Meeting Aster’s Birth Mother

It was rainy and cold here Tuesday. Aster discovered the raindrops and knelt beside our back door to watch them trickle down the window and puddle on our porch. It was so, so sweet to watch her as she watched them for the first time.

There was a chill in the air, so I turned on the heat. And for some reason that created a trickle of thoughts in my mind. Thoughts about Aster’s birth mom. Thoughts about how cold she must get and how she has no heat to turn on. Thoughts about how damp the one room adobe home where she lives must feel when it rains.

I felt sad and wished she was here with me in my warm house watching our beautiful little girl discover rain drops.

I thought about the day we met Hagere. I couldn’t believe it had been a month that we returned from Ethiopia with Aster, and just two days before that we drove down the dusty, bumpy roads of Addis to meet her birth mom. It was a day I had prayed for and yet a day I was very nervous about.
I wondered what I should say or ask her. What would Aster want to know?

I couldn’t sleep much the night before so I prayed through the early morning hours about our meeting and my concerns. Aster’s paperwork said her father had abandoned them when she was 8mos pregnant, and that she could not take care of her baby, her firstborn, her only child. But I’d struggled with how Aster would feel that her birth mom put her up for adoption although she was still alive.

God reminded me how He’d provided answers to those questions earlier that week. I’d met the doctor who cared for Aster when she was hospitalized for severe malnutrition. He was amazed by her current weight and told me Aster’s skin had been hanging off her bones when she was first admitted. Aster would not have survived had she not been placed for adoption. Here’s a photo of what she looked like then at 6 months, weighing only 8 lbs.

Remembering how God provided answers to those troubling questions, I tucked His assurance in my heart that He would provide again as we pulled up to the orphanage where we were meeting Hagere. As we got out of the van, we were greeted by two beautiful women who took Aster and started singing and kissing her and shouting, “Aster?? This is Aster? Look, this is Aster!”

And then I saw her. Sitting quietly on the porch. Waiting. I immediately walked up to her and said hello and asked if she wanted to hold Aster. She smiled and said yes with her eyes.

Hagere, being only 28 years old, looked worn and frail. So timid. Yet peaceful.

Oh the difference a hug can make. If you click on this photo you can really see how Hagere’s smile changed when I put my arm around her.

Hagere spoke very little. They explained to us that women are very subdued in the region she is from and that she is very shy. She only said she wanted to thank us and tell us that she wants Aster to be with our family. I sensed that she wanted to give us her blessing.I told her we knew Aster was a gift from God and that we had been praying He would bring us a little girl for years. She cried.Then she told the interpreters that she wanted us to know that she is a Christian, too. We were shocked. We had not mentioned we were Christians because we knew it’s a very Muslim influenced area and it could hinder our conversation. The fact that she would use those words to describe her faith was the biggest gift Jesus could give to us in that moment.

God had answered another one of my deepest prayers! I started bawling and told her about all of you who were praying for Aster and that I knew God had a plan for her life.

She had decided to give Aster back to me at one point in our conversation. I wanted her to see Aster smile so I started playing patty cake. We talked some more, asking questions about her family and living conditions. Her cousin had brought her and he explained that Hagere’s mother is still alive and Hagere lives with her along with 4 cousins and brothers in a one room mud hut.

He told us that they are very, very poor and can barely feed themselves. That is why she could not take care of Aster. He looked very sad but also very thankful to see her doing so well.
I thought she might want to see Aster’s cute little toes so I took off one of her socks. Then I gave her back to Hagere and offered her a bottle to feed her.
She seemed so pensive. It seemed so unfair to me that I could provide formula when I know with all my heart this young mother would do anything to provide her baby her mother’s milk. It was bittersweet to share this moment together.

But it was also beautiful.

And then our visit faded toward the end of our time together. She leaned close to hug her good-bye.

There is so much more I want to share, but this post is already so long. If you’d like to follow Aster’s story and our family’s journey be sure to come back, or sign up for email updates in the top right sidebar under the P31 logo where there is a place to put your email.

In the meantime, I’ll be here with my beautiful girl watching raindrops and praying that Hagere knows I’m thinking about her and praying for her every time I see the rain.