Okay, we’re gonna get real here today! I have an embarrassing confession to make: When JJ and I got married 15 years ago, I took out the words “honor and obey” from my marriage vows. While I’m confessing, you should also know I didn’t say I would submit to my husband either. I said I would “submit my ideas and dreams” to my husband and trust God’s leadership in our marriage. I was a baby Christian, but mainly I was measuring my words to make sure God and my witnesses didn’t catch me in a lie.
Oh, I had some serious issues going into marriage (and sometimes still do). Boy has God done a work on me though. Like many women, I was terrified that if I submitted to my husband I’d become a doormat and lose myself somewhere in the middle of letting my husband lead. I regretfully remember one time JJ told me it was easier to let me lead because it wasn’t worth the argument to him.
You’d think that’s what I wanted – to get my way. But it wasn’t what I wanted because JJ became apathetic. Soon I realized I was losing respect for my husband and it was mostly my fault. I wanted him to lead, but when he tried I’d often criticize how he led. It was a mess.
One day I was praying God would change JJ and make him more decisive, more confident, more protective and well, just more what I wanted him to be. God strongly impressed on my heart that my criticism wasn’t getting me any closer to my desired result. In fact, my frustration with JJ only contributed to the condemnation of his own insecurities and doubts as a man. (You know they have doubts, too). God also showed me I was fueling Satan’s flaming darts aimed at my husband’s heart. Here I was joining forces with the one who wanted to take out JJ as the leader of our home.
Through prayer, God showed me that my husband needed me to be his greatest cheerleader, his biggest supporter and to use the power of my words to build up and not tear down my man. He wanted me to keep my mouth closed when JJ was doing something I didn’t like or leading in a way I didn’t want to follow. He wanted me to be verbally, emotionally and spiritually encouraging when I saw things I appreciated. I was to find things I respected about JJ and let God take care of things I didn’t.
I started doing what God told me. I looked for and found things in JJ that I’d never really noticed before; I discovered things that were worthy of respect. It all started over 10 years ago. We’ve been through so much together now, and followed many of his decisions that scared me: job changes I didn’t want him to make; financial investments that seemed too risky; parenting issues that were hard.
I can say with joy that my husband is now the leader of our home. It’s taken commitment and many choices to honor him in big and small ways. And although he isn’t perfect, he’s more the man I dreamed of marrying than I ever hoped he’d be!
As I promised in my P31 devotion today, I wanted to share some practical ways we can honor our husbands and strengthen our marriages:
- Tell your husband that you believe in him!
- Don’t point out his mistakes, just fill in the gap.
- Ask God to show you ways to serve your husband.
- Don’t ever say “I told you so.”
- Say “I’m sorry” and mean it when you dishonor him.
- Say “I forgive you” and mean it when he dishonors or hurts you.
- Tell your husband that you thank God for giving him to you (and be sure you do).
- Let him overhear you telling someone something you appreciate about him.
- Support and encourage his decisions.
- Praise him when his decisions turn out well and encourage him when they don’t.
- Tell you husband each day about one thing you are thankful for – about his character, his work ethic, his provision, his humor or something his adds to your family.
- Pray for your husband every day.
Several of these ideas came from my friend Melanie Chitwood’s book, “What a Husband Needs from His Wife.”
For a chance to win this great marriage book, filled with insights, encouraging ideas and powerful stories, enter my drawing by clicking on the word “comments” below. Then type your name and email address (so I can notify you if you win) in the white box. Choose anonymous if you want to be – just come back to see if you won. I’ll announce the winner on Friday. And I’d love to know is if you have any embarrassing or fun marriage stories to tell. If not, what is one thing that makes your husband feel honored? Be sure to ask him if you don’t know the answer.
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WOW~! Look at all of these comments! Look at all of the marriages the Lord can touch through you! Awesome! 🙂 Don’t you love how He can take our weaknesses and the places we have messed up and use them to further His kingdom! Thanks for being a willing vessel!
Praying God will help me be the wife my husband needs,
K 🙂
This is an issue I have been struggling with for almost 12 years now. Thank you for your encouragement, for letting me know that I have to respect and honor my husband even if he is not always respectable and honorable. Only the Lord can change his weaknesses and only the Lord can supply me with more love, patience and understanding in dealing with him and helping him realize his purpose and role in our family. In the meantime, pray for me that I will do my best to look at my husband through the eyes of our gracious and merciful Father.
Cristina Poush
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WOW! What a great post! This very thing has been on my heart and mind lately with my own husband! It is something I need to work on!
Bobbie Jo
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Thanks for the devotion today. I would love to be able to encourage my husband more and discourage him less. I think this book is a great idea.
Erika Swain
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Thanks! this was a very timely and encouraging message – I will put in to practice immediately some of your suggestions – thanks,
I would love to win this book to share with my small group.
God’s Blessings,
Rhonda Heston
Fort Wayne, IN
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Thank you for this post. My non-believing husband is asking for a divorce for this main reason. I’m still praying for our marriage, so thank you for another lesson.
Jessica Green
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This was such a perfectly timed Word from God…much needed. Thank you for being so honest with the struggles you have faced and for some great suggestions.
Kim
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I have just begun receiving your daily devotions this week and this really hit home. I was just praying today about this very thing. What a blessing to read this devotion tonight! I definitely want to read this book!
Penny
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Dear Renee,
Thank you for your reminder to show respect to my husband. I read a book about how a wife needs to feel loved and and a husband needs to feel respected like the commandment, but sometimes it is easy ot fall into old patterns.
Sincerely,
Crystal Storms
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Thank You for the wonderful devotional.
Adela N.
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Thanks for your blog today, it was very encouraging. I find it good to hear other women talk about marriage, we all have similar issues, we just need women like you to bring them to the forefront of our minds so we can actively (with God’s help) deal with them,
Jo Carroll (Australia)
This book sounds great!!
Hi Renee,
I love reading the devotions and try very hard to apply them to my life daily. Todays message was confirmation for me that I was doing something right for once! My husband had to take a job 800 Pluss miles away and we have been apart since August. Since our house didn’t sell yet and because of children in high school we have made the decision to ride this out for another 1 1/2 years. We don’t know why this is to be but one thing I do daily is send my husband an email and tell him something I am thankful for about his character of something I really appreciate about him. God is really blessing this because I our communication is improving. We have been married 25 years and I thought we were doing good, but what a change has been made over the last few months! Thank you for being transparent and sharing the truth. Our husbands are a true gift from God and deserve to be honored!
I read your blog for today and really enjoyed the insight it provided me. I knew that I was struggling in this area, but your blog pointed out that I’m in worse shape than I thought. I’m excited to start implementing your suggestions right away!
Thank you,
Tonya Hanna
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Thanks for the great suggestions, bet I could really learn from the book. Cheri
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Carole Sprague
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Been married 40 years–Thankfully we are quite different and I appreciate what my husband’s personality adds to our family. I should ask my hubby,but like Joy’s hubby he might wan to know if I’m reading a marriage quiz.
I’ll just have to listen to his comments like “I’m glad you didn’t… or Tou’re takeing things too seriously…”
Oh, can I relate, Renee. I am on this same journey–last weekend, I fell back a few steps. Thanks for encouraging me again.
I have been married for almost 24 years and I don’t think I have respected my husband “ever”. I really needed this devo today. If I don’t win this book…where can I get 2 copies, one for me and one for my daughter?
God’s timing is so wonderful, my husband and I just had a counseling session last night with our minister and his wife and it comes down alot to this one area for me and for him to be my protector. While, your testimony and practicals are much needed. Thank you for your example and openness.
I know God is leading me in this area and I hope that he blesses me with the book.
Dawn Runyon
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WOW! What a great post! This very thing has been on my heart and mind lately with my own husband! It is something I need to work on!
Bobbie Jo
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