Have you ever been in a relationship you knew was bad but didn’t know how to end it? Whether it is a friend who betrayed us, a boyfriend who ignored us, or a coworker who undermined us, unhealthy relationships are bad for the soul. But there is one relationship that steals potential from all of our ther relationships—including our relationship with ourselves and our relationship with God. It’s our relationship with Perfect.
Perfect is a bad friend. No matter what we do or say or give or take or create…it’s never enough. Perfect always demands more, but it’s never satisfied. Never.
My friend Amy Carroll has written a new book I just love!! And she’s on a mission to help us all break up once and for all with our unfaithful friend: Perfection! And today she stopped by to share her heart and her book with us on my blog – plus she’s giving away a copy too.
“As I rummaged through the damaged store, I hurried toward a colorful decoration that caught my eye. A hurricane had ravaged the seaside store’s merchandise, but there were a few treasures left.
My prize that day was a papier-mâché figure of Santa Clause directing a band of animal musicians. Since my husband was a band director, seeing Jolly Old Saint Nick with his conductor’s baton poised made my heart sing even though it was a balmy North Carolina summer outside.
I carefully carried the figurines to the cash register and made them mine.
Nearly skipping with joy down the sidewalk, suddenly I tripped and dropped my fragile treasures. My face fell with dismay as I peeked inside the bag only to see pieces of Santa and his friends lying jagged and free-floating at the bottom.
When I got home, I gently removed the pieces and lay them out on a table. One by one, I drew a thin line of glue on the narrow edges and began to put them back together.
The results weren’t altogether terrible.
Santa’s pedestal is webbed with cracks and the beaver is missing a leg, but unless guests get too close, they’ll never know the trauma Kris Kringle endured. He’s broken but still beautiful, and a smile stretches across my face each Christmas as I unpack him from his protective box.
Why do I struggle to believe that others could see me the same way?
All of us have a level of brokenness from our own sin nature or from sin leveled against us. We all have cracks of insecurity, shards of sin, and flaws of failure, but for most of my life I’ve wanted to hide mine. I’ve wanted to glaze over my brokenness with a façade of perfection.
If I had found only a perfect Santa acceptable, I would have either tossed him after his fall, or I would have hidden him away in the box with the other outdated, worn-out ornaments.
That’s ok with an object, but we’d never do that to an imperfect person. We’re all in the same boat! So why are we afraid others will do it to us? That maybe God will too?
So we keep others at arm’s length, never allowing anyone to get too close, or we hide behind our walls of shame or false perfection. We try to earn acceptance and love with our just-right words and our thought-out actions, feeling more and more lonely all the time, when in truth…
Authenticity is the antidote for isolation.
Jesus doesn’t despise us in our brokenness, tossing us away or hiding the fact that He loves us. He gently takes our pieces and glues them back together with His grace, compassion, and forgiveness. If we’ll only lay down our masks of perfection and surrender to His perfecting work, Jesus lovingly sets us out for the world to see and claims us as His own.
I’ve been on a journey to break up with perfect, and I’m finding my relationships with others are deeper than ever when I’m real about my flaws. In the process, I’m able to point to Jesus as the Perfect One, our ultimate hero, and I’m resting in the lavish love I’m finding in Him.” ~ Amy Carroll, from her new boo: “Breaking Up With Perfect”
ENTER TO WIN
To celebrate the release of her new book “Breaking Up with Perfect” Amy Carroll is giving a copy away!ARE YOU READY to BREAK UP with PERFECT? If so, leave a comment below this post where entries will be gathered and a winner will be chosen. Please CLICK HERE if you’re reading via email. All comments must be shared on my blog to be entered. THANKS!!
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It took so long to realize God doesn’t expect us to perfect, but rather humble and repent when necessary. We are far too concerned with our own unrealistic aspirations of being something God didn’t intend or we are more concerned about people pleasing than we should bother to be. Excited to read the book, and even better if I win! God bless all!
I so relate to this: “We try to earn acceptance and love with our just-right words and our thought-out actions, feeling more and more lonely all the time, when in truth…
Authenticity is the antidote for isolation.” If only I could get it in my hard head that it really does lead to isolation. Oh, the perfection infection is so exhausting. Thank you for your encouragement. 🙂
I’ve felt that way too.
It is hard to believe that God would accept me just as I am. My head knows it but my heart always thinks I need to achieve something more for God. Sometimes I need to just pause (Be still and know that He is) and realize that God is in control and He loves me flaws and all.
Thank you for this valuable resource!
I struggle so much with trying to please people and be perfect. I don’t admit it until I hear someone else admit it first then I pray about it, ask for forgiveness, live free from it for awhile…and struggle again. I’m so tired of this fight…so tired of not really being free of it. It’s harder, I’m sure, to work at being perfect then it is to just be me and let others see me as I am – not perfect. So why do I… Thank you sharing, Renee & Amy!
I can give other people the benefit of the doubt but expect so much from myself. I would love to read this book! Thank you for sharing.
Oh my! How appropriate is this book! My professional life demands so much and I love it but it’s taken a toll. I have came along way in my journey! Always need a new resource to assist! Thanks!
Dear Renee
Your shared lessons in life have not ceased to change me. Thank you for sharing your lives lessons with wisdom and grace. Excited to read your new book.
In His Love, Holli
God has graciously been leading me away from perfection for a long time. My motto is “It’s good enough.” Being a passionate quilter and sewer, there are times when perfect is important – making sure all the corners meet in a quilt. When I am cleaning the house or someone is coming over, the “good enough” comes out. Areas that are a little more difficult to deal with are relationships and with God. The measuring and comparing myself to others on the spectrum of perfection has caused me to by-pass some people because I think they are better than I am. Learning to be more real and opening my heart, confessing my imperfections, has brought me more joy in relationships. Accepting that God made me just the way I am and can use even the rough places in me to accomplish His purpose has been so freeing! What some may look at and see as a weakness or annoyance, when surrendered to God can be used by Him. Samson’s eye for the women appeared to be His downfall, but God used it mightily. God made him that way specifically to get the job done. That is the God we worship and serve, nothing is too difficult for Him!
How exciting it is to find someone else have struggled with the same problem that I have, 8 years ago God put me in prison to be a correctional officer .it has definitely been a journey, I realize I can only do the job by gods amazing grace,thanks for writing a book about perfectionist…. I do realize there is one, only one, that is perfect Jesus Christ.
I have battled with perfectionism my entire life! So exhausting and frustrating! Your book sounds wonderful! Thank you for sharing.
I would love to read this book! This totally sounds like me! I’m sure this book will hit home for tons of women! The hardest thing to accept is our own brokenness and imperfections!
I’m learning that I’m enough…I’m broken and imperfect in every way, but I’m enough because Jesus loves me….oh, how I need this book! Thank you for sharing how Jesus loves us when we are broken, just like your Santa Claus…..
Sounds like a great read. I think we all put on a perfect mask and act like it’s all perfect, our life,marriage,kids everything is perfect. But if we are so perfect then we don’t need Jesus in our lives. Perfection is a burden and it keeps us from being who He wants us to be. And as long as we hide behind our mask of perfection then it makes it hard for anyone to know us and relate us and it also makes it hard to grow into who God calls us to be.
Oh man, do I need this book. I ended up with the job a dear, forever friend of mine retired from. She was perfect. I’m not. I’m tired of comparing myself and feeling like Others are comparing my faults to her perfections.
I am so beyond ready to break up with perfect!
Striking comment that settles in your heart.
I am so ready to break up with perfect. The only problem is that I am my own biggest critic!
I also have struggled with ‘perfectionism’ in my life. I am getting somewhat better at recognizing it and am working w/ God to move beyond this. This book sounds like a jewel in the toolkit to keep on that path. Thank you all for your open words…we are not alone!