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Renee Swope

Encouraging and equipping moms to parent with God's grace and confidence.

If only I had known…

Would you have considered yourself a confident teen?

Oh, how I wish I could “yes.”

Confidence. It’s what I needed most and had the least.

Sometimes I wish I could rewind the clock and tell my 14-year old self what she needed to know to have lasting confidence. Do you ever think to yourself, “If only I had known…”?

I do. Oh, how I’d love to sit down with my teenage-self and chat. First I’d give her a big hug because she needed one. I’d tell her that all those things that feel like the framework that holds her world together – they don’t.

The boyfriends and friends whose acceptance she craves. The grades and gossip she worries about. The parties and popularity.

I’d tell her Truths that would equip her to make better choices. And God’s promises that would empower her to live life differently. To live a life worthy of who she is a one of His girls.

When I think about people who knew my 14-year old self, I’m pretty sure a few would be surprised that I’d say I wasn’t confident back then. The reality is, I struggled with self-doubt, discouragement and insecurity from the time I was a little girl. But I wasn’t about to let anyone know it.

I believed the lie so many believe – the one that convinced me that my value was determined by my status and my stuff, my personality, appearance, performance and possessions.

I didn’t know who I was. I didn’t feel like my life really mattered. But I wanted it to. So I looked around and tried to be what I thought others wanted, needed or expected me to be. And it was exhausting.

How about you? Were you a confident teenager? Or do you sometimes wish you could turn back time and talk to your teenage self, too?

Well, we can’t go back. But, today I want to share how we can can live forward by speaking truth and confidence into the lives of those who are there, in those teenage years, right now.

My friend, P31 teammate, speaker and now author, Lynn Cowell, has written a book for teenage girls and their mom’s, called His Revolutionary Love. Infused with truth to help young girls find lasting confidence and security, Lynn shares how they can know without a doubt that they are loved – empowering them to make wise choices and live life without regrets.

Today, I’ve asked Lynn to share a little about her passion and her book with us:

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Confidence is a major factor in young people when it comes to the paths they choose. Those craving acceptance, approval and affirmation to an unhealthy degree find themselves trapped. Caught between what they know is right and what they believe will win friends, they struggle like a fish beached on the sand. They are uncomfortable, miserable even, but they don’t know how to navigate themselves back to what they were made for.

Thanks to some amazing women in my life, I discovered confidence in the unconditional love of Jesus as a teen. Revealing to me some passages in God’s word I had never seen before, it was as though I was slipped hidden love notes from Jesus. The truth that Jesus was wild for me (Psalm 45:11), that He saw no flaw in me (Song of Songs 4:7) and that He actually enjoyed me (Zephaniah 3:17) transformed the way I saw myself.

Do you want your daughters, nieces and granddaughters to be filled with a confidence that is true and can stand the pressure of this world? “Girl power” just doesn’t hold up.

Lasting confidence only comes from one source: knowing who they are. Only a foundation built on unconditional love will endure. Do you see a girl struggling with low self-image? Can you read in her eyes, “Won’t someone love me the way I am?”

She needs to know when Jesus looks at her, He is not disappointed in her. She needs to know that love from a guy, be it a dad or a boyfriend, can never fill the love gap in our hearts…but He can.Maybe you’ve thought about investing in a young girl, but you don’t know how.

On my website I’m offering a free leadership guide for my book “His Revolutionary Love”, a study for girls ages 13 – 17. Filled with practical how-to’s and thought provoking questions, this guide provides every step. What young woman can you begin to pour truth into? Ask Jesus to give you one; just one girl that you can make a difference in; one girl that you can begin to change the world through. Here is an easy way that you can impact one girl.

To celebrate the release of His Revolutionary Love, we are launching a book blast! From May 2nd – 4th, for every book that is purchased on Amazon or Proverbs 31 Ministries, a second book will be given to a girl who might not otherwise have the opportunity to own HRL.

Some of our partner recipients include: Children’s HopeChest, a ministry preventing and rescuing girls from sex trafficking and Sunshine Gospel Ministries, a ministry which works with teen girls in the Chicago projects.Will you join me? Let’s start a love revolution, friends; a radical movement to spread the truth of True love!

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What is one thing you would tell your 14-year old self or a teenage girl growing up today about God’s Love?

Lynn and I would love to know. And she’s going to give one of you a signed copy of “His Revolutionary Love,”. To enter to win, simply click on the word “comments” right below Renee’s name and type in the white box and share with us.

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Comments

  1. I was about 14 years old when I developed an eating disorder that rooted itself deep withing my life for the next eleven years. It suffocated my sense of worth, my confidence, and left me feeling entirely undeserving of love. Looking back, I wish I could have told that scared lonely little girl that God loves her (me!) so much for who she is and treasured her beyond what words can express. I would have told her that she was never alone- God was always with her- and always watched over. I would have told her to find her strength in God and to find peace in His sincere love. I'd tell her that He brings such joy and happiness if you give all of your fears to Him and that He longs to listen to us. I would tell her that she is her Father's delight.

  2. I would tell her (and me) that God has a special plan for your life. Though it may not always be easy, He will always be beside you to guide you and strengthen you along the way. Pray for the Holy Spirit to help guide you and to fill you with wisdom. Listen to your gut(your womens intuition) because that is a gift from God that helps you to stay on the right path. You might not know why you have certain gut feeling about someone or something, but usually it is the Holy Spirit warning you. Most importantly to keep being fed God's word and to be proactive in following Him.

  3. I have 2 sons, one 13 and other 11. I always tell them that they are “Princes” and child of a Mighty King. All children born in Royal family (Christian family) have a lot of restrictions in life. The children of the world can have wild fun or be addicted to any type of electronic gadgets like TV, PSP or Internet, but we royal people are born to CONQUER and not to be conquered by all these evil.
    I motivate them to be leaders and all leaders have to live by rules. Therefore they should read the Bible everyday as their guideline or procedure, so they do not get carried away by the attractive evil and sensuous luring of the world. You know, its easy to become a part of them, but to say NO is difficult.
    I make them to think, how it would be, if they had a son or daughter who was a powerful person in future and if they would like it. If they say YES, then I would ask them, how should their Daddy be then?
    I inspire them that we need children who should have the guts to stand up against the ANTIChrist when the time comes, but if we live a weak life our children will be weaker. We need to develop a strong gene in our blood to get better generation children to stand up for our Great King. I tell them that they are more important than me in making good choices, as my life is half way already spent.
    I explain to them the truth of priority, that though getting high grades and making money is important, they are not useful unless we spend it – both our talents and money to build the Kingdom of God.
    I tell stories of how children can get trapped into wrong doing or slip unknowingly before they realize the situation, of how emotionally insecure every human being is and how to stay focused on GOD above who is the only person we can trust at all times.
    This actually helps them a lot, and am sure every teen would certainly dream of having a good generation forward. The most important part is “we parents”, we need to nourish them daily, or its not the teens failing, they are just gullible to life, its we PARENTS who are failing.

  4. I would tell myself that even though you don't have a relationship with your dad, God is a Father to the fatherless! I would encourage myself (that sounds weird!) to base my confidence SOLELY on Christ. Confidence based on anything else is not really confidence!

  5. I would tell my 14year old self that my life matters utterly; that God is NOT far-off and that His love for me is really, really real!

  6. A big hug first, then a few more for good measure. When I was 14 years old, I was worried about my future, about the abusive childhood I was experiencing and about the fights I would get into with gangster-like girls at my school. I would tell myself that God has one plan, the best plan and the only plan for me. I would warn myself about clinging to false idols, to lies the world tells us and that God's love is and shoud be our first love, not love from that first boyfriend that doesn't know God as his first love. That our parents make mistakes and that I too will make mistakes, but God paid for them all. That shame and guilt can be wiped away and we can be made new in God when we repent and walk with him everyday. I would also guide me toward Godly-driven people who would be good examples for me, inspire me and remind me that you (God) are my priority. That God's voice comes to us in many forms. I've learned that God speaks to me in dreams, warns me, guides me and that cultivating that relationship brings peace, protection, and all the amazing opportunities that he has planned for me. I may not be able to go back, but God has me now and I'll never make him second or third or last in my life, a true lesson learned. God nevers gives up on us whether we are 14 or 90, it's never too late with God.

    It's time I share that with other 14 year olds.

  7. You are enough, even when you feel alone and unloved your Father God is with you. The false gods that you try to fill yourself with will eventually turn on you, your heavenly Father will never leave you or forsake you. Turn your back on the ways of the world, the road less traveled has much greater rewards just waiting for you and you my precious child deserves the best. I love you <3

  8. I would tell her to check in with her Loving Heavenly Daddy and Best Friend before her feet hit the floor to praise Him first then talk about the day ahead and ask for His guidance all day long and end the day with thanksgiving before her head hits the pillow. And that God's love is the only love that will not disappoint you.
    Jane

  9. I would tell her to listen to what the truth of God's Word tells her over what the world wants to tell her. That she is defined by not who she is, but WHOSE she is!!!

  10. I would give my teenage self a huge hug! I would tell her how beautiful she is on the outside and the inside. That she has so much to offer to others. I would tell her that her heavenly daddy thinks she is wonderful, loves her unconditionally, and that he gave her to her parents as a blessing and she is precious. I would tell her that it is not her fault for the abuse she receives from her earthly father, not to believe the comments he throws at her, beause they are not true. Believe what your heavenly daddy tells you, he will never leave you, and will never stop loving you no matter what. You will not find the love you crave from your earthly father in the boys you date, but from your heavenly daddy. Do not take to heart the mean comments from others, they are also hurting and that is usually what prompts the comments. Always remember your heavenly daddy loves you and nothing will ever change that, he walks beside you, delights in you, will never harm you and only wants the best for you. You are his child, and you are precious to him!

  11. Wish I had the words to tell my daughter these thongs in a way that would be like a light going off in her brain. Hard to watch your children go thru things in life sometimes. With the loss of her father at 13, seems to make her self worth seem smaller. She is a beautiful, kind soul who deserves the best God offers us in this life. Wish she would reach out and believe these things bout herself. Only God can fill voids in our hearts. We are who God says we are! Not who the world says we are!!

  13. I would let her know that she doesn't need to worry over all the little things (even though they didn't seem so little at the time.) I'd remind her that she is loved and to listen for God's direction in her life. Thanks for sharing this post, Renee.

  14. I would let her know that she doesn't need to worry over all the little things (even though they didn't seem so little at the time.) I'd remind her that she is loved and to listen for God's direction in her life. Thanks for sharing this post, Renee.

  16. I would tell myself to hold on to who you are and what you believe in not matter what you see or hear. That feeling you always have deep down inside is always right. Always go to GOD in prayer and trust and seek him first in everything you do. He love you even with ever scar, scratch what every it maybe. Because he created you to be just who you are.

  18. I'd tell myself that it is ok to be who I am and I am worth something simply, only because Jesus loves me. Also, to not waste time trying to prove I'm worth something. My worth is from Jesus!