Have you ever been in a relationship you knew was bad but didn’t know how to end it? Whether it is a friend who betrayed us, a boyfriend who ignored us, or a coworker who undermined us, unhealthy relationships are bad for the soul. But there is one relationship that steals potential from all of our ther relationships—including our relationship with ourselves and our relationship with God. It’s our relationship with Perfect.
Perfect is a bad friend. No matter what we do or say or give or take or create…it’s never enough. Perfect always demands more, but it’s never satisfied. Never.
My friend Amy Carroll has written a new book I just love!! And she’s on a mission to help us all break up once and for all with our unfaithful friend: Perfection! And today she stopped by to share her heart and her book with us on my blog – plus she’s giving away a copy too.
“As I rummaged through the damaged store, I hurried toward a colorful decoration that caught my eye. A hurricane had ravaged the seaside store’s merchandise, but there were a few treasures left.
My prize that day was a papier-mâché figure of Santa Clause directing a band of animal musicians. Since my husband was a band director, seeing Jolly Old Saint Nick with his conductor’s baton poised made my heart sing even though it was a balmy North Carolina summer outside.
I carefully carried the figurines to the cash register and made them mine.
Nearly skipping with joy down the sidewalk, suddenly I tripped and dropped my fragile treasures. My face fell with dismay as I peeked inside the bag only to see pieces of Santa and his friends lying jagged and free-floating at the bottom.
When I got home, I gently removed the pieces and lay them out on a table. One by one, I drew a thin line of glue on the narrow edges and began to put them back together.
The results weren’t altogether terrible.
Santa’s pedestal is webbed with cracks and the beaver is missing a leg, but unless guests get too close, they’ll never know the trauma Kris Kringle endured. He’s broken but still beautiful, and a smile stretches across my face each Christmas as I unpack him from his protective box.
Why do I struggle to believe that others could see me the same way?
All of us have a level of brokenness from our own sin nature or from sin leveled against us. We all have cracks of insecurity, shards of sin, and flaws of failure, but for most of my life I’ve wanted to hide mine. I’ve wanted to glaze over my brokenness with a façade of perfection.
If I had found only a perfect Santa acceptable, I would have either tossed him after his fall, or I would have hidden him away in the box with the other outdated, worn-out ornaments.
That’s ok with an object, but we’d never do that to an imperfect person. We’re all in the same boat! So why are we afraid others will do it to us? That maybe God will too?
So we keep others at arm’s length, never allowing anyone to get too close, or we hide behind our walls of shame or false perfection. We try to earn acceptance and love with our just-right words and our thought-out actions, feeling more and more lonely all the time, when in truth…
Authenticity is the antidote for isolation.
Jesus doesn’t despise us in our brokenness, tossing us away or hiding the fact that He loves us. He gently takes our pieces and glues them back together with His grace, compassion, and forgiveness. If we’ll only lay down our masks of perfection and surrender to His perfecting work, Jesus lovingly sets us out for the world to see and claims us as His own.
I’ve been on a journey to break up with perfect, and I’m finding my relationships with others are deeper than ever when I’m real about my flaws. In the process, I’m able to point to Jesus as the Perfect One, our ultimate hero, and I’m resting in the lavish love I’m finding in Him.” ~ Amy Carroll, from her new boo: “Breaking Up With Perfect”
ENTER TO WIN
To celebrate the release of her new book “Breaking Up with Perfect” Amy Carroll is giving a copy away!ARE YOU READY to BREAK UP with PERFECT? If so, leave a comment below this post where entries will be gathered and a winner will be chosen. Please CLICK HERE if you’re reading via email. All comments must be shared on my blog to be entered. THANKS!!
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I grew up in a house where perfection was demanded. My whole life has been trying to be the best and perfection has ruined my ability to unwind working on my gourds because unless it is a masterpiece I won’t finish. I am constantly striving for perfection at work, relationships and every other part in my life and I am very very frustrated and tired. I do not have close relationships because it’s to exhausting trying to be “on” all the time. I hope your book can help me in this.
I am 16 years old, and I happened to hear about Renee’s blog on Spirit FM. It was one day when the conversation came to not measuring up to others expectations. It is something that I struggle with daily, so I thought I would come and see Renee’s blog. I just wanted to say that I love reading your blog’and Renee- they were so helpful! And thank you Amy Carol for writing this book!
I yearn for the day I can break up with perfection! For 52 yrs i have struggled with the awful images in my mind of how imperfect I am, even though I know God makes no mistakes & made me perfect in his image, I just can’t believe he means “ME”. I struggle in every aspect of life, myself, marriage, children, grandchildren, friendships, maintaining a home, you name it I try to be perfect at it all. However the way I see it vs. the way others view me & what I do is drastically different. Its never good enough for me! I long for the “break up with perfection”. Thank you for writing a book about a struggle that most women have & a way to make the break up happen. Thank you also for a chance to win your book, either way I MUST read it!
Wow. I facilitate groups of Mending the Soul for abused women and also groups using books like “Boundaries”. What a great addition this book would be to help these women.
I struggle with perfection every day!!! I would love to read this book. Thanks for your ministry and for sharing and giving someone the opportunity to read the book! Hope everyone has a blessed day.
When I read the extracts you shared, I was engrossed so much that I hated the fact that I was merely reading an extract. Thank you so much for sharing this beautiful post. I placed myself in front of the mirror of my Spirit and realized how subconsciously I’ve expected perfection from myself, ans even though I saw others as imperfect, accepted them for who they are, I expect of myself perfection, and as a result of this unattainable goal, I never truly lived a happy life… Its time to break free from perfection, and accept myself for who I really am just as I accepted others and above all how God accepts me.
I stay in far away Nigeria but I would desire so much to have a personal conversation with the blessed writer Amy Carroll. I hope to learn more from you and your book.
God bless Renne for sharing this wonderful piece with the world. May your friendship with Amy never end… Gid bless us all as we break free from perfection!
Shalom.
Oh how I wish I could let go of the engrained need to be perfection. I’ve lost many nights of sleep assessing my imperfections and planning on how I can make them into perfection…..or at the very least, provide a “perfect” mask to wear so the outside world doesn’t see how horribly imperfect I really am. I’ve spent many days (and even years with some things) drowning in the floods of anxiety that I am riddled with because I’ve made mistakes that I am not proud of and in my mind that makes me less of a person because I must be something terrible and horrible to make such choices. If I could learn and grow from imperfection and just move on it’d be ok…..but I obsess over these things and define myself by them. I love the reference to the broken Kris Kringle….”he’s broken but still beautiful…..why do I struggle to believe that others could see me the same way?” To more complicate matters, I expect the same perfection I burden myself with from my children, husband and others I love. I’ve spent years purposefully isolating myself from other people outside of my inner circle and building up intentional walls so I don’t have to expose myself to be less than perfect…..vulnerable. It’s a lonely world that I live in, an unapproachable……dark, lonely perfect place where I set myself up for disappointment over and over again because of my need for perfection in all areas of my life. I’d give anything if I could break up with perfection…..
It is so hard to remember that I don’t have to be perfect, but and no one else can either. I want to be a loving positive force for my friends and family, without the guilt of knowing I am not perfect. Only our true Father is the perfect one!
Finished cleaning out a home I’d lived in for almost 25 years and wanted it clean for the new owners; unfortunately, there wasn’t enough time to do all I wanted but realized it’s ok! Praying God gives the new owner many blessings and memories as they move in! Would love to have a copy of the book!
Coming from a dysfunctional childhood caused me to try to rise above it by not only trying to be ‘perfect’ myself, but I expected it from others as well. You can imagine how difficult it was to maintain this level in all areas of my life! Many relationships suffered time and again. It caused me a lot of pain, and only when my own children shut me out did I finally get off my high horse and let the Lord change me and my brokenness! Jesus is the only Perfect one, Amen!
Sounds like a wonderful read. Something that I am definitely in need of….getting rid of the perfection “thing” in me.
Blessings,
Cindy
I try to do things so perfect and right. I believe i go overboard with it and it has at times became stressful feeling like you have to do everything perfect or well. I really need to say fare well, see you later alligator, and after while crock-a dial. I don’t want to be looked at as not being able Oh Wow(does that mean perfect) LOL
It’s funny, it’s like I just realized I keep a place set at my table for rejection for when I fail to meet that perfect mark I have set for myself.
It’s just like God to drop something in your lap! I don’t believe in coincidence and I know God intends for me to be free from my harmful ways of thinking. I just started reading Renee’s Confident Heart and I have now pinned today’s blog to my new book list. This time next year will look ALOT different by the grace of God.
Thank you for the chance to win a copy of this book. Maybe I could finally find out how to relax and enjoy. When I can’t do something perfectly, I find myself not doing it at all. Not the recipe for success.
Can’t wait to read your book! I now realize perfectionism is basically a sickness. I’m not sure what drives me to always want a neat, somewhat clean, house and yard, but have always felt it’s a direct reflection on who and what kind of a person I am. Thank you for your ministry and willing to be used by God
UGH– perfection— that word and feeling that we all suffer from. God is putting the pieces back together, but the world around me seems to not want damaged goods. In other words, to find someone who wants to share and enjoy this broken but glued vessel is lonely at times. BUT God….knows what He is doing. This I believe and trust. Thank you for your book and ministry to encourage those of us who suffer from this.
Ouch! And Ouch. Preparing to send mini me out into the world this fall who learned this trait from me a little too well ;(
I have struggled with perfection my whole life. It has been such a struggle that I have stayed in friendships, thinking that I could be the perfect friend. Then one day I realized that the relationship wasn’t healthy and trying to be perfect for other people, isn’t what God desires for my life.
I hold such high standards for myself and unfortunately for others. This has resulted n much brokenness in my relationships. I am praying and hoping for healing. This book sounds awesome to help I that process.
I struggle with the haunt of discouragement- that I am not doing enough. After I read this I realized I am striving for perfection and demanding of it of others in the most dangerous subtle way. Can’t wait to read this book!
This book really caught my attention – I am currently struggling with a betrayal in friend relationship – and have always struggled with the “perfect’ syndrome. I feel like if I tell anyone about my struggles it means I am weak and doing something wrong. God is beginning to work with me on this.