A guest post from my friend, ~Darlene Schacht, The Time-Warp Wife
Darkness enveloped the sky drawing its curtain around us, while the rumble of thunder composed a symphony of sound that was carried by on the wings of the wind.
It was only 8 pm, but Michael was fast asleep. Stretched out on his recliner by the window, he dozed off while two little puppies wrestled under his chair.
The steady tip-tapping of rain made me want to curl up beside him and fall asleep too, but I had some dishes that needed to be cleared away and some laundry to do for the morning.
I wasn’t surprised to see him sleeping like that. I knew he’d be exhausted after the crazy week he just had. Working overtime every night, he was struggling to catch up at work.
And the weekend? It wasn’t much better. Since he’s been at the shop so much lately, the honey-do list was long and he was determined to get it all done.
He’s a hard worker, there’s no doubt about that. And weeks like this remind me of just how hard he pushes himself when the going gets tough.
There’s a lot of weight on that man’s shoulders. In fact, I can say that about most husbands I know. Even when they aren’t facing deadlines at work, they are dealing with the spiritual and financial responsibilities that come with leading a family.
While many of them appear to have everything under control, most of our husbands would not only appreciate encouragement from us, they would benefit from it.
Any mom who cares for a growing child knows the importance of praise in their children’s life. Not only does it help to build a healthy sense of self-esteem, it also reminds a child that he or she is loved.
In the same way, any wife who cares for her husband will also know the importance of praise in a marriage. It’s vital to a growing relationship.
Matthew L. Jacobson once wrote, “We need your affirmation – we have to have it and, oh, how we thrive with it. Typically, men are quiet about these things but that doesn’t mean we need and enjoy our wife’s affirmation any less. And every man feels it: When his woman is behind him, he can slay dragons.”
Do you realize that there are four verses in Proverbs alone that talk about nagging wives? They are referred to as quarrelsome, fretful, and a continual dripping. If you have ever experienced a leaky roof, you’ll know how annoying that is. We experienced one about 20 years ago in our back porch, and regardless of how many times I emptied the pail it would only fill up again.
That’s the danger with nagging. It becomes a never-ending habit if left unchecked, and unfortunately it festers resentment. Praise on the other hand has the reverse affect. It builds the bond of marriage and draws a couple closer together.
That’s only two of the benefits, but there are so many more. Let’s look at five of them:
- When you affirm him, you are affirming your love for him. Knowing that someone loves you deeply strengthens the bond of marriage. Think of it this way: we form the strongest friendships with those that we deeply trust.
- When you praise him for the little things he does, it’s more likely that he’ll be encouraged to repeat them in the future.
- When I praise my husband, whether it be in his presence or in his absence, we bear witness of our marriage covenant. Keeping in mind that marriage reflects the covenant between Jesus Christ and the church it’s important to honor our vows in the best way we know how.
- Kindness is an attractive quality. There’s no possible way a wife can be attractive when she’s constantly nagging her husband. Sure, you can put the pretty on, but unless you’re also attractive it wears thin. There’s nothing appealing about a critical spirit.
- He’ll be glad to come home. Let’s face it, the world is tough place. Many of our husbands are dealing with difficult situations at work and need a sense of relief when they walk through the door. Unfortunately, some other husbands are working with women who are building them up outside of the home. If we want a husband who is glad to come home to his wife, we can make him feel welcome by letting him know that we appreciate him, that we respect him, and that we’re glad he is with us.
You are loved by an almighty God,
~Darlene Schacht
The Time-Warp Wife
Check out Darlene Schacht’s newest book, Messy Beautiful Love: Hope and Redemption for Real-Life Marriages
Messy Beautiful Love delivers an incredible testimony of grace that offers hope for today’s marriages and a spark for rekindling love.
Love gets messy.
Financial problems, sickness, aging parents, a chronically unhappy spouse . . . trials will inevitably come that threaten your marriage. No matter how long you’ve been married or how strong your relationship is, sooner or later you are going to have a mess to clean up.
Messy Beautiful Love is about cleaning up messes God’s way, exchanging your ideas for His, and being prepared for both the best and the worst that marriage has to offer.
When you surrender your relationship to God, then and only then will you experience the blessing of marriage as He intended. This is the blessing of obedience.
Messy Beautiful Love is an invitation to that obedience. The cynical world says marriages don’t last, but God knows better. Tune out the world and tune in to Him. When you do that, a beautiful marriage is not only possible, it’s inevitable.
Want to win a copy?
We’re giving away two copies of Darlene’s book, Messy Beautiful Love. Enter to WIN a copy by clicking “Share Your Thoughts” below this post, and leave us a comment telling us something you love about your husband. We’ll randomly choose two winners. {If you’re reading this via email, click here to ENTER TO WIN by leaving a comment on my blog}
I love that my husband is always calm and loving. Even if I am nagging or angry with him he is always loving. He doesn’t complain even if I am. :-/
I love the fact that my husband loves Jesus more than me! I respect that kind of love. It makes loving him all the more easier!
My husband is a very hard working,honest man. We will be married 28 years & have had our share of trials from miscarriage,loss of our oldest son,teenage trials ,failed adoptions,cancer ,sickness & adoption of a special needs child but my husband is my pillar of strength that seeks God & gives me the love & comfort I need . He is my BEST FRIEND !!
After 35+ years of marriage I’m still in love with the man I married, not just because of the man he was when we repeated our vows, but because of the Godly husband, father, and grandfather he strives to be on a daily basis.
My hubby is a super-hard worker…he goes above and beyond to provide for us! He is also a great protector…my hero 🙂
One of the many things I love about my husband is that he is such a hard worker and devoted husband and father. He has always been a awesome provider for our family. He is faithful to me, our children, and to God. I pray that God will continue to strengthen our marriage and show me how to better support him in all he does. This book would be amazing to read. Thank you and God bless.
My husband loves his family, great dad to our kids, hard worker, great provider, serves our country, and is kind.
This sounds like a wonderful book. I look forward to reading it. It’s a great reminder to appreciate and recognize what a wonderful partner I have in my husband.
I love how my husband works so hard for our family. He is always finding ways to make a little extra cash through surveys, studies, etc.
My husband and I are a great team! He helps me so much with house work and it’s such a blessing because we both work and real life takes over and the rest is history. He is working so hard on his masters and always provides for our family. He knows he has so much potential and is putting in the hard work now to give our family an even better future. I would love a copy of the book because there is always growth and I am open to hear what He can teach me through the book about being an even better wife to him!
He puts mine and the boys needs above his.
I love my hubby’s ability to make me laugh!
I love how my husband knows me well enough to give me the best surprises. Also thanks for the reminder of being nagging and critical. I know I slip into that so easily and am still learning how to avoid it.
I love my husband’s quick wit and GREAT sense of humor…he can bring a smile to my face even in the most difficult of times. And even more I love that He is a man of character and integrity….the same in the house and outside the house. Before we ever walked down the aisle he said once married neither of our lips could ever utter the word “divorce.” If we were going to do this thing, it would be forever. And we have done that…27 years later those words have never been spoken in our home, and I praise God for that.
Thank you for your words today. I needed to hear them today. 🙂
Blessings,
Wendy
I love my husband’s hugs!!!
I love how my husband loves God, loves me and loves our kids. He travels in the sales industry but always makes a point to call our sweet children before bed and each morning before school. Even when there is a large time difference. Sometimes he has to get up at 4 to catch us before school. Those little things make all the difference!
My husband is so sensitive to my needs, and has been throughout our 35 years of marriage. He is a wonderful listener, and supports me in all that I do. I love hearing him say “I love you”. We really are best friends too! We so enjoy getaways together 🙂
What a wonderful message! I don’t suppose I qualify, I cannot brag on my hubby… I am an old maid, a spinster. I devoted my life to taking care of my parents, teaching children and loving my nieces and nephews. I have had three beautiful nieces get married in the last three years. They had awesome weddings and love their spouses dearly. Two are in wonderful Christian marriages, doing advanced college classes work and working. They would love this book and would share as they are loving sisters.
Thanks for this reminder! In fact, God’s been convicting me of complaining to my husband and you gave me a whole list of reasons to nip that bad habit off in the bud…
I am sure I need this book, but our finances our very tight due to my husband not having full time employment. So, I am blogging now and praying to be one of ladies that is fortunate to win this book.
My husband is amazing he is always there for me and our family no matter what. Works overtime to help with the bills after I lost my job. He is my other half and completes me perfectly. I thank God for him everyday!!
I love my husband because he came I to my life during a very dark time. I was going thru pastoral sexual abuse and trying to overcome childhood sexual abuse while being newly Wed. He rescued me and starting teaching me about God. He helped me to understand who God is and he loved on me during a time where my heart was so closeed up. He also took in my too kids as his very own and took on all the duties of a Father. He loved me with the love of Christ something I didn’t even know existed for me. We went thru a very hard time in our marriage while I was trying to heal from all the abuse I had encountered in my life and we never had the honey moon stage. We went from marriage to just trying to survive as I was a broke mess. He stood by my side and today we are 6 years strong now helping others in their walk with God
My husband and I both lost our fathers this summer – within 7 weeks of each other – and we are working hard to buoy each other up each day, getting accustomed to our loss. There was a service scheduled honoring my dad in a town about 45 minutes from home yesterday, and after an exhausting day at work, I knew my husband did not want to make the trip. With no complaining, he generously changed his clothes and hopped into the car, showing me as he always does that our needs together are more important than his needs alone. I am blessed to have him on our journey.
My husband has always been there for me. We support each other, and I am so blessed to have him.
What I love about my husband is he has a sense of humor and very talented and working hard.
Yes, messy, but God is teaching me lots. This book could help.
He worries about keeping everything working for me!
I love that he is such a hard worker at his job.
We are celebrating our 16-year wedding anniversary today and would love to win a copy of this book to become a better wife.
My first husband’s primary love language was words of affirmation & that was a hard one – I spoke well of and to him but it took awhile to learn how to ‘speak’ not just flattery but words that affirmed his character. He passed away and I have been blessed with a second marriage. I’m learning that he receives notes of appreciation at a deeper, heart level more than speaking to him; he also is ‘lifted up’ when someone shares what I’ve spoken to them about him! It’s been exciting seeing God birth ‘new’ strengths in him as he ‘hears’ what others see in him. Ladies, it’s so important to not emasculate our men. Kinda like Peter Rabbit quoting his Mama in Bambi “If you can’t say nothin’ nice, don’t say nothin’ at all!”
I love that my husband cooks, and is good at it. He likes to cook (I could take or leave it) and he’s adventurous in his creations. I also love how he fathers our daughter. He is an awesome daddy.
Thank you for sharing 6 Reasons to Build Up Our Husbands. I needed this confirmation. I am learning to look past all the mistakes and imperfections of my husband and just love.
I love his beautiful green eyes and that he works tirelessly very long hours to provide for us even though he does not enjoy his job. I also love that even though he was not raised in a religious home he has given his life to Christ truly making our home a house that serves the Lord. (As for me and my house, we will serve the Lord!) 🙂
I find life interesting with my husband. We have been married for 18 yrs now and am blessed to have him in my life. We have a family that sticks together thru thick n thin Nomatter what comes our way. Yes my husband makes decisions sometimes that is hard to accept, but he does it for a reason. It’s awesome the life we have, although it gets sticky, ugly, stinky, and all kinda of stuff that doesn’t feel good. But it’s the glory and blessings we enjoy when the storm passes that I look forward to. Thank you for writing this book, I am a work in progress, a runner in this race, and an overcomer in Jesus. Look forward to reading your book.
I love my messy, beautiful life and I love my husband and respect him like crazy. He’s the hardest working guy I know – at his job, at being a father, at being a husband, at being all that he’s called to be. I’m so thankful that God knows exactly who to give to each of us!
I love that my husband is so even in his temperament when I many times do not rely on God to help me with coping skills. This sounds like a great book for me to learn how to surrender and be a better wife. When my life gets out of balance, I want God to be my first line of defense, my source of strength, comfort, and peace. My default temperament seems to be to react instead of respond and that is not very Christ-like. I am praying earnestly for God to change this in me.
I love that my husband now seeks The Lord and desires to live a Godly life! Praise God!
I’m currently waiting for Him to show me another husband – if that’s what He intends for me. Having this book would be good thoughts to help guide me.
This sure would be a great helper as I do tend to nag and feel justified by doing so. My husband or I didn’t grow up with any positive marriages for us to immolate. One thing that I am grateful for is that he’s always had the desire to support our family. I’m looking to do things differently now. I’m tired of always fussing and complaining. Thanks in advance!
My husband is faithful & trustworthy.
I love that my husband is organized because at home, I am not. I also love that he doesn’t mind doing dishes!
My husband is a protector. He encourages me and tells me how proud he is of me since I have returned to school. He has become disabled and unable to work in the past 2 years. It is very hard for him because he doesn’t feel like a man or provider for our family. He helps the kids with homework and helps with chores around the house when he is feeling well enough too. I am so very blessed to have this man for my husband. We have been together for 7 years and not all of them great but each trial has brought us closer to God and to each other. This sounds like a great book for our relationship and I look forward to reading it. (Whether I win a copy or not, I will get a copy)
I love when my husband makes me laugh
I love how my husband cares so much about providing for us. He is a hard-working man who only wants the best for our family.
I love my husband’s small things he does. Like Lysa our time is in the evening when he brings me a cup of tea.
He is loyal and loved me through times I had given up.
The book sounds like such a vehicle to learn, grow and build a more solid relationship for us and God. Thank you XO
I love my husband because of who he is and he loves me just the way I am. He encourages me and supports me. He has a heart to serve God by serving others less fortunate or who need help whether it is a widow or a disabled person needing their lawn mowed or leaves raked, or just helping where there are needs. Just last night, he thought of me while in the grocery store buying his type of coffee creamer, he bought my type as well. God blessed me through him with that what he might have thought a small gester, but to me a huge blessing. It reminded me that I need to be more thoughtful and encouraging. This book sounds like one that I need to read and be reminded of how God created marriage to be.
My husband and I just celebrated our 35th wedding anniversary in August. Everyday is a struggle to survive after the loss of our son in 2009 and my husbands subsequent infidelity. Sometimes it hurts just to breathe. But the Lord’s mercies are new every morning and I am learning at age 53 for the first time what it truly means to trust in Him completely. Pray for us. Especially my husband. All that we have been through has caused him to, as he puts it, “question his faith”. Spiritually, he doesn’t even remotely resemble the man I married. His mind is entangled in a web of Satan’s lies and schemes about what this world has to offer, and seems to have decided that God’s Word is flawed and outdated. I pray constantly that God’s will grab hold of his heart and bring him back to his senses. Please pray God will give me the strength to love him unconditionally. I struggle with being still and waiting for God’s perfect timing, and daily surrendering to His will and way in my life and in our marriage.
Sandra – the porn and “gentlemen’s clubs” have made their way into our home as well. Praise God that he revealed Himself to your husband and brought him to repentance! I pray God will do this in my home so we can start our own amazing journey!
My husband is not born again: He doesn’t believe in God. It is hard and I show him by example who God is and His love. My husband is caring, hardworking loving man. He cares for me and God has blessed our relationship. He cared(physically) for me when I had brain surgery and could not do a thing for myself: he basically kept me out of a nursing home. I appreciate him, love and care for him. Times are tough right now and he is turning inward with no hope. I continually pray that God would open his heart to Him. There is always hope and I persevere with God’s new mercies and grace each day!! He is my man!!
What I love about my husband is that no matter how messy things are for us whether it be family, finance, lack of time together, overworked, etc he always remains calm and collect and reassures us that we will be fine. He does all that he can so I can stay home and take care of our children.
I love and appreciate that my husband puts up with me and all my faults and messes. He is a hard worker and is very involved with our kids sports.