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Renee Swope

Encouraging and equipping moms to parent with God's grace and confidence.

Read An Excerpt: Chapter 1 & 2

Love the Ones You’re With

“Since God so loved us, we also ought to love one another.” 1 John 4:11 (NIV)

One night my family was all snuggled on the couch eating popcorn and watching a movie. We were spending quality time together but then I got distracted. I was still there physically but I started returning phone calls and emails mentally. I glanced at the clock to see how many hours before the kids went to bed and noticed the silhouette of my son Joshua’s face. He looked so grown up. He was ten years old then, but it felt like he should still be a toddler.

I knew it wouldn’t be long before he’d be counting down the hours until I go to bed, so he could instant message his friends. Suddenly, I recognized the gift of being with the ones I love while they’re still with me. Now he’s almost 15 and, oh my it’s gone by so fast!

I hate to admit it, but there are many times when I’m with my family yet I’m not really there… because my mind is somewhere else getting something done.

Jesus knew His stay here on earth was limited. I love how intentional He was about loving people with his time and attention. I never get the sense that He saw people’s requests as interruptions but instead, He welcomed them as invitations.

Unlike Jesus, I am a type A, get-it-done, kind of girl. Just “being” can be hard for me.

Over the years, I’ve learned to take my struggle to God and ask for balance. He wired me this way, so He’s the only One who can make me more like Him. When I spend time with Jesus, He challenges me to slow down and helps me cherish the gift of my husband and children. He knows how important they are to me, but He also knows how I can get tangled up in my to-do list. He’s helped me see my family as my greatest treasure and my time with them as my most important investment.

Although the years have mellowed me and I’m so much better than I used to be, it still doesn’t always come naturally. So when I am with my family and I get distracted, I do a few things to help me stay focused.

  • First, I look into one of my kids’ faces and remember what they used to look like. That helps me grasp how quickly time passes.
  • Second, I think back to what life was like without them. That jolts my memory; making me thankful God gave them to me.
  • Third, I imagine the day they won’t be with me – the day they may live in another state with their own family. Then I remind myself that “to do lists” will always be here, but the ones I love won’t.

Let’s make a pact today to slow down and really be with the ones we love and love the ones we’re with, while they are still with us!

Jesus, thank You so much for the people You have given me to love. Help me slow down and savor every moment as I see them through Your eyes and love them the way you love me! Remind me daily that only two things will last for eternity – my relationship with You and my relationship with others. In Your powerful Name I pray, Amen.

Is it hard for you to be fully present with the ones you love…no agendas, no errands, no planning…just being? I’d love to hear your thoughts? I’ll be drawing a name from today’s comments and GIVING AWAY a copy of “Living the Love Dare” ~ a year of daily reminders in a table-top format.

This post is part of my friend Rachel’s carnival of LOVE devotions. Tomorrow P31 is hosting a Carnival of Give-aways where over 15 of us are giving away something on our blogs, so be sure to come back tomorrow to find out how you can win!

Comments

  1. Hope you had fun in the snow! So enjoyed the conference in Fl. and have been enjoying your journey to adoption in your blog. I look forward to "keeping up" with all the Lord is doing in and through you. You and Leah are such a blessing! "Fully present"… yes, a treasured "complete gift." Amen!
    ~Dawn Perry

  2. Either would be a great blessing.

    Time does go by fast…our oldest will be 6 this weekend.
    I can so relate to being with family and not being there….
    Thanks for always sharing your heart!!

  3. I am new to Proverbs 31 and have enjoyed all the devotions that are here and on sister websites. What a blessing! I am trying to become more organized in 2010 but more importantly prioritize my life and put God and daily devotions at the top (hence the finding of these websites)….thanks for all the information and prayers you offer.
    Gina ~ [email protected]

  4. This was so awesome. I have trouble sometimes as well just enjoying those special moments with my husband and my children. I find myself asking God to quiet my mind with all the things to do thoughts so that I can be with my family. It seems like just yesterday my now 12 year old daughter was a toddler. I often ask myself where did my time go to prepare her for life. Thank you for this blog, it was encouraging.

  6. My kids are grown with kids of their own and I am still trying to tame my Type A personality. It seems like I woke up one day, looked in the mirror and saw my mother. Then I realized it was me and those adult sons? Yep, they were mine and I had grown into the role of 'matriarch' of the family. I am trying to tame the beast of distraction when my grandchildren are with me. I don't want to miss a precious moment of time with those I love, whether it is my husband, my adult sons & their wives, or my grandchildren. After my relationship with God, they are the most important. Everything else will be forgotten when I am gone.

  7. Thank you for this post. I needed this little reminder. I too am a type-a personality 🙂 sometimes thats good and sometimes not so much just as your post pointed out. Thank you again!
    Irene
    [email protected]

  8. It's funny that you wrote about this topic. I had written about it on my blog on January 27. A quote from Karen Ehman's book made me commit to "wherever I am, be all there." It is difficult yet important for me to focus on. Thank you for the reminder!

  9. Thank you for this great reminder. I find myself trying to get so much done and not valuing the time with my family. I needed this.

  11. What a great reminder Renee – there is always something to do and it can be tempting to choose the chore rather than the child. I know I am guilty, but pray God keeps reminding me to treasure the time!! Thanks, Jill

  12. My oldest is twelve, my youngest is 2, and the weekends are the time when I really get to "be" with them. Weeknights are so crazy with supper and homework and other commitments, that when the weekend comes, my husband and I pay only attention to our kids. We don't rush them out of their pj's, or make them play faster – we sit with them, play with them, and read however many bedtime books they want. Our 2 year old is our last child (by choice), and these days it's pulling on my heart as I remember when he was a baby, when his sisters were babies, and it makes me want more, but then I realize I'd have less time with each of them, so I stop my mind from wandering and play with cars and trucks and Barbie and dolls. And I make sure I take a lot of pictures so that I'll never forget. Thanks for your post today Renee.

    lauren
    [email protected]

  13. Thank you for the powerful reminder! I was sitting with my son watching a movie while reading your blog. He is the baby of the family and I realized my time left with my kids is so short. I seem to always being doing two things at once so Thank you for this devotion today. I am signing off my laptop to give my son my full attention. Thank You and may God contiue to bless you!

  14. I totally get this post! That probably isn't good but hopefully that awareness will help me to work harder at "being there" fully with my family.
    Smiles!

  16. This is something I struggle with so much. My kids are 4 and 6 and I already feel as though I have missed out on so many opportunities to just be with them and enjoy them because I have huge responsibilities in ministry at our church. When I am not actively doing something, I am mentally thinking about it- I am not fully present and intentional in my time with them.
    [email protected]

  17. Thank you for this post. Yesterday, I was invited to lunch with my deacon and his family. This was the first time that I had been invited to their home and I'm sad to say it might be the last. My cell phone kept going off and when I would try to ignore it, then a text would come in. I was so preoccupied with an outside situation my heart was not truly devoted to spending time with these wonderful people.

  18. Renee, I have been feeling exactly this same way about being "present" with my loved ones. It's so easy to get distracted, isn't it? But time is so fleeting . . . Thank you so much for your gentle reminder and helpful insights into how to approach this issue we all face from time to time.

    Tina
    [email protected]

  21. I've heard you mention this before, and it stuck in my memory. I try very hard to be 'fully present' now with whatever we're doing together – though it's still very hard – because I am very Type A, as well. Thanks for this wonderful reminder!

  22. You and I are alike in our "git r dun" personality. If hubby is playing with the kids, I often see that as a time to get some laundry done or unload the dishwasher. I have such a hard time "doing nothing" (i.e. being with my family). Am I just like Martha or what? (the one from God's word, definitely NOT Martha Stewart!)
    Do I need to get better at time management? Do I need to be better at getting through my checklist so I will feel comfortable to sit down and play with my family? I know that I need to pray about it and ask God to help me to be more of a Mary than a Martha.
    Thanks for stepping on my toes!!
    Blessings,
    Pam

  23. Thank you for the reminder Renee! I am guilty of the same…being there enjoying famiy time, butnot really being there. I have a hard time allowing myself family time. Seems like my mind is thinking of a million other things I should be doing. Again, thank you for a beautiful devotion.

Love the Ones You’re With

I’m still trying to give the gift of me for Christmas. But it’s hard sometimes. Here’s a confession I wrote in one of my devotions for the P31 book that I could’ve re-written this week:

“The other night oue family was all snuggled on the couch watching a movie. We were spending quality time together but then I got distracted. I was still there physically but I started returning phone calls and emails mentally. I glanced at the clock to see how many hours before the kids went to bed and noticed the silhouette of my son’s face. He looked so grown up. How quickly ten years had passed! I thought. I knew it wouldn’t be long before he’d be counting down the hours until I go to bed, so he can instant message his friends. Suddenly, I recognized the gift of being with the ones I love while they’re still with me.”

Why can’t I be like Jesus? He knew His time on earth was limited and tasks weren’t that important. My time with my kids at home and this season of life with my husband is passing. But unlike Jesus, I am a type A, get-it-done kind of girl. Just being isn’t natural for me.

My only hope is to take my desire and struggles to Jesus daily and ask for His help. He wired me this way, so He’s the only One who can make me more like Him.

I love knowing that God understands how easily I get tangled up in my to-do list and through sweet reminders like my son’s silhouette, He helps me see my family as my greatest treasure. He reminds me that my time with them is my most important investment.

But sometimes my high-octane-brain still gets distracted so there are a few things I do to help me stay focused on them when I’m with them: I look into their faces and remember what they used to look like, This helps me grasp how quickly time flies. I think back to what life was like without them. This makes me thankful God gave them to me. I imagine the day they won’t be with me, the day they live in another place with their own family. This makes me want to cry! But then I freeze-frame that moment so it lasts longer!!!

Okay friend, let’s make a pact today to slow down and really be with the ones we love – and love the ones we’re with – while they’re still with us.

And, if you’re visiting from the P31 devotion, welcome to my blog!! I am so glad you stopped by. Click here to read today’s post.

Comments

  1. You are concerned that your children are growing and they will be gone, but if you invest your time with them and truly enjoy their company they will know it. I have a 20 yr old son and 18 yr old daughter. I love spending time with them and now their friends as well. My door is always open to them, and friends and this has brought me thru a very difficult year, as they have been there for me as well. You get what you give! Invest your time well.

  2. You are concerned that your children are growing and they will be gone, but if you invest your time with them and truly enjoy their company they will know it. I have a 20 yr old son and 18 yr old daughter. I love spending time with them and now their friends as well. My door is always open to them, and friends and this has brought me thru a very difficult year, as they have been there for me as well. You get what you give! Invest your time well.

  3. Bless you. Thank you for this message today. I’ve never seen time with loved ones from this perspective. Today I make concious effort to really spend TIME-that is give my undivided attention to my family.After all that is the true meaning of QUALITY TIME.
    Shalom

  4. Bless you. Thank you for this message today. I’ve never seen time with loved ones from this perspective. Today I make concious effort to really spend TIME-that is give my undivided attention to my family.After all that is the true meaning of QUALITY TIME.
    Shalom

  5. Bless you. Thank you for this message today. I’ve never seen time with loved ones from this perspective. Today I make concious effort to really spend TIME-that is give my undivided attention to my family.After all that is the true meaning of QUALITY TIME.
    Shalom

  6. Thanks for your devotional. This exact issue has been pressing on my heart alot lately. Why is it so hard to just “STOP?” I was hard wired the same way you are and i remember my mom being the same way. I always wished my mom would take more time to listen to me, really listen. I fear that “the apple doesn’t fall from the tree” and that I am following in her footsteps. She was and still is, a wonderful mom, but I remember those moments when she was reading or working around the house and I’d come to her with something and she just kept on working or reading!! We laugh about it now, but at the time, as a child, it hurt.
    Now that I’m a mom, I pray that God convicts me of this when I’m guilty of it. I pray for perspective everyday. Every rough season of motherhood will pass and soon my son will be grown and gone. Although he’s only two now, and more like a monkey than a boy, he’s is precious.
    Lord, Help me to slow down and just BE there!!

    Thanks Renee,
    Deb DesCarpentrie
    [email protected]

  7. I am a single mom with two grown boys. the oldest is 23 and the youngest is 21. they have both moved out of our home into their own homes. I too am a type A personality and I missed some precious moments while they were growing up (I was not saved at the time). But God has done a great work in my heart and instead of focusing on lost time, I can enjoy the time we have now. when they come to visit, I am fully present to them. as one woman said – I look at their face while they are talking to me. they know I am there with them in the moment. It is such a gift! thanks for Proverbs 31 ministry – it reminds me daily of what’s really important. God bless!

  8. This really hits home today. During our Christmas break from school and the normal stuff of life I find that I have a lot of time to just be with and enjoy my family. I love it! Yet, I know that the usual routine is waiting around the corner and just this morning I was asking the Lord to help me not to get so caught up in life’s agenda. I want to look my family in the eye with undivided attention throughout the year, not just when we celebrate holidays. Maybe that will be one of my goals for 2008!

  9. Thank you for the devotion today and your blog. I am so glad that I signed up to receive the Proverbs 31 devotions just last week. God knew what He was doing because I would have missed His encouragement through your devotion and blog today. We all need to hear the words you have spoken and remember that He does chose us over and over, no matter what we do. I am Type A myself and God has been speaking so many things this season into my heart about loving those He has given me while I have them. Thank you for allowing God to use you in such an awesome ministry! Merry Christmas and Happy New Year!

  11. Relaxing can definitely be a challenge for me. My 4-year-old helps motivate me to enjoy the moment. The more she says, “I can do it myself,” the more I realize how fast she is growing up. I have to make a conscience effort not to get distracted by daily tasks. I do find, like you, God gives me the reminder that I need to focus on what is most important when I am getting distracted. Merry Christmas! Michelle A.

  12. As a grandma, I’m beginning to learn to live in the present. It is a hard thing, no matter what age, but each day is such a gift to enjoy and be useful in God’s Kingdom. God bless!

  13. My oldest son graduated from college in May, and my younger son got married in June, so I have had two children to leave the nest permanently this year. As a special Christmas gift, I am making each of them a photo scrapbook of our family history. While copying the pictures, I could hardly see for the tears in my eyes. Wasn’t it just a few years ago that these momentous events occurred: when Timothy held his little brother for the first time, when Timothy and Kevin met their baby sister, Brianna, when we went through the adoption hearing and added three more wonderful little girls to the family? I know that I missed much in busy moments. But I am so thankful that I took time to live in the moment with my children, not just in the photographed events, but in the daily routine–cleaning spaghetti off of little faces, building snowmen, drawing on the driveway with chalk, walking in the woods, snuggling in a chair and reading them a story, listening to their fears and hopes. The time I invested in them is paying off now with close relationships even though my sons live out on their own.

  14. Hello!
    I’m so excited that I won one of your giveaways!! God is so good! I’ve needed to get a new devotional. Thanks so much for blessing me.
    I too loved your mom’s stockings that she made. Can I put my order in? 😉 How beautiful & what a treasure. On my dresser in my bedroom I have a framed cross-stitching from my Great Aunt Myla that is of our names & wedding date. I love things straight from the heart-the things you can’t buy off the shelf.
    Have a blessed Christmas Reneee-your home is beautiful & I wish I could perch myself at your kitchen bar & just chat~you seem amazing. Something about Sisters in Christ! 🙂 Thanks for all of the wonderful devotionals too.
    In Him,
    Lelia Chealey

  16. Renee, Your devotion today filled my heart with amazement and joy. I am so lifted by your spruce pine. Praise God for the gift he has given you.

    Anyway, as I am learning and developing those noble characters, I have learned that just enjoying the moment has got to be the hardest for me to accept. God has totally humbled me this week. I am in awe of His goodness.
    Shoua

  17. Sometimes being in the moment with our kids means getting out of the house and away from computers,phones(turn cell phone off) piles of laundry,dishes,monthly newsletters and piles go on and on. What we like to do is take games Phase 10 and Set stop by our local Starbucks and play while sipping on warm drinks. It gives us a chance to breathe, talk and enjoy one another’s company. Unfortunately our busy schedules don’t allow us to do it very often.
    Darla

  18. Thanks so much! I thought I was the only mom in the world with this issue.
    I was diagnosed with a pretty bad case of ADD after my daughter was born. Suddenly things started to make sense. I can’t even read through a magazine in one sitting…..it usually takes me about a week. I pray for ADD daily and for God to make me a here and now person rather than trying to play catch up with my mind and my to do list. I realized how controlling this can be when I sit with my kids and can’t “be” with them mentally. I long for the moment that I just soak in every moment with my family so that I can unlock those treasured memories when my kids are grown.

    Thank you again! Through CHrist we can be here and now moms.

  19. Renee,

    Your post and the devotion sent out today really hit home with me. I’ve been struggling with a lot this season–schedules, financial worries, job changes, travel, etc. I have allowed all of these things to rob my time with my precious family. What you’ve written today was just what I needed to read!!!

    Thanks so much!

  20. I do find it hard at times to just be still and enjoy my family. I am a Martha I guess, got things to do and feel a need to get them done perfectly at times. I do tend to relax and just enjoy my family, I need to really work hard at that and I know with God’s help, I will. Thanks for the reminder!

  21. Guilty, guilty, guilty!! How many times does my husband have to ask me to, “come and sit for awhile and un-wind”, while I’m going from one task to another? My prayer is that I really take time to STOP and put all that energy into just…being…still…..

  22. I would say that staying in the moment is one of the hardest things that I personally struggle with. I can be in one place (with my husband, my son, friends, or even just reading or in prayer) and I totally go somewhere else. Either to my to-do list, look around and think what else I could or should be doing. I feel an immense amount of guilt, but I am not really sure how to just relax and enjoy each thing, person, event, and day. I continually pray that I will overcome this and be able to just “live in the moment.”

  23. My children are grown and gone now…how quickly that time passed! It can be so difficult to stay in the moment…my mind wants to jump on to the next task at hand 🙂 But, really…the moment is all we have. Thanks for reminding me again in this busy holiday season that it is best to take a deep breath, slow down, and enjoy the important stuff…our family and loved ones …and to take time each day with our Heavenly Father. Have a Blessed Christmas!
    Becky

  24. Renee,

    Your post and the devotion sent out today really hit home with me. I’ve been struggling with a lot this season–schedules, financial worries, job changes, travel, etc. I have allowed all of these things to rob my time with my precious family. What you’ve written today was just what I needed to read!!!

    Thanks so much!

  25. I do my best to live in the “moment”. Sure we all get side track every once in awhile. My daughter is 12yrs old and soon to be a teen and I know how important this time is “now”.
    Debra
    [email protected]

  26. I love that song “Love the one you’re with” although I’m not sure that was the meaning of the song! But I do try to love the kids when I’m with them- the only problem is I have a teenage son who would rather me not be so “noticing” of him! So I focus instead on lots of snuggling with my daughter, while sending a look of love in my son’s direction!

  27. WOW I am so busted! Being still is soo hard for me. Thank you so much for the challenge to enjoy those precious moments with my family and my heavenly Father!

  29. I love that song “Love the one you’re with” although I’m not sure that was the meaning of the song! But I do try to love the kids when I’m with them- the only problem is I have a teenage son who would rather me not be so “noticing” of him! So I focus instead on lots of snuggling with my daughter, while sending a look of love in my son’s direction!