Fearful. Betrayed. Abandoned. Unloved. Unworthy. Unwanted.
These are a few words that defined Donna and cast shadows over her. Here’s Donna’s story…
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Fearful. Betrayed. Abandoned. Unloved. Unworthy. Unwanted.
These were shadows from a past that would haunt me for years. A past that would hold me hostage and keep me from fully living in the light of God’s love.
Fearful as I watched a hot plate of spaghetti thrown across the kitchen. Fearful as I watched furniture crash against walls. Fearful as my dad fell to the ground a few feet from my mom after he’d swung at her and lost his balance.
Betrayed after my intoxicated father sat me on the back of a horse without a saddle or reins to hold, and then swiped the horse’s rear end. Betrayed as he laughed with his friends while I went sailing through the air and landed on a barb wired fence.
Abandoned and unwanted when my dad filed divorce papers and when I discovered he failed to even get my name and birthday correct on them. Abandoned each time my dad refused to pay child support. Unwanted as years went by without visits, phone calls, hugs, birthday gifts.
Unloved and unworthy when my dad broke promise after promise… to visit, to call, to show up for my high school graduation, to pay for college.
Fearful, betrayed, abandoned, unloved, unworthy, and unwanted. Words and emotions that I let define me and cast shadows over me … until July 2011.
Through several of my Pastor’s sermons and through a friend’s father passing away, I sensed God asking: “How would you feel and what would you do if your Dad were to die this very day?”
I had no answer. I didn’t even know or really even think I liked my dad, much less loved him. Fifteen years had gone by since I’d seen him.
Around that same time, God challenged me with two words: ACCEPT and CHOICE
I had a choice and I made it. Following God’s nudging, on July 1, 2011 I went to see my father and accepted him for who he is.
In doing so, for the first time ever, I was able to ACCEPT my past. God made it perfectly clear to me that I could not change my dad nor my past. My only job was to pray for my Dad. I cannot tell you the burden that lifted from my entire being on July 1st.
God took my acceptance one step further. He told me I had a CHOICE!
A choice to believe that He is who He says He is. A choice to believe His promises; a choice to believe I was worth dying for; a choice to be filled with His joy; a choice to let Him be my Father, my Abba Daddy; a choice to live with a confident heart.
And it’s up to me to make those choices 24/7. Not just on Sunday. Not just at 9am when my day starts – but constantly make those choices. So I get up every morning and choose to believe that God is a Promise Keeper. I make the choice – to believe He loves me like no other can nor will, to pray for my Dad, to let go of the anger. I choose to live in the Light of Jesus so I can have a the freedom and security of a confident heart.
There are days, even minutes, that I don’t make the right choices. But the good thing is as I get better and better at making those choices my rebound time gets shorter and shorter. I get quicker at turning back to the Light.
I’m praying for you today – that together we can turn towards and live in the Light of God’s love. That He’ll give us courage to make the choices He’s asking us to make and accept what He’s calling us to accept so that we can keep turning and growing.
Lord, thank You for Your promises. I thank You that You have called me out of the darkness and into Your light. Thank You for transforming my heart into a heart like Yours. In Jesus’ name. Amen.
Donna, sweet friend, thank you for boldly believing Jesus and walking in obedient trust of His calling on your life. Your story and your faith challenge and encourage me to listen for His voice and do the hard thing of believing Him when my feelings are demanding their way. I”m so grateful for the Light and the way you walk in Him!
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Connecting in Community & A Giveaway: What is God speaking to your heart as you read Donna’s story o? Or is there something in chapter 5 that resonated with a change, a choice or a place of acceptance God’s inviting you to? Let’s share here and/or some of the answers to our end of chapter questions this week. Whatever is on your heart.
Donna has generously donated 4 copies of my book {for you or a friend?} Winners will be prayerfully and randomly drawn on Monday from comments left below today’s post. Just click “share your thoughts” and do just that. {If you’re reading this via email click here to share, enter and connect.}
PS. Here’s a music video that Donna shared with me – it reminds us of Chapter 5. After you leave a comment, be sure to watch/listen and let it speak to your heart today or when you have a chance later to come back and stay a little longer.
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Thank you for sharing your thoughts and feelings. I have been encouraged by this study although I have not gotten a book. Thank you for your ministry. God bless
Fannie,
So thankful that God is using this study to encourage you and draw you closer to Him.
May He continue to bless you in amazing ways as you journey towards His heart,
Donna B
Dear Donna,
I was so encouraged by your story. Through your story, your not so pleasant childhood times with your dad up to the time you grow up as a woman of God, I am encouraged by how you obediently trust and follow God by making choices/decisions that are aligned to His will. Just last year, I had painful experience with someone I considered as my best friend. I was hurt then and bitterness and hatred started to grow in my heart for her. Because of this, I have noticed that my relationship with God was not going right each day. Since then up to this time, I am asking God to take away the pain, bitterness and hatred in my heart because I could not bear anymore the difficulty of living each day with these sins in my heart. But now when I read your story, I was encouraged to imitate how you decide and make right choices and trust God no matter what. I was also inspired when you shared that your rebound time gets shorterand shorter as you learn to make godly decisions and choices. Today, I will do the same, I will make God as true and eternal best friend so I would be able to forgive my best friend who had caused many painful emotions and bitteness in my heart. And I pray that eventually, all bitterness and hatred I have in my heart for will be replaced by unconditional love through the love, grace and mercy of God. Amen.
thanks for sharing your story. It gives glory to His name.
Priscella,
I am so sorry for the pain that you have experienced with you relationship with your friend. And at the same time, so thankful that God has used that experience in your life to draw you closer to Him. Praying that God will fill you with His strength as you choose to release the bitterness and hatred in your heart. And praying for an even greater strength for you to leave that bitterness and hatred at the feet of Jesus. Praying for God to direct your choices as you make them one by one. And that He will replace all of your doubts with His promises, His grace, His mercy, His love, His kindness, and His discernment as you keep traveling towards the LIGHT.
Blessings and thank you so much for sharing your heart,
Donna B
Priscila, please forgive me for spelling your name wrong. I have a Priscella in my life and my crazy mixed up brain went there as I was replying to your story.
And once again, thank you for sharing the hurts of your hearts here not only with me, but with Renee and this amazing group of women.
Have a great Memorial Day weekend,
Donna
Dear Donna,
Your reply to my message and prayer for me means a lot to me, misspelling my name is of no importance to me :). Again, I admire your openness and courage to share your life with all of us. Your story have driven me to a new level of forgiveness and love. More blessings!
God gave me Phil. 1:6 as a high school senior, but living with the abandonment of divorce and the stigmatism of bi-polar disorder, I have not had confidence in His plan for me. At age fifty-three, I still believe He has plans for me –to give me a hope and a future…most days. I desire a heart 4 Him as I seek to develop “Take Heart Ministries” to encourage one another and lift each other up. I struggle with wanting a public ministry,but for now I am on the shelf….Very hard for an out-going sanguine like me.
Bridgette, God does have a plan for your life and it does include HOPE and a FUTURE in Him. Praying for you as He reveals his plans for your life. Praying that God will fill you with His confidence and His love in such a way that you know that it can only becomng from Him,
Many blessings,
Donna
Donna, I did not experience this myself, however, my mom who is at the age of 76 has. Over and over I hear her and my dad talk about what a horrible homelife with her father that she had. As a result, I really feel she is bitter, and still angry, and has no joy in her life. My sisters and myself are always reminded that our mom had a terrible childhood. We understand the pain, however, she has 7 grandchildren, and 2 great grandchildren that love her and we want her to experience the “joy” in them. She has never let go, and let God. We don’t feel we can say…”move on…” I am hoping that this book would give her some freedom to finally let go, and live a happy life rather than dwelling on the horrible childhood she had. She is missing so much as a result of this. We too, feel she is not “happy” that we are all happily married and have raised and are raising our children in christian homes. Thank you for allowing me to share. I am so glad I came upon this site. In Him, L.R.
LR,
Praising God for drawing you here to Renee’s blog. It’s an amazing place to share the love of Jesus and talk God things with some amazingly incredible women. Praying for you and your Mom as you minster to her. Praying that He will provide the words through you that will move your Mom to His Joy. Prayng for God to work and move your Mom’s heart.
May He bless you abundantly,
Donna B
I’d like to enter your drawing for your book. My daughter has read it and highly recommends that I read it as well (she’s 5 states away). I’m currently unemployed and am unable to purchase one just now.
Miss Penny, thank you for sharing and praying for God’s provision for you.
Blessings,
Donna B
Just want to thank you for sharing your story today. I grew up with an angry father. Thankful to have worked through that past (to a certain degree) and been able to forgive him. Able to enjoy a relationship, though not all that I would have liked, accepting it for what it can be.
I need to share with my fellow sisters….God has so planned for this study at this time for me… you see my husband has been working though his addiction to pornography, had been doing well, until yesterday. While I am hurt; my Confidence is not in him but in Him. I’m going to face the light and not allow the shadow to take back the ground hard won.
Kim,
Praising God for how is working in your heart and your Dad’s heart. Forgiveness is always a good thing!
Lord, I lift Kim’s hurting heart to you and ask that you would fill it with your love, your care and your concern. Fill her with your strength as she continues her quest to face the Light and move away from the shadows. Your Word also tells us that with you all things are possible, so I’m asking that you would take this desire, this addiction away from Kim’s husband. Remove the desire and his thirst for porn and replace it with a desire to thirst and be addicted to You and to Your Word. Praising you and thanking You for Your perfect timing for this study for KIm. Praising you that Kim is finding her confidence in you. Thank you for how You are drawing Kim to yourself and to your promises. In Jesus’ name. Amen.
it’s so easy to place blame…to let others control your emotions. it takes CHOICE to stand up and say you will not let them have that control and take responsibility of how we live.
recently, i have faced some very heart-breaking life changes. i have allowed my husband to label me in the ways Donna described of her father. i am really struggling with the decisions made recently. i choose this day to not be known by the names of defeat, but the names of victory from my Father! i am cherished, treasured, loved, beautiful, worthy, strong and victorious!
I read this verse recently and it really jumped out to me…it made me realize though my life be thrown upside down and sideways, God is constant and He is always with me…loving on me…giving me a sense of peace.
Though the mountains be shaken
and the hills be removed,
yet my unfailing love for you will not be shaken
nor my covenant of peace be removed,”
says the Lord, who has compassion on you.
~Isaiah 54:10
Rebekah,
Love how you are taking the promises that God has given you and claiming them for yourself! Praising Him for how He drew you to this amazing verse in Isaiah. Love how He is showing you and telling you that His love for you will not be shaken. Thank you so much for sharing your heart and this verse.
Blessings,
Donna B
2 friends immediately came to mind when I read this, so I’m sharing with them. In fact, I’ve been praying for the dad of one for a year now, even though I do not like this man at all. But – he “deserves” Christ’s redemption as much as I do. Forgiveness, & the freedom it brings, are both so central to our effectiveness as a believer. Thanks for sharing.
Ruth, praying for you as your share with your friends. And I love your faithfulness in praying for your friend’s Dad for over a year. What a blessing you are to your friends and their Dads. Thanks for loving like Jesus!
Blessings,
Donna B
Thank you, Donna for sharing your story. My eyes teared up and my heart was overjoyed that you found Jesus and made peace with your dad and yourself. My father was an alcoholic and there were many times I was afraid of him as I was too young to understand. I remember having to “drive” home while sitting on my dad’s lap when I was 7. I steered and he pressed the gas and brake petals. When I was 9 I “drove” again only from the passenger seat and for a much longer distance. I remember my father coming home drunk, stumbling down the hallway as he entered the house. I remember the fights between my mom and dad. Alcoholism runs deeps in my family. Although the scars have healed and I have long since forgiven my dad, I remember the pain and the distance that was between my father and I for years. I’ve only been a Christian for about 3 years and had I known Jesus during that time the painful years, the hate, the doubt – all that negativity I felt toward myself and my father would have been drowned out by the light of Jesus. Thanks again, Donna for sharing. I’m so happy that you live each day for Christ.
Michelle, So thankful that your scars have healed and that you are moving forward towards the light. And I am praising Him for you and how he has revealed himself to you and to others. Praying for your heart as you continue your journey to his heart.
Blessings,
Donna B
As I read Donna’s story it brought up many memories. My father was an alcoholic and did not show any love. As I grew he resented that I was physically handicaped. After my parents devoriced I often was hurt many times. I often got angry and eventually would not go anywhere with him. After the birth of my first child he sent word that he wanted to meet my husband and see our son. I had not seen nor heard from him in 10 years. We went, but he never showed. I never saw him again. He died 2 years later. Years later the Lord enabled me to forgive him, letting go of all anger, bitterness and resentment for thing he had done. I was able move forward in my life.
Kay, so sorry for your pain. And yet so thankful that God has shown you how to forgive your Dad and to let go of all that anger, bitterness and resentment. Praising God for the work He is doing in your heart.
many many blessings,
Donna B
What a post! Thank you! No other words are needed…you said it all!
Debbie,
Thank you for taking the time to read it and comment.
Praying for God to bless you in and through the story that He gave me to share and through Renee’s story.
May He bless you beyond measure,
Donna B
What a powerful story of pain and the freedom of forgiveness. I’ve been working through issues with my earthly dad for quite a few years now – and this has been a reminder to me of the power of forgiveness and acceptance of a person (in this case a dad!) Thanks for the challenge – and it’s always a great day to start a new chapter in my relationship with my dad!! Will be praying for him with a renewed passion!! Thanks so much for sharing!!
YAY God!! Love watching God at work in your heart. I can read your excitement to move forward and towards the Light in your comments. Praying that God draws you and your dad not only closer to each other, but also closer to God.
Blessing for you and yours,
Donna B.
reading this brings peace to our current situation, i can hardly wait to read more on God’s word and redemption
Carrie, so blessed by your words and excitement to keep turning the pages. You are going to love the remaining chapters and Renee’s “How To’s”.
Blessings to you,
Donna B
Thank you for sharing. This hits home.
Michelle, you are so welcome and praying for you as you process it all. Praying for God to use it as a source of encouragement for you.
Donna B.
This described my life growing up. It took me accepting GOD’s love and reading His Word to finally forgive and accept him as he is. He has since accepted the Lord but hasn’t changed all of his life. When I got married, I felt I had someone who could be the husband to me that my mom didn’t have and a father to our kids that I didn’t have. After 24 yrs., he wanted out. All those childhood feelings resurfaced, but was more devastating, painful, hurtful and total disbelief because he knows the Lord, served Him and raised our children in the Lord. It has taken almost
2 yrs. to finally allow myself to know without any doubt, that HE loves, cares and finds me worthy just the way I am. Would be so appreciative of a copy to strengthen myself and pass on and on and on to help other women. Blessings!
Lisa, thank you for sharing your story with us. And prayng that God will fill you with His confidence. Praying for Him to take those doubts and replace with His amazing promises. You are LOVED. He CHOSE you and He REDEEMED you!! Hold onto those truths and claim them as your own because they are yours.
Blessings,
Donna
Donna,
I hurt for that little girl who went through all that, especially from someone who should have been your protecter and I see Jesus weeping for her too. Below is a link for a song that talks about a might Savior who wants to redeem our stories. Just looking at the number of posts, I am thankful that your story has helped so many. Honor and praise to Jesus a mighty Savior who can redeem all our stories.
Marsha-
Thank you for sharing this video & lyrics to “Here I Am” by Down here- I enjoyed it. Funny how God makes us listen not with our ears but with our heart.
Have a wonderful Memorial Weekend.
Aloha from Hawaii oxoxoxox
Marsha, thank you so much for your tender and caring thoughts towards me. And I too am praying that God will use the story that He gave me to bring Him honor and glory for His purposes – not mine. That it would draw each of us closer to His heart and His gift of grace would overflow from each of us into the lifes of those that may not know him or that may be suffering in pan.
Praising Him and thanking Him for your heart,
Donna B
You ever read something that hits you in the gut? Donna’s story of when she was a child did that to me. I have been walking through a time of healing these past three years, guided by the book “Healing for Damaged Emotions”. I feel I need to write my story down. Not necessarily to share with the world, but to refelct – often – of the healing He has brought to my life. And if I have an opportunity to share it, ok then.
But what stood out to me from Donna’s story, besides the abuse, was when she wrote:
“God took my acceptance one step further. He told me I had a CHOICE! A choice to believe that He is who He says He is. A choice to believe His promises; a choice to believe I was worth dying for; a choice to be filled with His joy; a choice to let Him be my Father, my Abba Daddy; a choice to live with a confident heart.
And it’s up to me to make those choices 24/7. Not just on Sunday. Not just at 9am when my day starts – but constantly make those choices.”
God is showing me the same thing through this time in my life. The healing has come, but I need to choose daily to believe His word, His promises. In my heart has been planted “renewing of my mind”. My thoughts want to follow my emotions, but God is showing me if I continue to focus on His promises, what He has shown me to be true (not the lies of the enemy that held me captive so long) that is how my healing will continue.
Something else I have found to be true during this time of healing. “Going there”, to those memories and facing them, is hard, scary, and at times I wanted to run (why else do you think it took me three years, lol). But God is faithful. He is trustworthy. All things from Him are good. So, I want to thank you for sharing your story, for “going there”, cause I know it’s not easy. It encourages me to share my story (someday).
Daisy, thank you so much for your comforting words. And you should write down your story for your healing. I was so overwhelmed on Thursday morning when I opened Renee’s blog and saw my story on her blog, I experienced this amazing peace and healing as I read my words. It was in Him drawing me to share my story with Renee that added that amazing healing touch to my heart. So hard to explain, but I will never forget the feeling or will I ever have the words to speak my heart to Renee in how she has blessed me and how God has used her as a catalyst for my healing. Praisng God for Renee and the story that He has written upon her heart.
Blessings,
Donna B
what a wonderful testimony & video with music/lyrics ~ the video with pictures & lyrics were extremely important to me, because I’m deaf & can’t hear the music, so the visual was comforting to me ~ it really touched home for me in a different way than hers. I had loving adoptive parents, but my mother was critical & overprotective because I’m deaf with health issues. The language barrier & the lack of family support to me & my family makes me feel unwanted, unloved, abandoned by family, as well as finding out that my birthmother doesn’t want to meet me nor wants her family to know about me ~ I understand the pain of rejection & abandonment; but so glad we all have a loving heavenly father who never leaves us, nor forsakes us. I strive to conquer the challenges with God on my side & my strong willness helps me defeat the odds; but over time, that gets weaker with each bad experience. I wish people would look beyond the handicap & see the person I am. I would love a copy of your book, so that I can have a confident heart & share it with my friends. I always try to share God on my facebook & what He does for me. God bless you for opening your heart to us. I’m sorry you had to endure such pain from your father & I hope/pray the Lord has healed you from the wounds & shows you that He never forsakes nor leaves us.
Mary, love your heart and your encouraging words and amazing story. Thanks so much for sharing it here with us. And I love that video as well. It’s one of my all time favorites. And I too am praising and thanking God for the work that He is doing in each ladies’ heart as we read through Renee’s story. God uses Renee in some amazing ways to impact our hearts for His kingdom and His purposes. And I covet your prayers. Thank you so much for praying for me. I will take all the prayers I can get, because I need them every hour of every day.
Blessings and thanks again for sharing,
Donna B
Renee,
Reading your post above is a flashback to my childhood that brings tears to my heart as I grew up with an abusive mother and an alcoholic father he has since passed from alcohol induced dimentia, at the age of 9 or 10 we acquired a step-father fresh out of prison, and at the age of 16 another step-father that treated us with some semblance of normalcy. I learned long ago that I had a choice to accept this behavior as a lifestyle or to change when I left home to start my own family. While I was successful in preventing the behavior patterns from becoming something my children experienced, my heart cannot wrap itself around the concept of God being able to forgive all that has happened or my hardened heart towards the people I know I should have a warm loving relationship with. I know in my mind that I am saved and that God has a plan for me that is beyond anything I can imagine but my self image has been so damaged that I struggle daily to find peace. I am going to read this book and do the accompanying study!
Renee, so thankful that you have made the comittment to read and do Renee’s study. It will change your life and your heart. Praying for God to reveal Himself in new and exciting ways for you as your turn the pages and read each word. Praying for God to wrap His heart around yours and give you His understanding and praying that He uses Renee’s book and His Word to soften your heart and that He will show you how to forgive as He forgives us.
Thanks for sharing your heart here with us,
Donna B.
Struggling with those exact things from my ex-husband. They sometimes rear their heads (like this morning) and create conflict in my current relationship. My frustration grows because when I feel hurt (by being reminded of past behaviors & situations, etc.) then my current man feels hurt. Then I feel worse.
Praying for you Janelle. Praying that God gives you the courage to let go and let God take those struggles from you. Praying that he takes those past thoughts away and replaces them with His promises. And lean into Him for His healing.
Thanks for sharing,
Donna B.