Fearful. Betrayed. Abandoned. Unloved. Unworthy. Unwanted.
These are a few words that defined Donna and cast shadows over her. Here’s Donna’s story…
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Fearful. Betrayed. Abandoned. Unloved. Unworthy. Unwanted.
These were shadows from a past that would haunt me for years. A past that would hold me hostage and keep me from fully living in the light of God’s love.
Fearful as I watched a hot plate of spaghetti thrown across the kitchen. Fearful as I watched furniture crash against walls. Fearful as my dad fell to the ground a few feet from my mom after he’d swung at her and lost his balance.
Betrayed after my intoxicated father sat me on the back of a horse without a saddle or reins to hold, and then swiped the horse’s rear end. Betrayed as he laughed with his friends while I went sailing through the air and landed on a barb wired fence.
Abandoned and unwanted when my dad filed divorce papers and when I discovered he failed to even get my name and birthday correct on them. Abandoned each time my dad refused to pay child support. Unwanted as years went by without visits, phone calls, hugs, birthday gifts.
Unloved and unworthy when my dad broke promise after promise… to visit, to call, to show up for my high school graduation, to pay for college.
Fearful, betrayed, abandoned, unloved, unworthy, and unwanted. Words and emotions that I let define me and cast shadows over me … until July 2011.
Through several of my Pastor’s sermons and through a friend’s father passing away, I sensed God asking: “How would you feel and what would you do if your Dad were to die this very day?”
I had no answer. I didn’t even know or really even think I liked my dad, much less loved him. Fifteen years had gone by since I’d seen him.
Around that same time, God challenged me with two words: ACCEPT and CHOICE
I had a choice and I made it. Following God’s nudging, on July 1, 2011 I went to see my father and accepted him for who he is.
In doing so, for the first time ever, I was able to ACCEPT my past. God made it perfectly clear to me that I could not change my dad nor my past. My only job was to pray for my Dad. I cannot tell you the burden that lifted from my entire being on July 1st.
God took my acceptance one step further. He told me I had a CHOICE!
A choice to believe that He is who He says He is. A choice to believe His promises; a choice to believe I was worth dying for; a choice to be filled with His joy; a choice to let Him be my Father, my Abba Daddy; a choice to live with a confident heart.
And it’s up to me to make those choices 24/7. Not just on Sunday. Not just at 9am when my day starts – but constantly make those choices. So I get up every morning and choose to believe that God is a Promise Keeper. I make the choice – to believe He loves me like no other can nor will, to pray for my Dad, to let go of the anger. I choose to live in the Light of Jesus so I can have a the freedom and security of a confident heart.
There are days, even minutes, that I don’t make the right choices. But the good thing is as I get better and better at making those choices my rebound time gets shorter and shorter. I get quicker at turning back to the Light.
I’m praying for you today – that together we can turn towards and live in the Light of God’s love. That He’ll give us courage to make the choices He’s asking us to make and accept what He’s calling us to accept so that we can keep turning and growing.
Lord, thank You for Your promises. I thank You that You have called me out of the darkness and into Your light. Thank You for transforming my heart into a heart like Yours. In Jesus’ name. Amen.
Donna, sweet friend, thank you for boldly believing Jesus and walking in obedient trust of His calling on your life. Your story and your faith challenge and encourage me to listen for His voice and do the hard thing of believing Him when my feelings are demanding their way. I”m so grateful for the Light and the way you walk in Him!
Connecting in Community: What is God speaking to your heart as you read Donna’s story ? Or is there something in chapter 5 that resonated with a change, a choice or a place of acceptance God’s inviting you to? Let’s share here and/or some of the answers to our end of chapter questions this week. Whatever is on your heart.
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Thank you, Donna for your honesty and transparency. How liberating it is to realize that we can make the CHOICE time forgive and accept our experience. This opens a door for healing and moving on. You were a victim but I hope that God will give you a life that is beyond anything you have ever imagined. You have tools that God has taught you. I am sure by sharing your story you have offered a path for hope and healing to many. You have taken a courageous step of faith. You are no longer a victim nor nearly a survivor but victorious!!! Thank you dear, lady. God bless.
Maureen,
Thank you for your words of encouragement and yes, it is all HIM and His work that has taken me from the dark to HIS amazing LIGHT! Praising Him for His healing and GRACE.
Blessings,
Donna B
Thank you for sharing your story. It brought up old emotions from my childhood that I didn’t even know were still there. God is healing those emotions now, I’m not sure I’d have dealt with them if I hadn’t read your story. Thanks again.
Susan,
Praising God for the work that He is doing in the both of us through A Confident Heart and through Him. Praying for you as you come to peace with those old emotions and as you move forward into His bright LIGHT.
Blessings,
Donna B
Thank you Donna, and Renee for sharing your story, it has now brought me to share mine (which has been so hard for me to do) Renee, thank you for this book. Chapter 4 was so hard for me, I read it twice…..I thought that my past was all revealed and I was ok, I know God loves me and he forgives me, Yes, as Renee says, I am the daughter of the King. I woke up one night and remembered something that happened to be when I was 7 or 8, it was buried…way down in there, because I hadn’t remembered it. I was molested by a relative and never told. I have prayed to God to forgive the person who was doing that to me. I felt sick to my stomach, but know I have to forgive too……as an early teen I began to drink, smoke cigarettes and pot, and occasionally used prescription drugs.. when I was 16 I was sexually assaulted by a friend. I had been drinking and doing pot. Six weeks after that happened I thought I was pregnant. I told my mom what had happened, and I admitted I was drinking. I went to a clinic several towns away (had to keep my secret). I thank my God, I was not pregnant. I was reading Genesis and had a hard time with Chapter 34, the story of Dinah, she was raped and in all of the story she was the victim and was overlooked, she was not comforted, everything that went on was about what others felt, nothing else was ever mentioned. The reason I mention this is because that’s the way I felt…..after I knew I wasnt pregnant, nothing was ever mentioned or done, life went on….so did my drinking and the drugs, I was angry at my mom and my dad never knew. I married out of high school to get out of the place I lived, wrong move….the drinking and drugs continued and the physical abuse started. Two years later I gave birth to my first child….I believe in my heart God sent this child to me to save me. I stopped the drinking and the drugs, but the physical abuse kept on..three years later I left him and took my child, and filed for a divorce. Before the divorce was final I met my husband, who accepted me with my child and made a home for us. Our life together was a rough one, a year and a half after the divorce we married, a year later I gave birth to my second child, 13 months later my husband was in jail. I struggled for five years while he was in jail, 2 children, and a home to maintain, my dad helped us alot, and my mom helped me when I needed help with the kids, this was a blessing. Thank you Jesus I made it through the five years. My husband surrendered his life to the Lord while he was in jail…I hung on to my beliefs, being stuborn. My husband came home, as our life went on we hit bumpy roads, and finally I surrendered my life to the Lord. We have been together for over 32 years, we are still walking with our Lord. We have 4 beautiful children, and now have grand-children. Even though our life has had many sturggles, I know God has been with us all the way, since I started this study, I’ve look to my past and have seen God’s hands in so much of our lives…in page 73 Renee writes “When we let Jesus pour His healing power into our lives, His love flows into our pain and cleanses the wounds from our past.” Amen. Yesterday I read my Proverbs 31 devotion “Her Hands”…I cried because I was mad at my mom, probably all my life, since all this has come to me. She has dementia and I look into her eyes and they are blank. I wish I could just talk to her, but she doesnt remember things, so I just pray and love her. I lost my dad a couple of years ago, and I was very close to him. My Dear Savior, this has been so hard for me to share…….Renee is right “Forgiving those who have hurt you is hard”…I thought I was all done with my past until now….but she also says “anytime we bury a hurt that’s still alive, it just rises from the dead to haunt us.” I have cried so much and prayed for God’s healing, I have come from broken to beautiful, I will continue to lean on His promises, and be dependant on Him everyday. Today I feel my heart is lite, I am free to share my story without being hesitant or afraid. The words of my King are a light for my path.
Thank you so much Donna and Renee, for helping me free my heart……………God bless you sisters and I will pray for all of you…I have read so many of your stories and I know God has also freed many of you with this study.
Romans 12:12 Be joyful because you have hope. Be patient when trouble come and pray at all times.
Anna,
So blessed and thankful that God filled you with His courage to share your story. So sorry for your pain and your past but so thankful for God’s saving GRACE in your life. Praying for you as you continue this journey to forgiveness. Praying for healing for your heart as you draw closer to His heart. Praising Him that you have made that turn from broken to beautiful. Praying for you as you lean into His promises and live them out in your life.
Blessings,
Donna B.
Donna,
It was like I was reading my own story, even right down to the laughter as he and his drunkened friends watched me ride off in terror as he slapped the rear end of the horse! Wow.. The difference is.. I havent brought myself to the visit him. I have forgiven him and I finally do have peace. Praise God! I continue to pray for strength until that day comes.
Missy,
Praising God for His gifts of forgiveness and peace. Praying for God to fill you with His strength, courage and boldness as you make those daily choices.
Blessings,
Donna B.
Thank you so much for sharing this! I was touched by your story because I also had a father who’s a little like your father… He punishes us a brutal way for every mistake, he was a drunkard, full of vices, had a son from another woman, unloving, impatient, and inconsiderate. He was not a good husband and a good father to us. Growing up was difficult but our mother taught us to always pray for him and ask help from God to not nurture the hatred and the anger that was building inside of us. Back then, our mother and the prayers were our source of comfort and security.
Erin,
So sorry that our fathers were so much alike. And sorry for the pain that he caused you. I love the fact that your mother taught you to pray for him at such an earlier age. What a great way to curb the anger, because there were times that I would get anger at my dad for all of his broken promises. Praising God for your godly mother who loved through the eyes of Jesus.
Blessings,
Donna B
Thank you Donna for sharing your story!! It was very encouraging for me. Love in Jesus, Cheri
Cheri,
Thanks. It was all the work of God and in His strength.
Blessings,
Donna B
In both Donna’s story and in chapter 2 talked about having a choice. It is our choice, to either more towards God, allowing us to grow confidently in Him, or the opposite, moving away from God resulting in isolation (and doubt). To live confidently, requires us to move towards God and a choice to believe His promises (Donna’s story). This choice is one that we have to continually make day by day, hour by hour, moment by moment. We need to turn away from the darkness, and turn towards the light (pg 93).
Thank you Donna for sharing your story. =D
Kourt,
Choice – love that word. Thank you for sharing your thoughts about “choice” and for your encouraging words,
Blessings,
Donna B
Hi Donna thank you for sharing your story it really brought up things I thought I had let go. Well now I know I haven’t. I was raised by a loving and caring step- father ( I never thought of him that way he is my daddy always) in a good home I still let my daddy go to his grave with out ever telling his my secret. I never told my mother or anyone else until after he died. I didn’t want him loving me less. Now I know he would not have loved me less but he would have went to jail for murder in the first degree if he knew.
See when I was 7 years old I wanted to meet my real father and spend time with him so I fussed until my mother go a hold of him, and I went and stayed with him for 2weeks. ( My mother really didn’t want me to go)I should have listened to her. hind site is 20 20. During these two week I lived in hell from the start. He and my step mother fought all the time hitting and throwing things cussing and all. I had never seen anything like it, my home was not like that. Then about a week in to being there they split up. well I was left with my father and that is when he started raping me only7 years old I didn’t know what to do I just knew something was not right about it. he told me that if I told anyone they would put me in a special home and I would never see my mom and dad again. well you can guess I didn’t tell anyone for a long time. I started thinking if some one loved you, you had to have sex with them. so you can guess how my life went after that. I had a child when I was 14 years old ( Lost him this past year 32 yrs old to a heart attack ) my Father wanted to come back in my life and be grandpa no way I told him to. every time he came to mind I would get scared. I told him My Baby only had one grand dad and that way Yankee that what everyone called my dad he was from up north. lol. I thought God would help me thought all this, so I went to my pastor, now he had been my pastor for 9 years but when I told him I was pregnant he told m not to come back to his church that I was a disgrace to the church and to the other girls my age and to God. Talk about hurt and a lone I thought I was all a lone. When I told my parents they were not happy about it but they stood beside me all the way. I never did go to another church for about 25 years I let my kids go but God did not love me any more remember. But I know better not I just need to keep remembering He loves me no matter what I did in the past I just need to keep looking to Him. As I got old ( in My early 30’s) I thought I had forgiving my real father but after reading and studying with Renee I now know I have not. I’m praying to God to help me really forgive him and all but it is not easy for me. in time I know God will show me how. But thank you for your story it gives me hope. Sorry I’m rambling on but I have never told this story to anyone but my mother when I was 14 after my baby was born. but thank you for listening. In Christ Love we will all heal and be set free, In Christ Love Amen
Angela 2,
My heart breaks for you and I am so sorry that you had to go through so much at such a young age. Praying for God to bring healing to your heart and to your family. And thank you for being so brave to share your story with us. I will be praying alongside you as you continue to turn the pages of A Confident Heart. Praying for God to heal, for you to forgive those who hurt you and for you to forgive yourself. Praying for God to set you free from your past as you focus your eyes and heart on Him. Thanking God for you today and the work that He is doing in your life.
Blessings,
Donna
How do you forgive someone who is dead and can’t say he is sorry or anything else. In Christ Love
What a wonderful way Abba is working in Donna’s life in spite of almost indescribable pain. What a brave woman Donna is and what a awesome God we have that can take such painful memories and use them for the good of others and for Donna. Thank You Lord for your encouragement and for not giving up on us but helping us each work through our issues in a way that you have ordained for us. I can’t thank you enough for your love and your watchful eye and your body filled through each saint. We love you Lord because you first loved us.
Florence,
Thank you for your note and yes, our Abba Father is beyond amazing! Thanks for the prayer too!
Blessings,
Donna B
My father has been in prison most of my life and the last time for 22 years. He got out last August and it took him until my birthday in January to call me. Now I’m unsure what to do I’m pretty sure that he is dying of cancer and that’s why he got out but no one has actually said that out loud. It’s hard to think about a life that includes him but I do think of him often. It’s a 5 hour drive to see him and I don’t have a car big enough to take all 5 if my kids. And I’m not even sure I want to see him. I have forgiven him and I do pray for him but its really hard to let someone who has been gone more than 30 of my 38 years into my life. He did help make me but he did not take care of me. I know I need to make the next move but what? He hurt my mom and my sister very much and they are both gone out of this world.
Thanks for letting me share a little, I know God will give me an answer!
Father God,
Please whisper into Treasure’s ear what action you would like Treasure to take regarding her Dad. God, I know it’s tough after so many years just because we feel like we don’t know them and sometimes when we feel that we don’t know them, we don’t love them. Guide and direct her next steps. I thank you that she has forgiven him and that she is praying for him. Take her by the hand and don’t let her get in the way of the work that you want to do in her and in her father. I thank you for her willingness and her desire to do the next right thing. Please reveal the next right thing to Treasure. In Jesus’ name. Amen.
What a powerful story Donna. Felt God nudging my heart through a lot of it. This whole book study has left me pondering my relationship with my own father. The Lord has been asking me to send my father a letter. I feel like I want a relationship with him as adults. Ive realized my hurt little girl has kept me from that relationship and I have discovered as we are both very different than we used to be that I desire a relationship with my father. I have been thinking for a number of months that I would be regretful if he were to die and things are how they are. Im afraid of putting myself out there and being vulnerable and being rejected again… but I keep seeing things like this that prompt me to keep on walking forward. Thankyou for your encouragement.
Carla R.,
Praying for you and your father. This I can tell you, being obedient to God and His promptings is a freeing thing no matter the outcome because you obeyed. Praying for your heart and praying that God will fill you with his courage to move forward – to move past the past and to forgive and walk in the freedom that God promises.
Blessings,
Donna
Thank you so much for sharing your story, Donna. As many of us have, I too have been labeled by those same emotions of fear, unworthiness, abandonment, unlovable. My mom was an alcoholic and as a result of the unpredictable, unsafe, environment I was raised in…never knowing when plates would be thrown across the kitchen or knives pulled…I was extremely emotionally scarred. I began having panic attacks 11 years ago and still suffer from daily anxiety and depression. God has been so loving, faithful and encouraging throughout my life, but especially through this healing journey He has me on. Within the past year He’s revealed to me that my tendencies to plan, make peace, please people, be perfect all stem from the fact that my life was so chaotic and out of control that I’ve done anything possible to try and control things. I also realize that I have felt unworthy and unloved because my mother was unable to give me what I needed. I’ve built up a lot of strong walls to protect myself. God is breaking them down. He’s asking me to step out in faith because of who He is, because of His perfect love for me, because I can trust in His promises. There is nothing I can do to earn His love and nothing I can do to lose it as He sees me through Christ. He certainly has more work to do in me, but “He who promised is faithful” so I am assured of the fact that He who began a good work in me will see it to completion. Thank God for this study and for all of you who are encouraging one another. Thank you Donna for the reminder of my part in this healing…accepting and choosing!
Jen,
Praising Him with you! thanking Him for the work that He is doing in and through you. And you are so right, we are all on this journey – step by step – choice by choice – experience by experience. Praying for you as you draw closer to His heart and closer to believing each and every one of His promises.
Blessings,
Donna
Donna, Thank you so much for sharing your story! I really needed to read this right now. My father was never violent but the time I lived with him and my stepmother I felt second best. Not that I needed to be first but I felt like I was a burden and/or in the way. My stepmother also made it clear that I was not wanted toward the end of my high school years. My first semester in college I was asked to leave because my stepmother felt I was using them. My father told me it was best that I go somewhere else rather than upset my stepmother. I am currently working on forgiving them both for all the hurt, putdowns and disappointments they have caused me over the years. I haven’t spoken to either of them in almost a year and a half. My stepmother sent a comment on Facebook on a post announcing my 40th week of pregnancy last year and told me I didn’t need anymore children. I chose not to respond and have not contacted them since. I truly appreciate you reaffirming that forgiveness and prayer are the best course of action. God is my heavenly Father no matter who my earthly father chooses to be!
Mindy, so sorry that you are going through this with your Dad and stepmother. Praying for you and the pain you are experiencing as you work your way through the circumstances. Praying for you heart as you lean into Him as you forgive and as you pray for them both. Praying for strength and courage as you forgive. Praying that He guides your thoughts and your heart as you move forward into His amazing LIGHT.
Blessings,
Donna
Thank you Donna…the words accept and choose are helping me right now in a relationship with my mother.
I know Jesus has pressed these two words in my heart so I can walk forward with his plan for my life…..I just find myself saying but she…….I don’t ……..but when I take the focus off me I find the peace and love I truly need.
Ruth,
You are so welcome. Its all God’s doing! There were so many times, I would let me pride get in the way of the work that He wanted to do in my heart.
Praying for you and your Mom. Praying for God to complete the plan that He has laid out for the both of you. Praying for restoration and forgiveness.
Blessings,
Donna
Donna,
Thank You so much for sharing your story, you touched my heart with your powerful words,”Fearful, betrayed, abandoned, unloved, unworthy, and unwanted.” I too went through similar situations like yours but in my life, I was daddy’s little girl when he was sober,kind,and loving. Yet, when my dad drank, he became an ugly,mean, uncaring, and thoughtless monste,r who forgot his little girl and was kicked out of the house more than I can remember. This is when I started people had two faces (Dr. Heckel & Mr. Hide- nice/mean) Your story made me realize that eventhough my dad was a monster most of my childhood, I loved him deeply and I never forgave my dad for what he did, since he past away when I was 11yrs. old. Thank You so much for opening my eyes and realize that I too can Accept my past and the Choice to have my Heavenly Father love me the way I should be loved.
Olivia,
So sorry that you experienced your Dad as mean man. But so thankful that God is reveailing Himself to you as a loving, caring and accepting Father. Praying for you as you continue to journey through A Confident Heart.
Blessings,
Donna
It’s so true Donna, things have been brought up again this last week for me where I thought I had let go, but the emotions ,pain and fear were still there. I have had to wake every day asking for key friends to pray and feeling low crying to God in my Quiet time. I had another cry this morning but it was short as I said to myself; Right I’m going to get up and do ….. I am going to pull myself together and stand up and choose to get on.
After reading your story I am going to change my alarm which tells me to have a Quite Time (before kids get up) and label it: ” I choose ” as a reminder that I choose to give it all to God, I choose to Trust in him, I choose to hold on to his truths, I choose to change and make a difference, I choose to let go of the past and step into what God has got for me.
Babs,
So sorry that you are experiencing that pain and fear all over again. It happens the same way with me … especially when my family updates me on my Dad and his crazy ways at the nursing home where he now lives.
And whenever that happens, I’ve learned to lean into God’s promises for longer periods of time and pray for faster rebound times. I keep a copy of Renee’s book on the table by my bed and reference Chapter 12 constantly. Love how Renee has laid out so many of God’s promises for us in Chapter 12.
Praying for your quiet time with God. Praying that you will hear God’s whispers as He bends and speaks to your heart. Praying for Him to fill you with His courage and boldness as you let go of the past and step into the amazing plan that He has for you.
Blessings,
Donna
Thank you Donna and everyone for being opening up yourselves. But mostly for letting the seed of Jesus’ love develop, grow and blossom in each of you.
With my own baggage of rejection, I am making the choice to help my daughter fair better than me. If any of you have pre-teen or teenage daughters, I recommend Lynn Cowell’s book “HisRevolutionary Love: Jesus Radical Pursuit of You”. That study was a great precursor for me for this study as well as an awesome way to get her to rest in God’s love for her and not look to other things or relationships.
Shelley,
Thanks for your encouraging words. I’m single with no kids but I read Lynn’s book all of the time. Love her and her devo too! Love how God uses Lynn’s words for all ages. 🙂
Blessings,
Donna
Thanks Donna for sharing your story! Another great proof that our God is faithful! We need to believe we are “a chosen woman, a royal priest, a holy daughter, a woman belonging to God”, as Renee writes. Turning to His light and not looking at OUR own weaknesses and frailties makes all the difference in our daily outlook on life. Believing His Promises, His Word truly makes life worth living!
Bless you all!
Susan G.
I love God’s faithfulness – even when I am not. He is a God of second, third , fourth and so many more chances. Love His grace and that He chooses to lavish us with his love and grace.
Blessings,
Donna
Thanks for sharing.
Carol,
You are so welcome. It was all God and Him providing the words.
Blessings,
Donna
Oh how I longed for love from my Father. He was there but not really there if that makes sense. I never felt connected to him. I looked for that attention from all the wrong men. Good enough to be with, but “oh no not good enough to be married too.” I longed for a family of my own. I know I am not alone as I am embracing the fact that God is always me ( I am maturing as a Christian). Nonetheless, I am a single mom, with no support from family (My mother helps me financially, but she lives out of the country). Siblings scattered around 3 states and no type of close bond to any of them. I long Lord for a family of my own. A man of God, my baby girl, a son, and I. My true desires that the I believe God is a promise keeper. If he did it for Sarah, Hannah, Elizabeth, I know he will do it for me. So I wait. I don’t date. I am just waiting and meditating on His word. Chapter 5, 6, and 7 has helped me a lot with recognizing who I am to the Lord. This is my feeling of unwanted, abandoned, and rejected. However, God wants me, won’t abandoned me, and never rejects me. If I delight myself in His Word and He will give me the desires of my heart. I choose to believe that God is a promise keeper. Please keep me in prayer.
Rebecca,
Thank you so much for sharing your story. Praying for you. And I love how you added that action is required of us …. “If I delight myself in his Word … sometimes we forget that as we wait …God requires action on our part. For years I claimed Jer 29:11 as my life verse “For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.
But failed to read on and note that I needed to take action …..to call upon him, pray to Him and seek him with my whole heart.
12 Then you will call on me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. 13 You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart.
So thank you for the reminder that while we wait, we are sometimes required to take action.
Blessings,
Donna