I was completely blindsided. I’d been called into a meeting at my church with another women in leadership who was upset with me. She’d been upset with me for months, but I had just found out about it.
Someone had told her I didn’t agree with the way she was leading. But that wasn’t at all what I’d said – months before – in a meeting with several other leaders. I had simply been asked my opinion about a situation and I shared my thoughts and they weren’t directly about her at all. And I was so sad that I was just being asked about it, several months later.
I was hurt. She was hurt. We both volunteered countless hours in ministry, pouring our hearts and our lives into women in our church. All the while, we were on the same team and assumed we both fully supported one another. But now the trust we had built for years was coming unraveled.
It was a mess. I was a mess.
I was done. I decided I wasn’t strong enough. Wasn’t resilient enough. And I was exhausted from trying.
That afternoon I went home and cried. Told God I was ready to call it quits. Laying my head down on my desk, I said I couldn’t do it anymore.
But… {my heart whispered} there was more to it… “I have been crucified with Christ and I no longer live, but Christ lives in me. The life I now live in the body, I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me.” Galatians 2:20
I knew in that moment if I was willing to die to myself and completely rely on Christ in Me I could experience resurrection power.
I could walk away from God’s calling on my life or I could allow Jesus to live HIS life through me.
I could die to my desire to protect myself from getting hurt again and choose to tap into His power by relying on the strength of His Spirit in me .
I wasn’t enough … wasn’t strong enough, resilient enough, or humble enough. But Christ in me was more than enough.
In my P31 devotion today, I talked about how we can turn away from our feelings of defeat and doubt by living in the Light of God’s Truth. And here is one of the most important truths:
Jesus did not die on the cross just to get us out of hell and into heaven. He died on the cross to get Himself out of heaven and into us! That is resurrection life – and the very place where we get our enough!
If you have been crucified with Christ, you no longer live, but Christ lives in you!! The life you now live in the body, you can choose to live by faith in the Son of God, who loved you and gave himself for you.”
When you feel inadequate, remember God says: You are CHOSEN.
“‘You are my witnesses,’ declares the Lord, ‘and my servant whom I have chosen, so that you may know and believe me and understand that I am he’” (Isa. 43:10).
When you feel afraid, remember God says: You are REDEEMED.
“Do not fear, for I have redeemed you; I have summoned you by name; you are mine” (Isa. 43:1).
When you feel unloved, God says: You are LOVED.
“You are precious and honored in my sight, and . . . I love you” (Isa. 43:4).
When you feel forgotten, God says: You are REMEMBERED.
“See, I have engraved you on the palms of my hands” (Isa. 49:16).
When you feel insecure, God says: You are SECURE.
“Let the beloved of the Lord rest secure in him, for he shields him all day long, and the one the Lord loves rests between his shoulders” (Deut. 33:12).
When you feel unable or unstable, God says: You are ABLE.
“The Sovereign Lord is my strength; he makes my feet like the feet of a deer, he enables me to tread on the heights” (Hab. 3:19).
When you feel worthless, God says: You are CALLED.
“Youare a chosen [woman], a royal [priest], a holy [daughter], God’s special possession, that you may declare the praises of him who called you out of the darkness into his wonderful light” (1 Pet. 2:9).
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This was very helpful for what I’m going through. I can relate to this completely. I’ll continue to pray. Hopefully, I win your gift package because I don’t have your book yet.
Thank you for posting this.
I am going through a strong Spiritual battle.
I needed to be reminded who I am through Christ.
I feel so totally inadequate, I will try focusing on Gods word and promises to see if I can get over this.
I found out just this week that my dear friend at church was “making a change” due to (I suspect) a similar situation, though not involving me. I love her and her family and want to respect her decision, but I’m going to miss her dearly. I KNOW she is not giving up, but making the change that the Lord is leading her to make. Still her presence and leadership will be missed.
I’m glad you’ve posted this warning and encouragement, Renee.
4 years ago I did say, ‘I’m done.’ And walked away, yet again, from a difficult situation of lies and gossip. I wish I had this writing then. It would have saved me years of grief and loneliness. It has been hard to pick up the pieces and try to re-build what I shattered.
Thank you for sharing this and everything that you share!! I really feel like whatever you say really speaks to my heart and are areas that I really struggle.
I have dealt with something similar to what you posted about today, except I’m not in leadership, but the person had held onto something and not told me about it until months later. I was very hurt and sometimes still feel hurt today. Every time I think about it, I just think that she has probably long forgotten about it and has moved on and so should I, but it’s hard sometimes.
Hi. I can really identify with the words Denise wrote! Thank you for your posts and pointing people to Christ! God is using you as a light in my darkness! Thank you!
I could use some “God-fidence.” I am going through a very dark time in my life. My husband is a soldier with PTSD and TBI. We have battled this for over two years. It has taken its toll on our marriage to the point my husband is talking about leaving and divorcing me. I have been told I am a horrible wife. That for reminding me I am a child of God and he will take care of me.
Stopping by today was a “God thing.”
I’ve been struggling with leaving a ministry that Ive been a part of for 7 years, helping women find healing who are post abortive. Because of another worker and friend that has betrayed me in my personal life, I been having a diffcult time preparing for a speaking enagement with her in just a few weeks. This is something we done together for the last two years and it touches many young ladies.
This post reminded me that Christ did it all for ME, so that I could to do it all for HIM!
In His Grace~Tammy
Thank you so much Renee for this post, it rings so true to me EVERY day!!! 🙂 Angie
Wow, this was what I needed to read today. This is a constant struggle for me. Thank you….
Thank you so much for speaking out loud the things so many of us struggle with. It is so sad that there are so many of us that do battle self-doubt. My life over the last year has been exceptionally difficult and has created a lot of doubts about almost everything. If I’m being honest though, I have struggled with doubts, especially self-doubt and defeat for most of my life. Your words help to change my perspective and strive to see myself and others the way God would like me to. Thank you again.
Thank you so much for this devotional. As so many others have commented, this is just what God knew I needed to hear today. On the eve of my 50th birthday, I have really struggled with doubt and wondered if God is disappointed in what I have or have not done in my life. It is so comforting to know that many women have the same struggles. Also, to have scriptures to place in our hearts (or should I say, to replace the doubts :)) I will be printing out the “God says” and keeping it in my Bible.
Thanks so much, again.
Your blog title alone had my attention, and I was eager to know what testimony and wisdom you would bring to a subject I’ve struggled with most of my life. I am not disappointed, and I will be sharing this blog with a couple relatives and friends who also struggle with both not being enough but also with trying to work it out in their own strength and not accessing the Spirit of Christ’s power within them. I’m going to hang the Scripture promises you provided in my work office and at home, so I can memorize them and turn them into declarations when self-doubt and insecurity try to waylay me.
Blessings and thank you for your openness and wisdom!
Becca
Thank you so much for this – it was exactly the reminder I needed today!!!!!!!!!!!!
Renee thank you so much for this article. I spend my life in self-doubt and you really hit home! Again thank you for your honesty.
I’m a nursing student that could really use some God Confidence ! Thanks for sharing !!!!!!!!
Thank you so much for being real! Sometimes as Christians, we try to hide our true feelings because of the fear of others. God bless!
Just what I needed today! Thank you so very much
Why is so many of us feel this way? We’ve gone to church, been in studies, even ministered to others.
Perhaps we forget to refresh ourselves in the spirit. To relent and Let Christ work thru’ us?
Thank you so much for finding those truths of God for us Renee. Now all we need to do is not study them but take them to heart!