I’ve been reading through old journals this morning, tracing my steps with God over the past several years. Thank God for journals, because I never would have remembered the details of where I’ve been in my spiritual journey and how God met me in each place, revealing my heart to me and His heart towards me.
I was sharing with Lysa how perfectly timed her P31 devotionwas yesterday about running toward our dreams, using the parallel of running and writing a book. It really spoke to me because I avoid both of them for one reason – running and writing are hard and cause pain that I’d rather avoid!
I started to write a book a six years ago (May 2002). It was based on a parenting concept I’d implemented with my kids called “Mining for Gold in the Heart of Your Child.” I presented a proposal for the book in June 2002 to Moody Publishing and Focus on the Family. Soon after, I received a letter from Moody declining my proposal. I hadn’t felt a connection with them so I wasn’t completely disappointed, but it opened a wound in my heart where the fear of rejection had been festering. It was as though the enemy stepped off the page of that letter, pointed his finger in my face and shouted, “You will never be good enough. You may be on God’s team, but He will never choose you to do something this important. You’ll always be a bench warmer.”
Those thoughts caught me off guard and made me weep! I hadn’t even been rejected by the publisher I wanted, but I had gone ahead and done the job for them. As I sat on the floor crying, the Holy Spirit revealed to me that these thoughts weren’t just from the enemy, they reflected deep beliefs in my heart, and also revealed a false image of my God.
Then God whispered to my heart, “Renee, you are as valuable to me as Mother Teresa. You are as important as Billy Graham. I don’t look at the things that man measures as worth. I look at your heart and I see a woman of great value who I love deeply.”
That day started me on a healing path. I wanted to know and believe this was really what God saw and what He felt about me. I needed His love, His perspective, His value of to be my enough, so that no matter what happened – HE defined me. Over the next few months I pursued the love of God with reckless abandon. I read the book of John again and again. I read the Sacred Romance – and through it God took my breath away! Over many months, He revealed so much about my brokenness and opened wounds so that His healing could come over me like never before. This was all part of the process Lysa talks about.
A month or two later, I got a “letter of decline” from Focus. But amazingly I wasn’t wounded. Sure I was disappointed but strangely, I was also glad. I knew I wasn’t ready. I didn’t want any other love or dream to whisk me away. I didn’t want my heart to be that vulnerable to man’s approval and God didn’t either. This letter was God protection and God’s perfect timing for His dream for my life. If He wanted me to write a book, He’d make it happen.
In the meantime, I kept loving on Him and letting Him love on me. God continued to increase my passion for the message and for other parents, because it had changed my life and the whole landscape of our family’s life. He opened doors for the message I hoped to wrap in a book cover by giving me opportunities here and there to share it at MOPs groups, Bibles Studies at my church, parenting seminars and church services. Today as I look back, I see God’s process and preparation through assignments that were a better fit for me and His message, in that season of my heart’s journey.
The next summer, I was asked to volunteer as the coordinator for character development at my son’s charter school. I was hesitant because I knew it would take time away from my dream of writing. But I sensed God calling me. In the end, I got to share portions of the message each month with over 200 kids, parents and staff at our character assemblies. The message grew and so did I. Later that year I was invited to give a keynote to the teachers and administration based on this Christ-centered character development concept.
Six years later, I am sensing God calling me to write a book. I know many of you want to know how you know when God is calling you to write. Well, I can’t wait to tell you! God did something amazing next in this story, that I’ll share tomorrow (since this is getting so long). Also, I have a give-away you don’t want to miss on Monday!
But before you go, I’d love to hear what God is doing to draw you closer to Him as you pursue His dreams for you? Have you traced your steps with Him lately?
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Hey there, I am seeing some prayers being posted here instead of under today’s post.
Be sure to click back to today’s post and click in the word comments right after that 2nd green box towards the top of this page. I just want to make sure others see your prayers and you see the one you are to pray for, too.
Blessings,
Renee
Please pray for me Samuel and Joyce my wife for we have been praying that the good Lord will give us children in our marriage. we have been married for the past14 years but no children. Please pray for us.
Samuel(London UK)
Prayer request- change of career for me. Divine Direction from the Holy Spirit and confirmation that I will know that this is the path God has for me now. Help with balance of all things in my life, body, and health.Thank you. Maria
I am asking for prayer for my sister Judy in Canada. She was diagnosed with breast cancer, and was 8 months short of 10 years of being cancer free. She was diagnosed again in September 07, and had to have a breast removed. She has recently gone for a bone scan, and they have requested for her to return and have it done again, but this time they would like to concentrate on her left rib cage, and back. The doctors’ are hoping to see a clear scan, and nothing black, or any holes. My sister has not made the appointment, because she’s afraid of the results, and so am I! I lost my dad 7 years ago from lung cancer, and I only have one sibling which is my sister Judy who I love, and couldn’t imagine my life without. Could I humbly ask for your prayers for her that all her tests will come back positive, and that Our Heavenly Father will remove every cancerous cell in her body that we may have her around for a long time? Thank you, and please pray for me that God will grant me the strength and courage to walk this road with my sister no matter what the out come may be. God bless you all… Donna
I recently moved into a 3 bedroom townhouse thinking my 23 year old daughter and her two young babies were going to stay with me, well she has moved out. The financial burden is too much and I don’t have the money too move again so I am locked in for the next year. I am really lonely, scared and worried. Please pray that God would provide a the right roommate and help me to move on with my life that I don’t feel like I have. My name is Lynn from Chicago.
I recently moved into a 3 bedroom townhouse thinking my 23 year old daughter and her two young babies were going to stay with me, well she has moved out. The financial burden is too much and I don’t have the money too move again so I am locked in for the next year. I am really lonely, scared and worried. Please pray that God would provide a the right roommate and help me to move on with my life that I don’t feel like I have. My name is Lynn from Chicago.
I just found this site the other day, read Renee’s personal story on prayer today and her blog. I have never asked for prayer from people I don’t know but here goes. I am a single mom I am looking for another job that pays better because I am barely getting by. There are days when I am so tired trying to be strong for my kids, encouraging them to pursue their goals. All I do is work, come home, cook dinner go to bed. As I’m writing this I’m on the verge of tears because I am just so tired of trying to keep my spirits up. Please pray for me to keep trusting God that things will work out, to get a better job so I don’t have to keep depending on my parents and to love myself.
Thank you,
Joy
First i want to say that I am praying for you and your family.
My prayer request is that Ihave trouble with DOUBT and ANXIETY! Like right now I am leaving my church that I have been in for about 10 years.So please if you would pray for my main two things i try and deal with everyday i sure would appreciate it so very much!May GOD BLESS YOU AND YOUR FAMILY!
My name is BECKY and i am from WELSH,LOUISIANA
First let me begin by saying that the daily devotions have been a blessing, I am in need of prayer for my financial situation, I am going through a rough period, I am trying not to lose all I have worked for my home, my car, my bills, and I have a son in his second year of college, I know the Lord will provide and make a way, I just need someone to pray with me. I don’t know what else to do besides pray. Thank You, Tonya Allison, Milton, FL
Thanks for writing this post. I definitely can identify with the “bench warmer” thought – sometimes I think I convince myself that “bench warmer” is actually a legitimate role in the kingdom of God and one that He has assigned solely to me!
But on those days lately I remember God’s word to my heart during one of the toughest seasons of my life that He was going to do something big through me. I still don’t know what that means, but I don’t think it has much to do with sitting on the sidelines and watching other people play ball.
I’m still in great need of encouraging stories like yours, though. Can’t wait to hear the rest of it!
In Him,
Sam
Renee,
Thank you for sharing, it’s wonderful to know we are all in this together. As you mention journals, I too have kept them from HS days and now at 32 have my own library. The amazing thing for me is to see how my perspective has changed in the last 8 years, when I became a Christian and even now in the last year as my faith has grown. It is amazing to look back and see how God has put the pieces together. As we live in the moment it doesn’t always make sense, but hindsight is 20/20 and to see God’s hand in it all is amazing.
Over the last year God was impressing on me to put some of this info along with 8 years worth of email conversations together into a book. I doubted for quite sometime, but finally submitted and now have 60,000 words I’ve entitled “Letters from Leanne – The Beauty of a Spiritual Mother-Daughter Relationship.” I just keep praying and waiting to see what God has in store for it.
I look forward to hearing the rest of your story and pray God continues to bless you, your family and ministry.
Blessings and thanks, Jill
Thanks for sharing your heart. I look forward to reading more.
God is stretching me out of my comfort zone to reach for Him and rely on Him. He’s also making connections with others to encourage me in my walk.
Your wonderful words came at a perfect time yesterday when I was having a tough day. Thanks for visiting my blog and praying for me.
Hi Renee,
I am new to the blogger world but I felt compelled to share my story. God has been pulling me closer to him. Early this spring, I was struggling with when is it God talking to me and when is it me hearing what I want to hear….do you know what I mean? I have been praying for God to show me the difference. I want to really know Him. And, as always, He responded. My current job is part-time but I need to work full-time. So I began the search for a full-time job. I am in the school system, so my fellow co-workers are also looking at this time. Many of them were getting called for interviews and I was hearing nothing! But throughout, I felt God whispering to my heart. He would tell me to be patient, trust Him, He would provide for me. And He did. I just found out my position will be full-time for next year. Isn’t it amazing how God uses our current situtations to bring us closer to him? And now I know…..
Enjoying your blog tonight. This journey with Christ is quite the adventure. I stand in awe of the work He has accomplished in me lately. My eyes have finally been open to some basic truths that for so long I could not see. “It is no longer I who live, but Christ lives in me.” I am learning how to be in complete dependence. This is new since for my entire Christian life I have been asserting my independence. Trying so hard to BE the right person. Clinging to the Law. Totally ignoring His Spirit that has longed to lead me and do all the work for me! The REST I have experienced recently in Him is a relief. Thanks for blessing me tonight.
Renee,
thank you for sharing your story.I’m learning that following your dreams is a journey. I do ok with that some days better than others! Through that process, God has gently taught me to lean on Him, trust in Him with confidence. It has been a sweet sweet trip so far…
Hey Renee – thank you so much for your encouragement. I really appreciated it! 🙂
Have a great weekend…we just came home from the ER with Raegan. She fell down the steps and cut her head – life with kids is never never dull, is it! 🙂
Renee,
I am almost done with my 20th journal since 1998. It has been a long journey as I have looked back over them on and off over this past year. I can tell when I have been farther from God, by how little I journal prayers. I can tell when I am closer, when I am seeking Him more, when I am struggling with problems and hurts and depression.
It has been rewarding to look back and see how in the past couple of years God has been answering prayers and longings of my heart from 10 years ago or more.
I also have read “The Sacred Romance.” I tried starting it about 9 months ago or so. I got halfway through the first chapter and realized that it wasn’t capturing my attention, because I didn’t know what I had read. So, I set it aside, and picked it up about a month and a half ago. It not only caught my attention, but my heart as well. And, as you said, it took my breath away. Those two men were able to put into words everything I have been going through, my heart’s cry, the longings I was filled with, and the hurts as well. It completely blew me away.
And to finally start to grasp that I am the princess that the Hero is pursuing. I am His beloved and He is mine. Talk about starting to heal my heart!
God has been showing me how much I enjoy writing and putting things on my heart to write about. My blog has been one outlet, my journal another, and various Word documents as other outlets. I don’t know what will happen with these ideas, how God will used them. Whether that might be in speaking and teaching, magazine articles, or just giving bits and pieces to individual people as they need it… or if He continues to use my blog… I don’t care really, as long as I get to continue to write (which is one passion) and to sing in worship (which is my other passion right now.)
thank you for sharing your process and for all the things you have gone through, that show others there is hope and light, and that God works in so many different ways.
God bless,
Heather
Dear sisters,
Please visit my blog and help us pray for a 17-year-old girl who is currently battling for her life.
http://www.wendyblackwell.blogspot.com
I tearfully thank you all ahead of time.
Thanks for the reflections. I will look forward to tomorrow and Monday!
Oh dear – I was just upstairs feeling frustrated and overwhelmed by my children and thought about what I just wrote here.
I didn’t mean to come across as having it all together and so focused on others because I don’t!!! I was feeling quite up and happy at that moment mainly because the children were all quiet! 🙂
I am striving to live with others first but I fail MISERABLY SO often!! I just had to write in again…
God bless! 🙂