Today I want you to meet my sweet, funny, amazing friend, Rachel Wojnarowski. Her story is one of God’s redeeming grace and the choice she’s made to chase after His plans and hold onto His hope — with all that she has in her.
I grew up in a wonderful Christian home with fabulous Christian parents. We were faithful to church and I graduated from Christian school. I went on to Christian college and completed the circle by teaching in a Christian school. My future husband was a “preacher boy” and when we married, the plan was that he would take a youth pastor position wherever God led. Only after we married, he had serious doubts about his calling and stopped attending church all together.
After two years of marriage, a precious daughter was born to us via emergency c-section. She experienced oxygen deprivation and required resuscitation, but she lived. Three years after Taylor’s birth, I discovered that her father had been having an affair essentially four of the five years we were married. In spite of that great protective environment I’d always known, and being faithful to God’s house, sin had erupted my “perfect” life and my marriage to this man didn’t withstand. Bad choices were made by both parties and we divorced.
In spite of all the pain and loss of the “perfect” life, God brought a solid Christian man into my life and He has given us a wonderful story of grace and redemption. But in the midst of Matt and I falling in love, my dearest mom fell severely ill, diagnosed with a rare type of anemia. Two months later the diagnosis was changed to leukemia and she lived just six short months after that. Mom was the strongest, most faithful Christian I’ve ever personally known; she was my best friend.
During my divorce and my mom’s death, the discovery process for Taylor’s developmental delays became more intense. Doctors often blamed the delays on her lack of oxygen at birth. But in my heart, I knew there was more to her issues. Nine months after my mom’s death, the diagnosis for Taylor came through: MPSIIIB, a rare, genetic metabolic disorder which causes gradual neurological degeneration. The average life span is 10-15 years and there is no cure, or even a treatment.Upon receiving Taylor’s diagnosis, my walk with the Lord became intense. I did just what Renee talked about this week in chapter four. I asked all the why’s and the how’s. I wanted God to spill out His plan for my life in one day.
But through His Word, God has taught me that faith is not only a one-time decision; it’s an everyday decision.
Trusting His plan for your everyday life is equally as important as trusting Him for your eternal life.
While God has richly blessed Matt and me with a beautiful family and more blessings than we can count, Taylor’s disease has not changed. Every day is by faith, that God would have His will for her life and ours.
Each day we claim His promises and make the choice to run towards His plan.
Rachel, your story has changed me. Your journey of choosing hope through your past and into the present brought tears to my eyes. I’m inspired by your faith and your surrendered life. To be broken daily, like bread, held up (like loaves and fishes) as an offering of God’s of love and mercy. You my friend are beautiful – inside and out.
- Find out more about Rachel on her blog.
- Download Rachel’s FREEBIE 12 Bible Verses for When You Feel Like Giving Up
Connecting in Community: I’ve been reading your comments and praying for each of you by name. And I’m working on a way for us to connect next week via conference call – Lord willing!! I’m hoping it will be a way I can share my thoughts and answer questions you all are sharing and asking about here. For today, I’d love to know….
What is God speaking to your heart through Rachel’s story? Also, is there anything from the questions He’s given us for the end of Chapter 4 you’d want to share? Let’s connect here and talk about it. {If you are reading this via email, click here to return to my blog to share your heart.}
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Love that our courage doesn’t have to come from our ability to cope or get things right — it comes from our trust in God who is real and with us. Sometimes I am overwhelmed and awed at the peace and courage I have, that is never my own, in my difficult places!
Keep Running Couragous, Rachel!
Thank you, Rachel for sharing your story.
I get hung up on the consequences of my past whether they are from my own wrong decisions or the results of someone else’s decisions. I am starting to believe that He will and can and wants to work things for my good because I love Him and I’m called to His purposes. Regardless of my past, I believe He wants to use me in some way and I pray for guidance in that direction.
When I struggled with infertility I asked God all the time why. I believed that If He loved me this wouldn’t be happening. It was a difficult struggle but He was with me every step of the way. I didn’t always see it at the time, but looking back years later I can see His hand reaching for me over and over. I believe 2 Corin 1:3-4 and I did have opportunities to share my story, though it was hard because I did not end up with a “success child”. I haven’t thought about this issue from my past for awhile so maybe God is still healing me from some of it or wanting me to help someone going through it. I just want to be obedient and I’m willing to be used however He wants to use me.
Ever since I began this program I have basically been free from fears and doubts, experiencing a greater level of healing in my life. Before it has been a roller coaster ride with all these emotions. I’ve done a pretty good job at putting the past behind me because looking back crushes my heart. But in this next step Renee teaches us that God wants us to go back and process our pain with Him. Now, I have touched emotions that have been buried and I feel great sadness and depression, leaving me barely functioning.
There are 4 major situations that has caused great devastation in my life. Would you mind if I shared my story with you?
My dear mother gave birth to 8 children, 7 of us were a year apart! When I was 5 years old my mother divorced my father, for which I am grateful for because he was not a good role model…an alcoholic and habitual womanizer. He went his separate ways and was never a part of our lives. Even though it was for the best, I can see how not having a father created great feelings of insecurity, instability and abandonment throughout our lives. I honor my mother for making this courageous move.
The next situation is very difficult to discuss and it still makes me cry 40 years later when I think about it so I don’t …until now. My family had to deal with my older brother sexually assaulting our neighborhood friends. After each incident he would be taken away for a long time then brought back and then it would happen again. This went on for about 10 years until he ended up in prison. Fear, shame, sadness and being shunned by others were such a part of my growing up experience. Living daily was a traumatic experience: fear for my little sister, great shame and heartbreak about how he ruined their lives and great sadness/compassion for my brother. My brother, even though what he did was “horrible” was dealt a raw deal from the very beginning. He has always been mentally incapable to be like the rest of us. You can tell just by looking at a picture of him when he was a kid. He was molested by a baby sitter when he was 5 years old. Being molested is difficult for any normal person to manage let alone someone who is mentally incapable. He has been diagnosed with schizophrenia. Fear, shame and sadness were such a part of my growing up experience.
Not only were we extremely poor, we grew up in a 5 room house with only 2 bedrooms. The girls had one bedroom and the boys had another. My dear mother slept on a couch. I understand that my dear mother was hanging on by her teeth, trying to keep us together. But our house was a small “hoarder house” and was a great embarrassment and shame to all of us.
Nevertheless, my brother’s and sister’s have become good and respectful people…a special education teacher (me), a doctor, nurse, psychologist, accountant, and the others work hard at what they do. Great miracles have happened in our family and I believe it is because my mother kept her integrity through very difficult situations. The blessings do come and He does notice the good choices we make.
I remember thinking as a teenager that if my mentally ill brother had been a girl that her life would have been even more devastating (because of her ability to bear children). I had no idea then that it would happen with my own daughter. My daughter Crystal had a very loving heart. When she was a teenager she started to change with deep mood swings. She would become very self-destructive for a few days, return to normal for a couple of weeks and then it would happen all over again.We had done many things to try and help her and it was devastating to see her go through this. For a period of about 10 years she struggled with this “emotional illness” and then she took her life when she was 23. I saw her go through emotional hell-lots of bad memories. Yet, I am proud of her for hanging on for as long as she did.
The experience that I had with my mentally ill brother gave me understanding and prepared me for an even greater trial later concerning my daughter. My brother saved me. He has had the greatest impact on my life, teaching me about love and compassion…yet I am left me with great sadness because of all these experiences.
I can see now that I need to feel the pain and give it to Him so that He can take it from me. He is the God of Comfort…who can free me from my sadness. It is very difficult to put this out there but I think sharing this will help me. I would greatly appreciate any words of comfort from you and I thank you now if you choose to comment.
Charlene, my heart goes out to you for the pain you’ve experienced in your life. I’m sure writing all of this out was very scary and hard, as you had to live through that pain again. I experienced small pieces of what you’ve gone through, and lost my brother to suicide (he was diagnosed as bipolar). I will be praying for you to feel God’s peace, comfort and strength as you continue to work through these hurts. God has not abandoned you; don’t ever forget your are His daughter. He chose you first, He delights over you.
Charlene,
I have just read your post. I wanted you to know that I believe you are inspired by God to do the work you do. What an enormous light he has cast on you as you work with special needs children. You are a comfort and a strength to these children and their families, and this gives them hope–how much greater is what our wonderful God does for us so that we can do for others.
You have walked through many difficult hardships, but God’s light has always been shining for you and even in the most difficult times, it continues to shine. We may only see a flicker because of our situations and self-imposed limitations, but being open to His light brings amazing comfort and healing. Be open to His light and see the wonderful things He is already doing through and with your life. Feel His presence and know this comfort and love. I pray for His abundant light to continue to shine in you.
I am in the middle of a divorce right now. The journey isn’t easy and reading Rachel’s story of a “perfect life” I can relate. I thought I had the perfect family, husband, marriage and children until it collapsed in a day. I just hold on to God’s promises that He has a perfect plan for my life and more than ever all I want is His will to be done in my life! Rachel’s story gives me hope that God does restore and has good for me and my children and future!!! And I love this, “God has taught me that faith is not only a one-time decision; it’s an everyday decision.”
Im so sorry and I am praying for you Mochi- for all that you are going through. Im asking Jesus to show you His heart and His presence in your life each day and to speak to your heart with tender assurance that you are not alone, that you are valuable, and that your life has a purpose. This divorce does not define you – don’t let the enemy or your emotions tell you otherwise. And when you feel alone, remember Jesus is there and we are too, holding you up in our prayers.
This speaks to me because I have seen so much hurt in my life but it has really mostly been others. I was hurt quite a bit as a teen and turned to God to help me through it “moment by moment.” But I know things can hit again. Lives can be destroyed. Only God stands. This reinforces to me to cling tight to Him and to walk constantly in His presence. I have a long way to go on learning to do this, but His power and protection are intensely felt when I do. Not that I don’t expect hard things to come. But I know He is always my Savior in every circumstance. All I need do is run to Him.
Renee, I loved the visual of being broken each day, daily bread, used by God, blessed by God. He indeed has been using this Bible study, the videos, the book, the guest bloggers to touch my life. I stood in church last Sunday and felt at peace with myself, with God, with the world. That has not always been the case. That is why I stayed away for so long. What changed, me. God has been working in the dark hidden corners as I have invited Him to heal me and free me from the captivity of old hurts and helped me to understand HE has forgiven me and I am not condemned. I am still sorting through my life, it takes a while when you are 62. But what I have come to realize is that even when I can’t do things when I would like, God opens other doors of time and opportunity for me to grow, to share, to hear Him, to feel Him. Great is God’s faithfulness, new every morning as I open my eyes and my heart to Him in faith. Thank you!
Amen Mary!! I so agree with all that you have shared here!
Wow chapter 4 I have been blessed to have worked through a lot of hurts in Celebrate Recovery over the past 3 years. I have asked God how many more questions Lord how much more to be healed from? Chapter 4 helped me to realize how God has always been with me throughout all the abuse sexually, physically and verbally as a child until an adult. I have suffered from abuse of every kind, I have been
betrayed by a man whom I thought was the love of my life. I am grateful to say that God was always with
me and still is. God has helped me to forgive my husband of 23 years for never being faithful once in our marriage. I am grateful to say God has taught me to trust in Him first then others. I am grateful to say
God is my husband lst, my best friend, my confidant, my counselor my all. I am learning to be in a
deep relationship with God. So through all this suffering I have never been alone or unloved for God was
with me.
Rachel’s story is inspiring for sure! When my 1st child was born my husband struggled with an addiction to porn! I felt ugly and tossed away like I wasn’t good enough. He stopped as soon as I found out but the morning lives with me everyday. He won’t talk about it so it’s hard to move past it. A lot has happened in our marriage over the last 5 years and we r growing but these kind of posts help me to know I can move on and rely on God and God alone with help from women like u guys. 🙂 thanks Rachel for sharing.
This encourages me to continue in trusting no matter the situation we face, that God is who he says he is and out of our obedience and his faithfulness we are more than conquerors….Faith and trust a day at a time…
Patty
I am truly inspired by Rachel’s story. I, like Rachel come from a wonderful Christian home and pastor’s kids as a matter a fact and married a Christian man who i loved and respected. Just last year I learned of his affair. I felt my life was falling apart. My perfect little life was crumbling on me. I never imagined him doing this. I have three beautiful children and continue to stand in faith believing my God can turn what the enemy meant for bad for good. I like what Rachel said that trusting God is not a one time decision but an everyday decision. I am declaring His promises and filling myself with Godly resources. Thank you Renee for introducing me to Rachel. Thank you for this wonderful bible study.
Rachel, you are such an inspiration to me. May God continue to bless you and your beautiful family! Thank you so much for sharing with us!
Thank you for sharing your story. Sometimes it is so easy look at the negative and allow those thoughts to get us to a point of no hope, but what I learned today by reading your story is that there is hope. God can turn our mess into something beautiful. Only He can do the impossible. Chapter 4 is helping me deal with any unresolved past issues not by taking those issues and dwelling on them to make me angry but allowing the Holy Spirit to set me free from the things that continue to hold me back from the abundant life God has for me. Who the Son sets free is free indeed. I look forward to what God has in store for me and my family.
Rachel,
I never tire of hearing your story! Love you and so thankful for the work that God has done and is doing in your life! So blessed to have you in my life.
Love ya!
Thank you for sharing your story. Your faith is incredible. I will pray for you and your family.
Rachel,
Your story of faith and courage has strengthened me tonight. My Mother passed away Feb. 15, 2013. So much needed to hear and feel your words.
God bless you and your family,
Brenda
Brenda- Praying for you during this time, lossing a parent is tough. Hold on to your faith and remember that God loves you.
I have finally caught up! Hurray! Although I had purchased my book way before April 1st, Satan used my long going struggle with depression to keep me from starting on time. I am so blessed that my husband of 30 years sought help through counseling for himself (to know how to help me) and for me. This has helped me to get motivated and start this study. And I am so thankful I didn’t continue to listen to Satan’s lies that this study would not help me with my walk in Christ. Because each chapter is filling in the missing pieces I have needed for so very long!
My biggest hindrance is being able to forgive close family and friends who have hurt myself and my husband numerous times over our 30 year marriage. Chapter 4 is just what I needed to hear! Things that jump out to me in this chapter, “The Holy Spirit showed me I needed to remake my memories by seeing how Jesus had been there all along, and then replace the lies my wounds had led me to believe with new truths He was teaching me through Scripture.” I have felt for so many years that I was alone and didn’t truly have help in learning how to live for Christ. Things I haven’t understood in the past are starting to become clear to me, thanks to Renee’s book and this wonderful study!
I am asking Jesus to cover my wounds with his blood! So that I can finally forgive those who have wounded me so deeply for so many years. Freedom of forgiveness, what a wonderful promise to us!
Loving praying God’s promises at the end of each chapter! This is new to me and hope I can adopt this into my daily walk of faith!
Renee, I am enjoying your book very much. So much of it is how i feel so much. All week long, my nerves have been on edge, everything just makes me jumpy. A few times at work this week I’ve just had to stop and ask for Jesus to help me. I’m trying to spend more time with God, praying and reading the bible. My mom has MS and watching her health get worse has been very hard and at times leaves me very impatient, which I hate to admit. My parents are at divorced, my middle brother passed away from a car accident several years ago. The anniversary of his death is coming up on the 22nd. My youngest brother who is 30 lives with his partner and doesn’t drive so I am my mom’s go to person for everything and at times I feel very overwhelmed. I just ask for prayers to let go of past hurts, have faith in all the current hurts going on. Thank you everyone for sharing your stories and the verses that are your favorites.
Thank you Renee and Rachel or sharing with us. Amazing!
Thank you for sharing Rachel’s story. It is so true “that faith is not only a one-time decision; it’s an everyday decision” and “trusting His plan for your everyday life is equally as important as trusting Him for your eternal life.” So many people don’t do that. They trust the Lord for their salvation but don’t trust Him for daily help. Holy Father, please help me to trust You every day for strength, love and the ability to show You to all the people around me. Help me to love You with all my heart, mind, soul and strength.
Trusting God with your everyday life is so very true yet so very hard. All I seem to ask is why why, why?