“Imagine for a moment you are alone . . . no books, no Netflix, no one is home with you. The house is quiet, and so are you.
The longer you sit, the more you feel.
The silence is uncomfortable. An argument with your sister rises to the surface, the sarcastic comment your husband/boyfriend/friend made days ago still hurts, the discontent and discouragement you feel in motherhood slices open a shameful hole.
Longings begin to rise and so does guilt. Guilt over not being fully present with your people shames you, the loss of a loved one aches, the guilt for not being further along in your spiritual life stings.
The longer you sit, the more memories begin to rise, taking you back to years ago. The anger of your father makes your chest tighten. The neighborhood boy who teased you stirs up feelings of embarrassment. These complicated memories and uncomfortable feelings make you want to get up, grab your phone, reply to texts, or reach for a wine glass.
But what if, for a moment, you stay?
Imagine the very places you want to fix, avoid, power through, shout Bible verses at, stuff, or run from are actually the very way to wholeness. Imagine, instead of getting up to investigate what is under the couch or neurotically tidy the mail, you let all those feelings rise. You let them come up to the surface to breathe. You open your heart, talk to Jesus, and find love.
Imagine God is inviting you to follow these feelings. Imagine if you could stay with all those unfinished places within your soul and story and let them become your pathway to freedom.
If we’ve walked with Jesus long enough, we may feel a void inside of us. It is an uneasy place. One without words. We accepted Jesus into our hearts to escape the void. But it’s still there. We know it. It is there inside of us. It makes us feel guilty, ashamed, uncertain, and afraid.
When we withdraw, we abandon our very souls because we can’t make sense of our inner chaotic cell. Everything inside of us has become too much. We begin to believe that counseling or Jesus or communion just can’t resolve the ache we feel. We keep showing up to church or Bible study, but we slowly disengage our souls.
When we work harder, we battle on, grit our teeth and bear down. We read more books, follow more Christian women online, listen to more worship music, and silence all uncertainty. We control and contain and constantly lose ourselves in the need to keep up.
When we walk away, we give up on Jesus and the church. Our faith becomes a complex story from our past. Jesus just didn’t work out.
But what if we are in this place, not because we are doing something wrong, but because God is tending to the soil of our inner world? The process is hard because it means experiencing parts of our stories that make us cringe with painful self-awareness. But the most unlovely parts of us are the very places God is redeeming. God is moving closer.
Yes, stay. Stay where you most resist being.
You are exactly where you’re meant to be. Not fighting to get ahead and not giving up on ever overcoming, not closing the door on your faith entirely but there, right where you are. Simply opening. Simply accepting. Simply moving inward.
This is the sacred gift of staying.“
Copyright 2020, Bethany House Publishers. No part of this may be copied or used without permission. If interested, contact Anjuli Paschall.
Stay is a tender call to enter, to open, and to experience the echoing darkness buried beneath piles of mail and laundry and years of pain. This is a call to follow the fears and frustration to the unknown, frightening places inside. This is an invitation to let Jesus pull out a chair at the table of your soul and hear Him say, “Stay, you and your heart sit down.” Stay is about how Anjuli learned to become a little girl again, asking a big God if He could stay with someone small like her.
a promise + a prayer
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Stay, being present where you are in contentment. It also makes me think of the word dwell, remembering the Lord is with me.
So, so much easier said than done. Running away is the simple feeling – but where do you go? My mind doesn’t settle, my heart aches. Where do I start? Jesus.Try to get comfortable with Jesus – even for 5 minutes. That’s where to start.
Stay to me, means to stay still and know that I am God. We get so caught up in the things of life and forget that we need to “stay” still at times to hear and see what God has for us.
Wow! I read this and thought, “Did she step into my mind?” It’s even hard for me to write a comment. I didn’t know, or maybe I did, that those memories and feelings that I keep stuffing back down are God’s way to heal me. I hate to Stay because of those thoughts, feelings and memories. I figured it was the devil trying to discourage me because lately all I have been hearing was replace the old tapes with the Word, tell yourself, these are not my thoughts. But God!
Being at home has given me more time to spend in His Word, but I keep running away from it. I don’t want to relive the pain, even know I have to walk through it in order to heal. Stay is scary, it’s painful, it the last thing I want to do. Without stay, I can’t have the true joy and freedom that Christ died on the cross to give me.
Even though I don’t need another book to help do what I know I have to do, I believe God wants me to have this one, so I am going to order it.
Thank you Renee and Anjuli for being God’s messenger to me. I have heard His still small voice in this blog!
Stay – to remain, to not avoid or run. To be with the bad memories and feelings we try to avoid in order to bring them to the Father for Him to take from us and relieve the unnecessary burden we carry.
Seeing the word stay during these times automatically solicits something negative inside of me. I’m tired of staying! However, after I read the post, it brought me a fresh perspective. If I can learn to truly stay in God, then this time will be easier.
Elizabeth, thank you for your honesty. I completely understand. I’m tired of staying home and away from all my people too. Reading “Stay” has really helped me see the blessing in staying during this time.
“Stay”, for me means it’s going to be OK. It’s OK to feel the emotions and also remembering that it’s healthy to feel. I think I’ve got mixed up with being a Christian and thinking I’ve to be strong. Even though I know what the verse says, for His strength is made perfect in our weakness, I still go on as if I’ve to hold it altogether and put it all into a box, fix it and move on independently. Coming from a background of loss from a broken home I learned to run, fix and become independent from a very young age. This was strength in itself but I’ve brought that survival struggle into my walk as a Christian adult. This truly does not work.
Over the past few months I’ve learned that the love of Jesus is far more what we could think or imagine or feel. He hears our cry, He cares and He is there waiting for us with open arms for us to jump or even crawl into His lap and let Him love us in our very depts of despair.
I’m so grateful for your post as it’s exactly what I’m learning throughout this season of my life.
In November my sweet little boy went home to be with Jesus. Although he had been born with disabilities, I always focused on his ability. He was a true fighter and although his life span was to be 2years of age he lived until he was 22 and a half. In those blessed 22 and a half years I learned the precious true nature of love and the miracle of life. And that the simple things in life truly are the most important.
During this time I am eternally grateful that God brought him home. But when the sadness and the pain come crashing in from missing him, missing his laughter, missing his gentle humble spirit and longing to hold him I am LEARNING that grief is a process that cannot be put into a box or fixed..
It’s allowing myself to be real and raw. It’s remembering that He(Jesus) has me. It’s remembering that Jesus wept, even though he knew that he was going to raise lazarus from the dead. He still wept although He knew the outcome.
Jesus came to give life and life with abundance. I feel I touch on this freedom each time I sit in his presence but I don’t want to just touch on it anymore, I want to LIVE in that freedom. Remembering to trust an unknown future with a known God. When I look back on my life it’s been so evident that He’s always been there working all things together for good. I thank Him for this wonderful opportunity and adventure of trusting Him with my all.
So keep calm and STAY!! He’s got me…..
Wow. Thank you for sharing you so much of your heart with me. I am so sorry that your sweet boy went to be with Jesus. What a miracle that you got to have him 20 years longer than they said you would. Im so happy to hear that part of your story. I come from a home of addictions and unhealthy boundaries, chaos and confusion. I learned the same coping mechanisms as you did, and they served me well for that time. But as you said, they are not what Jesus wants for us. He is okay with us not being okay and our feelings are a gift from him. And indication that something more is going on inside, a prompt for us to lean in and listen to what He wants to show us in our weakness, sadness, joy and sorry. All the feelings.
Again, thank you Annette for all that you shared. xoxo
To me stay means to be still and trust God in my situation and know that everything is going to be ok. I’ve been assigned to work in a covid19 treatment tent and it is very out of my normal and very trying for me, but I can hear God telling me to just stay and trust him. I can’t wait to see what he is going to do in me and through me during this. God is good, He is faithful and He can be trusted!
Stay means to me to stop and remain. Stop worrying about doing things or
running to or away from things or people or activities. Sit and wait for instruction from my master. Put aside my selfish desires and fleeting activities and focus on eternal effects and lasting rewards. Stop ceasing and striving and remain in his presence at his feet leaning against him and in his embrace. Stay with the lover of my soul who longs to be with me and savor his presence.
Stay to me means ‘to sit awhile’ – don’t go anywhere. The Lord wants us to sit awhile and draw near to Him.
Stay, to not run away, mentally, emotionally or physically. To be present in the moment and know Who to turn to. I am a very reactive person with a sense of responsibility that is in overdrive now and a low tolerance for frustration. I’m not usually this bad, but sure could use some help.
“Stay” to me means – don’t run, I’ve got you, you’re safe! It means breathe. It’s an invitation to be taken care off by a God who wants you there with Him. It’s a choice- do I or don’t I.
Stay means to me – be still, quiet, listening. And that’s what I run from. So I have the tv on, using my laptop, avoidance.
To me stay means to be still, to breathe, to listen and absorb.
Stay to me means being still
Before the Lord and trusting Him.
STAY, reminds me of the song, I will linger, I will STAY, in Your presence day by day, in the light of Your glory and grace.
Great article! I want to read that book.
“Stay” When I think of this word, I’m reminded of when Jesus spoke words that many didn’t understand. He spoke some unsettling things that just didn’t sit right with many. They weren’t words that were expected. People expected to hear what they wanted to hear, things that would benefit their immediate needs and desires, not realizing His words were indeed those things. “From that time many of His disciples went back and walked with Him no more. Then Jesus said to the twelve, “Do you also want to go away?” But Simon Peter answered Him, “Lord, to whom shall we go? You have the words of eternal life. Also we have come to believe and know that You are the Christ, the Son of the living God.”” John 6:66-69 NKJV When I am tempted to stray due to fear or anxiety or anger or frustration, whatever the case, I realize “to whom shall I go?” He has the words of eternal life. He IS eternal life. My hope lies within Him and to not stay would be to miss out on eternal love and peace. Why would I leave for temporal satisfaction that doesn’t even truly satisfy, when I can stay and be fulfilled with the very Bread of life?
Stay to me means just that — I’ve stayed. It’s been 22 years since a painful marriage and divorce due to ex’s outside marital relationships and activities and that I’ve never remarried but wishing it had been so, feeling to old and wasted for it to ever happen, but I’ve stayed. Watching life go on all around me, I’ve stayed. Although 35 years have passed since the death of a fiancé who would never have had those outside activities, I’ve stayed. I’ve stayed through a lot more hurts and heartaches. I stayed to still believe in Christ and to know and learn through all this that He is Everything to me and All I need. I am alone but I stayed because He loves me more than anyone ever could.
To me,” stay” means to remain in mind, body and soul. I started thinking about the word in the context of someone saying “stay” to me. Which then takes on a whole different meaning. It now goes from being an act that I do, to being valued by someone who desires to be with me. I think a lot of times in life I get stuck in the mind frame of things I should be doing. But maybe I need to focus more on the reality that God values me and is pursuing and longing for a deeper relationship with me. He’s lovingly whispering to me “stay”
Stay… means… pain.