Today I want you to meet my brave and beautiful friend Lelia Chealey who shares her story of emptiness and how God redeemed her brokenness.
Italicized sentences are from Chapter 3 of A Confident Heart
Until our hearts find complete security and significance in God’s unconditional love, we will constantly turn to other lovers and never be satisfied.
Although I stood before family and friends professing my love and faithfulness to my husband, three years later I found myself trying to fill my emptiness in the arms of another man.
When the closed door of a previous relationship opened I ran through it. On Wednesday I was serving on our church’s youth team and by Saturday I was in between the sheets of a bed in a cheap hotel. The result of my affair led to a pregnancy I knew was from the other man since my husband had undergone a vasectomy.
Driving out of an abortion clinic and heading home to my unsuspecting husband, I wondered how I’d gotten to this place. Here I was a Christian wife and mom who had compromised my beliefs in more ways than one. Looking to fill my void with anything but Jesus, I walked further and further away from the One I needed most.
By being honest about her life and the lies she believed, she could start turning toward the Truth. She could bring the thirst of her heart to Him. Only then would she find confidence in the power of His love and start living in the security of His promises.
I ended my affair soon after the reality of my abortion set in. It shook my Jesus-loving heart to the core. One morning, after everyone was out of the house, I turned on some worship music, got down on my knees and began to sob. Raising my hands toward heaven, I told God, “If I lose everything – my marriage, my kids, my friends, my reputation, but I still have YOU, I’ll be okay.”
Admitting all the lies I had told and believed, I got gut-honest with God that day. And in that place of truth, I was set free and could then turn toward Jesus and away from my life of sin. Like Renee wrote, I could bring the thirst of my heart to Him. That’s what I did — I brought my parched soul to the only One capable of filling me and changing my mess of a life.
Three years later, I felt God leading me to tell my husband about my affair and abortion. We’d attended two marriage conferences during the in-between years and I couldn’t keep my secret any longer. Deep pain was evident on his face and in his tears. My heart broke once again over my affair as I listened to my husband process my choices.
Still in shock, he told me that while I was having my affair he too had been involved in one. I sat there stunned, silent and ticked off at God. How had He not prepared me for this moment of my husband’s truth? I felt instant emptiness, but this time I made the choice to bow my heart before Jesus and ask Him to help me.
Jesus came to give us more than salvation. He wants us to experience complete satisfaction in Him.
These words from chapter 3 resonate deeply with my soul. Although, I had attended Christian school from kindergarten though graduation in 1988; went to church on Sundays and returned on Wednesdays and knew countless Bible stories by heart, what I lacked was a relationship with my King.
Sitting there with my husband trying to process his unfaithfulness, God let me know He is the only One that could take my empty, broken heart and fill it with His unconditional love and confidence that I had sought in all the wrong places.
I love what Renee asked us this week, and how she encouraged us to write our own “when-then” statements:
So what do we do when our hearts start tossing and turning with emptiness and uncertainty? We need to stop and ask Jesus to help us see the worth we are placing in other things and the worth we are seeking in other people and shift our reliance to Him instead.
{Here are mine}
When I start to feel like my marriage is not giving me what I deserve then I will turn to God and ask Him to be my portion.
When I feel tempted to return to a life of emptiness and rely on my old patterns of comfort and fulfillment then I will praise God for what He has brought me from and remind myself that I am worthy of the sacrifice of the cross.
Lasting security comes when we bring the empty well of our hearts to Jesus and ask Him to fill and fulfill us with the security of His unfailing love.
It’s been ten years since the day of my and my husband’s confessions. Our marriage is far from perfect, but with God’s help we have walked through the process of forgiveness and restoration. My husband and I serve at a marriage conference every spring and God has used our mistakes to help other couples realize He is much bigger than any circumstance we face. He has also taken the shame and regret of my abortion and used it for His glory by calling me to be part of an abortion ministry, “Surrendering the Secret,” where I now serve as a leader.
I have no idea what your story it, but please believe this woman who almost lost everything for nothing. Jesus is worth seeking and giving Him a chance to fill up all the empty places of your life. If He can look at an unfaithful wife and compromising mom in Nebraska and see beauty instead of ugly then anyone is within reach of being embraced by His amazing grace.
You need to know that God wants you. There is no sin too heavy to stay nailed to the beams of the cross. You are the reason He trekked His way to Calvary and you are worth every step He took!
***
Thank you Lelia, for the courage and risk it takes tell your story – so raw, so real yet so full of His redemption. I see and love Jesus in you!
Let’s Connect: Will you take a minute to thank Lelia, and let us both know what has risen to the surface of your heart as you read her story or as you read Chapter 3 this week? {REMEMBER: you are reading this via email, click here to visit my website and connect in community.}
Under this post, click “share your thoughts” and do just that. Also, feel free to share some answers to your end of chapter 3 questions. I treasure this space that connects our hearts! {Love you guys so much!}
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Thank you so much, Lelia, for being willing to share your story in order to encourage others. May God continue to bless your ministry.
Thank you Lelia for your openness and honesty. How refreshing and encouraging you have been, and a blessing as I read through your story.
Thank you so much leila for your honesty and openness. The pain of adultry has hit my marriage too. My husband of almost 7 years has had affairs with 9 different women in the past 5 years. All of which was confesed to me a few monthas ago. He had been a drug addict alcoholic and womanizer since a very young age and was saved and born again back in 04. We got married and had a wonderful marriage for the first year or so. Then we moved and both of us fell away from the Lord. The drinking came back but I had no idea about the women or drugs. Everything fell apart last september. Since then my husband has completly surrendered to Jesus again. He has mived into a men’s discipleship ministry for a while and God is restoring our marriage.
It is hard and the pain is still there at times but this time away has allowed us both time to seek the Lord and grow closer to Him.
I used to wish none of this happened but in order for us to be where we are today God had to completwly break us. I am grateful for that.
Leila, thank you so much for opening up your heart and sharing your story. Your courage and straight forward honesty is inspiring. It shows how God can find you in your deepest wilderness and perform His greatest works. I have made terrible decisions in the past and up until I got gut-wrenching honest with God, the guilt was too much to bear. I never experienced an affair but I hurt people and was ashamed. Everyone forgave me but I had to forgive myself. That was the most difficult thing to do but once I did, God worked miracles through the mess and destruction I had caused. I feel very blessed to have read your story and am so thankful for your willingness to share. Much love to you and your family. You are a blessing and I hope many others can be touched by your story of faith and God’s grace in the way I have.
I am so moved by your story, Leila, for, with just a few exceptions, it could be my own….that IS the root of the problem – though I did exactly what I was supposed to throughout most of my growning up years, due to the divorce of my parents when I was very young, I always FELT broken and empty, and have always had the tendency to cling to things to “fill me up” that I shouldn’t. I ended up pregnant at 19 by my controlling boyfriend of three years. Fortunately, we worked it out, and have been married almost 25 years now, but I recognize what initially drew me to him – This same thing that pushed me to another’s arms. Though that relationship was discovered by my husband and ended before it become physical, the hurt for him was just as deep.
I admire your courage to talk about this – this is the first time I’ve spoken of this to ANYONE in a decade…..thanks for the opportunity to open up.
In Christian Love,
Sherri
Thank you, dear Leila, for sharing your heart and your pain. It took a lot of courage to do the things you did! I’m so proud of you! Praise be to our God that He not only forgives, He redeems! He brought something beautiful out of your ashes! How exciting that so MANY other women will receive healing through God’s love as they process their own past mistakes and failures. Your story will inspire them to take that first step. Thank you for sharing and for being an example to us all!
Lelia, I commend you for your courage to put yourself out there for us. I loved your testimony and its’ proof that His word is the only word! When He tells us He will use our struggles for His good it is true!!! You have given us strength to know, that even though we have made our mistakes and we feel that there is no coming back from our sins, we can! Thank you so much for your story!! I admire you and again, your testimony will live with me forever because my God is GREAT ALWAYS!!!!
Lelia, thank you for being real. I am struggling with telling my spouse the real truth about the sins I have committed. Your story gives me hope and courage.
Lelia, thank you for sharing your story. This past year I, too, was unfaithful to my husband with a married man. I, too, was in church, involved in church, involved with the youth, involved with my kids. How could we do this! And, I met him at church. We are both devastated by our actions. We have both asked for forgiveness from God, but not our spouses. We are both scared to do that. Afraid of the consequences. Afraid of the humiliation.
I’m not sure what God will ask of me in the future. But I know, because of your testimony, that I can handle it. I know God can restore anything or anyone. That’s what keeps me going.
Angie,
He will not allow you to live in humiliation. We’re our own worst critic. God has placed it in your heart to stop what you were doing and made you realize both of your mistakes… He will use this the same way He used Lelias situation, for His purpose to make you and your family stronger. I will keep you in my prayers and soon that burden will be completly lifted and He will take up for Himself and your spouse will be by your side throughout this journey telling you “We’re going to be alright”… I declare this for you and your family’s life in the name of Jesus.. Amen!!
Wow thank you Lelia for being so real. You’ve encouraged me to get closer to being able to do the same, again. (Hurt really takes a lot out of you.)
I’m amazed. Truly I don’t know what God is doing or how He’s going to turn things around for this place my husband and I are in, but I’m waiting. There are no definitive stories concerning him that I’m aware of but many wonders that would naturally point in the wrong direction based on attitudes and behaviors. I cannot imagine what you felt upon your husband’s confession (beyond your description), and all on top of feeling hurt based on your own confessions. This is amazingly – God’s orchestration of events! So glad He’s caused all of these things to work together for good AND you’re back on track!
Also ch. 3 is continuing to help me RECEIVE God’s love and develop a relationship beyond what I’ve known.
Thank you Ilesia!
“hurt really takes a lot out of you”…amen! But what is taken out of you by hurt can be replaced with beauty that only a Savior can provide.
Keep seeking Him and applying “A Confident Heart” to your life. You’ll be shocked at what God will do in your life! 🙂
Hugs,
Lelia
New creatures in Christ through the power of His resurrection! Thank you for sharing.
Hi Ladies
Something I have learned in doing Lysa Turkust book, what happen when women say YES to God..that our mess is our message for somone else…our test are the testimomies to share what the Lord has done…And it all is HISstory….we may not like to share our past stuff, but we are here to share one anothers happy times and difficult times…
We are here to love and hold up one another in these times, whether good or bad…
Blessings
Thank you, Lelia, for your testimony to the power of redemption in Christ Jesus. It is never less than amazing what “living in Christ Jesus” “living through Christ Jesus” will cause as we surrender our choices, our wills to His resurrection life. We are, indeed, new creatures in Christ’s resurrection and your sharing here has allowed me to know that this new freedom in Him, this new knowledge of the need to surrender my will fully to Him will bring me to a full understanding of the eternal life than I can live now.
Thank you, Lelia, for sharing and for opening the door for us to bring into the light all the things Satan would desire to keep in the dark! Yours is a beautiful testimony of the awesome power of Gods redemption and love! Keep telling God’s story, so others may also be set free! Many, many blessings to you, dear sister!
Lelia, thank you so much for sharing your story (and Renee, thank you for allowing her to)! I am very moved by how God has used your mistakes to bring you to places of helping others. I love your when-then statement:
When I feel tempted to return to a life of emptiness and rely on my old patterns of comfort and fulfillment then I will praise God for what He has brought me from and remind myself that I am worthy of the sacrifice of the cross.
I am going to use it as a catalyst to come up with something similar for my own statement, since I struggle with the same thing.
Blessings to you both.
I’m so happy when I read/hear about marriages God heals…thanks to all of you who have shared your stories.
I think sometimes I have Jesus in my right hand, and my relationship in my left. I want both to love me…I guess I still want control. I have experienced the peace, the joy given by God through Jesus – I know no human love can – or should be asked to try – come close to God’s love. Seems I want human love, too, though. Praying, seeking, knowing God will lead me through this as well.
Thank you Lelia for sharing your testimony. I’m so glad that you and your family were able to remain together in the wake of everything that happend.
I’m so grateful for this study and even more grateful for the lesson this week. I know that I need to stop filling my life with material things and turning to others, expecting them to satisfy me. I know that I also need to stop turning to food when I am stressed and start turning to God for comfort.
Thank you so much Lelia for sharing your story. As Christian women, we sometimes think that it is better to hide our past from others. After all, who could identify with me or love me if they knew what I had done previously? Thank you for showing us that God can use our imperfections, our moments of doubt, our sinful pasts, to His glory. He can use each of us to minister to others–the question is–will we let Him? I am so glad you have allowed Him to use your past to draw others to Him. You are living out Joshua 1:9–“Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go.”
Lelia!!! I never tire of hearing your story of redemption! xoxo
Renee, I’m finallyyyyy here!!
I am now reading ACH for the 3rd time… I hear Renee asking me, “What’s God showing you about His words?” I can say with all honesty that I.am.enough.
God loves me for just being me and I can see my shortcomings as He does, proof that I need Him. I’ve been seeing all my imperfections as ways I’ve failed Him. He’s spent LOTS of time showing me that it’s ok. I’m ok. He loves me when I’m spending time with Him but He loves me all the same when I’m running around with my hair on fire, which is most of the time!! lol
He loves us, Ya’ll, He loves us!!!
Thank you, Renee. Again, for letting God use you to change my life. xoxo
Lelia,
Thank you for your raw honesty, it helped me understand better what Chapter 3 is really about. Prior to last Fall, I led an empty life – I had been in multiple “relationships”, was sexually promiscuous as a young adult, had an unplanned and aborted pregnancy in my mid twenties (which I did to keep the boyfriend at the time), married and divorced an abusive man who gave me a beautiful daughter, led another promiscuous life, and eventually met an incredibly patient and kind man who engaged in an online affair after 8 years of trying to get my attention as a very distracted wife. I was trying to fill my life with things, people, and work. I never gave a second thought to God’s role in my life, and how He could fill my empty places. I thought it was too late for my marriage last year, but my husband and I worked out our issues together with a Christian counselor and the help of amazing Christian couples who had thrived after coping with marriage challenges. I grew up in a catholic school, and catholic church and never understood a relationship with Jesus was even possible until I attended a different church in my 30s. Surviving, and now thriving, through difficult circumstances and leaning on Jesus in my times of challenges has made an amazing difference in my life. I am much better and keeping my focus – God, family, work. As a result I am becoming more confident and have been able to cope with the daily stressors faced as an adult.