Fearful. Betrayed. Abandoned. Unloved. Unworthy. Unwanted.
These are a few words that defined Donna and cast shadows over her. Here’s Donna’s story…
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Fearful. Betrayed. Abandoned. Unloved. Unworthy. Unwanted.
These were shadows from a past that would haunt me for years. A past that would hold me hostage and keep me from fully living in the light of God’s love.
Fearful as I watched a hot plate of spaghetti thrown across the kitchen. Fearful as I watched furniture crash against walls. Fearful as my dad fell to the ground a few feet from my mom after he’d swung at her and lost his balance.
Betrayed after my intoxicated father sat me on the back of a horse without a saddle or reins to hold, and then swiped the horse’s rear end. Betrayed as he laughed with his friends while I went sailing through the air and landed on a barb wired fence.
Abandoned and unwanted when my dad filed divorce papers and when I discovered he failed to even get my name and birthday correct on them. Abandoned each time my dad refused to pay child support. Unwanted as years went by without visits, phone calls, hugs, birthday gifts.
Unloved and unworthy when my dad broke promise after promise… to visit, to call, to show up for my high school graduation, to pay for college.
Fearful, betrayed, abandoned, unloved, unworthy, and unwanted. Words and emotions that I let define me and cast shadows over me … until July 2011.
Through several of my Pastor’s sermons and through a friend’s father passing away, I sensed God asking: “How would you feel and what would you do if your Dad were to die this very day?”
I had no answer. I didn’t even know or really even think I liked my dad, much less loved him. Fifteen years had gone by since I’d seen him.
Around that same time, God challenged me with two words: ACCEPT and CHOICE
I had a choice and I made it. Following God’s nudging, on July 1, 2011 I went to see my father and accepted him for who he is.
In doing so, for the first time ever, I was able to ACCEPT my past. God made it perfectly clear to me that I could not change my dad nor my past. My only job was to pray for my Dad. I cannot tell you the burden that lifted from my entire being on July 1st.
God took my acceptance one step further. He told me I had a CHOICE!
A choice to believe that He is who He says He is. A choice to believe His promises; a choice to believe I was worth dying for; a choice to be filled with His joy; a choice to let Him be my Father, my Abba Daddy; a choice to live with a confident heart.
And it’s up to me to make those choices 24/7. Not just on Sunday. Not just at 9am when my day starts – but constantly make those choices. So I get up every morning and choose to believe that God is a Promise Keeper. I make the choice – to believe He loves me like no other can nor will, to pray for my Dad, to let go of the anger. I choose to live in the Light of Jesus so I can have a the freedom and security of a confident heart.
There are days, even minutes, that I don’t make the right choices. But the good thing is as I get better and better at making those choices my rebound time gets shorter and shorter. I get quicker at turning back to the Light.
I’m praying for you today – that together we can turn towards and live in the Light of God’s love. That He’ll give us courage to make the choices He’s asking us to make and accept what He’s calling us to accept so that we can keep turning and growing.
Lord, thank You for Your promises. I thank You that You have called me out of the darkness and into Your light. Thank You for transforming my heart into a heart like Yours. In Jesus’ name. Amen.
Donna, sweet friend, thank you for boldly believing Jesus and walking in obedient trust of His calling on your life. Your story and your faith challenge and encourage me to listen for His voice and do the hard thing of believing Him when my feelings are demanding their way. I”m so grateful for the Light and the way you walk in Him!
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Connecting in Community & A Giveaway: What is God speaking to your heart as you read Donna’s story o? Or is there something in chapter 5 that resonated with a change, a choice or a place of acceptance God’s inviting you to? Let’s share here and/or some of the answers to our end of chapter questions this week. Whatever is on your heart.
Donna has generously donated 4 copies of my book {for you or a friend?} Winners will be prayerfully and randomly drawn on Monday from comments left below today’s post. Just click “share your thoughts” and do just that. {If you’re reading this via email click here to share, enter and connect.}
PS. Here’s a music video that Donna shared with me – it reminds us of Chapter 5. After you leave a comment, be sure to watch/listen and let it speak to your heart today or when you have a chance later to come back and stay a little longer.
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I am 88 and lie in Hopewell, VA. In my spare time I love to READ!
thank you Donna for your great words.. I saw the LIGHT in reading your message.. I NEED to accept my worry issue as being OK and not my power for placing it on my worry list but the power of God in giving it to HIM! Thank you Jesus for you LIGHT!!
Yay God and Yay Faith! So blessed by your sharing. Praising Him for allowing you to see the LIGHT! Keep walking to the LIGHT!
Praying for you,
Donna
All I can say is thanks for your testimony. I live like that everyday, making me to be mean to my husband, mistreating him and taking him from granted. Your testimony and preaching from my pastor thisnweek have convicted me and made me start look at my self and make the choice to let go all the hurt he may have cause me in the pass and accept that only God can change him and me. Thanks for those word. Now nknowing that God Love me so much that he dead just for me thanks for the reminder of that. That means I am want, I am love, And I can do all things through Christ who strenght me. Thanks my God continue to use you for his Glory……
Shawn,
Thank you so much for your honesty and for sharing your story with us. Praying for God to fill you with His peace and grace to overflowing and that you will become an extender of that same grace to your husband. Praying God gives you his eyes to see your husband with and His heart to love your husband with as well. Praying for God to direct your choices and that in those choices you will honor and glorify God.
Praying for you,
Donna B
It may be a holiday but it’s slso Monday and I was ready for the next chapter. Thank you for chapter 6. This is a place of joy for me. I got so bogged down in 4&5. Lots of feelings that were hard for me to let go even though I was desperate to dump them. After journaling and praying I went to bed and woke up to chapter 6. It was exactly what I was ready to hear. The AM/FM thoughts spoke directly to me. Also “start every dayrelying onGod’s power and living in the security of His promises. And remember, it won’t just happen because it’s possible; youhave to take action”.
God is just a right thought away.
Christine,
YAY God!!! Keep turning those pages!!! More healing can be found in Chapters 6 thru 11 and more of His promises are found in Chapter 12. Not only is HE our FUTURE and HOPE, HE is our JOY!!!
Blessings,
Donna B
Love how HE’s speaking to you — and that you started Chapter 6!! These next chapters are so life applicable as we walk through God’s promises and the application of them i our lives!! So glad you are with us Christine!!
Thank you Donna, you have been a blessing to everyone who was touched by your testimony and took the time to write to you and express their inner feelings to you and how God has touched their lives. God’s blessings to you for your future and the plans God has made for you and the thousands of lives God will put in your future to do a good work.
Susan,
Thanks so much. The prayer of my heart is that I will live my life in such a way that I honor and glorify Him in all that I say and do. Wish I could say that it always turns out that way …. but I can’t. I still have my mess ups but so thankful that He is there to cover me in His grace.
God used Renee and her story in A Confident Heart to not only heal my heart but also draw me closer to Him….praying that God will use me for the same in the way. Love how he can take our messed up lives and turn them into His amazing message of grace and love.
Blessings to you,
Donna
I was very touched by Donna’s story. Thank you for sharing. I hope I can break through my issues. I feel lost and a huge mess. My connection with the Lord is seriously in need. I do need prayer and not sure if I can ever measure up to what He needs me to be. I feel like a dark cloud follows me wherever I go. Please pray for a miracle. Thank you.
Chris
God, I thank you for Chris and how she so boldly shared her heart and her self doubts here with the group. Asking that you would fill Chris up with yourself and with your Cause Chris to focus on the things above like yourself and not on the circumstances around her. Give her your strength in order to break through the doubts, and the issues. Cause her to find her worth in you and you alone. In Jesus’ Name. Amen.
Chris, what helped me out so much with my doubts was reading through and memorizing some of the scriptures/promises that Renee has outlined in Chapter 12. And also the remaining chapters of the book as I look to refer to them as Renee’s How To’s. And I also read through Psalms 139 quite often and focus on how God’s view’s me as fearfully and wonderfully made.
Praying for you,
Donna B
Thank you for this powerful heart-tugging message which went right along side with my Pastor’s message today. It is so very helpful! May God bless you as you make and teach us to make the right choices.
Meleana,
Love how God works all things out for our good! So thankful and blessed that you found it helpful. Praying for you and your choices,
Donna B.
Hey everyone,
I just wanted to leave everyone with a big thank you, lots of love, and a prayer from my heart as we continue moving forward page by page in Renee’s book. And a GIGANTIC thank you to Renee for allowing God to use her in my healing process which began about a year ago when I first picked up A Confident Heart and still continues even as I type this. I see my healing process as a journey of daily choices – one by one choices until I reach the other side of Heaven. And I thank each of you for sharing your lifes and blessing me with your stories. And for also allowing God to use your stories to even heal my heart more this week. Please know that I will be praying for each of as you continue your journey to the heart of Jesus. Love you guys and am blessed beyond measure by each of you. <3 Donna
God,
I praise You and I thank You for this amazing online community that You have created specifically for Renee and her amazing friends. Your Word tells us that where two or more are gathered in Your name, You will also be there. God, thank You for showing up on Renee's blog in BIG ways this week.
I thank You for how You are healing hearts, setting folks free from their past, releasing us from our pain and loving us in only ways that You can! I thank you for each person that visits this page. I pray God that You will continue to use it to bring Yourself honor and glory, continue to use it to change hearts for your kingdom purposes, continue to use it to draw each one closer to your heart, and to continue the work that You have started in each heart as they seek yours and as they seek to have a confident heart.
Your Word also tells us that if we seek You with our whole hearts we will find You and that You will set us free from the captivity of our past. Thank You for this amazing promise. Thank You that your plans for us include plans to prosper us and plans not to harm us. Thank You that You are our Promise Keeper and that those promises include You as our Hope and You as our Future.
I pray that You will go before each person as they continue turning the pages of Renee’s page. I pray that You will reveal yourself in new and fresh ways. Fill them with your courage to keep turning the pages and to keep moving toward your heart – towards the LIGHT – and out of the shadows. Meet each one at their point of need and give them the boldness to deal with the shadows that they may be living in. Please continue to move the knowledge of your grace from our heads to heart. Fill us with Your grace, mercy, wisdom, kindness, love, discernment, compassion, and self-control.
I thank You for Renee. I praise You for the work that you have done and are doing in Renee’s heart. I praise You for how You provided Renee with this life changing message. Protect her heart. Guard her thoughts. Strengthen her. Energize her. Encourage her. Love her and let her feel that love. I thank you for how You called Renee out of the dark shadows and into the Light. I thank You for her radical obedience to the calling that You placed on her life. Protect her family. Guard her time with her family. Let the boys light shine brightly for You along their journey. Be the centerpiece to Renee’s and JJ’s marriage. Draw them closer to you and along that journey draw them closer to each other. And for Aster, I praise you and I thank You for how You have brought this little one into this family. I pray for that day that You will call into your family – into this family of Christ Followers. Continue transforming heart into a heart like yours. I thank for the progress that she has made with her medical issues and I would ask that you would continue touching her with your healing.
“And for this reason I kneel before the Father, from whom every family in heaven and on earth derives its name. I pray that out of his glorious riches he may strengthen you with power through his Spirit in your inner being, so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith. And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, may have power, together with all the Lord’s holy people, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, and to know this love that surpasses knowledge — that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God.
Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us, to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, for ever and ever! Amen.” (Ephesians 3:14-21)
Thank you for your amazing heart for Jesus – for us, His daughters – and for your beautiful prayer!! HE answered some of it this weekend with some much-needed down time for our family just being together. Bless you Donna for how you have poured out and into our hearts on HIS behalf!! You are loved!
Wow!!! Donna, what an amazing testimony!! God is soooo very good!! And His love endures forever, and ever! Isn’t it awesome to know that we have a Daddy that loves us today, unconditionally, and will never leave nor forsake us!! Praise God!!! Thank You Abba Daddy!!!
Christi,
It is amazing and awesome! Love how He loves me! And His love never ever changes! Amazing promises! And so blessed by the message that He gave Renee to share with us in A Confident Heart. It was a heart changer for me.
Blessings,
Donna
Oh Donna – Thank you for your words. I cried reading it knowing, I too felt the same way – the only thing about my story is, my father died before I got to really reconcile with him.
Fearful as I asked my dad for lunch money, knowing he’d just turn me away by telling me to ask my mother for money, I wasn’t “his problem”.
Betrayed when my dad told me he would never walk me down the aisle when I got married.
Abandoned and unwanted when he didn’t show up for my high school graduation, then told me I shouldn’t go to college to be a doctor.
Unloved and unworthy for the many times he was “just there” but not emotionally there for me as a dad.
Song,
Feeling your pain with you and praying for God to do His work in your heart.
God, I thank you for Song and her courage and boldness to share her story about her Dad. God, guide and direct Song’s to find forgiveness in her heart for your Dad. Find a way to restore their relationship to each other. Fill Song with your gift of forgiveness to overflowing. Cause her to rely on you as Her Abba Father. Pave the way and fill her with your love. In Jesus’ name. Amen.
Donna
What a powerful testimony proving that we can do all things through Christ who gives us strength. Making a conscious CHOICE to accept other people, no matter what pain they have inflicted is a true sign of the power of forgiveness. I shared this story with my friends in hopes that they too can know the power that our Heavenly Father gives us. Only through the power of His Holy Spirit are we able to accomplish the many trials of this life. Because He lives in us we are able to accomplish victory and bring glory to His name. God bless you for sharing your story Donna. And thank you Renee for posting it 🙂
Traci,
Thanks for the reminder that it is ALL in His power that any of us accomplish victory. And it’s through that victory that brings glory to HIM! Praising Him for all the victories won in His name this week and for how is working in the hearts of this online community.
Thank you so much,
Donna B
Such beautiful words and pictures!
Jamie F,
Thank you for such encouraging words.
Donna B
Christine,
So sorry for your pain and hurting heart. And you are correct, sometimes God doesn’t reveal the fine details for our lifes until they actually occur. But the most amazing news and the bigger picture can be found in Jeremiah 29:11 “For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.” HE HAS PLANS TO PROSPER US AND NOT TO HARM US. And His plans include our hope and our future. HE IS OUR HOPE AND HE IS OUR FUTURE!
The sad part is that I used to stop reading at the point because I wanted it all given to me …. and preferably on a big silver platter where all I had to do is sit there….but then God prompted me to read a couple of more verses ….. “Then you will call on me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart. I will be found by you,” declares the Lord, “and will bring you back from captivity.” (verses 12-14)
You see, I was missing a couple of steps … steps that required action on my part …I had to call out to Him, go to Him, pray to Him….and then He would listen to me. I had to seek Him and seek Him with my whole heart and I found HIM …. He let me find HIm and then IN AND ONLY IN HIS POWER, He set me FREE from my past… FREE from hurts,… FREE to BELIEVE Him,….FREE to TRUST Him. and FREE to GIVE Him the pain and let Him carry it for me, FREE to walk in His grace and FREE to forgive my Dad and myself.
And it is hard …. really hard …but He wants His best for us. So please don’t give up … keep calling out to Him, keep praying … keep trusting … keep moving toward His heart and keep moving to the LIGHT.
Praying for you dear Jesus sister and praying that God will show off for you as you seek Him with your whole heart.
Donna B
I too have been given a choice, to stay in a marriage where my husband has been unfaithful or to file for divorce and go on my own way.. But for the past 4 yrs I have decided to stay married and to trust that God is going to restore my marriage.. I thought it would happen by now, but our timing isn’t God’s timing… Thru this time I have grown so close to God , even though I am not sure what his plan is for my life, right now I have peace that it is to continue to love and pray for my husband…
Teresa K,
Prayihg for you and your and marriage. Praising God that He has drawn you closer to His heart during this time and that He has filled you with His peace. Praying for strength as you make the next right choices and praying for God to restore your marriage.
Donna B
Rereading ch 5 and thinking about forgiveness and letting go got me thinking about how hard it is to forgive myself. You see I thought I married my dream man. I was 19 and thought I wasn’t worth much. As that marriage ended I was pregnant and thought I was worth less. I grew up without a dad and now I was going to have ababy that would have to grow up the same way I did. I was so afraid I would ruin this childs life I gave her up for adoptionwithout ever seeing her. I’m crying now just thinking about her. I just wanted her to have a better life and yet the sorrow is still there,thinking if I was just a little stronger I could have kept her.. I thought I would never get married again but Several years later I met a wonderful man. We just celebrated our 33rd anniversary. When we got married he said he didn’t want kids and I was ok with that because I didn’t deserve to have kids after what I did. I turned 30and discovered after time and therapy I wanted a child. We tried,went to fertility docs only to discover I had premature ovarian failure and would never have children. I still can’t see God’splan in this and I think it keeps me from giving God my total trust. I want a closer relationship with Him but I can’t seem to get there. I hope one day it will happen but I’m not sure it will ever happen. I guess what I need is more prayer but it’s hard.
I HAD PROBLEMS WITH MY DAD GROWING UP. NOTHING COMPARED TO DONNA’S. IT WASN’T AFTER HE BECAME SICK AND MY FAMILY BECAME MY PARENTS CAREGIVER DID I LEARN TO LOVE MY DAD AS A DAD AND REALIZE I WAS LOOKING AT THINGS WRONG. I PRAISE GOD I HAD THAT TIME WITH MY PARENTS. I WOULD LIKE TO WIN A COPY OF YOUR BOOK FOR MY DAUGHTER. GOD BLESS YOU AND YOURS KAY
Kay,
Praising God with you! Love how God works all things out for His good.
Blessings,
Donna
Blessed by GOD using you all <3
YAY God!! Love when He blesses us when we least expect it!
Donna B
Thank you for sharing your experience with me. I come from many generations of alcoholiam, and Motherless or Fatherless children. God has been so good to me, and blessed me in so many ways, He has brought the right people, book, or just a short story like you wrote to me to help me heal, learn and grow. I still struggle with sadness some days, particularely with my Mom. She has been so damaged by her childhood, and can be very negative or depressing. I don’t know if the devil is still trying to bring me down through her or what, because I struggle with my relationship with her. I love her and feel loyal, and I know she loves me. But sometimes it feels as if all her happiness rest on me, and thats hard. I will continue to pray, and know that miracles happen in peoples lives. Thank you for being so open. God Bless, Sharon
Sharon,
Thank you so much for sharing a glimpse of your story. Praying for God to fill you with His peace as He leads you down His path of forgiveness, love and joy. Praying that God will fill you with His joy as you minister to your Mom and as both of your hearts heal. Praying also that God will fill your Mom with His joy and peace and with Himself.
May He become the Joy of your heart as you seek His face,
Donna B
Actually I felt so sad for that little girl who had to experience such pain and sorrow…but so thankful that God in His mercy reached down and helped her find healing and grace to overcome. God is frugal…He uses everything the good, the bad and the ugly…with love He takes the broken pieces of a life in His hands and makes something beautiful from ALL the pieces. He is amazing. Thanks for sharing, Donna.
Carla,
Thank you so much for your tender heart. And I am praising Him with you for how He has pulled me out of those dark shadows and has set me upright in His Light. And I am loving how He is getting all the glory and that He can take and use the story that He has given me to bring others closer to Him.
To HIM be ALL the glory,
Donna B
Hi Donna, Thank you for sharing your story. I let all the following words Fearful, betrayed, abandoned, unloved, unworthy define my life for a long time. Due to things that happened to me, but I am slowly beginning to step out of the darkness & into God’s light. One day at a time… God Bless
Karyn,
Praising God that He is calling you out of the darkness and into the Light of His love. Praying for you as you take those daily steps towards Him and His love,
Donna B.