I’ve been reading through old journals this morning, tracing my steps with God over the past several years. Thank God for journals, because I never would have remembered the details of where I’ve been in my spiritual journey and how God met me in each place, revealing my heart to me and His heart towards me.
I was sharing with Lysa how perfectly timed her P31 devotionwas yesterday about running toward our dreams, using the parallel of running and writing a book. It really spoke to me because I avoid both of them for one reason – running and writing are hard and cause pain that I’d rather avoid!
I started to write a book a six years ago (May 2002). It was based on a parenting concept I’d implemented with my kids called “Mining for Gold in the Heart of Your Child.” I presented a proposal for the book in June 2002 to Moody Publishing and Focus on the Family. Soon after, I received a letter from Moody declining my proposal. I hadn’t felt a connection with them so I wasn’t completely disappointed, but it opened a wound in my heart where the fear of rejection had been festering. It was as though the enemy stepped off the page of that letter, pointed his finger in my face and shouted, “You will never be good enough. You may be on God’s team, but He will never choose you to do something this important. You’ll always be a bench warmer.”
Those thoughts caught me off guard and made me weep! I hadn’t even been rejected by the publisher I wanted, but I had gone ahead and done the job for them. As I sat on the floor crying, the Holy Spirit revealed to me that these thoughts weren’t just from the enemy, they reflected deep beliefs in my heart, and also revealed a false image of my God.
Then God whispered to my heart, “Renee, you are as valuable to me as Mother Teresa. You are as important as Billy Graham. I don’t look at the things that man measures as worth. I look at your heart and I see a woman of great value who I love deeply.”
That day started me on a healing path. I wanted to know and believe this was really what God saw and what He felt about me. I needed His love, His perspective, His value of to be my enough, so that no matter what happened – HE defined me. Over the next few months I pursued the love of God with reckless abandon. I read the book of John again and again. I read the Sacred Romance – and through it God took my breath away! Over many months, He revealed so much about my brokenness and opened wounds so that His healing could come over me like never before. This was all part of the process Lysa talks about.
A month or two later, I got a “letter of decline” from Focus. But amazingly I wasn’t wounded. Sure I was disappointed but strangely, I was also glad. I knew I wasn’t ready. I didn’t want any other love or dream to whisk me away. I didn’t want my heart to be that vulnerable to man’s approval and God didn’t either. This letter was God protection and God’s perfect timing for His dream for my life. If He wanted me to write a book, He’d make it happen.
In the meantime, I kept loving on Him and letting Him love on me. God continued to increase my passion for the message and for other parents, because it had changed my life and the whole landscape of our family’s life. He opened doors for the message I hoped to wrap in a book cover by giving me opportunities here and there to share it at MOPs groups, Bibles Studies at my church, parenting seminars and church services. Today as I look back, I see God’s process and preparation through assignments that were a better fit for me and His message, in that season of my heart’s journey.
The next summer, I was asked to volunteer as the coordinator for character development at my son’s charter school. I was hesitant because I knew it would take time away from my dream of writing. But I sensed God calling me. In the end, I got to share portions of the message each month with over 200 kids, parents and staff at our character assemblies. The message grew and so did I. Later that year I was invited to give a keynote to the teachers and administration based on this Christ-centered character development concept.
Six years later, I am sensing God calling me to write a book. I know many of you want to know how you know when God is calling you to write. Well, I can’t wait to tell you! God did something amazing next in this story, that I’ll share tomorrow (since this is getting so long). Also, I have a give-away you don’t want to miss on Monday!
But before you go, I’d love to hear what God is doing to draw you closer to Him as you pursue His dreams for you? Have you traced your steps with Him lately?
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I began blogging in the Fall of last year. I have never been a consistant “journaler” but…for some reason 5-10 posts a month seems managable. I’m so glad I started. From prayers to events, I can look back over the past 10 months and CLEARLY see God’s provision and direction. Now, I have a finished cd and music/speaking ministry with hopes of publishing in the semi-near future. God is amazing! He enables us to accomplish things we didn’t even know we wanted to accomplish!
Thanks for the post today!
-Janet
I have a box full of journals marking my path over the past four years. God is making me real, He is more real to me than He has ever been.
My dream, my calling is to inspire others, encourage others to Him and He is opening doors. After my pass it would be impossible on my own but I am in the baby steps and I am trusting Him and constantly searching for His direction and voice in this.
I look forward to hearing the “rest of the story”. Do share!!!
In His Graces~Pamela
2:19 PM
Renee,I love how you just open your heart and share!
I too,keep a journal and from to to time I look through at my thoughts,desires,disappointments and victories…how amazed I am.
God has brought me to a place in my life where I have shared a secret that I kept hidden for a very long time.
I have never had a great desire to write but in the last year or so God pressed on my heart to start a blog.I had no idea how or what to write about but He did. For awhile I just wrote,until a few months ago He said “Go ahead an write about your secret,it’s ok.”
I have learned to be very still when He speaks and then to act quickly to His desires.
Looking forward to reading more about your journey.
Thanks so much for sharing your heart to us. I see so many areas of my prayer life and my spiritual journey that started out as a dream and sort of wilted away. I am tryng to listen to HIM and let HIM guide me–without rushing it myself! It’s a process that will happen as long as I continue to trust and obey HIM. It’s not easy!!
As I pursue HIS dreams for me….hmm…it’s quite interesting that you asked today. Deep down, I would love to write. Not sure when…waiting for HIS timing and lots of time in HIS Word. As my husband was telling me goodby this morning, he told me to make sure that I read an article published in his university alumni magazine. The author and I went to high school together!!! He played basketball, and I was a cheerleader. Great guy! Long story short, he’s written several books! It came out of nowhere–I don’t remember his enjoying Adv. Composition in 12th grade that much! But God had His plan in place with my friend. If he is bold enough to step out in faith, why shouldn’t I?? I need to email him this afternoon to congratulate him!
Sorry about this long response, but things just clicked this morning. God’s clicking got louder while I was running and listening to Casting Crowns’s “In Me.” Reckon I need to use some of my newfound discipline and spend some time listening to what HIS plans for me are.
Renee, have a wonderful day, and I thank you again for this post!
Blessings,
Susan
Oh this is so good to read today! I definately have felt God’s call on me to encourage and love on other women.
I have a passion to speak to women and/or girls but am not sure if this is exactly how God wants to use me right now or not.
I have been taking a hard look at my schedule and have been giving up a few things. One being the children’s ministry I’ve done for 8years. It’s hard to cut back but I feel such peace about it and am trusting that God has a plan for me.
With adding a fourth child to our family soon – life will be increasingly busy and I want to be available to my first priorities!
So all this to say – I feel excited about what God has in store – unsure of what that will be but if I can live to love on and encourage others then I am a truly blessed women!
Lots of love to you Renee! Thanks for being so real. I think you are real cool!!!! 🙂
Renee,
Feeling very nostalgic this morning, (I think it is because today is my 41st birthday), I headed to my office this morning to get a book to read. I was in the mood for something deep, so I grabbed “The Root of the Righteous” by A.W. Tozer. Like your journals, it reminded me anew of why it is that I have this passion to share with others that He is flipped-out, madly in love with them. Like you mentioned in your blog, sometimes when I am working on getting my book published, I hear the whisperings, “You don’t have “it””. Fortunately, I recognize quickly (now!) where that comes from. He is the IT and I have got it.
Thanks for sharing your heart!
Lynn
Renee:
I’ve experienced the very feelings you’re having. In fact, I’ve had them recently.
God has brought me so far in the past year. There’s more clarity now than ever before; still and yet, there are lingering doubts.
Some days, my flesh longs to retreat. Some days, it wins. But then there other days when I hear the whispers of sacred hope that lead me down a better path…
a path that continues to press on.
That’s what I am praying for you and me and for all of us who hold some dreams as tender possibilities.
Keep the pen and to the faith. God WILL do the rest.
peace~elaine
Your candor is SO appreciated, Renee.
God is taking me a way I never would have chosen. Healthy all my life, I’ve recently endured some difficult health issues (I even wound up in Urgent Care the first night of She Speaks).
Yet the Lord is bringing me into new levels of TRUST. He’s teaching me to trust Him when confusion and doubt swirl around my head.
And guess what? I am walking out 2 Corinthians 1:5, “For just as Christ’s own sufferings fall to our lot as they overflow upon His disciples, and we share and experience them abundantly, so through Christ comfort and consolation and encouragement are alos shared and experienced by us.” (Amplified Bible)
He is comforting and encouraging me in the midst of it all, so that I in turn can comfort and encourage others.
I look forward to reading Part 2!
Blessings!
Joyful, it’s funny you mentioned “hope deferred” because I blogged on it just last month. I think our writing journey so often includes a period of deferred hope.
This post is an encouragement to all women, not just those who long to write. God is so good to guide us when we are open to Him and only later as we look back can we connect the dots and see His handprint all over it.
These past few days, and the past weeks leading up to it, have been like a giant blog/jig-saw puzzle. Reading Lysa TerKeurst’s blog yesterday about following your dreams, reading various comments from all you lovely God-loving ladies, following rabbit trails throughout the Wonderful World Web, and this morning’s discovery of Renee and her Journey has renewed my desire to write.
Thank you!!!!
Jenny
My son’s baptism has drawn me closer to God and is getting me out of a rut. He is holding me accountable, an I with him.
Renee,
You’re transparancy is needed today. The enemy uses the same tricks, so we need to hear how others are combatting them with the Lord!
I am living in my calling and it’s still fresh, I am sure that someday I’ll be looking back to today and remembering His fresh call on my life and how He drew me near Him with an amazing passion just to spend time with Him.
Looking forward to your post on Monday!! You are such an encouragement.
2 Timothy 2:11 Here is a statement you can trust: If we have died with him, we will also live with him. 12 If we persevere, we will also rule with him…
Simple faithfulness He keeps telling me. Simply be as faithful in the work I have ordained for you (in every respect) as I AM faithful.
run (as if you are) winning because our praise comes from the LORD (Romans 2:29)!
Renee:
Can’t wait to hear tomorrow how the Lord is whispering to your heart about writing your next book. Keep telling His stories for His glory!
As we just living abiding in Him, looking to Him and seeking Him first with passion and sincerity, He brings forth fruit, His desires and His dreams for our lives! It is awesome, humbly and exciting all at the same time.
Hugs and happy dances for you,
Sharon
Renee,
I love this post! And I can’t wait to read the continuing saga tomorrow! 🙂
You asked about what God is doing to draw me closer to Him. Well, I’ve been going through two studies this summer–one on Lelia’s blog where we are study Lysa’s book “What Happens When Women Walk in Faith” and one on Beth Moore’s blog where we are studying “No Other Gods” by Kelly Minter. This week I’ve posted two entries on my blog concerning where I think God is leading me through these studies…today’s post relates specifically to how He is drawing me closer to Him. Please hop over and read it if you have time.
Prayers and blessings, Renee! And I’m super glad to hear about JJ…God is good all the time, and all the time God is good! 🙂
Rebecca
Renee,
I cried when I read your touching blog. My life is falling apart right now. Four years ago I proubably won’t be here if these things happened then. I have seen and give God all the glory for the peace inside today. By the earth’s measure I “have ever right” to be angry with God. But His grace is enought.
Thank you for reminding me.
Diane
Renee, how your words resound and echo in my heart. THANK YOU for sharing so openly and honestly.
Over the last several months God has been drawing me so near to His heart as I have been seeking Him. I know you are aware of the adventure God has had me on. I’ve been reliving and savoring each moment, yet I don’t want to live in past God-moments, but present experiences. Just this morning God spoke these words to me from Isaiah 43:18-19, “But forget all that – it is nothing compared to what I am going to do. For I am about to do something new. See I have already begun! Do you not see it? I will make a pathway through the wilderness. I will create rivers in the dry wasteland.”
My friend, I have a dream…we all do I’m sure. God’s Word says that a hope deferred makes the heart sick, but that is only if my hope is placed in something/someone other than God. He is the God of all hope, and when I trust in Him, He becomes the desire of my heart.
Sometimes we have to leave our old dreams to move on to God’s new dreams for us. If Ruth had never left Moab to travel back to Bethlehem with Naomi, given up the familiar to embrace the new, she would have missed all that God had in store for her.
Praying for you and dreaming God sized dreams with you,
Love & hugs,
Joy
Friend,
WOW, what perfect timing. I am sitting on my front porch reading To Be Told and working on just the very thing you are speaking about. What God is doing in my life today is using my past to minister to those in my present. Just yesterday, someone from next door came over to check on a broken sprinkler and through small talk her struggle came up, the very thing the Lord has brought me through. I was able to invite her over for coffee and a couple of ears. She could not believe I had been where she has been. I have learned that the Lord wants me to be ready at any moment, to share the hope I have in Jesus Christ. Does that sound familiar or what. Thanks my friend for your faith, once again it spurs so many of us on to go deeper with Daddy. I love you, take care. Praying for you and the family……
Loving my race in the lane called Grace.
Thank you so much for sharing that with such vulnerability. I appreciate that! Fear of failure, rejection, has been a great hindrance to me in writing, constantly wondering if I truly have anything worth saying. That encourages me a great deal to return to my Source for validation and encouragement. Bless you for sharing this!
Love,
Shauna Okongo
I can’t wait to hear about more of your journey. Hope you have a great weekend.
Blessings,
Pearls