“Should I be honest?” I wondered. “What if I start crying? What if she doesn’t really have time to listen? What if she is just asking to be nice? I could keep it simple and tell her I’m fine.”
There I was, standing in the lobby at church waiting for my husband, when an old friend walked up and asked how I was doing. Our then three-year-old daughter had been diagnosed with a severe speech disorder a few weeks earlier, and I was not “fine.”
I was exhausted. I was overwhelmed. I was afraid my little girl may never be able to talk.
Yet I felt like I shouldn’t be any of those things. I should have more faith, more stamina, more strength and courage to navigate the unknown path of special needs parenting.
Sometimes it’s hard to let people know how we’re really doing because we don’t want to be high maintenance, right? We don’t want anyone to feel sorry for us. Or we fear that if we’re honest, someone might perceive our struggle as a lack of faith.
Other times we don’t let people know how we’re really doing because we assume they’re only asking to be nice and don’t really have time to listen. And what if we’re honest but it gets awkward because they don’t know what to say?
Sometimes someone sincerely wants to know and we just don’t want to tell them. That is the place where things get tricky for me. I will tell people I’m fine even when I’m not, because I want to be.
I don’t want to be weak and broken. I want to be okay. I want to feel strong, resilient, and courageous.
And that is where I stood that day in the lobby at church. Everything in me wanted to keep my guard up, keep my heart sealed off and my lips sealed tight. But I was tired of hiding and pretending. So I took a risk and let my heart, my words, and my tears spill. I shared the hard parts of Aster’s countless assessments, unexpected diagnosis, and the heartache of not knowing her future.
Although Kelly probably had places to go, she stayed with me and listened. She grabbed some tissue when the tears started down my cheeks, and asked if there was anything she could do to help.
When I wanted to be strong, God showed me the powerful gift of being weak.
Paul describes what happens when God allows struggles that make us feel weak. And what God does in our weakness when we’re willing to rely on Christ. How God’s power comes and rests on us.
Therefore, in order to keep me from becoming conceited, I was given a thorn in my flesh, a messenger of Satan, to torment me. Three times I pleaded with the Lord to take it away from me. But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. 2 Corinthians 12:7 NIV
Paul had been struggling and asking God to take away the pain. But somehow he realized and accepted that God allowed the hardship to continue to protect him from pride and the danger of becoming self-sufficient.
There’s nothing that can hinder community and friendships more than us not needing each other. Like Paul, I think God wants us to become more comfortable with our weaknesses because it keeps us dependent on Him and needing each other.
We don’t need to keep pretending we’re fine. What we need, to have and to be, is a friend who says “you don’t have to be strong all the time.” A friend who gives us permission to be weak and remind us of the truth we so easily forget: God’s power shows up in our weakness when we’re willing to be real about our struggles and our need for His strength.
Before we went our separate ways, Kelly asked if she could pray for me, right there in the lobby at church. Afterwards she thanked me for telling her what was really going on, and told me that knowing I didn’t have life all figured out made her feel normal.
God is able to work His grace and His strength in our weakness. When we’re willing to be weak, He gets to be strong for us. When we’re willing to be real, others get to see, pray for and get to know the “real” us and the real God we so desperately need and love.
One of our deepest God-given longings is to be known, by Him and each other. I’m so excited to celebrate the launch of Craving Connection, my new all time favorite book about the beautiful, vulnerable, hard and holy gift of friendship. Grateful to have my heart and my story tucked in these pages with thirty other friends from the inCourage community who took turns writing each chapter for you. If you want to invest in meaningful relationships right where God has you, become the friend you wish we had, and embrace the desire God has placed in you to connect with friends, you are going to LOVE this book!
BOOK GIVEAWAY: In partnership with DaySpring’s inCourage and Broadman & Holman publishers, we’re giving away 6 copies of Craving Connection!! Three of you will receive t books – one to keep and one to give a friend.
ENTER TO WIN:
- SHARE this post – on Facebook, Twitter and/or Instagram using the hashtag #CravingConnection and @ReneeSwope.
- SHARE your thoughts under this post, and let me know who you’d like to give a copy to.Winners will be randomly chosen next week and notified via email. If you are reading this via email, click here to leave a comment on my blog. All entries must be entered on my blog for participation in the drawing.
Today’s post is a partial excerpt of my chapter in Craving Connection, a new book written by 30 different women from the inCourage community,
This a beautiful writing. Thank you for sharing. I would love to read more of your work and look forward to hearing you speak this summer in MN. I would give a copy of your book to a friend who is struggling with be hospitalized when she is such a social person.
Love your Honesty!! I struggle a lot with insecurity I’m trying to live who God created me to be!! Your book has been a tremendous help to me!! I’d would share this book wth abspecial friend Annie who means a lot to me!!
Guilty! of “being fine.” Sometimes I just don’t have the emotional energy to share; sometimes I just don’t take the time – mine or a friend’s. Or sometimes the person I would share with moves away – & that’s with whom I would share the book – my good friend I see too infrequently!
This is something I struggle with daily-how much to share, is this showing a lack of faith, is God disappointed in my complaining, am I too much for people, etc. I would share this with a friend who never shares anything, who always comes across as perfectly together. Thanks so much for this book and opportunity to win the giveaway!
Thank you for this giveaway. This sounds like such a great book. I would probably share with my best friend because we share everything. ?I tried to spread the word by sharing this post on fb, twitter, and instagram.
I would love to read through this book with my friends Tracy and Karen.
This couldn’t have come at a better time. I find that I really have no one that I connect with other than the people in my home, social workers, and therapists. I do foster care and we don’t get to church often enough because one of our littles just can’t handle social situations. I often feel if I need/want to share some of my weaknesses, it will be things people don’t want to hear or that it will be a burden they don’t need. Many of the people we used to hang out with have stopped coming around. If I were to win, I honestly don’t know who I would share it with. I guess whomever crossed my heart and mind as I was reading it.
I would share this book with a dear friend who always listens when I need to talk. She always assures me things will work out. I hope she she knows I will be a listening friend as well.
My Sister and I are wanting to do a bible study together and I think this would be a great one to start with.
I’d give this my sister in law
Renee, thank you for giving a voice to what we as women are thinking! I can think of two dear friends I would love to share this book with – can I win THREE copies?! I always relate with your writing and feel a heart connection to you. Thank you for sharing your heart!
@ReneeSwope, (sorry for repeat…had to change e-mail subscription!)
I would love to share a book with a dear friend who is wise beyond her years. She blessed me by giving me back my confidence in Christ at a time I really needed someone to have my back so to speak. She is now at a point in her life where she is seeking the will of God and so I really feel #CravingConnection will bring much encouragement. I’m getting a lot out of A Confident Heart, and thank you for doing the fb live posts. Thankful you chose to partner through this journey with us!
@ReneeSwope,
I would love to share a book with a dear friend who is wise beyond her years. She blessed me by giving me back my confidence in Christ at a time I really needed someone to have my back so to speak. She is now at a point in her life where she is seeking the will of God and so I really feel #CravingConnection will bring much encouragement. I’m getting a lot out of A Confident Heart, and thank you for doing the fb live posts. Thankful you chose to partner through this journey with us!
Thank you for sharing your heart. This is an area where I struggle big time because I’ve been taught that weakness is a sign of a lack of faith, so I normally suppress the need and longing to share my weaknesses with others. All of this suppression has caused me to become somewhat of a loner. I very seldom reach out to others for anything. I would love a copy of this book, because it may help me to get over my wayward thinking.
Craving Connection, is a desire that God places inside each one of us to build that platform of love, talking and giving, and learning to reach out and trust. I would like to share those thoughts with begin with my daughter, who is now married and honored to bless her as my dear friend who all ways listens, cares and dreams right along side me. And, we have many in our path that could Kleene and lean -in to build together from on others strength and story.
I would love to give a copy of this book to my friend Jolene. We are both trying to build our faith and it would be wonderful to have this resource and be able to study together. We need each other’s encouragement and support and I love that our friendship has been growing in God’s love. We have been trying to find a devotional to do together but have not found the right one yet. Thank you for all your encouraging words. God bless!
I would love to give a copy to a friend who needs to connect with other women. She’s been depressed for some time and I’ve noticed a decline in her in different ways. I pray for her. She’s isolated herself and needs to return to fellowshipping with the church and especially other women. I’m loving the devotional and journaling and being connected with the sisters in our book study group and the live videos. Thank you so much Renee for writing both books and being so transparent and being who God made you to be. Love, hugs and blessings!
Kathy
“The one whom Jesus loves.” John 13:23
I have a friend that is confident to tell me that I don’t have to be strong all the time. I just struggle with allowing the vulnerability of sharing what is truly weighing down my heart. This book would be good for both us. Thank you for sharing your time with us for the Confident Heart Live Devo messages. Blessings to you & your family!!
I also have a special needs child. On top of his struggles we are going through a lot. I’ve become better at sharing with friends our struggles but when something is always (I so wish this was an exagheration!) going wrong I worry I’m becoming a bother.
I really want this book for my sister in law and I. I moved to Michigan last month for graduate school. I’ll be commuting an hour 3-4 times a week to Ohio for school. As an international student I’ve hardly ever stayed at a place long enough to create lasting friendships. The hardest part is making friends and having to move to a different city and starting all over again. The saddest part about leaving Missouri after 2.5 years were the friends I’d made through work, volunteering and life groups. I just joined a new church and new study group which meets Wednesday mornings and I’m hoping for connection to help me transition into life in a new state and city. I know this book will be a great help. I’d like to give the second book to my sister in law. She’s struggling with being a new wife and having left her friends and moving to a different city with my brother. She’s not working so I know she gets lonely. We recently had a discussion about how difficult it is at some stages in life to make Godly friends since some people are not willing to bring new people into their fold. I pray I do get this book.
Renee, I am so much enjoying our devotional study, I couldn’t hear you just now tonight so I signed off and will watch the other video after this. My prayers still are going out to your family as they look for more answers for your sweet girl and also for your compassion goal…I have no DOUBT God will place 50+ sponsors your way <3 ANYHOW , YES I would love this new devotional, I have shared and I wanna win! haha… 🙂
I forgot to add to who I would give it to , I would like to win it to share with the ladies of church , as I am the Women’s Ministry Director! We meet monthly and do devotions each month
I would love to read this book and give a copy to my dear friend Angey. She has brought me back to God and is the dearest friend ever.
Thank you Renee for doing this live Bible Study. I needed something like this now because I’m stuck at home taking care of my husband that has a lot of health problems
I an enjoying your Bible study on your devotional. I would really love to share the book you contributed to with a friend.
It is hard to be honest with others. I want them to think I have my life together. Thankfully I have a few friends in the same stage of life as me (married with young children) and they help provide encouragement and sanity. It would be great to share this book with them. I want to work towards being confident in my roles in life and for 2017, my word is confident. So, trying to read up on the subject and focus on it as I read the Bible.
This sounds like a wonderful book! I would give a copy to my dear friend Nancy. She has blessed me so many times by just taking me where I am and helping me to open up and share my heart. She has accepted me weak spots and all. She is one friend who God has blessed me with that I am able to be vulnerable with. It’s still scary and uncomfortable to open up, but I’m learning. ?
I really appreciate your truth and sharing. I struggle with trying, when I really need to see myself focusing on Jesus and seeing myself thru Jesus. I would share this with a friend who is also struggling with confidence. Thank you bless you.
what a great sounding book. I look forward to reading it
I loved this. Showing my weakness is so difficult for me, yet I am the first in line to help another when they are weak. God has taken me to that place where I need him and others like I never had before. The lessons learned were amazing. Thank you for your post.
I am always afraid to share my feelings and am very guarded about myself. I have very few close friends and they are sometimes hard to connect with, I feel a couple of possible new relationships developing but holding myself back. I need to be able to reach out more. thank you for sharing this writing
Thank you so much for the opportunity to win this book. I would give a copy to my dearest, longest time (notice I didn’t say oldest lol) friend, Alice. She and I have been friends for 30 years. Sometimes we don’t see each other for awhile, but we seem to pick up right where we left off. I would love to give this to her and discuss it with each other via facebook now that we live in different cities. She was my maid of honor and I was her matron of honor. Our husbands are best friends. We’ve been married 25 years. We’re besties for life.
Thanks you for your generosity and giving us all this opportunity to win.i would love this book so I could be more intentional in my connection with others
I’ve gotten to the point where my typical reply when asked how I am is: it could be worse, it could be better. Which part do you want to hear about?
My real friends say all of it, acquaintances don’t usually know how to respond. There are times I don’t go to church because I’m not up for any conversation. Those are the days I stay home and just talk to God.
When you’ve been through the Fire enough, you realize that being a ” Faker” got you where you are. Alone. Deserting ones own heart and God’s Voice to please others is manipulation. The Bible sees this as witchcraft.
I have a woman in my group whom I’d love to give this book. She’s not a believer, but I believe there’s so much practical wisdom that she could use in this painful season of life.
Anytime anyone asks me how I am, I always say “fine”…….I don’t want to burden them and I always feel my feelings are small compared to others. I’ve been depressed and lonely since we moved because I don’t know anyone and I fear driving so I have to depend on my husband to take me anywhere even to get my hair cut! I called an old friend to talk but just couldn’t!!! I would love to have a copy of this book to read and know that I am not alone. Thank you
I would love to read this book! I relate to the I’m fine…It’s hard not to say 🙂
There are so many I would want to give this book to so I would have to say the Women’s Dorm of Union Mission(Program) at the West Virginia Rescue Ministries.
Wow! OK, I am ALWAYS fine! The ladies in my Bible study group have been with me for almost five years now and they are just barely getting a peak at the real me who is NOT fine at all!
Who would I give this book to? After I read it, I would give it to my best and only covenant friend, Karen. After the second time we spent time together, she said “I think God is calling us to be covenant friends” – WOW!! And with her, I can be real, thankfully!