Okay, we’re gonna get real here today! I have an embarrassing confession to make: When JJ and I got married 15 years ago, I took out the words “honor and obey” from my marriage vows. While I’m confessing, you should also know I didn’t say I would submit to my husband either. I said I would “submit my ideas and dreams” to my husband and trust God’s leadership in our marriage. I was a baby Christian, but mainly I was measuring my words to make sure God and my witnesses didn’t catch me in a lie.
Oh, I had some serious issues going into marriage (and sometimes still do). Boy has God done a work on me though. Like many women, I was terrified that if I submitted to my husband I’d become a doormat and lose myself somewhere in the middle of letting my husband lead. I regretfully remember one time JJ told me it was easier to let me lead because it wasn’t worth the argument to him.
You’d think that’s what I wanted – to get my way. But it wasn’t what I wanted because JJ became apathetic. Soon I realized I was losing respect for my husband and it was mostly my fault. I wanted him to lead, but when he tried I’d often criticize how he led. It was a mess.
One day I was praying God would change JJ and make him more decisive, more confident, more protective and well, just more what I wanted him to be. God strongly impressed on my heart that my criticism wasn’t getting me any closer to my desired result. In fact, my frustration with JJ only contributed to the condemnation of his own insecurities and doubts as a man. (You know they have doubts, too). God also showed me I was fueling Satan’s flaming darts aimed at my husband’s heart. Here I was joining forces with the one who wanted to take out JJ as the leader of our home.
Through prayer, God showed me that my husband needed me to be his greatest cheerleader, his biggest supporter and to use the power of my words to build up and not tear down my man. He wanted me to keep my mouth closed when JJ was doing something I didn’t like or leading in a way I didn’t want to follow. He wanted me to be verbally, emotionally and spiritually encouraging when I saw things I appreciated. I was to find things I respected about JJ and let God take care of things I didn’t.
I started doing what God told me. I looked for and found things in JJ that I’d never really noticed before; I discovered things that were worthy of respect. It all started over 10 years ago. We’ve been through so much together now, and followed many of his decisions that scared me: job changes I didn’t want him to make; financial investments that seemed too risky; parenting issues that were hard.
I can say with joy that my husband is now the leader of our home. It’s taken commitment and many choices to honor him in big and small ways. And although he isn’t perfect, he’s more the man I dreamed of marrying than I ever hoped he’d be!
As I promised in my P31 devotion today, I wanted to share some practical ways we can honor our husbands and strengthen our marriages:
- Tell your husband that you believe in him!
- Don’t point out his mistakes, just fill in the gap.
- Ask God to show you ways to serve your husband.
- Don’t ever say “I told you so.”
- Say “I’m sorry” and mean it when you dishonor him.
- Say “I forgive you” and mean it when he dishonors or hurts you.
- Tell your husband that you thank God for giving him to you (and be sure you do).
- Let him overhear you telling someone something you appreciate about him.
- Support and encourage his decisions.
- Praise him when his decisions turn out well and encourage him when they don’t.
- Tell you husband each day about one thing you are thankful for – about his character, his work ethic, his provision, his humor or something his adds to your family.
- Pray for your husband every day.
Several of these ideas came from my friend Melanie Chitwood’s book, “What a Husband Needs from His Wife.”
For a chance to win this great marriage book, filled with insights, encouraging ideas and powerful stories, enter my drawing by clicking on the word “comments” below. Then type your name and email address (so I can notify you if you win) in the white box. Choose anonymous if you want to be – just come back to see if you won. I’ll announce the winner on Friday. And I’d love to know is if you have any embarrassing or fun marriage stories to tell. If not, what is one thing that makes your husband feel honored? Be sure to ask him if you don’t know the answer.
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This was a wonderful reminder of what I need to be doing more in my marriage! As God blesses us we need to be more mindful of the blessings of our husbands – and show it in our love for them!
Thanks,
Karen Loveless
[email protected]
I really needed to read your blog today and remind myself to see the good in my husband and not focus on the negative. I have been married for 36 years, but I still need to be reminded of my place as my husband’s helpmate.
I would love to get this book to read and pass on to my daughter and 3 daughter-in-laws.
Janice Kesterson
[email protected]
GREAT POST!
always something we, women, need to work on!
i would love the book!
What a struggle this area is for so many of us! Thank you for posting and being so transparent.
[email protected]
My husband is about ready to call it quits with me because I have been dishonoring and disrespectful.
this is just what I needed to “hear” today.
Thanks,
Janet
You know this has always been my hardest cross to bear and I so needed a “God/Renee reminder”
I love you Friend! See you soon ~ Kim
P.S. Please sign me up for the Book drawing!!!
Timely encouragement! Thanks for the great reminders to cheer our men on! I would love to win this book! Thanks –
[email protected]
Renee, Boy was I convicted today. Amazing how God gives us the right words at the right time. I have been feeling all these feelings toward my husband and letting myself get very low. Your blog made me put things in perspective and I feel better already. It made me remember all the good things about him and why I married him. Thanks for this. [email protected]
Hi Renee,
Thank you for sharing your life. It is a powerful testimony. I know I need to work harder to honor my husband especially in area of “P” pride.
I would love to get a copy of this book.
Blessing,
Florida in CA
This really spoke to me today. I have been dealing with the same issues and just this morning!! I thank God that I opened and read this email this morning!
I would love to win this book!!
Love,
Jerri Lewis (I know don’t laugh at my name! lol)
[email protected]
Thank you for sharing your life. I know I need to work harder on honoring my husband.
Blessing,
Florida
This is so good, Renee’.
I have learned so much the hard way concerning marriage. Thank you for sharing your words of wisdom. You give very practical advice. I have found that so much of it comes down to trust. I struggle with that a lot. Trusting God……trusting my husband’s leading…..trusting enough to let go and let them lead!
Blessings to you my dear friend!
Love you,
Cheri
Thank you for your encouraging words. My husband and I have a new baby. It has been a wonderful change, but has also put some new strain on our marriage. I needed this reminder about how to respect him in all things.
Melinda
[email protected]
Renee,
I forgot to write in my e-mail address.
It is [email protected]
Thanks!
YES!!! “R-E-S-P-E-C-T” is what makes my husband feel most honored. Thanks so much for your encouraging words…for sharing from your heart…giving clear ideas and suggestions about how to love and honor my husband.
Love, Rachel
Hello Renee,
Thank you and Thank God!!!
I am currently reading and “trying” to do the Love Dare, and WOW I needed this today!
I love all your alls emails, they bless me in so many ways.
Thank you again, a million times over!
Isn’t God great!!
Blessings,
Kerri Bowling from Kentucky
Deb Kinney
[email protected]
Hi Renee,
The story I thought of took place in the first few months of my marriage. My husband was in the Marine Corps, and he came home one day and realized he forgot to get his haircut. He had an inspection in the morning. Well we lived out a ways from town and he did not feel like driving back into town. So I offered to cut his hair. He politely said no thanks. Well the next morning when he kissed me goodbye while I was still in bed and half asleep, I noticed his hair seemed a bit off and he said he trimmed it himself. I told him I could fix it for him and he politely said no thanks.
Well weeks passed and we were over at a friends house, and they were talking about needing their haircut and jokingly said don’t ask Angel to do it. I looked at them strangely and then the truth came out. At his inspection the Sgt. walked circles around my husband and asked him what has happened to your hair. My ever so sweet and polite husband said, “Never let your wife cut your hair.”
Angel Latham
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I subscribe to the Proverbs 31 daily devotionals and read the one from you today about honoring your husband. I really think God is trying to work with me on how I treat my husband.
I just got married in April 08 and have been having a difficult time learning how to let my husband lead. I really want him to lead but I keep putting him down because I think I could do something better. I do have good intentions and comment on things because I want to teach him ways to do things better… and thus easier. However I am beginning to see that is not what God wants me to do.
I am currently reading “A Woman After God’s Own Heart” by Elizabeth George and the chapter that I read last night before going to bed talked about how I need to serve my husband every day. Then I get the Proverbs 31 devotional and the link to your blog this morning. I really think that is something that I need to work on. Thank you so much for sharing your story and providing me with some good tools to work on implementing. I hope you have a great day!
Angela
[email protected]
Your message today certainly hit home. I confess I routinely lead in our marriage, usurping my husband’s beautiful gentle nature. I definitely will pray, reflect and repent (and read the book!)