My friend Kathi Lipp has written a book every mom needs to read. And I promise I’m not saying that because she’s my friend. I’m saying that because {you} are! Maybe we’ve never met but, because our hearts and lives are connected through my blog or Facebook page, I see you as a friend God’s brought into my life to encourage. A friend to pray for. A friend to offer hope to and remind you of God’s truth for you.
Kathi’s book is unique and the timing of it is perfect! Over the past few months, I’ve heard from countless moms who feel guilty, overwhelmed and like a failure as a mom. They are discouraged and depleted. And I’ve been there.
One of my favorite chapters in Kathi’s book is chapter 2, Don’t Hang Out in the Motherhood Alone. Now that will preach! Gosh we need to know we’re not alone, and that our kids aren’t the only kids who struggle or make horrible choices.
Today, I’ve invited Kathi to sit across the table and give us a little help and a lot of hope for our hearts. {And if you’re not a mom I hope you’ll keep reading and share this encouragement with a mom you know!}
My kitchen table has become the Confessional, only better, since I also serve banana muffins.
“My teenager is having sex.”
“I found pot in her dresser,”
“My son got kicked out of school. Preschool.”
I’ve heard it all. All of it.
And what everyone thinks is that as soon as they confess – as soon as they tell someone else about their son cheating at school, that they will automatically move from one category to the next.
They move from Good Mom to Bad Mom.
And now everything that your friend has known as fact is up for debate:
If I’m a good mom, I will raise great kids.
If I take them to church, they will grow up trusting God.
If I pray for my kids, they will turn out fine.
All the things that parenting books and Christian talk radio promised them has gone out the window, along with their sense of self and their hope for their kids. Because of a child’s lousy decision, you or your friend’s world has fallen apart.
So what do you say to the crumpled mom who feels like a mess? The one sitting at your kitchen table or looking at you in the mirror? Here are a few things that have been said to me (and I’ve said to other moms,) that have actually helped when my kids didn’t go according to plan:
- “Don’t judge your parenting on one bad day.” This is especially helpful when it’s a younger child who bit their teacher, hit their brother in the head with a tool box, or had to have security called at Target because they were throwing such a fit. We all think we have great kids – until they’re not. But one bad day doesn’t undo all that parenting that you’ve poured into them.
- “I’m still a fan of your child!” When our child has royally messed up, there is something about another adult who you admire seeing something besides “future adult delinquent” in your child that will give you hope. Let them know how smart, funny, creative and helpful their child is. It really can make a difference. And if it’s your kid, find something to remind yourself, that is good about him.
- “Don’t put your faith in the sheep, put it in the Shepherd.” We base the outcome of our lives on the actions of our children. Wrong. Our hope is only in God.
Psalm 25:1-3
In you, Lord my God, I put my trust.
I trust in you; do not let me be put to shame,
nor let my enemies triumph over me.
No one who hopes in you will ever be put to shame,
but shame will come on those
who are treacherous without cause.When our hope is in our kids, we are slaves to shame, but when we put our hope in God there is no shame.
- “God has not given up on your child.” Some the greatest mentors and friends in my life were the ones who were running the furthest away from God in their teens, 20’s and 30’s and causing their parents to be on their knees constantly. God loves your child and will use other means than you to pursue his heart.
- “Me too.” We all need to know that we are not alone. We all need to hear the two sweetest words of community: “Me too.” Let your friend know of your failures – and your child’s failures. “Me too,” is a great sting removed to a hurting parent.
And can I say, thank you? Obviously, if your friend is confiding in you, you have done something to demonstrate that you are a safe place – a refuge. We need more yous in the world.
ENTER TO WIN: (Thanks so much for stopping by, the GIVEAWAY is now over, but I would still love to hear from you!)
It’s easy to feel worried and anxious as a parent. There are so many areas of your child’s life that can go wrong along the way. What’s a mom to do? In I Need Some Help Here! Hope for When Your Kids Don’t Go According to Plan, Kathi meets you in your moments of panic or despair with wit and wisdom.
In each chapter, Kathi offers the most powerful tools, from prayer to practical tips, for you and your child. The book covers all of the stages of your child’s life from toddler to young adult and tackles the most common issues that cause stress and anxiety, sharing:
- Practical wisdom when your child makes poor choices
- How to pray when your child is running away from God
- Comforting words fore when your child feels left out
- “been there” advice for when your child is different than other kids
Whether you are at the end of your rope, or simply need a little extra support as you walk the parenting road, you’ll cherish Kathi’s heart, humor and experience!
Enter to WIN 2 copies by clicking “Share Your Thoughts” below!
(Thanks so much for stopping by, the GIVEAWAY is now over, but I would still love to hear from you!)
What’s one thing Kathi shared that you will tell yourself or share with a friend this week? And let us know why you’d like to win a copy and what friend will you give the 2nd copy to if your name is chosen?
Such words of wisdom! “When our hope is in our kids, we are slaves to shame, but when we put our hope in God there is no shame.” Something I definitely need to remember! As a now stay at home mom my kids become my “job” and the only “performance review” I now get at this job is how well my kids are doing. Needing to remember to keep my eyes and hope on God. Think some of my other stay at home mom friends would love some of this encouragement too.
I would love to win this book as we are battling with how to help our 5 year old son. He is a very angry child. But also the sweetest boy you will ever meet. We have given this to God and it would be nice to hear from another mom and get some helpful CHRISTIAN tips. Thank you so much. Blessed day to you and yours.
“Don’t put your faith in the sheep, put it in the Shepherd.” I love this advice because it reminds me that not only is my son one of His sheeps, but so am I. I am looking to win a copy for myself as I enter into the pre-teen/teen years with my son. Also, my second copy would go to my sister in law as she has a two and five year olds. It would be great for her to have this knowledge while her children are still young. Blessings!!
Don’t let one day define you as a parent! I try to remind my girlfriends of this as much as I can. I also need reminded of this often! I would share a copy with my little sister, who is a new mom!
I want to remember to always be a fan of my child. Always encouraging and not always critiquing. If I win this book, I want to give one copy to a friend of mine with a child the same age. We are constantly swapping kid stories!!! 🙂
This sounds like the perfect book for my friend Judy and I. Just today we did a walk together and shared our challenges on the parental front. LOVE the comment not to judge your parenting ( or ANYTHING, for that matter) on a bad day!
Sounds like a great book to read! As a mother of two boys under 5, I’m definitely in need of all practical wisdom I can get!!!
this gave me hope. I feel like a bad parent. I grew up in a dysfunctional home and I feel I am dysfunctional trying to raise children who aren’t. There is so much going on in my home. Sometimes I just want to throw the towel in and say, “I’m done here” on top of everything going on I have this woman, who failed her children, thinking she can save mine. Really? Like I need that on top of what I am in right now. School just ended so I have all 7 of my children together. We don’t have buses so I really didn’t want to put them in any activities that I had to be a taxi for a while. Driving 4 kids, with 3 little ones in tow to drop kids off at 3 different schools and then turn around in 6 hours and do it all over again. I have a reformed cutter but I am still worried that it could happen again, two boys that fight like cats and dogs on a daily. Makes me feel I live in a war zone. A little girl who thinks she’s princess and I am the Cinderella who has to clean up after her. I told her this isn’t your castle and I am not the maid. daily battle there. I am in the process of potty training two boys. They like the thought of being naked. So everytime I turn around I have naked boys. Then I have a son with ODD, OCD, and ADHD all rolled into one child which makes life hard but throw in all the above with it. In the midst of al this I have a laid off husband who has no clue when I say, “I need help here, like now” He still thinks it can do it in his time or he calls on one of the kids to do his job. I keep praying that life will get better. I feel at times I am praying the same prayer every night. I can’t see the end of the tunnel right now but I know one day I will. But for now I am at my wits end…..
i would love to win this book as I am struggling at a military wife with young children that are really challenging me while their father is gone!
I never knew parenting would be so hard- but I love my little blessings so much and I would not have my life any other way. I am quite exhausted right now, however ( we have a 4 year old and a VERY active 2 year old) and I yearn to have more energy to be an even better mom and find more wisdom and peace in parenting in godliness. I would give the 2nd book to another friend of mine who I admire so much- 4 kiddos under 7, one who is very very challenging. She is a wonderful mom and her name is Carly (;
I would LOVE to get this book. As a mom of 4, I have plenty of opportunity to mess up… A LOT! I love the encouragement I get from this blog and others from Proverbs 31 Ministries. I have a sweet friend of 3 that I also know would love this as well. It’s always so nice to hear it’s okay to be a perfectly imperfect mom. Thanks so much!
My 4 children are grown, but I have 9 grandchildren that I spend a lot of time with and I need a refresher in more ways than one! I feel that this book would greatly benefit both me and my children as we continue to “raise up” our children “in the way they should go!”
I love the idea of remembering that one bad day does not define your mothering! I would love to read this book and I would love to share a copy with my sister.
I like to know that I’m not alone. Would love to know what boundaries others set for their daughters.
Not to long ago I said to my husband that I was a bad mom-then recently I’ve read several things by Kathi Lipp -the first was a devo on P31. I would really lime yo read this book for Godly encouragement and to help me start thinking the right way-God’s eYes-and how HE sees me and its just nice to know I’m not alone, my kids aren’t the only ones who have been terribly disrespectful…in public and private and much more:) My sister could use some encouragement as well in her mothering journey. I would bless her with the 2nd book. I think I would probably want to share all about the book with other moms as well. Maybe we could have a book sharing chain-many would be encouraged!
The “Don’t judge your parenting on one bad day” if something I always struggle with, so it’s nice to see that others go through that as well!
My favorite piece of advice is “God has not given up on your child.”
If I win, I will give the second book to a dear friend since junior high. And I will give it to her anonymously so that it will be a total gift, and not some preachy thing coming from a friend.
I will share and remember to praise and encourage my friend’s with their parenting. That we are not alone, and that He is on our side. Looks like such a great book!
My favourite advice is “Trust the Shepherd”. I would love to win this book as my children are in the teen/pre-teen phase. I know they will be making more and more of their own decisions and I need to learn to know how to go through this ‘letting go’ stage.
I would give the second copy to Michelle as she is a new Mom and I know she really wants to be a great Mom and raise her kids well.
We both need help from other Mom’s who will say ‘Me too’!!
Two things from above stood out to me, “Don’t judge you’re parenting on one bad day” and “God has not given up on your child”. I have three girls ages 26 , 16 and 6 years old. That’s right every ten years we were blessed with a beautiful daughter in hopes we will eventually get it right. Can’t tell me God doesn’t have a sense of humor 🙂 There have been many times a bad day can cause me to question every parenting decision I have ever made. As well as cause me to toss my hands up and think I give up. How reassuring to know God will never give up. I would love to win a copy of this book not only for myself but to also pass on to my girls. My 26yr old has blessed me with grandchildren so I’m sure she could benefit from this book as well.
“Me Too.” I wish SO much I had someone I could be honest with about my kids’ poor choices. I don’t. I walk this road pretty much alone. If I were to be honest with anyone, I know they would look at my kids in an unfavorable light. I’m not sure this book applies to people like me whose children are young adults, but it sounds like something I could use if for nothing else but for the prayers for kids who go astray. I was just talking to someone today at a grad party who is also dealing with a young adult on the verge of making bad choices. She would benefit as well.
I’m in desperate need of this book! I have a 16yr old son that’s pushing me to the brink of insanity. He’s a good kid… And I feel like the choices we’ve made (okay- me) are now coming back to bite us in the rear and he’s making poor choices because of it. He’s not doing bad things – he’s just not doing ANYTHING. He doesn’t wanna work, doesn’t wanna do his school work, doesn’t wanna do anything.
The nugget that struck me most was “Don’t put your faith in the sheep, put it in the Shepherd.” What a revelation!!!
If I win, I’d share the other book with my exhusband so we can help our son together.
I just have to say Shelley that I think it is AMAZING that you would share this with your ex-husband. I don’t have an ex-husband but my parents got divorced when I was in high school and they didn’t share anything except for me and they used me to fight through. I just wanted you to know that you are awesome and God is so proud of your co-parenting! God Bless!!!
Korrine
I’ve been here many times. I like the part about trusting the Shepherd and not the sheep. I always feel more peaceful when I keep God in my thoughts. Praying through the laundry, dishes, & messy rooms carries me through my day. 🙂 I’ve spent many days feeling completely alone & I’m glad to finally have a few friends who are transparent & let me know they are right where I am, too. When I remind myself that my kids are sinners, it frees me to love them as I want to be loved & to extend the grace to them that I so desperately desire from God & others.
I would love to win this book. I have a son who is 13 and another who is almost 11. They don’t listen to me and are so defiant right now. I know it’s because of the teenage hormones, but it’s very hard for me to handle at times. My husband is in Afghanistan right now and that makes it even harder. I would give a copy to my sister Nicole, who has 2 little boys, ages 3 & 1.
I would love to share this book with my oldest daughter. My beautiful grandchildren, aged 2 & 3 1/2, are going to grow up before she knows it. She is also a 3rd year Med school student. whew! She is a believer, and raises the children as such. She is very fortunate to have other Believers in her class, and they support each other and grow together. This would be an Awesome tool to have available and lean on…
In His love~Anne
I will hang on to the words: God loves your children and He hasn’t given up on them. He will use another means to reach them besides you. I paraphrased…but thank you Kathi as those words spoke right to my heart, as a parent of 3 young adult children who are not saved yet. I would love to read your book as I enjoy reading parenting books written by friends in Christ. I would give my extra copy to a girlfriend of mine who is a single parent and a mother to young adult children also.
It is so easy to feel alone and overwhelmed as a single mom (Dad doesn’t help at all!). I would love to win a copy of this book and I would give an extra copy to my friend Angie.
I would love to win this book!
Would love to win this book.
I need to remember to be a fan of my friends’ kids. 🙂
Apparently I cannot type my own name… Jones
Wow. Would love to win a copy of this book. The timing couldn’t be better ( isn’t it funny how God works?). I needed to hear not to judge my parenting based on one bad day, and I know a friend that might need to hear that this week as well.
As the mom of three girls – the oldest of which is on the brink of becoming a teen – I welcome any and all advice & hope! Every teen thinks they are alone in feeling different and out of place. It is heartbreaking as a mom! I would love a copy to read & a second to use to start a MOPS library for our group!
I’m a ministry wife with 2 daughters. I know that I need help and I can also mentor other moms as well. My friend who is also a ministry wife could benefit from this book and minister to other moms as well.
If we can be blessed in this way, we can bless and minister to others.
Ministry families are always seen as “perfect” and there are high expectations in place. In all actuality, ministry families are just as human and flawed as the rest of humanity out there. There is a certain amount of stress that a ministry family lives with – some of which (I agree) we bring on ourselves, and some of which are unspoken and/or unrealistic expectations.
I would love this book! I think my MOPS group would also enjoy this resource!
I love “Don’t put your faith in the sheep; have faith in the shepherd.” I am a mother of 5 kids age 4 months -9(4 boys and 1 girl). I lost my mother a month after my daughter was born. This year I homeschooled my oldest and often felt subpar and overwhelmed. If I win, I would give the other copy of the book to my best friend. Also a homeschooling mother of 5(3months-9). Her family has several food allergies and she is unable to buy many things that make cooking or eating out easy.
I love that this book provides practical wisdom for my child’s poor choices. I struggle with this area because sometimes the punishment may not fit the crime. I would share this book with my sister-n-law who just had her first baby.
Mom here to a five year old son and twin two year old daughters. Would love this book. Was encouraged so much by his post.
Every mother wants the best for their child/children and imagines themselves the best mother and when things happen and you think the worst of yourself as a parent, you look for help and suggestions. This book would help me with all those doubts! Thanks for the opportunity to win!
I live in a very small community where everyone knows what happened later. After reading about this book, I thought of a mother that has had a “bad year” not day. Prayers and encouraging words have helped but you can see the despair in her eyes. They are a strong Christian family that has been affected by the ever growing drug problems that our youth face today. I had the opportunity to say some encouraging words to her thinking it was not enough. We all have so much going on in our lives these days it is nice to know we are not alone. The second copy I would like to give to my cherished friend Leah. She has been a rock during my times of need. We compare stories about our kids even with the huge age differences and experience of public school/special needs versus home schooling. I have so many friends that I would love to share this book with that I plan to give them as gifts….myself included!!!
failure. despair. isolation. living it. no idea how/where we went so horribly wrong. could use a little encouragement minus the judgement.
Me too Megan! Praying for you and your children. He is faithful to carry us through this and He does love them as well as us. God has convicted me to pray for mine. I can’t make their choices or fix things or make any of it go away but I can faithfully pray for them.
“Don’t put your faith in sheep , put your faith in the Shepherd ” . Psalms 25:1 spoke to me out of your book. A lot times we forget that God is in control of our lives, if we would just let him in…
I would share this book with my daughter. She has three children in a blended marriage, ages seven, two and eleven months. There are times that she feels pulled several different directions but she some how makes it thru.
It makes me feel better that she said you don’t go from being good mom to bad mom. I always feel like I’m being judged and as soon as my daughter( who is quite strong willed) reacts in a way that isn’t all peaches and cream, people look at you like you are not doing a good job. (Or you feel like your doing a bad job.) I feel like this book would be a great confidence booster to any parent! I would give the extra book to a friend of mine who has a strong willed child as well. She would appreciate the confidence boost. And once I finished I would pass my copy on to another mom who might need some peace.
I would love to have this book as my daughter is preparing to enter her teen years soon and I feel that despite my chosen career field I am going to need all of the help that I can get. Maybe I can even recommend it to families who come to me. I raised two sons who are now adults, but I realize that I am raising a daughter in a different time than my sons grew up in and that girls experience things in a different way than boys.
“When our hope is in our kids, we are slaves to shame, but when we put our hope in God there is no shame.” Wow, such wisdom and insight. So often we feel our identities are in our kids – when things are going well, we’re at the top of the world, and when things are NOT going well, we are in the dumps (at least I am). THANK you for this. “Me too” is shared with my friend Trudy who would love this book.
Don’t judge your parenting skills by one bad day. As a new mother, I constantly judging myself and worry if I’m doing this thing right! I would share a copy with my friend Samana as she has three kids, and two foster kids… All boys! She has been an inspiration and she would love this book!
I would love to win 2 copies….. One for me and one for my daughter in law. My son is enlisted in the US Army and his job takes him away from home often. She and I talk a lot about my grand kids. She is a writer and would just love this book!
“Don’t put your faith in sheep!” Learning this, would love a copy to read!
I love where she says to remember that our hope needs to be in God and not in our child’s behavior. That’s powerful stuff. Honestly I’m not sure who I would share the second copy with. I might hang on to it until I see a friend in need of some help and hope.
I believe these tips would also apply to grandchildren. I have three children who are parents (one is a foster mom), and sometimes they all get frazzled and could use a little encouragement. I only have two grandchildren close by, the others on the easy coast, but I want to make an impact in all of their lives. One thing I appreciated from Kathi is that I may not be the one involved in helping them pursue God. But, I still pray for all of them. I would love a copy to pass on to one of my parenting kids, or if God laid someone else in my heart it would go there. Humor in stressful situations can be the best medicine.
I had my first son at the age of 19, hardly old enough to be raising a child..or so I was told nearly every day, week, month. I came out of the Mom gate thinking I was inadequate and not good enough. My son was ALWAYS a challenge from age 2 on..he is now 28, soon to be 29, and trying to get into seminary. I have carried the bad mom guilt for nearly 29 years, he was into drugs, stole from anyone he could, was defiant and so passive agressive that his counselor gave up on him. I have three children in total and all of my kids are loved and cherished for themselves. I had some minor trying times with my now 21 year old daughter when she was a teenager, again I instantly thought bad mom. My last kiddo at home is my 8 year old son and thankfully have not had a bad mom thought..yet. As parents we have a responsibility to give our children love, support, and a healthy environment to grow up in, one that is devoid of chaos, uncertainty, violence. We are NOT responsible for their every action and/or choice they make. We do our best and that is ok…just don’t give up and keep giving them the best you can.
This is great! I know when my kids make poor choices it is automatic to think what didn’t I do right and to feel like I’m the worst mom. I love Kathi Lipp’s point about knowing that all mom’s can struggle with these thoughts and sharing them can be helpful to me & other mom’s who may be feeling alone in their thoughts as well. I would love a copy of Kathi’s book!
Thanks.