. And He whispers, “You are…” (read below to see what He whispered to my heart and what He whispers to you now…)
Renee, I read your post yesterday and felt so bad for you and yet I could not comment, because I didn’t know how I could encourage you.
I WAS having a rough time myself and didn’t want to add to your misery and difficult days, but I did want you to know that I said a prayer JUST FOR YOU.
That is the way our God is .. He is there JUST FOR YOU! No matter what is going on, He has told us again and again, He will never leave or forsake us.
So I come back today and pray that your days are better, things have “connected” and the puzzle pieces are in place.
I pray that God has healed you and your family and provided peace above and beyond your expectations.
I pray even today, that God will fill you up as you speak to the ladies this weekend and even you will be blessed by what God has to say this weekend.
Book propsal just about done! I put a picture of her on my site. (Okay, it is a picture of a pile of paper, but…..)
In prep for She Speaks I decided to actually play with a little makeup. I don’t typically use much. Unfortunately, a poor male friend thought someone had decked me.
No very confidence inspiring!
Hey there sweet friend! My prayer for you today:
Lord, bless Renee and her sweet spirit as she stands in your holy presence. You have promised never to leave us or forsake us, so we know you are right there in the midst of all her trials. May she feel your sweet breath on her neck you whisper these truths to her heart. Lift her and allow her to float on your wings, we pray in Jesus’ name, amen!
Love you girl, Luann
Following through on Lysa’s request…prayers for you here in Pa. I have to admit I am not as fully informed about your ministry as others, came across your ministry by accident awhile back, looking to add a daily inspirational e-mail to my pre-work prep. I want to tell you that every morning before I headed to work I took half an hour before getting dressed to read and learn from you and others. What a blessing you all are to me! “Our God is an Awesome God”- he will show those with unbelief just how awesome He is through this! I put that in because when I am emotionally drained I get my i-tunes playlist going and hit my favs: Kirk Franklin, Ce-Ce Winans etc…and if I’m lucky to be home alone and not in need of my i-pod I play it very loud! I pray God will speak very LOUD to you and to others through these trials!
Renee, you shared your battle with depression at our Fox River Christian Church retreat in February. I loved your honesty with the group and coming out from behind the Stained Glass Masquerade. I pray that after you have struggled for awhile, God Himself will strengthen you and restore you. (1 Peter 5:10). Look for the light, Renee. It is there. I will continue to pray for you.
Love,
Debbie Giese
You are in my prayers, Renee. You are a gifted speaker and have an amazing ministry. I am so looking forward to SheSpeaks, and am praying that all the little details go smoothly in preparation.
Blessings,
Laura
As Lysa requested I have been praying today for all you ladies on the She Speaks Team. I pray that God will wrap His loving arms around you individually and also as a group. You’re in awesome Hands!
God bless you!
Marilyn in MS
Lysa asked all proverbs 31 readers to pray for all proverbs 31 speakers so hear I am I’m praying.
“K”
You are being prayed for in these days leading up to the SheSpeaks event. I appreciate that you are such a willing servant – to do all He asks of you – so that I can be changed. Bless you.
All you P31 ladies have the prettiest blogs!
I am praying for you and I’m looking forward to the amazing things God’s gonna do through you at She Speaks next week.
My hubby’s been working a lot and stressed out. We’ve been finding we don’t spend as much time together as we used to, but we’re working on that. It is a conscious decision you have to make. God bless you!