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A guest post from Heather Bleier:
I grew up in the security of knowing my parents loved me and loved each other dearly. I also knew Jesus as my Lord, Savior, and confidant and that He had a plan for my life. I was excited to find out what He had in store for me.
With a flair for drama, I’d break out into song anytime and anywhere…grocery stores were my favorite. When I was five, I boldly told my mom I was going to be the next Celine Dion. But as my faith grew, I decided to become a contemporary Christian artist instead. I joined every choir I could. By middle school I was in our church’s Praise Team and adult choir, plus two of my school choirs. I could picture myself being on stage one day, singing my heart out for God; perhaps sharing a duet with Celine Dion at one of my concerts.
Life, however, rarely goes the way we plan.
As a young girl a man exposed himself to me and tried convincing me to follow him into the woods. Although I didn’t go with him, it left me feeling confused and ashamed. My parents divorced while I was in middle school. If that wasn’t hard enough to process, just before I started high school, my ex-boyfriend sexually assaulted me.
I wanted to be strong for those around me, so I chose not to tell anyone.
Throughout high school I pressed on, pretending nothing bad happened. I became a skilled actress, fooling even myself. Food became the only controllable thing in my life; going without for days at a time. When I graduated, I moved to Austin, TX to go to college. It was supposed to be a fresh start. I was supposed to be able to leave my pain in San Antonio, allowing it to vanish from my memory. It didn’t. Instead, my wounds were torn open when I was assaulted again in the fall of my freshman year. I silently clung to the cross harder than ever.
Still, I felt broken and empty inside, useless for ministry or marriage. How could someone prevail, becoming a woman of purpose and confidence?
One night, I hit rock bottom. God’s Word told me He was with me, but I felt forgotten and alone. As I stood in my room in despair, I thought about taking my own life as I held a knife to my wrist. I begged God to tell me how any of my past would fit into His plans. I needed to know; otherwise I had no reason to remain in existence. It was just too hard.
There are no words to describe what happened next. The devil’s hot breath was in my ear, urging me forward. But then I felt God wrap Himself around me, holding on to all I was worth as I crumbled to the floor. He spoke Jeremiah 29:11 into my heart, and I fully surrendered my life to Him, my plans, and every broken piece of my heart.
Through every trial, every pain, I had to cling to the promises poured out in God’s Word. Instead of being ruled by my ravaged emotions, I learned to stand firm on His unshakeable Truths.
Healing hasn’t been easy. But it’s been possible as I have filtered my thoughts through God’s Word… which is unchanging, true, and from the One who loves His children beyond what we can hope for or imagine.
I have clung to Psalm 46, especially the first two verses. Regardless of how I “felt” the Truth remained, God was WITH me through every trial, every pain, and He caught every tear. This simple Truth stays with me even now when hard times come.
Music has been another way God has spoken His Truths and comfort to my heart in a BIG way. I found music artists that helped me stay focused on who God is and who I wanted to be in Him. Margaret Becker’s album Soul was the first Christian CD I remember owning and every song filled me with hope, comfort, God’s Truth, and some really awesome 90’s dance moves.
Every day I have to make a choice. I can either choose to be swallowed by my painful past or my daily circumstances. Or, I can have faith in God’s plan for my life. I now know faith isn’t about believing everything will turn out well…it’s about trusting God NO MATTER how things turn out.
To be the woman we want to be, we must see ourselves through God’s eyes. We must cling to the cross of Jesus Christ and to His promises. He does not falter when our emotions run circles around our hearts. His view of us does not change…ever. We will always be His children. As His beloved daughters we can become the women HE wants us to be!
As Renee shared in Chapter 11, God tells us we are:Chosen, Redeemed, Loved, Remembered, Secure, Able and Called.
These are Truths worth clinging to. We don’t have to be confident in ourselves rather, we must have confidence in God’s love. Confident that He sees us; He knows our hurts and where is needed. He also knows our whole story and how it fits into the lives of others.
I so agree with Renee: “I pray that you will become a catalyst for other women to learn to live in the power of God’s promises because they have seen it happen to you.”
I didn’t become a professional singer. God moved in my heart to become a Director of Christian Education. He showed me that my calling was to help lead others to His heart, to demonstrate trust in His plans above our own…no matter what may happen.
Thank you so much Heather for sharing your story so vulnerably because you wanted us to see and draw near to the power of Jesus’ healing and hope. You have reminded us that it is in our brokenness and surrender He uses our dreams and gifts – to offer others the same comfort, redemption and encouragement we have found in Him.
Friends, I pray Heather’s story touches your heart and brings you hope as you read chapter 11 and ask God to help you become the women HE created you to be. He has a plan and a purpose for your life!! And He wants you to give away each day – a little bit or maybe a lot – by sharing what He’s given you through Jesus.
In 2010, Heather married her best friend and the love of her life, Daniel. They brought their first bundle of joy, Stacy, into this world last December. God is also using Heather, and the power of His healing in her brokenness, at the church where she works now, leading a middle and high school youth group and teaching middle school religion part-time. Heather also volunteers at Proverbs 31 Ministries serving on Melissa Taylor‘s Online Bible Studies leadership team. You can connect with Heather on her blog Transformed, or on Facebook.
Your Turn: Would love to hear your thoughts about Heather’s story and how it touched your heart today. “Share your thoughts” below and {if you are in my online study} feel free to share your answer to one or two of the questions at the end of Chapter 11. {If you are reading this via email, click here to return to my blog.}
Next week we’ll finish our Online Study with a word of the week, a guest video and a message from me as we talk about how we can live in the truths of Chapter 12. And I’ll have a short survey to find out your interest in a summer study and what you’d like for us to talk about based on the topic of listening to God. Be thinking and praying so you can share your thoughts next week! 🙂
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so i’m almost 45, spent most of my childhood being molested by 2 different men, and have been divorced twice. my autistic son got into trouble with the law last year (i won’t say it’s not his fault, but i do believe they did not take into account that he is on the spectrum when they decided his consequences) and i am really really struggling with where God has me right now. i consider myself to be a Jesus-follower but struggle to trust Him fully. I struggle to know that he loves me. i struggle to know that romans 8:28 is a true thing for my life. but maybe i don’t understand fully what it means for me. I am starting to believe that it doesn’t mean that we will feel happy about where we are, it just means that God is working more towards our spiritual well-being more than our physical well-being. When we are tried we shall shine forth as gold (micki’s paraphrase) i wish i could say that i am doing well with trusting Him, and with knowing i will be ok, but that would be a lie and i am working hard on being honest in all things. i do appreciate this study and i would love a summer study of some sort. thank you for doing all that you have done so that women like me might actually believe that the God of the universe can love us. (still struggling but working on that one)
Micki, I am so sorry for the pain that you endured as a child, and for the pain you still have, I understand your pain, as I, too, had a similarly damaging childhood. But I am learning to truly believe in the sovereignty of God, and that nothing has ever happened to me that He did not allow, and that means that He has always been with me, just as He was with Christ as he was scourged, humiliated, and put on the cross. And that is true for you as well. And I have learned that God is using, and will more greatly use, all of my past to glorify Himself as I put my trust in and get my identity from Him. His plan for us is to use our stories to glorify Him, and He knew that all along, even when we were little girls!
I am so sorry that you did not have the protection that you should have had as a little girl. I would love to give you a hug and tell you how special you are. I pray that God would give you a sense of how very precious you are to Him and that He is working all things for good for you. Lord, help us to take each day as it comes, not to worry about tomorrow. Help us to celebrate the little victories, and to have Your vision for our lives. Help us to trust You more each day. Thank you that a You have our future in Your hands.
You are loved, Micki!
This was beautiful! It brought tears to my eyes just to see God’s goodness in Heather’s life! I’m on a journey right now where it requires me to trust God every step of the way. It is stories like these that keep me looking up and secures my heart that although we cannot see everything in the natural, God does have a plan for our lives, He will bring it to pass in His own timing, and He is just faithful and GOOD through it all!
Thank you, Heather, for sharing your inspiring story. It is so true that life rarely turns out the way WE have planned. I have been struggling with the turns my life has taken lately and I loved when you said “Every day I have to make a choice. I can either choose to be swallowed by my painful past or my daily circumstances. Or, I can have faith in God’s plan for my life.” The Enemy wants us to listen to the negative and not to trust in God’s plan. I pray for the strength to believe and have faith many times a day, because I’m strugglling right now. Your post today was just what I needed. Thank you and God bless you all!
When I was young, I thought I was the only girl sexually abused. I also thought it was just another confusing thing in my life to bury. That’s what your did with things that shamed you or involved things that weren’t spoken about. I buried pretty good. I even thought I’d forgiven, kind of. Until in the midst of other hurts that weren’t talked about, all that from my childhood came back with a furry. I spiraled into a deep pit of depression. I cry out to God, but couldn’t have the faith that he was hearing and couldn’t see that He was answering me. He was trying in fact, I can see now that I was the one not listening. Yet he met me where I was and used the means I needed to get out of my depression. It was not easy or quick and it was a messy process. But God was still there and still faithful. I praise him and thank Him for his goodness to the broken.
Thank you for sharing with us, I really enjoyed hearing the encouraging words and from this I took away: The fact I can have faith in God’s plan for my life. I now know faith isn’t about believing everything will turn out well…it’s about trusting God NO MATTER how things turn out. See I was involved in a shooting accident back in April on the 17th wasn’t my fault, however I am stuck with all the doctor bills which so far has come to almost 50,000.00 so far and all the bills are not in, I am trusting in God to help me see this one out for paying them, I also had to stop working at my job, I am a bus driver and cafeteria worker for middle school, I had to have major surgery to get the bullet out, and take time off work, and now deal with having to be taken care of by my husband and 2 children 10 and 16, and anyone else that has time to stop and care for me, I am strong in my faith and I know God takes care of us, he has taken care of me from the start of this accident, I have learned a lot through all this from his teachings, and experiencing different emotions, I know God has a plan just not clear what it is yet, I have had faith that everything will turn out ,some times wondering what if I can’t walk again right or good enough to do my job again, I have some nerve damage in my foot and ankle from the bullet entering my leg, so I wonder, I try not to dwell on it, but the thought is there, now I can focus on TRUSTING GOD no matter how things turn out, because down deep in my heart I believe God has a plan for my life, maybe a different direction from what I once did for a living, not sure. Just talking life one day at a time, learning to follow God even closer and get use to the slow down life I am dealing with , I am not sure how long it is going to take to heal from all this still laid up, I am a women of always taking care of everyone and everything else, and doing it all, My husband always says how did you do everything, I can not get half of what you did, done in a days time, He has found a new view of how much I take care of, I pray for him everyday, he has not yet given his life to Christ, he struggles with Faith and God, I know God is working in his life, he goes to church even when I can’t go. To me that says a lot, and I trust one day God will get ahold of his heart, but that is not for me to decide when to just keep encouraging him and showing him Gods unconditional LOVE. I have gIven him to the Lord to take care of, Thank you for listening and all your encouraging words I look forward to reading the book The confident heart. Thank you again.
Thank you Heather for being real and honest. I am 35 and still struggle with events from my childhood through to my adulthood of the same nature. I’ve been married for 11 1/2 years and there are still a lot of intimacy blocks. To read that you choose each day like I have to is very encouraging.
This lady’s story is sooo my story as I’m sure many of us can attest. This verse, the Father has so been driving home over and over again to me over these last 5 years or more (I know the plans I have for you….Jer. 29:11), and again He is encouraging me to place all my cares and concerns in His hands because He is working out His plans and purposes in my life. Again, I attest to the fact that, “I trust Him and His plans for my life.” “Plans to prosper me and not to harm me. To give me a future and I hope!!” Praise His holy name!!!
Thank you, Heather, for courage to share your story. I Praise God! you have been obedient to His call. Your ministry to young children and youth is so-o-o-o-o-oooo important, more than you’ll ever understand on this side of Heaven. And thank you, Daniel, for taking the bride in Heather that God meant for you to have and hold. God knows what He’s doing in our lives even though it doesn’t always make sense to us. It reminds me, too, of a comment I heard Lysa Terkeurst share at a COMPEL Conference, Sioux City, Iowa, in 2012. She said that God can take out mess and turn it into our message for Him!! It sounds like your little Stacy is in good hands! And all along our Heavenly Father knew His choice pick in a Mom and Dad for her, too. God sees the beauty in the tapestry of your life, and He allowed us to see a glimpse of it through your message here. I pray that as you continue to serve Him, you will see God’s beauty in and through yourself more and more just like He sees you. I’d like to offer this encouragement for you today: If you wrote what you shared with us today, you better start writing more. Because He’s also blessed you with a fantastic ability and anointing to write. I especially enjoyed your writing style. You express yourself extremely well and your writing is easy to follow and understand. It gets right to my heart! Perhaps you should write your own book/s for Proverbs 31 Ministries. Pray about it. Consider it. See what God shows you. I could be wrong, but I don’t believe I am. I Praise God! for revealing more of His plan to you. I don’t believe you’ve even begun to understand just how He’s going to reach out to the masses of people that need to hear what you’ve learned and can share with them to help them up. To help them get up on their feet and walk in the victory Jesus means for them to walk. When they hear what you have to say, I believe it will encourage them to leave their junk, their fears, their hopelessness about life at the cross. That’s right where it belongs . . . Because as so many of us know, though we’re challenged by the attacks of the enemy, when we keep our eyes on Jesus no matter what, He will set us straight. He will see us through the darkest of nights and the worst struggles we face. Most of all I’m thankful for all that Jesus does for us. And that we all have one another as Brothers and Sisters in Christ to encourage one another in our walk with the Lord!! As you can tell what you and Renee shared has really, sincerely ministered to me today! Thank you, Renee, too!!!!
Laurie,
Thank you for your incredibly generous words. I praise God that He has allowed me this small opportunity to share a sliver of what He has done in my life. I pray I will continue to be obedient to whatever Call He lays on my heart.
<3 Heather
Heather,
I love when you said ” faith isn’t about believing everything will turn out well… it’s about trusting God NO MATTER how things turn out.”
It touch the bottom of my heart because it soo truth. Thanks for sharing your story. I really like it and i plan to fordward this email to my family and friends i know it will be of a freat incourage. May God Bless you.
Thanks Renee
Heather, I could feel the Holy Spirit fill me as I have not been filled in a long time!
“Every day I have to make a choice. I can either choose to be swallowed by my painful past or my daily circumstances. Or, I can have faith in God’s plan for my life. I now know faith isn’t about believing everything will turn out well…it’s about trusting God NO MATTER how things turn out.”
My story is different yet the same. As I am going through the healing, the pain I so carefully buried is surfacing and I so desperately need to follow His word and your example. Thanks so much for being vulnerable and sharing!
Thank you Heather for sharing your story, it touched my heard. I never had much plans for me or my life, but I had some dreams. Some of these dreams was shattered though and I had to find an other purpose in my life. Some of his lessons GOD send me, was really hard for me, but he helped me to learn them. It took a while before I really understand, that I have to trust him, where ever his way may lead me. I still pray to GOD to show me his way and to give me the strength to walk it. But now I can feel, more and more that he is on me side. Praise to GOD.
Heather,
Thank you so much for your testimony. It really resonated with me as I am currently going through difficult circumstances (10 months now) and am striving to become the woman God created me to be. I cling to His word and His promises trusting that the plan He has for my life, will soon be revealed. Blessings and favor on your life.
Heather thank you so much for being so vulnerable to share your story with us. I am always so blessed to see how God takes our lives and uses the ugly things that happen to us and uses them for His glory and to help others who have gone through the same things so that they can see the HOPE that only comes from our Heavenly Father. God bless you and your family, You are a blessing Heather ♥
This lesson really touched my heart today. I live in Florida and worry so much about hurricanes. My husband has dementia and it worries me what we will do in case of a storm. I also have a sweet little sun conure who I couldn’t leave behind but shelters don’t take animals much. The verse from Jeremiah and the reference to Psalm 46 make me feel better. Thank you.
PS: Please lift up my precious Mama up in prayer… I care for her daily needs with all the love of the Lord. She is a joy and great woman of God. She has been dealing with recurring health issues—pray that she will have total healing in her body, mind and spirit. Also, we are coming up on the anniversary of my father’s death…he was killed in an accident several years ago and life has not been easy for us. Pray I may find true forgiveness towards my four older siblings who live nearby, but haven’t called or visited her in over a year. Pray for them…please!
I appreciate Heather’s candor and transparency in her riveting testimony. It was wonderful to learn she met the love of her life, her husband, and is now a mom. Heather is living the life I have wanted to live since I was 18 years old. My life has not been easy and I keep believing that God will somehow grant this heartfelt desire to meet and marry my soulmate. I’m reticent to say it, but I’m in the mindset now that God doesn’t want me tommarry and that now it’s too late for me to have children. After a broken engagement three years ago, I’m weary of waiting and it’s just the truth. I know all the Scriptures about waiting upon the Lord…but I’m truly broken in this area of my life. I cry out to the Lord to help me, but a deep mistrust towards God (only about this part of my life) is growing in my being and it scares me. I’m also a licensed counselor who, after years of training and working on my Intern hours thinks I may never be able to return to this other calling in my life. I agree and identify with so many of the ladies here and have always had body image issues even at my best weight. I know this can be devastating to deal with and has nothing to do with vanity. I know that a woman needs to be respected, cherished and adored by the right man—a truly Godly man…but where are they? Not a good hour of the morning to be contemplating such thoughts…but just being real and needing Holy Ghost anointed prayer! Love you all! Cynthia Renee
I too suffered as a child . From sexual abuse, physical abuse, and verbal abuse. I can remember being locked in the basement for days without food. Being brought up in a home where my mother took us to church three times a week had me questioning all the time what I did to make God so angry. Why did he allow this to happen, where are YOU ??? I want everyone to know I am not the same woman Today that I was when I started this study !! I was so broken and damaged before i read your book, Renee. The Lord has changed my HEART. God has shown shown me how to shape my heart. God is showing me that he knit me together and made me complex. He KNOWS me and s improving me. He is teaching me through my past and present experiences, how he has and will comfort me. He is teaching me to accept the past hurts and to use them to comfort others. God is drawing me closer to him everyday asking me to see him more clearly preparing me to understand his purpose for my life. He s teaching me everyday. He has been showing me what is and has been going on in my heart.I love The Lord with every piece of me !!!
Chris, isn’t it terrible the amount of children who have been abused? I, too, was sexually abused over and over for at least a year (time is a little blurry as I was only between the ages of 4 a 6). But, amazingly, with the Lord’s help and healing, guidance and love, mercy and grace, we come out on top!
It is so nice to hear you tell about the strides God has enabled you to make through reading this book and doing this study! I, too, am changed, although no where near as drastically because I went through that several years ago. Keep working with God – as long as you are willing and seeking Him, He will continue to bring you through to total and complete victory!
Hi, Alice! Praise God for you! Praise God for what He has done in your life and enabled you to do. Would you mind expounding on God showing you how to shape your heart? It is so good that God knows us intimately and loves us greatly and deeply. I look forward to hearing from you. God bless you richly!
Heathers story touched my heart. I was abused before I married and after I married by a family member and it took me a long time to get past that. I still have times were the devil tries to bring it back to the surface of my heart but the Lord helps me to get passed it. Until I could forgive, I could not move on. With Gods love I have been able to move passed the horrible pain and it touches my heart to hear others had to go through the same things.,
I always try to remember…Have the faith of a child…It amazes me how when we are small, we have such strength. I also want to know God more…Love this study….It gave me direction and got my nose in my Bible.
Thank you Heather. So much of what you shared jumped out at me. I have always been a believer, but recently have recommited my life to Christ; therefore, I consider myself a “baby Christian” earnestly striving to grow. I was in a deep dark pit and my minister told me to read Psalm 46 which I did and held on to the words for dear life. His encouragement to me was vs 8. I found comfort in vs 10. I have struggled with the concept of faith and recently just had an “ahhh” moment when I realized that I had faith, my doubt was the devil telling me otherwise. So your revelation about trusting God no matter what furthers my understanding and belief in faith. I so much desire to be the woman God wants me to be and pray that I will eventually, through His word, will see myself through His eyes. Renee, your book was the first book I bought to help me get through this difficult period I am in. Thank you.