I walked along the winding road under a canopy of oak trees that lined the beautiful campus of Meredith College. It was my last semester of my senior year. I was experiencing a break in the clouds of depression that had overshadowed the past few years of my life. As I walked by each building or landmark of memories I thought about the people in my life that each place reminded me of.
I thought about the day my mom told me she wanted me to go to Meredith. It wasn’t a college we could afford. It would require many loans, scholarships and grants. My stepfather had told her that I would never go to there which made her even more determined. Her dream had been fulfilled. Her daughter was about to graduate from Meredith.
I thought about my boyfriend who I had dated all through high school and college. The summer of my junior year our dreams and plans of a future together crumbled under the pressure of me expecting him to be all that I needed, and him wanting his freedom to do what he wanted.
I looking at about the buildings and thought about the people inside. Professors, advisers and counselors who had tried to help me find my way. The pressure to study so I’d graduate with honors. I wanted so desperately to be thought of as someone with value. Someone worthy of mention. Yet the hurricane of my emotions had made it so hard for me to navigate through these unchartered waters.
I had recently given my heart to Christ and that day as I walked, I remember asking this question: Why was all of this never enough?
I don’t know if I directed the question to myself or to God, but in the quietness of my heart I know He answered, because a thought I had never had came rushing through my soul.
“Renee, all you have ever wanted, all you have ever looked for is unconditional love.”
“Unconditional LOVE?”
“Yes, unconditional. Love you don’t have to earn. Love you never have to fear losing. Love that isn’t based on what you do or measured by what others are willing to do for you.
“There is such a thing?”
“Yes Renee, and you’ve been looking for that kind of love in everything you have done for the past 10 years – trying to earn your parents approval, trying to live up to their expectations, trying to convince someone to love you, not to leave you, trying to prove your worth and value to your professors and trying to fit in with your friends at all costs. Renee, you will never find that kind of love in anyone or anything but ME.
I AM the unconditional Love you have been looking for.”
Two words I had never strung together became the answer to my life’s question. I had been desperately looking for the lover of my soul. The desire of my heart. The fulfillment of my every longing. And all that time He had been listening, watching, standing at the door of my heart gently knocking, waiting for me to open my my soul to Him.
That day I found what I was looking for. I found HIM!
If you are here today from my devotion featured at Proverbs 31 Ministries or Crosswalk.com, WELCOME and thanks for stopping by!
No matter where you are, whether or not you have responded to His knock, I’d love to hear your heart and pray for you this weekend. Do you have a story of looking for love, or being “looked for” by Love?
Also, I am doing a give-away this weekend for 2 copies of my CD entitled “Searching for Satisfaction.”
To be part of the drawing, or to share your story, just leave your name and email by clicking on the word “comments” below and type in the white box. Then choose anonymous or your blog account. Please include your email so I can notify you if you win. I’ll announce the winner Monday morning.
Have a great long weekend. And remember today – you are loved!
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Renee, I’m just recently (past 3-4 weeks!) been introduced to your ministry and have only been on your blog twice. Today was the “twice” time… about the gifts that roamed the town in your van ALL SUMMER.
God is so funny, isn’t He? While you were probably typing that blog, that very event was happening to ME, Renee! But I was the teacher, dearie-girl!
The parent of last year’s student walked right into my classroom, ignored the virtual streaming lesson we were enthralled with, and said, “This has been riding around in my van all summer! I’ve missed you so many times, that even though you’re teaching (our school is ADAMANT about guarding instructional time), I just had to interrupt. And interrupt she did… to the tune of 2 packages, a bag of Cowboy artifacts (I taught that unit to her son last year), and the 2nd volume of her cookbook. “You’re the first to get this volume, Charlotte.”
Renee, God is working through all of us sisters-in-Christ. Be still, and know that He is God… and that your package was “virtually” delivered AND heartfully received.
I am sharing part of the search in my story ‘The Girl In The Mirror’ posted on my blog. I know it is not a pretty picture that you see, but it’s real . The great news is that my broken photo was not left untouched. I started looking at the right thing and changed paths.
I FOUND WHAT I WAS LOOKING FOR…B found out the ‘WHAT’ she was looking for was really a ‘WHO’! JESUS. Not one day has ever been the same since!
Elvie@[email protected]
Jennifer
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I have been looking for someone to love me unconditionally for my whole adult life. After graduating high school, I thought I would fine someone to share my life with in college. Well, 5 years of college and 1 year and 4 months after college I still haven’t found that kind of love. In fact, I have almost given up on finding someone to share my life with. I have decided that I need to just focus on God and what He has planned for me.
Something I haven’t always done.
I don’t want to completely give up because I know that God doesn’t want me to give up. I just haven’t gotten to that part of His plan yet.
thank you for your wonderful message today I really felt like you were speaking to me.
God Bless,
Jennifer
I’m still a work in progress on this subject. Somehow I know this, I really do, I just forget it easily. I can never be reminded enough of His love for me. I think Psalms 139 has helped me more than anything. Though I still look to my husband especially to meet too many of my needs. Renee, was this a one time moment for you and you were healed all at once or was it a process?
Renee,
My story is so similar. Growing up in a Christian home, I followed the narrow path all through high school. I lived for the praises of others – youth pastors, teachers, parents, you name it. Approval was what I lived for. After high school, I went on to Last Days Ministries Intensive Christian Training (a school started by the late Keith Green). While I was there, a counselor asked me one day why I was working on a relationship 1,000 miles from where I was (a boyfriend) when the Lord wanted me to focus on Him. I thought I already knew Him. I knew Him as shepherd, savior, friend. But I never knew that He was flipped out, madly in love with me! She showed me Psalm 45:11 “…the King is wild for you!” and Song of Songs 4:9 “You have stolen my heart,…with one glance of your eyes, with one jewel of your necklace.” To think that the King of the Universe was overwhelmed by me completely changed my heart. I am so glad that I found Him; my perfect love!
Lynn
Renee,
Growing up in an abusive home, I never felt seen. As I grew up I was the classic overachiever and took it to the max all the time. The day I found my Jesus I was at the end and felt for the first time that I didn’t have to do something or be anyone special for His love. It was there and He saw me. He saw me all along, I didn’t see Him.
I am in the middle of a divorce and keep asking myself “what is it that I have done, or about me that makes my husband not love me anymore”? My Father says “his love is enough”. I accept that and will take comfort in his unconditional love. Thank you for reminging me of that.
Blessings,
Diane
Be still and know….be still and know that I am God. I’ve heard the verse all my life. Psalm 46:10. You probably have too. We all probably have it somewhere on a t-shirt, a card, a bookmark, bumper sticker, and probably a paper weight or two has been given for gifts that have that verse etched on it. A nice reminder. Be still and know that I am God. How many times has it been just a reminder? Honestly for me, it is just that… a nice reminder. I do know and understand that He is God. I understand what it means to be still…for a time. I understood what be still meant one Sunday morning when my Daddy was preaching and well, that’s another story. I really like the idea. I want to be still. I have so much to do… I have two babies at home…How can you be still with an 18month old on the loose? And it begins to wear on me, the pressures of life mound up around me, and I cry out for rest. But, I remember, I have been still. I’m still before God each day for a quiet time. I’m still before God every Sunday for worship. I did learn that lesson, by the way.
Sometimes reading the same verse we’ve read for years is brought to new life for us by reading it in a different translation. In the New American Standard Version of the Bible, Psalm 46:10 reads a bit differently than what most of us memorized. It says, “Cease striving and know that I am God. I will be exalted among the nations. I will be exalted in the earth.” Cease striving… That opened my eyes to see my life so differently. Cease striving…
To strive after something is looked at as noble…a good thing to do. The dictionary defines the word strive as to devote serious effort or energy. That sounds like a good thing to do. We applaud strong work ethic, and serious efforts of students, and athletes, and business men and women. We applaud the serious efforts and energy put forth to maintain our schedules. But then the second definition, probably the better definition says the word strive means to struggle in opposition. The word is derived from the words meaning to quarrel, to fight, to contend. Our word for strife is from the same derivative. Cease striving and know that I am God. I will be exalted among the nations. I will be exalted in the earth. Oh, I was striving…I was seeing quickly how my serious efforts were actually works in opposition of really knowing that He is God. My mind was suddenly flooded with thoughts. He was telling me….Maybe he’s telling all of us…
Cease striving after the next big deal at work and know that I own the cattle on the hills.
Cease striving to find the money to pay the bills and know that I am Your Faithful Provider
Cease striving to have to the perfect high school resume for colleges and know that I am the Open Door. I will provide the way.
Cease striving to find the perfect spouse and know that I am Your Bridegroom.
Cease striving to cover up the mess of my life with bandages and make up and know that I am Your Healing.
Cease striving to follow the right career path and know that I am Your Shepherd; I will guide you
Cease striving to be accepted and know that I am Your Father and I have covered you with grace
My story of looking for love was learning what I was doing that is in opposition, or contending, or causing strife and knowing what should cease? He will be exalted among the nations. He will be exalted in the earth. He wants us to join Him in that. We don’t want to miss it.
Cease striving…Be still….know that I am God.
Renee, I have posted before about my upcoming marriage and just being overwhelmed some days by fear- not necessarily about my marriage, just fear and anxiousness in general. Recently, although still struggling with fear, God is showing me how He is simply loving me through His Word and my fiance and the freedom He wants for me. Renee, if you would please just pray for me in this, I would greatly appreciate it. I am feeling pretty desparate as I type this. God is working, and I want to respond to Him and the gift He has given me through my fiance, but the fear is right behind those things. Please pray for protection physically, spiritually, emotionally for my fiance and I. Thanks. I know God’s love is overwhelming and I am really starting to experience it, I just need prayer for the day to day. Thank you for your vulnerability.
I guess I am not the only one who wants to know the ending of the gift story. I loved the message by the way. Needed to hear it today.
I was also comforted by your little bit of craziness mixed with hormones.
I am in phone sales: Yesterday while making many calls, someone hung up on me in mid-speech. I was so upset. Can you imagine a professional ( Christian ) women calling back that number to tell them my feelings were hurt? I then busrt into tears and had one of those emotional moments. Now, that is crazy! I laughed later that day. God is with us and I think He laughs too.
Kate from California
He Speaks graduate!
Wow…you had my attention at every word, Renee. I find myself drawn to the word love and drawn to the love stories of others. I guess because my heart had always longed for that special one designed by God for me. I found him and I know that 100% for sure it was meant to be by God’s Hand. However, that man, Christian man, has fallen at the hands of the enemy. He is still a Christian man in love with Jesus but deceived so gravely by satan. For now, I do not have the love of that man, my husband choosen by God. Instead he chose to go against God and legally separate from me by divorce. I believe I’ve shared this with you in one of your previous post some time ago.
I know I have the love of Jesus who will never divorce me. I try very hard to allow that to be my comfort. I know that His love should be all that matters. Yet, somehow, I still long for and desire not only the love of my husband but the glory of God raising a very dead marriage. It breaks my heart. It’s been 15 months since he left and 9 months since the legal system said we are no longer man and wife. I don’t give up hope on my God to restore. I know that my beloved cannot do this on his own and will not. He will not put aside his pride of making the wrong decision, he cannot unveil the deceit on his own. But, but, my God can. My God specializes in miracles and the impossible. I have no faith in my beloved but I have all the faith in my God. I desire this restoration not only for the love of my life but for my God to receive glory in such a magnificient way or for His children to have a marriage ministry that helps to save other marriages through the power of Christ. IF, IF this were to not happen, He will have another plan for me. Yet, I feel very convicted to believe in God to do this. So many scriptures tell us to believe as though we receive. I have confidence in this because I am not asking for something bad or selfishly. Rather I want to honor God and to honor my marriage the way He commands us.
I apologize for the book here but my spirit couldn’t stop typing.
Please pray for me and for the veil of deceit to be removed from my beloved’s (Chris)heart and mind.
I’ve read the two comments and I can only say wow. What amazing stories. My heart breaks for Margaret. Margaret, if you read this, maybe you can find comfort, wisdom, encouragement, or strength from a website that I’ve been blessed by. rejoiceministries.org. The founders have an amazing story of marriage restoration after two years of being divorced and Bob committing adultery. That was 21 years ago!
Love ya, Renee.
Paula
I love you girls! I totally forgot that I didn’t tell you where the gifts are. They are still sitting in my house. I am still determined to hand them to her.
She was the most amazing teacher and even today I thought of her. It’s the last day of the first week of school and it’s been Andrew’s best first week ever. She helped him overcome so much anxiety and fear. She is also a Christian so she prayed for him and loved him into knowing he had a special role to play in that classroom. It was life-changing for him.
Yes, she moved. But her wedding isn’t until September and she moved to a town near the same town where my sister-in-law lives. So I am still scheming to personally deliver them to her next time we are their visiting. Maybe I need to pray and make sure God doesn’t want me to just mail them. Maybe I just need to write a really special letter and trust God with the personal delivery :-).
This is just where I am right now with God. I know He is faithful, but I am having a hard time knowing his unconditional love. I want to seek Him and listen to what He wants to share with me, but there is a fear that it will be too much. It most probably will be too much for me on my own, but not in His strength. Thanks so much for your message today.
Thanks for the reminder that Christ has unconditional love for me. As a mom to young kids (4) sometimes I spend days teaching them about unconditional love, but forget it for myself.
I have two sons from Ethiopia, I noticed your previous post.
Pics of our journey can be seen at hope2grow.blogspot.com
Emilee
I have to echo Judith here. Whatever happened with the teacher?
I just want to know: Did you finally give her the present? Or did you have to mail it?
As Jesus, it does not matter how, but his love finally reach the destiny. Our souls!.
A quick story about God’s love to me…I was a new Christian in my early 20’s. I was in a low-paying job, driving a beat up car and wondering how I was going to pay some current bills. I was waiting in the drive thru line at the bank, feeling very down. Suddenly, a little brown bird landed on the hood of my car and stared at me through the glass. I remember looking at the bird, then I ‘heard’ inside my head…”You see this bird, I take care of the birds, what makes you think I can’t take of you?”…the voice was loving and kind…and all of a sudden I relaxed and just felt a peace and knowing that God was going to take care of me and that everything would be okay!
This happened almost 30 years ago, but I still remember it like it was yesterday!
Blessings,
Kelly
I remember about 7 years ago, as a new Christian, I wondered how I could ever love God more than I loved my husband. After 16 years of marriage, my husband and three children were my world and I couldn’t imagine loving anyone more than them.
Fast forward 4 years. My husband announced that he was divorcing me and moving to another state to live with his girlfriend. I had just recently ended 3 years of dialysis with a kidney-pancreas transplant and was thrilled to start living some of my dreams only to have them dashed. I thought my world had ended. I was in agonizing emotional pain for the next 18 months BUT GOD was there. He showed me how His love is unconditional. He is always here and will never forsake me. I’d like to say that my marriage had a happy ending. It didn’t, but my relationship with Jesus is a daily celebration of love and hope.
Margaret
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