A guest post from my friend, ~Darlene Schacht, The Time-Warp Wife
Darkness enveloped the sky drawing its curtain around us, while the rumble of thunder composed a symphony of sound that was carried by on the wings of the wind.
It was only 8 pm, but Michael was fast asleep. Stretched out on his recliner by the window, he dozed off while two little puppies wrestled under his chair.
The steady tip-tapping of rain made me want to curl up beside him and fall asleep too, but I had some dishes that needed to be cleared away and some laundry to do for the morning.
I wasn’t surprised to see him sleeping like that. I knew he’d be exhausted after the crazy week he just had. Working overtime every night, he was struggling to catch up at work.
And the weekend? It wasn’t much better. Since he’s been at the shop so much lately, the honey-do list was long and he was determined to get it all done.
He’s a hard worker, there’s no doubt about that. And weeks like this remind me of just how hard he pushes himself when the going gets tough.
There’s a lot of weight on that man’s shoulders. In fact, I can say that about most husbands I know. Even when they aren’t facing deadlines at work, they are dealing with the spiritual and financial responsibilities that come with leading a family.
While many of them appear to have everything under control, most of our husbands would not only appreciate encouragement from us, they would benefit from it.
Any mom who cares for a growing child knows the importance of praise in their children’s life. Not only does it help to build a healthy sense of self-esteem, it also reminds a child that he or she is loved.
In the same way, any wife who cares for her husband will also know the importance of praise in a marriage. It’s vital to a growing relationship.
Matthew L. Jacobson once wrote, “We need your affirmation – we have to have it and, oh, how we thrive with it. Typically, men are quiet about these things but that doesn’t mean we need and enjoy our wife’s affirmation any less. And every man feels it: When his woman is behind him, he can slay dragons.”
Do you realize that there are four verses in Proverbs alone that talk about nagging wives? They are referred to as quarrelsome, fretful, and a continual dripping. If you have ever experienced a leaky roof, you’ll know how annoying that is. We experienced one about 20 years ago in our back porch, and regardless of how many times I emptied the pail it would only fill up again.
That’s the danger with nagging. It becomes a never-ending habit if left unchecked, and unfortunately it festers resentment. Praise on the other hand has the reverse affect. It builds the bond of marriage and draws a couple closer together.
That’s only two of the benefits, but there are so many more. Let’s look at five of them:
- When you affirm him, you are affirming your love for him. Knowing that someone loves you deeply strengthens the bond of marriage. Think of it this way: we form the strongest friendships with those that we deeply trust.
- When you praise him for the little things he does, it’s more likely that he’ll be encouraged to repeat them in the future.
- When I praise my husband, whether it be in his presence or in his absence, we bear witness of our marriage covenant. Keeping in mind that marriage reflects the covenant between Jesus Christ and the church it’s important to honor our vows in the best way we know how.
- Kindness is an attractive quality. There’s no possible way a wife can be attractive when she’s constantly nagging her husband. Sure, you can put the pretty on, but unless you’re also attractive it wears thin. There’s nothing appealing about a critical spirit.
- He’ll be glad to come home. Let’s face it, the world is tough place. Many of our husbands are dealing with difficult situations at work and need a sense of relief when they walk through the door. Unfortunately, some other husbands are working with women who are building them up outside of the home. If we want a husband who is glad to come home to his wife, we can make him feel welcome by letting him know that we appreciate him, that we respect him, and that we’re glad he is with us.
You are loved by an almighty God,
~Darlene Schacht
The Time-Warp Wife
Check out Darlene Schacht’s newest book, Messy Beautiful Love: Hope and Redemption for Real-Life Marriages
Messy Beautiful Love delivers an incredible testimony of grace that offers hope for today’s marriages and a spark for rekindling love.
Love gets messy.
Financial problems, sickness, aging parents, a chronically unhappy spouse . . . trials will inevitably come that threaten your marriage. No matter how long you’ve been married or how strong your relationship is, sooner or later you are going to have a mess to clean up.
Messy Beautiful Love is about cleaning up messes God’s way, exchanging your ideas for His, and being prepared for both the best and the worst that marriage has to offer.
When you surrender your relationship to God, then and only then will you experience the blessing of marriage as He intended. This is the blessing of obedience.
Messy Beautiful Love is an invitation to that obedience. The cynical world says marriages don’t last, but God knows better. Tune out the world and tune in to Him. When you do that, a beautiful marriage is not only possible, it’s inevitable.
Want to win a copy?
We’re giving away two copies of Darlene’s book, Messy Beautiful Love. Enter to WIN a copy by clicking “Share Your Thoughts” below this post, and leave us a comment telling us something you love about your husband. We’ll randomly choose two winners. {If you’re reading this via email, click here to ENTER TO WIN by leaving a comment on my blog}
I love that my husband always kisses me hello and goodbye! Even if he’s just running to the store. He always puts me before himself and the kids. This is after 21 years of marriage. I love him so very much.
I love that my husband is always willing to protect me and how he worries about my well being.
When my husband comes home from work each day its like he’s been away for a month – he is so excited to see us all! The neighbours asked for some of his happy pills!! Watching him study and grow spiritually encourages me to grow alongside him which is sometimes hard to find time when you homeschool –
One of the things I love about my husband is he never complains about what the house looks like. He has helped me to be more relaxed about trying to keep a perfect house, which never happens when you have kids. I also love it when we pray together or when he prays for me.
I love how he strives to make things right for his family….
My husband, Paul, and I, just finished doing a ten week Couples Bible Study with a book called “So What Did You Expect?” It was about life after marriage and what we must do to keep our marriages strong. Mostly I think I would say, Have a “Veridical relationship with God then a horizontal relationship with your spouse.
Also, that we are sinners and can improve our relationships with our spouse by communicating, forgiving one another and grace. God has helped my spouse and I get back to having better conversations, focusing on the positive in one another and reaching out and praying daily together.
God is so good,” Nothing Is Impossible With God!”
Mary Kaiser, more in love with God and my spouse than ever!!!!
My husband is a wonderful man. He is my best friend and confidant. He willingly provides for our family day in and day out. He is a daily reminder of dutiful-sacrifice as he is both a member of military and a prospective police officer. His willingness to protect our family, country, and community is one of those qualities I may never understand, but am always supportive of. He is a rock and role model for many, including our children. He makes time to help our children grow in their love for Christ and reminds me daily of the love Christ had for his church through the love and friendship he extends to me.
My husband has a capacity to serve like no one else I know. He gives beyond the extra mile which can be one of his greatest strengths but can sometimes pose as a weakness too. I love it that God chose me to be his helper and am so thankful for His grace in our marriage for the past 25 years. My husband faithfully encourages me, blesses me, helps me practically, emotionally & spiritually. He is a beautiful example to our two young adult daughters and definitely raises the bar when it comes to qualities of a godly man! I love him more than I could have possibly imagined & am still crazy about the guy!
My husband has a positive attitude and helps keep me positive when at times I want to be negative and complain. We are a team and help each other get thru each day. He makes me feel beautiful when I don’t . I am the luckiest girl to have married my best friend!
I used to be a nagging wife. It didn’t work. The more I tell my husband how much I respect him and appreciate all the hard work he does for our family the more he flourishes. He even started making the bed every day.
I love my husbands playful spirit
I have always said and believed that it is easy to fall in love with me, but impossible to stay in love with me. This is because everyone has always left me when times get a little rough. Even my mother. But my husband, David, has stood by me and loved me THROUGH the touch times and he is the exception to my belief. We are just beginning our life together, but we have had to walk through some “stuff”. As hard as I made life for both of us, he’s stuck with me and loved me regardless. I’m so blessed for this man that God gifted to be to adjust me vision and chisel me to be more like Jesus. And David truly is a gift and inspiration to me, always pointing me back to the cross.
And I’ve found that everyday writing on the dry erase board a new note of gratefulness to the lord about my husband has encouraged us both!
I love my husband because he shows me on a continual basis how Jesus loves. He is amazing and I’ve never known anyone like him. He works 60-70 hrs a week and goes to school full time. Plus still stays being a great husband and dad. He loves Jesus more than he loves me and that is how I know how he can love me fully.
I love my husband because even though our marriage is going through an extremely rough season he continues to recommit himself daily to our marriage, our family and our Lord, through prayer, counseling and the study of Gods word.
So important to encourage your husband…it comes back to you and builds a fortress of love that can withstand any troubles or challenges that come..
I’m one of those unhappy, resentful wives right now. I’m sure my husband hates coming home to a constantly depressed wife. In Celebrate Recovery, counseling, etc. I’ve been depressed most of my life and feel so stuck, trapped, hopeless sometimes. May God have mercy on me!!!
Dear Renee,
I will pray for you. You are loved of the Savior, I have a friend who has your struggle, and I believe what helps her the most is dwelling on the promises of God. Like in Colo. 3 When I fall into that, what helps me is reading the book the excellent wife, and memorizing scripture to fight the temptations. But making my own devotional journal has helped, getting up ever morning and saying good morning Lord, instead of saying, Good Lord it is morning. I think if you have a consistent quiet time with God it will help.
I put hymns and song in my journal I have sang that morning, it is interesting to note that, when I get to busy for my time with God , my mood swings are awful. Hang in there, God is still able to change us and make us a wife our husbands want to be around. Try sharing with your husband what you are learning in God`s Word, and he will begin to be built up and see Christ love in you. Love in Christ Felicia
Such a great reminder of how to support our husband’s!
My husband is a hard worker and is ambitious. I was the nagging wife and didn’t love him, honor him and show my gratitude to him for all he was to me. He took special care of me especially when I was sick and had many surgeries I saw and felt his love for me then more than ever. But when I got better I forgot all his love and patience and dedication to me. I have so many regrets. We are separated but I m believing in God for His miracle for us. I dont know how or when but I am TRUSTING GOD. Thank you for this I am glad I was able to speak great and special things about my husband. God bless you all.
My husband is currently working 15 hours away from us… Another state. It has been almost 2 years of this… Five days each month he come home. We’re trying to sell our house and hope we will all be living together next year. People always say “I don’t know how you do it…” it is hard on me and the kids but my husband has it worse in my mind. The stress of living away from us, providing for us, not seeing us daily. I try to make sure I tell him daily his much I appreciate HIM… his sacrifices and hard work, his love and his devotion… but I’m sure I fall short.
When I think of my husband of 23 years I think of the total package! Inside and out he is still who I want for life. I love his dedication to our family, and I know we are safe and will be led the right way, God’s way. My prayer is that I always take time to show him the blessing he is to me and our children.
I’m not married but I want to be and I want to prepare myself!♡
#5….I use to get annoyed and think “with all the stuff that has to be done how can he just go to sleep like like that?” But I am learning to be thankful that he wants to come home and our home feels like such a safe place for him to rest and I strive to be more like him. Cherish the moment and yes I would have put those dishes on hold and curled up beside him 🙂
My husband is such a great father to our four boys. Even though we married young (we were only 20 years old!) I knew he was going to be a wonderful father. I was right!
My husband just buried his father. He had the responsibility of making all the arrangements for two viewings and the funeral itself. We’ve been married 34 years, plenty of time to collect hurts and pain between us, but as I watched him over the last week, none of that mattered. The love I have for him was strengthened in a way I can’t explain. I had struggled with feeling our marriage had no hope, and all those doubts have faded and been replaced with such respect for him and trust in him. God has used a horrible situation to renew our love for each other, and I’m so thankful.
My husband works so hard. He strives to see everyone through our Heavenly Father’s eyes. He really listens and looks for ways to bless my life. He gives me the freedom to be totally, freely me–even my not so pretty parts–yet doesn’t encourage me to stay stuck in those areas because he knows how much pain they cause me. My husband is truly an answer to so many prayers.
I respect how hard my husband works and how great of a father he is!
Oh how I need to be reminded of these things daily. My husband is disabled so he can’t work and it causes a lot of issues for us – financially, emotionally, spiritually AND also relationally. He often feels it is “his fault” and building him up is a challenging battle most of the time. I fail often at being his cheerleader and his support system.. I let bitterness and unrealistic expectations get the best of me some days… I try to be encouraging, loving and supportive but with the role of ‘breadwinner’ stripped away from my husband; it is hard to get through to him.. He lashes back.. often leading to a defensive mode for me – which of course is led by the enemy… Any tips or practices to help me better manage my role as a wife and really walk the will God has for me in the way He has planned would be most appreciated!
I would love to win your new book since my husband and I are in a mess right now. We separated a few months ago for almost a year. He is back at home, however, we are still having problems.
My husband is a very kind hearted, giving and selfless man. While I have known this about him for nearly 22 years, I somehow allowed the business of life and the familiarity of marriage to stuff those thoughts deep in my soul. That is until recently, when I made a very genuine choice to filter the chaos in my life and truly listen to God’s voice – allowing him to reveal to me the areas in my life that weren’t getting the best of me. My husband was at the top of this list. Thank you God for this revelation and for your mercy and grace!
I’ve loved my husband for many years. We’ve been married almost 43 years in December and have two grown kids and four grandchildren. Praise the Lord. I know I can do better as a a wife and reading books like yours gives me encouragement, motivation and tools. Would love to win a copy of your book. I have lots of young wives I could pass it along to as well.
Thanks Darlene for uplifting and guiding words, we have been married for just four months and even though ours is a long distance marriage, my husband makes the effort to continuously make me feel loved and appreciated, which in turns makes me feel safe. He has taken me and my daughter and loved her as his own. I thank God for him, and thank God for His work through you.
Love the book and this post! Thanks, Darlene. Pinning now.
I love my husband very much. However, I hear how much we should build them up but what about us working women who are expected to bring home a paycheck and keep the home in perfect order… I really need some affirmation at this point. I struggle with the balance of home, work and family. I feel the positive effects of giving the extra energy to my husband but when I am at my tipping point, I feel like I’m weak and unable to provide. Where is the reaffirmation for the wives who pull double duty? I have struggled for a long time now and I need help.
We will celebrate our 12th Wedding Anniversary this weekend. In all those years, my husband has only called in sick once and he was so sick he couldn’t even sit up. He is such a hard worker and I know that he works hard to provide for us so that I can stay home with the boys and homeschool. I am so thankful for that hardworking spirit that he can pass on to our children. He does a good job of leaving his work there and not bringing it home so he can spend time with his family. I am very thankful God gave him to me. 🙂
We are still very much so newlyweds and learning how to do this. We have both had a failed marriage previously.. God is at the center of our marriage but we have been arguing so much lately! This is not easy, but I definitely thank God for this man, EVERYDAY!! He is a great guy! Such a blessing!
He goes above and beyond for me and our 2 girls. I am very fortunate and lucky.
I love that my husband can make me laugh until it hurts! In a world so full of heartache and pain it feels so wonderful to laugh with the man I love!
I appreciate my husband’s wisdom and discernment. These are truly gifts God has given him and I am so thankful for how he has poured his wisdom into our daughters. They are blessed to have him as their dad.
I love the way my husband loves “our” grandson (he married into having our grandson from my daughter)! He tells me all the time that he could not love this little guy any more than he already does, even if he wasn’t his Grandaddy by blood. Makes my beam! Our grandson actually lived with us for three years. I love them both so much.
Thanks for the reminder that our guys need to be praised…and thanks for the chance to win your new book.
One Of the things I love about my husband is his kind heart.
I am so blessed to have married the love of my life 21 years ago. We are recently “empty nesters” and I love being able to spend time with just him. It’s pretty neat!
I’m new to this whole being married thing and it’s so strange/fun to refer to him as my husband! We just got married in June this year.
I love my husband because he has the most giving and committed heart. He pursues me well, even when I don’t deserve it. He is romantic, tender, and loving. He is willing to work through the hard moments with me. What a blessing to have this wonderful man in my life!
My husband takes are of all the finances, maintains the house and vehicles,all without complaining. He is a great provider and protector. He is my high school sweatheart – married for 28 years. He has a great work ethic.
No matter how bad it got when I was in the worst of my depression, he stuck by me, did his work outside the home as well as mine inside the home, supported me and loved me anyway. He has truly loved me in good times and in bad, in sickness and in health.
I am blessed to have married the man that God intended for me. Twenty nine years so far. He works so hard for his family and loves us unconditionally.
I love how much he loves me. I love his love for our children, his protectiveness and loyalty. I love to hear him pray for us.
This may sound silly, every morning my husband lays out my work clothes for me and try’s to coordinate my underclothes with them. He cooks our breakfast while I make our lunch! Although our marriage hasn’t been perfect, it’s perfect for our family.
I love that my husband thinks I’m worth pursuing.
My husband of 20 years has brought out the best in me, encourages me and believes in me. And he’s willing to take me out for a “girlie” lunch at my favorite coffee shop!