Today I want you to meet my brave and beautiful friend Lelia Chealey who shares her story of emptiness and how God redeemed her brokenness.
Italicized sentences are from Chapter 3 of A Confident Heart
Until our hearts find complete security and significance in God’s unconditional love, we will constantly turn to other lovers and never be satisfied.
Although I stood before family and friends professing my love and faithfulness to my husband, three years later I found myself trying to fill my emptiness in the arms of another man.
When the closed door of a previous relationship opened I ran through it. On Wednesday I was serving on our church’s youth team and by Saturday I was in between the sheets of a bed in a cheap hotel. The result of my affair led to a pregnancy I knew was from the other man since my husband had undergone a vasectomy.
Driving out of an abortion clinic and heading home to my unsuspecting husband, I wondered how I’d gotten to this place. Here I was a Christian wife and mom who had compromised my beliefs in more ways than one. Looking to fill my void with anything but Jesus, I walked further and further away from the One I needed most.
By being honest about her life and the lies she believed, she could start turning toward the Truth. She could bring the thirst of her heart to Him. Only then would she find confidence in the power of His love and start living in the security of His promises.
I ended my affair soon after the reality of my abortion set in. It shook my Jesus-loving heart to the core. One morning, after everyone was out of the house, I turned on some worship music, got down on my knees and began to sob. Raising my hands toward heaven, I told God, “If I lose everything – my marriage, my kids, my friends, my reputation, but I still have YOU, I’ll be okay.”
Admitting all the lies I had told and believed, I got gut-honest with God that day. And in that place of truth, I was set free and could then turn toward Jesus and away from my life of sin. Like Renee wrote, I could bring the thirst of my heart to Him. That’s what I did — I brought my parched soul to the only One capable of filling me and changing my mess of a life.
Three years later, I felt God leading me to tell my husband about my affair and abortion. We’d attended two marriage conferences during the in-between years and I couldn’t keep my secret any longer. Deep pain was evident on his face and in his tears. My heart broke once again over my affair as I listened to my husband process my choices.
Still in shock, he told me that while I was having my affair he too had been involved in one. I sat there stunned, silent and ticked off at God. How had He not prepared me for this moment of my husband’s truth? I felt instant emptiness, but this time I made the choice to bow my heart before Jesus and ask Him to help me.
Jesus came to give us more than salvation. He wants us to experience complete satisfaction in Him.
These words from chapter 3 resonate deeply with my soul. Although, I had attended Christian school from kindergarten though graduation in 1988; went to church on Sundays and returned on Wednesdays and knew countless Bible stories by heart, what I lacked was a relationship with my King.
Sitting there with my husband trying to process his unfaithfulness, God let me know He is the only One that could take my empty, broken heart and fill it with His unconditional love and confidence that I had sought in all the wrong places.
I love what Renee asked us this week, and how she encouraged us to write our own “when-then” statements:
So what do we do when our hearts start tossing and turning with emptiness and uncertainty? We need to stop and ask Jesus to help us see the worth we are placing in other things and the worth we are seeking in other people and shift our reliance to Him instead.
{Here are mine}
When I start to feel like my marriage is not giving me what I deserve then I will turn to God and ask Him to be my portion.
When I feel tempted to return to a life of emptiness and rely on my old patterns of comfort and fulfillment then I will praise God for what He has brought me from and remind myself that I am worthy of the sacrifice of the cross.
Lasting security comes when we bring the empty well of our hearts to Jesus and ask Him to fill and fulfill us with the security of His unfailing love.
It’s been ten years since the day of my and my husband’s confessions. Our marriage is far from perfect, but with God’s help we have walked through the process of forgiveness and restoration. My husband and I serve at a marriage conference every spring and God has used our mistakes to help other couples realize He is much bigger than any circumstance we face. He has also taken the shame and regret of my abortion and used it for His glory by calling me to be part of an abortion ministry, “Surrendering the Secret,” where I now serve as a leader.
I have no idea what your story it, but please believe this woman who almost lost everything for nothing. Jesus is worth seeking and giving Him a chance to fill up all the empty places of your life. If He can look at an unfaithful wife and compromising mom in Nebraska and see beauty instead of ugly then anyone is within reach of being embraced by His amazing grace.
You need to know that God wants you. There is no sin too heavy to stay nailed to the beams of the cross. You are the reason He trekked His way to Calvary and you are worth every step He took!
***
Thank you Lelia, for the courage and risk it takes tell your story – so raw, so real yet so full of His redemption. I see and love Jesus in you!
Let’s Connect: Will you take a minute to thank Lelia, and let us both know what has risen to the surface of your heart as you read her story or as you read Chapter 3 this week? {REMEMBER: you are reading this via email, click here to visit my website and connect in community.}
Under this post, click “share your thoughts” and do just that. Also, feel free to share some answers to your end of chapter 3 questions. I treasure this space that connects our hearts! {Love you guys so much!}
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Hi every one I have changed my email address this is the new one. Renee how do I change it for your blog. Please help I don’t want to miss anything
In Christ Love
Thank you Leila and Renee. I have loved the Lord for many years, but have always felt empty. Since I was a little girl all I have ever wanted was to grow up and get married. I do not want to grow old alone, I want to share my life with someone. I have even been angry with God for not sending me that special someone. My heart aches for something to fill that void of not haveing a husband. People have often said maybe I am gifted with singleness. That just made me angry what do they know, they are married. What I am trying to say is that this study has me thinking and praying differantly. Chapter 3 has been a difficult chapter for me, and I may have to read it over and over til I get it.
Hi Shannon! Thanks for posting. I can definitely relate. God hasn’t released me from chapters 2 or 3 yet. He’s not letting me move forward until I get it. I can recite it to you, but I need to get it deep down in my heart. I am a believer in the Lord, but I have struggled for many years with being satisfied. There’s only One that can fill our deepest place. I need to trust him to fill those areas I feel so empty.
After finishing chapter 3 & answering the questions, the Lord made me realize I was trying to fill my cup with works/words to impress ppl, just to make me feel better about myself, instead of doing this for His glory, I wanted the attention directed at me, please forgive me for this Lord, and help me to live for Your glory & Your will for my life, thanks for giving me this insite, but I do need pray cause I know this is going to be a very hard thing for me to do beings most of what I was doing was for my own gratification, am so sorry Lord.
Wow. Powerful testimony. I must admit that I would be scared to death to share my past with others, and I have one. I know God knows my past, and I have gone to Him over and over again. I am forgiven because of Christ. Sometimes I feel though that I act like I dont’ have a past or don’t want others to know because then they will judge me. And, we all know, many, many Christians judge as well as non-Christians. So I keep those things between me and God. He has allowed me to move forward.
what I love about your testimony is the honesty, the humility, the forgiveness! I cried as I read because we have been forgiven. God still loves us! Thank you for being brave to share! I know it helped me, and I know it will help others.
Patricia
That is such a touching story. My husband and I have been through something similar, only he didn’t have the affair, I did. Telling him was the hardest thing in the world for me to do, but I knew it had to be done. It took some time, but he fnally forgave me and we have worked very hard on our marriage. It’s not perfect, but it’s a lot better than it used to be.
Thank you Lelia for sharing, it gives me so much encourgement to keep going on. Each day I feel God is speaking to me, confirming He is a forgiving God.
Lelia, thank you for sharing your story. I am so grateful when I see the authenticity of another believer. Sometimes I think, like our book has already pointed out, we are more often than not behind a mask that says, “I am just alright. And everything in my life is squeaky clean and bright.” When I was young I was a drinking, cussing, smoking, hell raiser of a woman from a home of alcoholism and abuse. I didn’t need anyone or anything besides a drink, a cigarette, a joint and a man. My life too was a train wreck. Jesus brought me to Him in a Damascus experience of His saving grace and truth. Then he brought me into relationship with a woman who became my mentor, teacher, friend and mom for 35 years. I was 26 and she was 65. I write about it in a book to be published this fall called, “Dolores, Like the River.” I have prayed over every word and asked God to bless a project that shows His Glory when he reaches down, covers, redeems and refuses to let go of the lost, frightened and broken. Then with His help, He calls us to lift up others by sharing ourselves and our truth in Him. Like the little drummer boy, we bring our gifts, ourselves and our hearts before Him and say, “This is all I am God. This is all I have. Praise you Lord for ALL that you ARE. Use me for your great purposes.” Blessings dear ones. Blessings in His love.
Wow!! Thank you for sharing…. this is me minus the abortion. Last May I found out that the roommate we had living with us was who my husband was with. I had also had an affair with one of my best guy friend. We decided that we wanted to work on things and stay together since we have three children and we do love eachother. The next few months were rough. I went to pot to take away the pain and numb me cause feeling anything made me feel like I was going to break. The situation we were living in we couldnt afford the house without her so from May to September I got to live and see her on a daily basis. One of the hardest things I have ever had to go through. Then in September she moved out and I finally starting to feel peaceful.
My marriage was never the same and our sex life has suffered as well. It is still not the same and has not been restored. He is not saved at the moment and thinks that adding people into our marriage is a good idea and I will admit that I have been tempted with the idea of getting that from another man. Just admitting that makes me want to cry cause it goes against everything I believe…. please pray for me ladies I want to go to God with my needs which I dont even know how to do yet. But I also want to rely on my husband to be my one and only….
What an amazing God we have –he forgives us completely and continues to bless us beyond our expectations. I too betrayed my husband and my two precious sons, fell into several depressive episodes, thought my only way out was hurting myself and ending it all. But deep within my soul His light was shining, even through all the pain and heartache and dispair. God wasn’t giving up on me. My sons wouldn’t give up and reminded me that no matter what, I was their mom and they loved me. My husband was devastated, but held fast to our marriage vows to love me “for better or worse and in sickness and in health”. I thank God because I was “worse and indeed sick”. I can’t dwell on my past and the ugliness, but I can rejoice because during all of it God’s light was still shining in that darkness … and the darkness did not overcome it. (Reference John 1:5)
This really touched my heart. Thank you.
Firstly, thank you Lelia for reminding us that even in our darkest, bleakest, and broken hours all we need to do is surrender. You are a woman of great courage. “If you’ve ever doubted God’s personal pursuit of you, let this truth sink in, my friend: wherever you are, He wants to meet you there. He is waiting for you to stop, come up close, and turn your heart to listen to His. You don’t have to pretend things are fine when they aren’t. He knows what is going on in your thoughts. Nothing could keep Him from wanting to be with you”. I realize this quote is from Chapter 2, but it’s been on my mind since I read the email this morning. The last 4 or 5 years haven’t been easy for me, I’ve walked some dark corridors, and often felt I was doing it alone. This past autumn I felt as though I was at my lowest…although I was sure the worst days were behind me. I could not shake the emptiness, the heaviness, and the hopelessness I was feeling. Then one day God spoke to my heart in a way I hadn’t experienced in years, if ever. I was on my morning commute (over a rural highway – no buildings, just trees) and the leaves appeared to have changed colour overnight. The beauty of the richness and depth of the colours overwhelmed me. It was just as though I could hear Jesus say , “I painted this masterpiece just for you…I hope you like it”. I weeped. I had read books about our Lord being the pursuer of my heart, but had never felt it the way I did that day. Even now as I type this I feel as though my heart could explode. He did that…just for me. Incredible.
Norma,
I love this and I love how tender-hearted our Chief Shepherd is. He tends our souls like no other. Continue to allow Him to have His way with you. He’s got His best for you.
Hugs,
Lelia
It is a beautiful story and it takes a lot of courage to tell a story like that. It takes a lot of courage to relay what you have been through and that the Lord is with you and taking care of you and your marriage. Praise the Lord and God Bless you.
Leila, Thank you for your story. So many of us think we are the only ones who have done crazy things to fill the love voids in our lives. I too had the pain of an abortion taken away by God’s unconditional love. He is amazing. He just keeps coming after us! May God bless you and your marriage as you seek Him and allow Him to go to the deep places in your heart that only He knows about. He is faithful!
Very courageous to share.
Lelia-what courage that took for you to “tell all”. I too, have dark secrets only God knows though. I’ve confessed these things to only Him because of fear of human condemnation. Your honesty about getting caught up in satans lies even as a Christian took so much courage to share. I guess I have hoped that God has forgiven me over the years. I need to stop questioning His forgiveness, and know that He has. Thank you Lelia for your honesty, courage, and hope you’ve shared. It’s an awesome example also of how God can help us forgive each other even when we do such imperfect things. That is an area where I struggle…..the fear that I won’t be loved if I’m not perfect. I’ve been shown and told so many times I’m not worth loving if I have something wrong, and I’ve believed that by men and women in my life. Let me share that this is a continuing process of wrapping my mind around what God tells me my worth is in Him, to living that in daily life. Thank you God for loving us all even though we make very imperfect choices. That’s UNCONDITIONAL love:)
Leila,
Thank you so much for sharing your story. My story is so similar – I related so much. A number of years ago I hung my sins on a life size cross at our church in Illinois. It was such a relief and I felt better than I had ever felt in my adult life. I have come a really long way from that time in Illinois – actually lived in 3 other states since then and got married. My problem to this day is sharing my story with strangers. I am ok sharing if they have a similar story – but not good sharing otherwise. It has helped me a lot to see your story in writing and the great response you have received. I guess my fear is that someone will judge me for my decision. I just need to remember it is not their place to judge me anymore than I should judge myself. I need to leave the judging to our Heavenly Father. Thank you again!
Hey Sue,
Thank you for sharing this. It’s important to focus on God’s greatness and redemption because that is what our story is really about. I’m very vague in what I share. This is just a glimpse of my sinful choices, I’d make you run away from me if I gave too much detail. 🙂
Keep focused on Christ, read and re-read Renee’s book (that helps me A LOT) and always wait on God’s timing of when you to share. He’ll blow you away with His response to your obedient heart.
Blessings,
Lelia
What a power testimony of true love and grace. It is humbling the read of so many, including myself, that struggle with the loneliness and emptiness in our hearts, How in our need to fill it, we seek or hide, until we meet Christ at that “well” and accept his living water. I have read this story and taught this lesson but through this study and stories it has came off the pages and into my heart. God Bless you. Learning to “Come to the well”!
Thank you Lelia, and thanks to all of the other sisters sharing their stories today. I think one of the biggest blessings in all of this for me is that when i am walking in the depths of despair and feeling as if i am all alone and the only person to ever feel this depth of aloneness that others have walked this walk before me and been able to pull themselves back from the loneliness with the grace, mercy, and love of our heavenly father. It fills me with such hope knowing that even during my darkest times, i am not alone.
Let me tell you a part of my story. I was in a relationship with an alcohol addidted men for almost two years. One day he brought home a story from the uneven tree. These story touched my very deepley. Because I tought I was an unenven tree. I admired all the straight trees around me and wanted so badly to be one of them. But in these story GOD told you that he loves me for who I am. I had a kind of day dream that day. Jesus spoke to me. He said … I never left you alone, I was always by your side.
So I dicided to go to church again. Jesus is still with us, every step on our way.
Leila, thank you for sharing your story. It’s takes a strong woman of courage and confidence to share something so personal. It’s amazing how Jesus can turn something that seems like the end of the world and awful and turn it into something beautiful. Sometimes he has to take us to places that are not as pretty for us to give our testimony to show others of his love, faithfulness, and forgiveness. Once again, thank you for your story and may God continue to bless you and your marriage.