Top

Renee Swope

Encouraging and equipping moms to parent with God's grace and confidence.

Living in the Light

Fearful. Betrayed. Abandoned. Unloved. Unworthy. Unwanted.

These are a few words that defined Donna and cast shadows over her. Here’s Donna’s story…

***

Fearful. Betrayed. Abandoned. Unloved. Unworthy. Unwanted.

These were shadows from a past that would haunt me for years. A past that would hold me hostage and keep me from fully living in the light of God’s love. 

Fearful as I watched a hot plate of spaghetti thrown across the kitchen.  Fearful as I watched furniture crash against  walls. Fearful as my dad fell to the ground a few feet from my mom after he’d swung at her and lost his balance.

Betrayed after my intoxicated father sat me on the back of a horse without a saddle or reins to hold, and then swiped the horse’s rear end. Betrayed as he laughed with his friends while I went sailing through the air and landed on a barb wired fence.

Abandoned and unwanted when my dad filed divorce papers and when I discovered he failed to even get my name and birthday correct on them.  Abandoned each time my dad refused to pay child support. Unwanted as years went by without visits, phone calls, hugs, birthday gifts.

Unloved and unworthy when my dad broke promise after promise… to visit, to call, to show up for my high school graduation, to pay for college.

Fearful, betrayed, abandoned, unloved, unworthy, and unwanted. Words and emotions that I let define me and cast shadows over me … until July 2011.

Through several of my Pastor’s sermons and through a friend’s father passing away, I sensed God asking: “How would you feel and what would you do if your Dad were to die this very day?”

I had no answer.  I didn’t even know or really even think I liked my dad, much less loved him.  Fifteen years had gone by since I’d seen him.

Around that same time, God challenged me with two words: ACCEPT and CHOICE

I had a choice and I made it. Following God’s nudging, on July 1, 2011 I went to see my father and accepted him for who he is.

In doing so, for the first time ever, I was able to ACCEPT my past. God made it perfectly clear to me that I could not change my dad nor my past. My only job was to pray for my Dad. I cannot tell you the burden that lifted from my entire being on July 1st.

God took my acceptance one step further. He told me I had a CHOICE!

A choice to believe that He is who He says He is.  A choice to believe His promises; a choice to believe I was worth dying for; a choice to be filled with His joy; a choice to let Him be my Father, my Abba Daddy; a choice to live with a confident heart.

And it’s up to me to make those choices 24/7. Not just on Sunday. Not just at 9am when my day starts – but constantly make those choices.  So I get up every morning and choose to believe that God is a Promise Keeper. I make the choice – to believe He loves me like no other can nor will,  to pray for my Dad, to let go of the anger. I choose to live in the Light of Jesus so I can have a the freedom and security of a confident heart.

There are days, even minutes, that I don’t make the right choices. But the good thing is as I get better and better at making those choices my rebound time gets shorter and shorter. I get quicker at turning back to the Light.

I’m praying for you today – that together we can turn towards and live in the Light of God’s love. That He’ll give us courage to make the choices He’s asking us to make and accept what He’s calling us to accept so that we can keep turning and growing.

Lord, thank You for Your promises. I thank You that You have called me out of the darkness and into Your light. Thank You for transforming my heart into a heart like Yours. In Jesus’ name. Amen.

Donna, sweet friend, thank you for boldly believing Jesus and walking in obedient trust of His calling on your life. Your story and  your faith challenge and encourage me to listen for His voice and do the hard thing of believing Him when my feelings are demanding their way. I”m so grateful for the Light and the way you walk in Him!

***
Connecting in Community & A Giveaway: What is God speaking to your heart as you read Donna’s story o? Or is there something in chapter 5 that resonated with a change, a choice or a place of acceptance God’s inviting you to? Let’s share here and/or some of the answers to our end of chapter questions this week. Whatever is on your heart. 

Donna has generously donated 4 copies of my book {for you or a friend?} Winners will be prayerfully and randomly drawn on Monday from comments left below today’s post. Just click “share your thoughts” and do just that. {If you’re reading this via email click here to share, enter and connect.}

 

PS. Here’s a music video that Donna shared with me – it reminds us of Chapter 5. After you leave a comment, be sure to watch/listen and let it speak to your heart today or when you have a chance later to come back and stay a little longer.

 

Discover more from Renee Swope

Subscribe to get the latest posts sent to your email.

Comments

  1. What do you think about using the meta description on web pages?

    A friend told me Matt Cutts said to remove them a while a go as they are no use anymore
    You are now part of my reading bookmarks, keep up the good posts

  3. Just purchased a nest of tables as a cool little set for the couch, they are very practical as well as quite stylish

  4. I know I am late, but I wanted to share the item I’m trying to accept. To help make it more real. I’m going to accept the rejection of my foster/adopted daughter. It is such a deep hurt and it has been many years, but I know God wants me to be healed. Thanks for this study. <3

  5. Donna your words touched my heart and reminded me of a similar experience years ago. My words were. Different yet the response was the same. Rejected…when I was the cause of a rift between my teenage mother and her father….not the much-anticipated first grandchild….rejected….when I was born a girl…rather than the boy who could carry the family name and oneday take over the farm….rejected…when even though I tried hard to fill the wrong-shaped mold to please my dad (a tomboy isn’t truly what a dad want) Daddy’s little princess was born….rejected…when four years later, the crown prince was born…the toy tractors and baseball glove became his……STILL…..I worked harder….tried harder…..gave it my all.
    Unworthy….When as Daddy’s little princess twirled and danced, glowing under the wanted attention. Of her doting father, the chubby, grimey tomboy (called “Skinny mini ” by the critical King she longed to please. Unworthy…When suddenly, after 12 years of running with the boys as a tomboy, the King proclaimed that “young ladies don’t behave like that.
    FAST FORWARD 26 YEARS:
    The chubby noboby has grown up. It’s. A chance at the happily ever after she didn’t find with her daddy.
    Rejected…the bride spends her honeymoon crying herself to sleep while her prince charming looks at anyone but her…the waitress who takes our order…the scantily clad women in the pool…even the 15 year old girls at the mall…Unwanted….the prince finally falls into bed, s boring within 30 seconds…..Unworthy…no amount of bubblebath…perfume…nice clothes…nothing…can draw the prince’s attention away from the paper doll pinups or the naemkd Tv stars

    • That would be naked Tv stars.
      Fat, ugly, unwanted from conception on, rejected, unworthy,

      God brought me through the first part years ago. I was so filled with bitterness and hatred for my dad. I could barely stand to be around him. I didn’t. Want him anywhere. Near my little girl. Depression from a really bad counseling situation was spiraling me downward. God came in and gave me a vision of my angry, unsaved dad.

      BROKEN….the only word that could sum up the vision I saw. Under the anger…under the perverse destructive humor….was a broken man longing to be loved…to have someone be proud of him…to be worth dying for. At that moment I sensed God asking me to love to pray for..to be Jesus to the jerk who was my father. I couldn

  6. I so identify with Donna. I had a father who never was there for me or my brother. Our mom was not any better. We pretty much grew up under the guidance of our Mother’s adopted mother. We thank God for her and her wonderful love and leading us to believe in Jesus. Our Mother and Father both were married and divorced four times. I will give Mother credit, she let her husbands know if you touch my daughter in any way we are done. My mother disappeared in 1962 and we never saw her again. Our father abused us and let his wives abuse us. We never had a happy home life but in 1978 I gave my heart to the Lord and I love him so much and glad that He is an important part of my life. He put a wonderful Christian man in my life whom I have been married to for 50 years. I have had a blessed adult life and I give all the glory to the Lord.

  8. Some things the Lord has been telling me this week. I know how Gideon felt, I feel that way often. I am the least qualified person for the job. But then the Lord answers me and says, it’s not you, it’s Me. I sent you into this, and I am with you. In my weakness, His strength is glorified. If I had enough strength to do things on my own, I would asume that I accomplish things on my own. I need to give God all the glory, I can do nothing in my own strength.

    I may not be qualified, but, the Lord qualifies me. He is bringing me to high places, so that His righteousness may be seen. He is taking me to the top of the mountain, so I can scream for all to hear, Glory to God!

  9. I loved reading your testimony Donna. Everything you said was my testimony accept the part where your Dad was intoxicated. Thank you for sharing because I have also had to make choices and was fortunate enough to speak to my father before he died. So I knew I had to make choices but also have to deal with things I never knew was there. You opened my eyes to a few plus this Bible Study has helped me build confidence in who I am in Jesus and that God is my Father. Thank you so much. Thank God you made the right choices so you could share them.

  10. I too had to come to love my Abba, Father and cast all my cares on Him. The statement that tugged at my heart was “doing the hard thing to believing Him when my emotions are demanding their way”. To cling to His promises when my feeling tell me otherwise is a minute by minute choice. Thank you all for your comments. You are encouraging me everyday.

  11. Jer29:11 Hope…. For I know the plans I have for you declares The Lord. Plans to prosper you and not to harm you. Plans to give you HOPE and a future!!!! God Bless you Donna!

  12. Thank you for praying for me. What a blessing. I am struck by what you said about “choice.”
    Moment by moment I must choose what I think or allow into my thoughts and flush what does not agree with what God says. My heart is touched by the thought that I’ve spent so much time thinking about what I think and what others think and so little by what God thinks about everything. It is my hearts desire to learn to only focus on His thoughts and desires. I desire to make Him my complete and only hearts desire.

  13. Absolutely Amazing !!! Everything is ultimately OUR choice. We can trust God and follow or NOT !!

  14. Thanks for sharing your story. God is good…I like when you said you had to accept and make a choice . I think that is key accept we can’t change people or the situation not even the past, but with that being said we can make a choice to trust the Lord and His promises. Some days are harder then others but it’s our choice on whether we are gonna trust God. I have gotten to the point where I have come to realize that I can’t blame other people for my choices because it is my choice.

  15. thank you Donna. Acceptance is SO difficult!! But such a relief, such a release from darkness. I find I am so impatient with my self and unwilling to put in the long, hard steps because it does not happen overnight. I always seem to want the quick fix, but I’m learning that is darkness & emptiness too. Looking forward to ” lighter” days—this is MY hope!!

  16. I, thank God I did not grow up with an abusive, addictive father, but your story was very touching and it takes a huge faith and a loving God to motivate a person to forgive someone that is that abusive. My granddaughter’s father was an addict. When her mother finally divorced him he just walked out of her life and made her a very angry girl growing up. She is now 32 and has 3 children of her own, but even today I still see the scares he left on her. I am going to print off your story and give it to her to read. Maybe one day with the help of God there will be healing in her life to.
    Thank you for the testimony. May God bless you always.

  17. Thanks Donna for sharing such an inspiring story. It really touched my heart and although I have not had the same expereinces, it still inspired me.