“We can trust God’s plans as we realize that His story is being written into ours. His power is perfected in the broken places we consider to be our greatest weaknesses – our most vulnerable emotions we don’t want anyone to know about. In those hiding places, God calls us out of captivity. When we’re willing to let Him, He brings hope for our future despite the pain of our past.” – Chapter 4
Chapter 4 takes a lot of courage. And I’m so proud of you for being here and not giving up, for wanting all He has for you. I know your Heavenly Father is so proud of you too, for your pursuit and your willingness to walk with Him one step at a time. Remember Christ died to forgive our sins but also to heal our souls so that we can live in Him – with HOPE again!
Don’t give up friend, no matter what! Stay close to Jesus. Stay connected here. We’re in this together. HE is so worthy!! And you? You are so worth it!!
Here’s this week’s messages. Please don’t miss it. I want to be able to share with you face to face this. You were on my mind and in my prayers when I filmed this teaching several weeks ago. Please click the arrow below to watch.
Message Notes: You can download video “Message Notes” in a PDF format here or in a MSWord doc here. I encourage you to watch it once and just let God speak to your heart. Then if you want to, watch it a second time and follow along with the message notes which include parts of the message, verses and blanks to fill in. 🙂
I know the timelines I encourage you to do are scary for many. I really do understand. And it takes time. I wish I had shared that more clearly in the book. Today I’m praying for God to give you courage and perseverance to press through any fear that would keep you from starting it. Fear is Satan’s way of keeping us from the freedom God wants in our lives. You don’t have to do a timeline if you don’t want to or if God doesn’t lead you to. The reason I encourage one is because it’s valuable for us to identify memories and emotions caused in the past that play a role in how you see ourselves and others, and how we handle life and relationships today.
In her comments under this post, May shared how she’s been taking it a little at a time and how answering the questions at the end of the chapter has helped her start her timeline.
Connecting in Community: Let’s share with each other what God showed you through our video message? Also, if you feel comfortable, please share some of your answers to questions at end of Chapter 4.
Click “share your thoughts” right below this post and do just that. I’ll be here reading and praying and commenting as time allows. Let’s take a minute today to pray for or encourage someone else as time allows. This chapter is one where it sure is good to know we have friends here to pray and walk beside us, isn’t it? LOVE you guys!!!
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“The conflict with my old friend had led me to bitterness in my heart, and the Holy Spirit helped me see that I had played a role in it. I needed to forgive her and ask her to forgive whatever i had done to upset her so much.Ouch! It was hard to accept but I wanted freedom no matter what it would cost me” Chapter 4 pg 77…
This is just another part of my past and the pain i caused myself and others. I am a true friend, when I have one i am a complete lifelong friend. Or at least i want to be. I was friends with a woman in my early 30’s that i thought would be life long. We had our babies a month apart. I had known her husband first but when we met, we just clicked. I started to watch her daughter when she worked. They were both 2 at the time. I had 3 sons so she became like the daughter I never had. Kate and I became great friends. We were so very close for the next 15 years. Throughout that time i was (admittedly so) very needy. She was strong, college educated and confident in herself. I guess i saw what i had nothing of in her. I wanted it for myself. We laughed and cried together ver the years…she was a good friend and i was to her. The problems i had caused her after 18 years of friendship to start backing away. Our children were going into High School now and that little girl was a beautiful young lady. She and my son were very close. I lost that friendship with Kate. I will never forget her words that still sting today. …”I just can’t do it anymore Peggy” I was devastated by losing that friendship. She was everything i thought i wasn’t. No, i don’t have an education but in Christ i am confident and strong. I know that now and i also know that I brought much into the friendship. No guilt, no shame…Regrets, i try not to have any, but i wish i had listened to her more. It was not the way it was supposed to end. A few years ago I went back to visit her.. We hugged, she forgave, but she had a block there i could feel it, and I suppose it is for the best. It still hurts sometimes but I know now, that her love for the Lord is shallow and she lives in the world, My light shines brighter with Jesus being my only true friend today. Thanks for letting me share my still tender pain.
Wow!!! RENEE and CHLadies, Ch 4 was really hard…definitely what i needed to read and so encouraged by it…and i am so thankful that there is hope n healing for the broken hearted! Ladies thank you for during all ur stories so far. they all have been a huge encouragement to me and a knowing that God is n control of our lives, our marriages, our children, our hopes n dreams, and our future.
i did have a rough childhood answer i grew up in the inner city…but praise b to God he has taken care if my family and kept us in the palm of his hands. I was given the gift of going to a Christian Christian and that is where i met my husband. we have been married this august for 13 yrs…and the last 3 HAVE BEEN THE HARDEST. We have 4 beautiful girls. So my heart ache begins 3 yrs ago. My husband is a believer but slowly has begun to live his life in his own strength. I don’t know why o can’t understand this change in him. HHis who personality has changes and for some reason he thinks he is n his 20’s. he lives for the acceptance of others and his ego has gotten so big. His personality has changed to the coolness and his drive to serve the Lord is really not there anymore. He had an emotional affair w a younger women and we moved out of state to try and fix our marriage…which i regret Sooo bad…i miss my family n friends like crazy!!! He got a new job this past year and most of the employees are young n single…most of them are unbelievers and are not the greatest influence on him…and i so desire that he would turn arfound and b the Godly example he knows to b and that God desires of him to b…i know that i cent change him…believe me I’ve tried and it doesn’t work…he has to have that n his heart for God to change him. we have had a last yr of ups n downs…where i found things n his phone that have hurt me. and our trust has been Sooo broken. and i fear that i will find something more. i have prayed n prayed for the Lord to change him and call him back to him. my heart hurts cuz i love this man…i know there he has been and how he use to love the Lord w his whole heart and me. i have tried to encourage him…but sometimes i just want to give up and i believe n Satan lies that were not gonna make it…but i know from reading ch 4. that God gist us healing and freedom. and i want that freedom…i want that hope and believe that promise that he has great plans for us plans to give us hope and a future n not to harm you. Then u will call upon me and pray to me. and i will listen to you. u will seek me n find me she u seek me with all of ur heart. I WILL B FOUND BY YOU. JEREMIAH 29:11-14…I don’t want to b in captivity any more of this marriage that was broken by miss trust but i want to believe and know n my heart that it can b restored and renewed w Christ on my side. i want to leave my husband and my marriage at the foot if the cross and i want God to renew my heart and take away this hurt, doubt, worries, and mistrust…i want to find my wholeness and completeness in Christ and nite in my husband anymore.
please pray for my husband to draw back and return to Christ and that the Lord will begin speaking to his heart again. and that he will see the need to change and allow the Lord to lead him once again. i ask that u pray for me that the Lord will give me the strength to go on each day and that i will find my joy in Him.
Jackie, I am praying for you and your husband. A few years back under different circumstances I lost trust in my husband because of hidden sin. It didn’t get better overnight. But through it all I have relied on my Heavenly Father and found Him to be my true Source. My husband did turn away from the sin and is living his life for the Lord. But when my husband fails me (since he’s human) and is not everything I need, I’m still fine because Jesus is my Refuge and my Rock whom I can stand on.
Crystal,
Thank U so much for ur encouragement. That really helped me to see that there is hope n healing in relationships that can b trying. Im so glad that things are working out in ur marriage and Im so happy that the Lord has turned ur husband around and that he is living fir the Lord again. 😉 I believe the hard part for me is totally relying on God to work in our relationship. every time i give it to the Lord i take it back and i don’t want to do that anymore. o fir that give my husband back to the Lord. I know that God is my source of strength and my Rock n i believe that he will take care of us. but when my feelings of mistrust ninsecurity time in i start doubting myself….how do i let go ntotally rely on my Savior???
please keep us in ur prayers….i will b doing my timeline sometime today and tomorrow i plan on having a retreat w Jesus lifting up my marriage n husband to the Lord and praising him for the blessings he has given me….I can do all things through him who gives me Strength…Phil 4:13
Thanks again
Jackie
The timeline is not something I’m going to be doing right now in my life. I have been having a difficult five years of marriage and a difficult three years of motherhood. I have been searching to find the answers to these difficulties and about two weeks ago I just surrendered it all and told God to take my life and do it for me because I was making a mess out of my marriage and my family. I have suffered through domestic violence and wanting men to find me special because my dad never did… I can recall every life event that hurt me right off the top of my head and I could create a timeline of my life in less than five minutes and then go back and add details for every event. I have been carrying this stuff with me daily for years. Comparing myself to my father and hating myself for it, striving for perfection and getting mad at anyone that doesn’t listen to me or do things my way because they are hindering my perfection (which is unattainable), I’ve been comparing my husband to my father and have just been feeling stuck inside myself, who is sinful and unworthy. I’ve been depressed and I’ve wanted to end it all. I felt sucked into a black whole. I read book after book and tried gimmick after gimmick… christian ones at that, but I couldn’t be free. When I asked God two weeks ago to do it for me I also forgave each person that I felt had hurt me and God told me to live in the moment. Day by day. Today is the only day I have. I have to submit it to him and let him live through me… not think of the past, but just have hope for today. I have had an amazing two weeks, just brimming and bubbling with the holy spirit and oh so much hope. Today when I sat to make my timeline, I was reminded again by all that I have done to fail and all that has failed me and I began to strive for perfection and I lashed out in anger when someone didn’t follow what I had said to do. I thought about it and I realized that yes, maybe I am not completely healed from my past and I need to go through that process, but God has told me to live in the moment and it was working great. So I’m going back to that…. and if and when God says to make a timeline and work through. I will. Right now, I’m not so sure he wants to use my junk to help someone by my reliving and retelling it… maybe he just wants me to live in the moment and serve him day after day. Love to you all.
Have re-read CH 4 several times, and something new is revealed each time.
This is for Denee: I had a period in my life when I had to live day-to-day in His grace too, and not process any more for a while all the stuff my family and I were going through. When He gives you His peace in the midst of that, which it sound like He is for you right now, then you are right, that is His affirmation that you just need to rest in His love. The timeline is an excellent concept, but we each have to use the tool to enhance our understanding in order to grow. If He is loving you to Him right now day-to-day, take that gift and get stronger, keep seeking His will, and when you are ready for it to reveal things in a new light that will be beneficial, He will let you know. Keep the faith sister and hang in there.
Hi Renee,
I wanted to say doing the time line is not easy at all. My counselor suggested for me to do this two weeks ago, and then it just happened to coincide with Chapter 4 this week. It is very depressing for me to go into my past. Hard to face. I know though it is part of the true healing process and becoming whole.
I also wanted to comment how you have referred to Jeremiah 29:11. I first heard this promise after my first husband passed away. For some reason now reading it through your book and other ways you have mentioned it, it is really sinking in alot more and has alot more meaning to it.
As I read through Chapter 4 I realize that in many ways I have run from the pain/depression of my past. It is nice to think God has hope for me, and a plan for me, and wants to rebuild my life. To think He can bring purpose to my pain. That’s quite a thought.
Reading your story in Chapter 4 made me wish I could share it with my current husband who I am separated from. I think he could relate to your story too. Maybe some day God will give me that opportunity.
I’m not sure if it is okay to say this but I am struggling a great deal. I have been a Christian for years but it never went from my head to my heart. I have had some trials in life and have never shared them. I just ate my way to feeling better. Recently God grabbed a hold of my heart and brought me to a place of brokenness so that all I had left was him. I am angry, sad, and overwhelmed and feel like I can’t make it through sometimes. I ask for prayer please that God continues to show the unfailing love he has for me and for me to believe I am worthy of it. Thank you so much!!
MH
MH…It is so OK to say how you feel here!! I pray for you that you will feel his unconditional love. I have felt the same way, and still struggle with it at times. This study is His perfect timing! The troubles and trials I have had in my life don’t show as much as when we eat to much. Nobody could see how i was so addicted to prescription pain meds. Just numbing myself to the world and all my pain. I was so sad, so overwhelmed by life. I had somewhat of a mental breakdown in December and had been hurting so much. Tools like this study are what are showing me, Jesus loves me through it all. I have a hard time trusting because I have been hurt by so many most of my life. lots of it, by my own doing. Insecurities and pain caused me to do and say things that people got tired me. Get off the pity pot is what i would hear. It wasn’t that at all, it was my pain, so great that i needed people to help. But god, He is the only one who can bring us through the storms of life. Hang on to Jesus, the hem of His Robe, if nothing else is what i did. At times i was hanging by a thread…praying He would just take me home…I am still here and so are you, I guess He is not finished with us yet. I am so glad you are…I love you my friend…Peggy
Thank you Peggy! Sometimes feel all alone and need to remember he is holding through all of this. Praying for you…
MH
Yes He is my dear sister…yes He is…I just finished doing work in my TImeline which is hard because i remember so little which in turn makes me feel alone and afraid. Only Jesus can heal my hurts and bring me to the place that can heal my broken places. i know that full well…I am alone in my heart and soul also…but through Him, I am starting to know that I am never alone…He is with us…Praise Him!!
Renee thank you so much for this book and the teaching that God has called you to do. I am learning so much and learning to let go of my past, my mistakes, my hurts and letting God have control, to let him and only him fill me. This is the second time reading through the nook and Hid has opened my eyes to so many more things that I kissed in my timeliness this time through and opened my eyes to all the things that I have left me feeling insecure, not good enough, not worthy. Some things I didn’t even know I was still banging onto. Praying for more confidence the unfailing love of Jesus and the the plans and hope I have through Jesus.
Please pray for me. I have come to realize that I am so used to being unhealthy spiritualy, mentally, emotionall and physically that I actually fear being healthy. Why that is I’m not really sure and I am asking God to reveal the root of that lie so that I can move on and be God’s ambassador for healing.
Cindy, When we study God’s word and begin to develop a “closeness” with our Father, we are targets for Satan’s lies. I’ll be praying for you during this time, that the Lord will heal you wherever you need healing. And that he will reveal to you what is truth and what are lies. I pray that He will give you a peace that only He can give.
Renee, I almost quit this study because it and life has become very painful as the pain has been coming to the surface but I decided to plug along because I know God is saying to me very clearly “IT IS TIME TO DEAL WITH THE PAIN AND MOVE ON TO WHAT I HAVE FOR YOU” This chapter has been really good, painful but also very encouraging and give me hope that I will get through this. IT IS HIS TIMING NOT MINE SO I KNOW IT IS OF GOD. BECAUSE MY NATURAL REACTION WHOULD BE TO RUN BCAUSE IT IS TOO PAINFUL.
Thank you so much for your prayers and walking with us through the process and taking this journey with Jesus Christ our Lord and Savior.
My mom died of early onset alzheimers and I’ve been struggling with a lot of fear that I am getting it myself. I’m only 38 and have 3 small kids but find myself doing some of the things I remember in my mom early on. This chapter is showing me that I haven’t dealt with my mom’s death as much as I thought I had. I daily deal with a great deal of fear and am giving Satan a way to control me through that fear. Thanks Renee for letting God use you to help me try to find hope for my future.
This is the first book I have ever read through, highlighted, and upon finishing it decided to immediately go through it again and really work with it in my life. I am not a young woman by any means and it is still encouraging to know that God is NOT finished with me yet and I can still overcome a lack of confidence and the feeling of low self worth.
Thank you so much
I havent had a chance to watch the video yet, but I wanted to let you know what an encouragement and challenge this chapter has been for me! I have slammed my book closed several times not wanting to face the reality of what God is trying to teach me and how He wants to change me for the better…Ugh. I will reread where I left off and pray that I can be courageous to do the hard things.
Also, I was just able to share some of the chapters verses with a close friend who’s husband is struggling with hidden sin, paranoia, untruth, and so much more- just came to a head this week and they are both praying hard. Please pray for them as they face the devil head on with God’s truth! Thanks!
Renee, thank you so much for surrendering your story to all of us. You are helping me look at my past and let God begin to heal it completely. I no longer want to be great for Him, I just want to sit at His feet and drink from His cup and bring others to the source of healing.
Thank you for your encouraging video, Renee. My husband & I dealt many years with the loss & sadness due to infertility & miscarriages. Twenty years later & now being the mother of 5 beautiful children that God has blessed us with through adoption, I still find myself struggling with this past hurt & loss. This chapter has been a real breakthrough for me & has given me the guidance to begin healing from these painful experiences. Thanks so much again & blessings to you.
Renee, loved the video. One of my favorite verses is Jeremiah 29:11, and it wasn’t until recently that I read further and found verse 14. WOW does that say it all, I will be found by you, says the Lord. Prayers lifted up for all. I’m still struggling with getting head knowledge into my heart but I’m not giving up. Thanks Renee for taking the time to encourage us in the journey.
Dear Renee,
Thank you for this wonderful study. I read Chapter 4 on Monday, and I did my timeline the next day, even before I looked at the questions. I didn’t want to put it off, and I wanted the healing you said it would bring. I was surprised on some of the things that made it onto the timeline but more surprised by the things that didn’t. As I was doing it, it was as if the Lord was revealing the “major” hurts and happenings that has made me me. I was also surprised by the things that brought tears that I thought I had dealt with and the things I was able to write down as just a happening that I realized I had moved on from or at least for now.
What I noticed that I had moved on from was the stuff that I had worked through forgiving the person. One of the things that helps me do that is: Hurting people hurt people. While I was writing one of the things that still bring tears and a lot of them, the song from David Crowder Band came on “How He Loves.” So while I was sitting there crying, I was reminded how much God loves me and how He’s right there walking through life with me.
Thank you Renee and dear sisters in Christ for being transparent and allowing healing to come in our vulnerable places.
HI Renee!
I could relate to what you were saying in the video. I too have become critical and resentful of my husband but unlike you, I am not sure why. We have been married 12 years with two beautiful children. I am so blessed. I am not sure why I have become so controlling and hard on him. I am praying for God to bring me clarity as I am on this journey with you. My hope is that I discover what in my past is holding me back from recieving the promises of my future. I pray for a confident heart as I take hold of GOd’s hope and healing He has for my life. Thanks for all your insight!
Renee, I agree with everything you said in the video. It can be so painful to let God take you through the process but it is so worth it! It took me a few years to really walk through it all with God and like your marriage, mine was also affected. I carried into my marriage the baggage of an alcoholic, perfectionistic father, the struggle of losing all our possessions to his addiction when I was in my early teens and then abuse by my step-grandfather. When I met my husband I was a mess and looking for someone to love me and make everything ok. I had many, many unrealistic expectations I put on him. It almost cost me the marriage, but praise the Lord for His healing in my life and in my marriage and we are coming upon our 14th anniversary. The Lord makes all things new and in Him we are new creations and can have hope for our future despite what happened in the past. Psalm 40:1-3 are my life verses.
Confident Heart Sisters,
Even though it will be a challenge to write out our “hurtful” timelines full of pain, let’s stay focused on Him. Let’s LET GO, and LET GOD! Let’s truly let His truth cut to the core of our struggles bringing purpose to our pain, redemption from our past, and HOPE for our future! We aren’t alone in this…we are all together! And have God right here with us! Prayers are being lifted up for YOU!!!!!
Chapter 4 is a hard chapter for me, but I know that now is the time the Lord has ordained for me to let go of my past hurts, sins and disappointments so that God can set this captive free. I started my timeline this morning in my quiet time and it went back to when I was 9 years old. I cried and cried over hurt, pain and dissilusionment, but somehow I know God was there with me, heard me and will set me free. I know that this morning the Lord “looked with compassion on all my ruins; he will make my deserts like Eden, my wastelands like the garden of the LORD. ” I am taking this slow, one day at a time, and have puposed to see this through..thank you Renee, for allowing God to use you for such a time as this.
Wow, what a wonderful study! God Bless all you for sharing your thoughts with me. I just began the program…and I believe there’s a timeline for everything, and God deal with us individually, and in our time. I too suffered abandonment as child, and came from a home where there was alcoholism . It has taken me years to accepted it, and lived denail for quiet some time., I’ve developed mechanism through the years to help cope the pain and hurt of growing up with a parent that’s an alcoholist., I became a perfectionist, and controlling individual. I am still, even thought I had have relationships in the past for fear of commitment and getting hurt, and rejection. I became the care giver for my mom, and it has been bitter-sweet, and also forgave my dad and took care of him till the very end. I’ve been experiencing flashbacks of my past since last year and I believe that’s God trying to heal my heart and giving me hope for the future, I’ve discovered things about myself I didn’t know before. I believe just like Reene said its the Holy Spirit bring in out those areas, those thoughts in me that keep me captive and prevent me from moving forward. I wish someone would share their thoughts on their own process of healing.
EI am here praying for you all. I hope to get the book soon…just been a tight couple of months. But the tax refund is on the way! I am so blessed by the devotions and sharing…y’all are amazing. I will hope to be playing catcheup soon! God bless you all.