Okay, we’re gonna get real here today! I have an embarrassing confession to make: When JJ and I got married 15 years ago, I took out the words “honor and obey” from my marriage vows. While I’m confessing, you should also know I didn’t say I would submit to my husband either. I said I would “submit my ideas and dreams” to my husband and trust God’s leadership in our marriage. I was a baby Christian, but mainly I was measuring my words to make sure God and my witnesses didn’t catch me in a lie.
Oh, I had some serious issues going into marriage (and sometimes still do). Boy has God done a work on me though. Like many women, I was terrified that if I submitted to my husband I’d become a doormat and lose myself somewhere in the middle of letting my husband lead. I regretfully remember one time JJ told me it was easier to let me lead because it wasn’t worth the argument to him.
You’d think that’s what I wanted – to get my way. But it wasn’t what I wanted because JJ became apathetic. Soon I realized I was losing respect for my husband and it was mostly my fault. I wanted him to lead, but when he tried I’d often criticize how he led. It was a mess.
One day I was praying God would change JJ and make him more decisive, more confident, more protective and well, just more what I wanted him to be. God strongly impressed on my heart that my criticism wasn’t getting me any closer to my desired result. In fact, my frustration with JJ only contributed to the condemnation of his own insecurities and doubts as a man. (You know they have doubts, too). God also showed me I was fueling Satan’s flaming darts aimed at my husband’s heart. Here I was joining forces with the one who wanted to take out JJ as the leader of our home.
Through prayer, God showed me that my husband needed me to be his greatest cheerleader, his biggest supporter and to use the power of my words to build up and not tear down my man. He wanted me to keep my mouth closed when JJ was doing something I didn’t like or leading in a way I didn’t want to follow. He wanted me to be verbally, emotionally and spiritually encouraging when I saw things I appreciated. I was to find things I respected about JJ and let God take care of things I didn’t.
I started doing what God told me. I looked for and found things in JJ that I’d never really noticed before; I discovered things that were worthy of respect. It all started over 10 years ago. We’ve been through so much together now, and followed many of his decisions that scared me: job changes I didn’t want him to make; financial investments that seemed too risky; parenting issues that were hard.
I can say with joy that my husband is now the leader of our home. It’s taken commitment and many choices to honor him in big and small ways. And although he isn’t perfect, he’s more the man I dreamed of marrying than I ever hoped he’d be!
As I promised in my P31 devotion today, I wanted to share some practical ways we can honor our husbands and strengthen our marriages:
- Tell your husband that you believe in him!
- Don’t point out his mistakes, just fill in the gap.
- Ask God to show you ways to serve your husband.
- Don’t ever say “I told you so.”
- Say “I’m sorry” and mean it when you dishonor him.
- Say “I forgive you” and mean it when he dishonors or hurts you.
- Tell your husband that you thank God for giving him to you (and be sure you do).
- Let him overhear you telling someone something you appreciate about him.
- Support and encourage his decisions.
- Praise him when his decisions turn out well and encourage him when they don’t.
- Tell you husband each day about one thing you are thankful for – about his character, his work ethic, his provision, his humor or something his adds to your family.
- Pray for your husband every day.
Several of these ideas came from my friend Melanie Chitwood’s book, “What a Husband Needs from His Wife.”
For a chance to win this great marriage book, filled with insights, encouraging ideas and powerful stories, enter my drawing by clicking on the word “comments” below. Then type your name and email address (so I can notify you if you win) in the white box. Choose anonymous if you want to be – just come back to see if you won. I’ll announce the winner on Friday. And I’d love to know is if you have any embarrassing or fun marriage stories to tell. If not, what is one thing that makes your husband feel honored? Be sure to ask him if you don’t know the answer.
I would love to win this book. I have been married almost 18 years, and it has been rocky for most of those years, and still is off and on. My husband is a Vietnam veteran (a Marine in the thick of it in 1968-1969), and all I can say is, it’s not easy. If it had not been for my faith in our Lord and Savior, I would not still be in this marriage. God Bless and Merry Christmas!!
There are so many hurting marriages out there! I pray that whoever receives this gift will be blessed beyond measure! I know of a few couples off the top of my head who could benefit from this!
I would love to win this book. I have been married almost 18 years, and it has been rocky for most of those years, and still is off and on. My husband is a Vietnam veteran (a Marine in the thick of it in 1968-1969), and all I can say is, it’s not easy. If it had not been for my faith in our Lord and Savior, I would not still be in this marriage. God Bless and Merry Christmas!!
Dearest Renee,
I appreciate your candor so much. My husband and I have been married almost 18 years. However, every time things get difficult/stressful he threatens divorce. The children weep every time he mentions the word. Emotionally, the kids and I hurt. I tell them that its our gift to God to forgive my husband and love him the way God loves him. Your blog confirmed what God whispered to me: Let Me show him the beauty of your soul; delight in Me and you will glow. I want my husband to remember why he married me.
Thank You for pebbles of truth.
I would like to enter your giveaway.
Letha Warnke
Houston,TX
[email protected]
wow God really used you to speak to me today thanks
Donna
[email protected]
Thank you so much for all you do. If it is not too late please enter me into the drawing…Alyssa Berryman ([email protected]) Thank you again
My name is Jessica and my wmail address is [email protected]
I would love to enter to win the marriage book. Thanks
I am praying to soon know what honors my husband. We were married at the age of 17 and went through many hard times including prison and seperation. We were so wild and had no idea about marriage. Praise God that He has chosen to restore our family. My husband will be released from prison on April 1st. I am trusting God to teach me how to honor my husband and submit to him. I never knew what God had designed marriage to be but he is teaching me that now and I trust Him to do the same now. Prayers for my family including my two children would be greatly appriciated. With Love In Christ Jesus, God Bless You
I learn and get so encouraged by your blog Renee.
I comment also to have a change to receive your give-away.
Blessings
Bernice ( Holland )
[email protected]
Renee,
In May, I broke my husband’s new flat panel, big screen TV. (No, it wasn’t on purpose. It wasn’t anger-related. Let’s just say it involved a Wii-remote..you can read about it on my blog:
(http://mom2ways.blogspot.com/2008/07/he-loves-me-more.html)
When the TV was broken, my hubby left it as a monument. It represented the first time (in 21 years of marriage) that I completed submitted to his authority. I didn’t fight against the decision he made. When he told me this (I didn’t realize I had been so noble) it encouraged me to continue backing off and giving him respect and room to lead. I’m still learning.
I’ve bookmarked this post to come back an re-read.
I learn and get so encouraged by your blog Renee.
I comment also to have a change to receive your give-away.
Blessings
Bernice ( Holland )
[email protected]
Chrissy Gunning
email: [email protected]
Thanks for sharing your story with us on respecting our husbands.
It is so true.. something that I constantly need to check on with myself.
I sometimes find myself saying that he needs to do things my way… but sometimes his is better.
I would love to win this book to help keep me in check on this subject.
I just read your devo from Wed. And I just read this. Shawn and I have been married for 3 years. We just had our first daughter in June. Reading this post has opened my eyes even more to how I am treating Shawn. I have highly disrespected him and I have let insecurity control our marriage. I have not honored him as the head of this family because I am afraid of what he will do. I pray God will help me implement what you have written.
I hope i am not too late for this – what you wrote really blessed me…it is my story too. I wanted strong man to lead, and yet i created the opposite with my words and actions.Continuing to learn Would love the book, AND love your site
diane
[email protected]
Renee,
I have recently found your fantastic Proverbs 31 website and I am hooked! I really love all the encouragement and stories that are shared. For many years I have tried to make my husband the way I thought he should be, but God has really been speaking to me regarding the respect he deserves and how that will honor God. Thanks so much for your encoragement again today! The book sounds like something I really need!
Blessings,
Kim Rossi
[email protected]
Oh, I do have a fun marriage story. Last year I was feeling a bit neglected by my husband. In the past I may have made a “poor me comment,” which really wouldn’t have honored him or brought any of the results I was hoping for! Instead, I felt God impress upon my heart to pray for my husband and bless HIM in that way. I spent all day praying for him. Wouldn’t you know, he came home with flowers, a nice bottle of wine and plans to play a board game in front of the fireplace that evening. He had NEVER done that before. Our evening was so nice and a good lesson in the importance of prayer and honoring our spouses. (Not to mention a much needed conviction for my whiny heart!)
Would love to win a copy of the book. Thanks for the contest!
Amy ([email protected])
Ouch- sounds like my house. Please enter me in the give away. My hubbie would appreciate it!
Angie
I’d love to win the book. Seems like I’m not the only women struggling with this issue.
[email protected]
Wow – you could have been describing me in the first part of your post. I would so love to have a similar testimony for the second part, too. Thanks for your open honesty and for sharing real ways to improve.
Oh – and I would love to win a book if it is still open!
carol at envision printing dot com
When I read your blog today I was really regretting not keeping up with you this week. I would enjoy being considered in your drawing. I think it is neat how God is using a lot of people on the issue of marriages right now. I have been so burdened with my own marriage and the problems that others are having as well. This can only be a God thing!!
Renee:
I, like so many others found this devotional to be inspiring.
This may sound odd however; I found myself feeling somewhat better when I realized, “I wasn’t alone” with having difficulty within my marriage. (Why did I feel that I would be one of the only Christians facing difficulty in this fashion?)
I had just been praying for guidance with my attitude, word choice, etc when I read this devotional … again, thank you.
(my email for book notification
[email protected])
thank you for writing about marriages and how we can honour each other, the way God wants us to.
i would love to win this book
[email protected]
Renee, this is such a terrific post. I am writing down the list of things you wrote to help strengthen the marriage.
It would be great to win the book.
Blessings,
Vickie
Thank you for this beautiful reminder. I struggle so with R-E-S-P-E-C-T-I-N-G my husband. Sadly, it has become a habit for me to respond disrepectfully. I hardly know I’m doing it unless I really think about it. But I so want to change my ways.
Ann C.
Just found your blog and already put it on my blogroll!! What great encouragement! Thank you for sharing about yourself!
Wow! This devotion truly was and will remain a blessing to me. I have read Melanie Chitwood’s book and it is excellent, I would highly recommend it to brides to be and wives of all ages. I constantly remind myself that it takes constant effort because when we relax the devil comes at us again! Be blessed!
My husband and I are struggling so much right now and this devotion touched my heart so much, keep writing them about marriage please.
Renee, this is such a terrific post. I am writing down the list of things you wrote to help strengthen the marriage.
It would be great to win the book.
Blessings,
Vickie
My comment is more of a question…Why do the wives always have to do “everything” in a marriage to make it work? Why are there never any suggestions on what a husband can do?! After nearly 20 yrs of marriage we divorced 7 mos. ago due. He constantly disrespected the family with his hanging out, drinking, carousing,etc. It is still painful!
Hi!
I jumped over from your devotional… but would love to have a chance to win this book.
Thanks so much for the opportunity.
Lynn
I would love the opportunity to win this book.
Mandy Garner
[email protected]
Antionette Miller
[email protected]
I enjoyed you blog, I often struggle with some of these things too. Thank you for being honest.
Thank you for the great advice and for the give-a-way. I’d love to have my name in the hat.
Thank you kindly,
Lora
I was burned once by a man who was a strong leader; we became engaged and he broke the engagement off after we had already began preparations for the wedding…well, I should say I, because as I look back I don’t know that his heart was ever in any of the planning. It took me a long time to get over the hurt of my broken engagement and I’m finding now that I am engaged again to a wonderful, Christian man that my previous engagement is still coloring some of my relatives reactions to the news.
But I know that my finance is different in all the important ways from my previous one. He loves God and his family and leads us in prayer. As I prepare for a wedding and more importantly a marriage, I find it encouraging that there are women who do believe that God made men to lead, and that He will bless us when we submit.
Thanks for the post Renee! It was something I needed to hear today. Even though I didn’t realize it.
~Heather
[email protected]
I was stunned and saddened by the thought of what effect my lack of respect for my husband has possibly had on my children. We have five grown children, and my two sons are married or will be soon married. I shudder to think what our relationship has done to shape their perspective of marriage. We have been married for 31 years, and we went from being very happy to miserable in the course of five or six years. Substance abuse made me lose my respect for him, which only exacerbated the problem of the abuse. We have struggled ever since. Counseling has never worked out, and I have considered leaving several times. But I really think God wants me to build my husband back up, with respect for him and affirmations. It is so hard for me, and I am ashamed to admit that my children all have a poor image of their father. I ask for your prayers to give me the strength to give him the respect he needs. I want to repair the damage I have done.
Thanks for your guidance, Renee.
Honoring & Respecting my husband has been a real challenge for me of late. I needed and appreciate the reinforcement of needing to turn all over to God to handle.
Please enter me in your drawing for this much needed book!
Angel
[email protected]
Thank you for your thoughts and wisdom. We’ve been struggling for the past 2 years of our 28 years together. I’ve been feeling so bad and your blog was especially meaningful to me right now.
Joy Lowery
[email protected]
oh my….are YOU looking through the windows of my home??
Your description of how your early years of marriage is pretty much how much marriage is at this time. I want him to take the lead in our home BUT I have given him no room to do so. I am ashamed of myself–I can give you many reasons why this has happened but not one is a valid one. Meanwhile, I have 3 teenage sons who have learned to “let me have my way” too. And I wonder why I feel alone surrounded by so many people. You got my attention today…now what will I do about it?
Lynne Decock
[email protected]
Blessings Renee,
My husband and I were on the verge of divorce and turned to God to lead us in the direction of reconciliation. Your devotion was awesome today! Thanks so much!!
In HIM,
Michelle
ooops forgot to leave my email – [email protected]
Hi Renee,
Thanks for today’s devotion. I have always had a hard time with letting my husband lead and to think that it may be all my fault for why he doesn’t really bothers me. I want my husband to be the man God has called him to be. I don’t want to look down on him. I really need your prayers. By the way I would love to win the book- I think it would be a big help to me. Thanks Again, [email protected]
Wow – soooo good to read your blog today. My husband and I are struggling through a “season” right now, and I desperately need to know what he needs from me!!! Would love to win the book!!!!!
God bless you for sharing your heart, your insight and wisdom. May God bless you for your obedience.
It always amazes me how God puts stuff in our face when we need it the most. My husband and I have a good marriage, but I know we can have a better one. I would love to win this book, because I know it could, with God’s help, mold our relationship to be a great one. Thanks for the opportunity!
God Bless
Jill Vogel [email protected]
Hi Renee,
A girlfriend of mine sent me your blog and I couldn’t believe that I have dishonored my husband and God
many times. I would love to have this book to help me and my marriage, I want to honor God and my husband and I believe your book will help me. Thank you
Denise Malave-Vicente([email protected])
Hi Renee,
I’ve been thru what you’ve been thru. Only thing is my perseption of respect was different from my husbands. And God opened my eyes to see. But your blog was a reminder to me to follow thru what I learnt. God has also shown me that Love for a woman and Respect for a Man is like an equation for a happy marriage. It’s like some there is some chemistry between the two and like a formula in a sucessful marriage.
This is exactly what I needed today!
I get so caught up in everybody’s elses feelings somedays, that my husband’s feelings often end up being the ones pushed asisde.
Thank you for reminding me to take a moment to appreciate him, thank God for him, and tell him so.
[email protected]
Thank you for your insights, they are very encouraging.
I am in a troubled marriage of only a year. After being widowed after 13 years of marriage, I thought I had men and marriage all figured out. Wrong! I totally have been dis-honoring my husband, but was really convicted this morning after reading this devotional and blog. Selfish little ME ME ME! I am only thinking about how I am un-loved and un-appreciated. I just sent my hubby a text message to say I was sorry and thank him for a few things. Of course I hope for a kind response, but I know in my heart that God wants me to honor and respect my husband regardless of his actions. AND to pray for him without ceasing.
Thank you for reminding me of God’s ways, not mine.
Joanne
[email protected]
This was so enlightening. This is one area that I struggle with and continue to fall. Fortunatly God has opened my eyes and I am learning that I am the one that God needs to change.
Thank you!!
WOW, After reading the devotion, I have read several of these post!
Thank you for writing in such a REAL way! May God bless you and your family!
K Patton
Georgia