A guest post from my friend, ~Darlene Schacht, The Time-Warp Wife
Darkness enveloped the sky drawing its curtain around us, while the rumble of thunder composed a symphony of sound that was carried by on the wings of the wind.
It was only 8 pm, but Michael was fast asleep. Stretched out on his recliner by the window, he dozed off while two little puppies wrestled under his chair.
The steady tip-tapping of rain made me want to curl up beside him and fall asleep too, but I had some dishes that needed to be cleared away and some laundry to do for the morning.
I wasn’t surprised to see him sleeping like that. I knew he’d be exhausted after the crazy week he just had. Working overtime every night, he was struggling to catch up at work.
And the weekend? It wasn’t much better. Since he’s been at the shop so much lately, the honey-do list was long and he was determined to get it all done.
He’s a hard worker, there’s no doubt about that. And weeks like this remind me of just how hard he pushes himself when the going gets tough.
There’s a lot of weight on that man’s shoulders. In fact, I can say that about most husbands I know. Even when they aren’t facing deadlines at work, they are dealing with the spiritual and financial responsibilities that come with leading a family.
While many of them appear to have everything under control, most of our husbands would not only appreciate encouragement from us, they would benefit from it.
Any mom who cares for a growing child knows the importance of praise in their children’s life. Not only does it help to build a healthy sense of self-esteem, it also reminds a child that he or she is loved.
In the same way, any wife who cares for her husband will also know the importance of praise in a marriage. It’s vital to a growing relationship.
Matthew L. Jacobson once wrote, “We need your affirmation – we have to have it and, oh, how we thrive with it. Typically, men are quiet about these things but that doesn’t mean we need and enjoy our wife’s affirmation any less. And every man feels it: When his woman is behind him, he can slay dragons.”
Do you realize that there are four verses in Proverbs alone that talk about nagging wives? They are referred to as quarrelsome, fretful, and a continual dripping. If you have ever experienced a leaky roof, you’ll know how annoying that is. We experienced one about 20 years ago in our back porch, and regardless of how many times I emptied the pail it would only fill up again.
That’s the danger with nagging. It becomes a never-ending habit if left unchecked, and unfortunately it festers resentment. Praise on the other hand has the reverse affect. It builds the bond of marriage and draws a couple closer together.
That’s only two of the benefits, but there are so many more. Let’s look at five of them:
- When you affirm him, you are affirming your love for him. Knowing that someone loves you deeply strengthens the bond of marriage. Think of it this way: we form the strongest friendships with those that we deeply trust.
- When you praise him for the little things he does, it’s more likely that he’ll be encouraged to repeat them in the future.
- When I praise my husband, whether it be in his presence or in his absence, we bear witness of our marriage covenant. Keeping in mind that marriage reflects the covenant between Jesus Christ and the church it’s important to honor our vows in the best way we know how.
- Kindness is an attractive quality. There’s no possible way a wife can be attractive when she’s constantly nagging her husband. Sure, you can put the pretty on, but unless you’re also attractive it wears thin. There’s nothing appealing about a critical spirit.
- He’ll be glad to come home. Let’s face it, the world is tough place. Many of our husbands are dealing with difficult situations at work and need a sense of relief when they walk through the door. Unfortunately, some other husbands are working with women who are building them up outside of the home. If we want a husband who is glad to come home to his wife, we can make him feel welcome by letting him know that we appreciate him, that we respect him, and that we’re glad he is with us.
You are loved by an almighty God,
~Darlene Schacht
The Time-Warp Wife
Check out Darlene Schacht’s newest book, Messy Beautiful Love: Hope and Redemption for Real-Life Marriages
Messy Beautiful Love delivers an incredible testimony of grace that offers hope for today’s marriages and a spark for rekindling love.
Love gets messy.
Financial problems, sickness, aging parents, a chronically unhappy spouse . . . trials will inevitably come that threaten your marriage. No matter how long you’ve been married or how strong your relationship is, sooner or later you are going to have a mess to clean up.
Messy Beautiful Love is about cleaning up messes God’s way, exchanging your ideas for His, and being prepared for both the best and the worst that marriage has to offer.
When you surrender your relationship to God, then and only then will you experience the blessing of marriage as He intended. This is the blessing of obedience.
Messy Beautiful Love is an invitation to that obedience. The cynical world says marriages don’t last, but God knows better. Tune out the world and tune in to Him. When you do that, a beautiful marriage is not only possible, it’s inevitable.
Want to win a copy?
We’re giving away two copies of Darlene’s book, Messy Beautiful Love. Enter to WIN a copy by clicking “Share Your Thoughts” below this post, and leave us a comment telling us something you love about your husband. We’ll randomly choose two winners. {If you’re reading this via email, click here to ENTER TO WIN by leaving a comment on my blog}
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I love that my husband is organized because at home, I am not. I also love that he doesn’t mind doing dishes!
My husband is a protector. He encourages me and tells me how proud he is of me since I have returned to school. He has become disabled and unable to work in the past 2 years. It is very hard for him because he doesn’t feel like a man or provider for our family. He helps the kids with homework and helps with chores around the house when he is feeling well enough too. I am so very blessed to have this man for my husband. We have been together for 7 years and not all of them great but each trial has brought us closer to God and to each other. This sounds like a great book for our relationship and I look forward to reading it. (Whether I win a copy or not, I will get a copy)
I love when my husband makes me laugh
I love how my husband cares so much about providing for us. He is a hard-working man who only wants the best for our family.
I love my husband’s small things he does. Like Lysa our time is in the evening when he brings me a cup of tea.
He is loyal and loved me through times I had given up.
The book sounds like such a vehicle to learn, grow and build a more solid relationship for us and God. Thank you XO
I love my husband because of who he is and he loves me just the way I am. He encourages me and supports me. He has a heart to serve God by serving others less fortunate or who need help whether it is a widow or a disabled person needing their lawn mowed or leaves raked, or just helping where there are needs. Just last night, he thought of me while in the grocery store buying his type of coffee creamer, he bought my type as well. God blessed me through him with that what he might have thought a small gester, but to me a huge blessing. It reminded me that I need to be more thoughtful and encouraging. This book sounds like one that I need to read and be reminded of how God created marriage to be.
My husband and I just celebrated our 35th wedding anniversary in August. Everyday is a struggle to survive after the loss of our son in 2009 and my husbands subsequent infidelity. Sometimes it hurts just to breathe. But the Lord’s mercies are new every morning and I am learning at age 53 for the first time what it truly means to trust in Him completely. Pray for us. Especially my husband. All that we have been through has caused him to, as he puts it, “question his faith”. Spiritually, he doesn’t even remotely resemble the man I married. His mind is entangled in a web of Satan’s lies and schemes about what this world has to offer, and seems to have decided that God’s Word is flawed and outdated. I pray constantly that God’s will grab hold of his heart and bring him back to his senses. Please pray God will give me the strength to love him unconditionally. I struggle with being still and waiting for God’s perfect timing, and daily surrendering to His will and way in my life and in our marriage.
Sandra – the porn and “gentlemen’s clubs” have made their way into our home as well. Praise God that he revealed Himself to your husband and brought him to repentance! I pray God will do this in my home so we can start our own amazing journey!
My husband is not born again: He doesn’t believe in God. It is hard and I show him by example who God is and His love. My husband is caring, hardworking loving man. He cares for me and God has blessed our relationship. He cared(physically) for me when I had brain surgery and could not do a thing for myself: he basically kept me out of a nursing home. I appreciate him, love and care for him. Times are tough right now and he is turning inward with no hope. I continually pray that God would open his heart to Him. There is always hope and I persevere with God’s new mercies and grace each day!! He is my man!!
What I love about my husband is that no matter how messy things are for us whether it be family, finance, lack of time together, overworked, etc he always remains calm and collect and reassures us that we will be fine. He does all that he can so I can stay home and take care of our children.
I love and appreciate that my husband puts up with me and all my faults and messes. He is a hard worker and is very involved with our kids sports.
My husband is such a hard worker and I appreciate that so much. And, although I am one of those insufferable women who always feels ugly, he is so good at making me think that he does NOT feel that way in the least and always makes me feel desired.
I really need this book. I was married but we went through such difficult times. He said I didn’t affirm him enough when I though I was. I felt like walking on egg shells in this marriage trying to please someone. I really dont know……..I pray that I will be blessed with a husband and reading this message has been a blessing to me.
I have just been through 5 months of being sick, my husband has loved me and cared for me with no complaints at all, he has chosen to miss certain things to stay home with me, even miss work, he has laid in bed with me when I needed his comfort to go to sleep. I have loved him for his love for me, he is a great man.
My husband constantly thinks of others before himself and I love him for that!
I would love to win this book!
I love my husband he is my high school sweetheart and after being married for 8 years I still fall more and more in love with him. He is the best!
My husband is not a Christian, but he goes to church with and has for 25 years. He has changed so much over those years. I am so thankful he supports me in caring for my parents. He keeps the grass cut and weed eats, drives them when we have to take them for doctor appointments. He does all the up keep on their rental property’s, which is a lot of hard work. It gets hard for both of us, my father has Alzheimer’s and Mother cares for him and she has health issues also.
I feel like your book is very needed for the days we live in. We all are so busy and rushed we forget sometimes to say loving and kind things to our husbands.
My husband and I have been married 44 years……we have had our ups and our downs but have always managed to overcome and go on. Ten months ago the ugly head of porn rose up in our home. I just didn’t know if I could go on…my heart was broken…..I prayed and asked for God to help me forgive him… while I was praying my prayer…my husband went before God and repented and made a vow with God to never do this again….. to make a very long story short…..I forgave….He has kept his vow….almost 11 months clean….and we began a new journey together to rekindle the things in our marragie that had died….it has been an amazing journey so far……My husband is really an amazing man….. I would love to win this book so we could read it together and to continue to grow in this journey we are in right now.
my husband is so forgiving when it takes me forever to let things go. he also doesn’t nag me when I continue to screw up, like I do him.
I love that my husband loves the Lord and therefore is able to love me flaws and all. He is truly a picture of God’s love for me… I love that he leads our family to God and he teaches me as the Lord teaches him – I’ve been so blessed by him! He brings to life the scripture of 1 Corinthians 11:1 Imitate me, just as I also imitate Christ.
These are such great points! Frequently thanking and appreciating your husband’s hard work and his role as a leader also gives him the respect he needs!