Top

Renee Swope

Encouraging and equipping moms to parent with God's grace and confidence.

R-E-S-P-E-C-T…that is what he needs from me!

Okay, we’re gonna get real here today! I have an embarrassing confession to make: When JJ and I got married 15 years ago, I took out the words “honor and obey” from my marriage vows. While I’m confessing, you should also know I didn’t say I would submit to my husband either. I said I would “submit my ideas and dreams” to my husband and trust God’s leadership in our marriage. I was a baby Christian, but mainly I was measuring my words to make sure God and my witnesses didn’t catch me in a lie.

Oh, I had some serious issues going into marriage (and sometimes still do). Boy has God done a work on me though. Like many women, I was terrified that if I submitted to my husband I’d become a doormat and lose myself somewhere in the middle of letting my husband lead. I regretfully remember one time JJ told me it was easier to let me lead because it wasn’t worth the argument to him.

You’d think that’s what I wanted – to get my way. But it wasn’t what I wanted because JJ became apathetic. Soon I realized I was losing respect for my husband and it was mostly my fault. I wanted him to lead, but when he tried I’d often criticize how he led. It was a mess.

One day I was praying God would change JJ and make him more decisive, more confident, more protective and well, just more what I wanted him to be. God strongly impressed on my heart that my criticism wasn’t getting me any closer to my desired result. In fact, my frustration with JJ only contributed to the condemnation of his own insecurities and doubts as a man. (You know they have doubts, too). God also showed me I was fueling Satan’s flaming darts aimed at my husband’s heart. Here I was joining forces with the one who wanted to take out JJ as the leader of our home.

Through prayer, God showed me that my husband needed me to be his greatest cheerleader, his biggest supporter and to use the power of my words to build up and not tear down my man. He wanted me to keep my mouth closed when JJ was doing something I didn’t like or leading in a way I didn’t want to follow. He wanted me to be verbally, emotionally and spiritually encouraging when I saw things I appreciated. I was to find things I respected about JJ and let God take care of things I didn’t.

I started doing what God told me. I looked for and found things in JJ that I’d never really noticed before; I discovered things that were worthy of respect. It all started over 10 years ago. We’ve been through so much together now, and followed many of his decisions that scared me: job changes I didn’t want him to make; financial investments that seemed too risky; parenting issues that were hard.

I can say with joy that my husband is now the leader of our home. It’s taken commitment and many choices to honor him in big and small ways. And although he isn’t perfect, he’s more the man I dreamed of marrying than I ever hoped he’d be!

As I promised in my P31 devotion today, I wanted to share some practical ways we can honor our husbands and strengthen our marriages:

  • Tell your husband that you believe in him!
  • Don’t point out his mistakes, just fill in the gap.
  • Ask God to show you ways to serve your husband.
  • Don’t ever say “I told you so.”
  • Say “I’m sorry” and mean it when you dishonor him.
  • Say “I forgive you” and mean it when he dishonors or hurts you.
  • Tell your husband that you thank God for giving him to you (and be sure you do).
  • Let him overhear you telling someone something you appreciate about him.
  • Support and encourage his decisions.
  • Praise him when his decisions turn out well and encourage him when they don’t.
  • Tell you husband each day about one thing you are thankful for – about his character, his work ethic, his provision, his humor or something his adds to your family.
  • Pray for your husband every day.

Several of these ideas came from my friend Melanie Chitwood’s book, “What a Husband Needs from His Wife.”

For a chance to win this great marriage book, filled with insights, encouraging ideas and powerful stories, enter my drawing by clicking on the word “comments” below. Then type your name and email address (so I can notify you if you win) in the white box. Choose anonymous if you want to be – just come back to see if you won. I’ll announce the winner on Friday. And I’d love to know is if you have any embarrassing or fun marriage stories to tell. If not, what is one thing that makes your husband feel honored? Be sure to ask him if you don’t know the answer.

Discover more from Renee Swope

Subscribe to get the latest posts sent to your email.

Comments

  1. Chrissy Gunning
    email: [email protected]

    Thanks for sharing your story with us on respecting our husbands.
    It is so true.. something that I constantly need to check on with myself.
    I sometimes find myself saying that he needs to do things my way… but sometimes his is better.

    I would love to win this book to help keep me in check on this subject.

  2. I just read your devo from Wed. And I just read this. Shawn and I have been married for 3 years. We just had our first daughter in June. Reading this post has opened my eyes even more to how I am treating Shawn. I have highly disrespected him and I have let insecurity control our marriage. I have not honored him as the head of this family because I am afraid of what he will do. I pray God will help me implement what you have written.

  3. I hope i am not too late for this – what you wrote really blessed me…it is my story too. I wanted strong man to lead, and yet i created the opposite with my words and actions.Continuing to learn Would love the book, AND love your site
    diane
    [email protected]

  4. Renee,
    I have recently found your fantastic Proverbs 31 website and I am hooked! I really love all the encouragement and stories that are shared. For many years I have tried to make my husband the way I thought he should be, but God has really been speaking to me regarding the respect he deserves and how that will honor God. Thanks so much for your encoragement again today! The book sounds like something I really need!
    Blessings,
    Kim Rossi
    [email protected]

  5. Oh, I do have a fun marriage story. Last year I was feeling a bit neglected by my husband. In the past I may have made a “poor me comment,” which really wouldn’t have honored him or brought any of the results I was hoping for! Instead, I felt God impress upon my heart to pray for my husband and bless HIM in that way. I spent all day praying for him. Wouldn’t you know, he came home with flowers, a nice bottle of wine and plans to play a board game in front of the fireplace that evening. He had NEVER done that before. Our evening was so nice and a good lesson in the importance of prayer and honoring our spouses. (Not to mention a much needed conviction for my whiny heart!)

    Would love to win a copy of the book. Thanks for the contest!

    Amy ([email protected])

  6. Ouch- sounds like my house. Please enter me in the give away. My hubbie would appreciate it!
    Angie

  8. Wow – you could have been describing me in the first part of your post. I would so love to have a similar testimony for the second part, too. Thanks for your open honesty and for sharing real ways to improve.

    Oh – and I would love to win a book if it is still open!

    carol at envision printing dot com

  9. When I read your blog today I was really regretting not keeping up with you this week. I would enjoy being considered in your drawing. I think it is neat how God is using a lot of people on the issue of marriages right now. I have been so burdened with my own marriage and the problems that others are having as well. This can only be a God thing!!

  10. Renee:
    I, like so many others found this devotional to be inspiring.
    This may sound odd however; I found myself feeling somewhat better when I realized, “I wasn’t alone” with having difficulty within my marriage. (Why did I feel that I would be one of the only Christians facing difficulty in this fashion?)
    I had just been praying for guidance with my attitude, word choice, etc when I read this devotional … again, thank you.

    (my email for book notification
    [email protected])

  12. Renee, this is such a terrific post. I am writing down the list of things you wrote to help strengthen the marriage.
    It would be great to win the book.

    Blessings,
    Vickie

  13. Thank you for this beautiful reminder. I struggle so with R-E-S-P-E-C-T-I-N-G my husband. Sadly, it has become a habit for me to respond disrepectfully. I hardly know I’m doing it unless I really think about it. But I so want to change my ways.

    Ann C.

  14. Just found your blog and already put it on my blogroll!! What great encouragement! Thank you for sharing about yourself!

  15. Wow! This devotion truly was and will remain a blessing to me. I have read Melanie Chitwood’s book and it is excellent, I would highly recommend it to brides to be and wives of all ages. I constantly remind myself that it takes constant effort because when we relax the devil comes at us again! Be blessed!

  16. My husband and I are struggling so much right now and this devotion touched my heart so much, keep writing them about marriage please.

  17. Renee, this is such a terrific post. I am writing down the list of things you wrote to help strengthen the marriage.
    It would be great to win the book.

    Blessings,
    Vickie

  18. My comment is more of a question…Why do the wives always have to do “everything” in a marriage to make it work? Why are there never any suggestions on what a husband can do?! After nearly 20 yrs of marriage we divorced 7 mos. ago due. He constantly disrespected the family with his hanging out, drinking, carousing,etc. It is still painful!

  19. Hi!
    I jumped over from your devotional… but would love to have a chance to win this book.

    Thanks so much for the opportunity.
    Lynn