Have you ever been in a relationship you knew was bad but didn’t know how to end it? Whether it is a friend who betrayed us, a boyfriend who ignored us, or a coworker who undermined us, unhealthy relationships are bad for the soul. But there is one relationship that steals potential from all of our ther relationships—including our relationship with ourselves and our relationship with God. It’s our relationship with Perfect.
Perfect is a bad friend. No matter what we do or say or give or take or create…it’s never enough. Perfect always demands more, but it’s never satisfied. Never.
My friend Amy Carroll has written a new book I just love!! And she’s on a mission to help us all break up once and for all with our unfaithful friend: Perfection! And today she stopped by to share her heart and her book with us on my blog – plus she’s giving away a copy too.
“As I rummaged through the damaged store, I hurried toward a colorful decoration that caught my eye. A hurricane had ravaged the seaside store’s merchandise, but there were a few treasures left.
My prize that day was a papier-mâché figure of Santa Clause directing a band of animal musicians. Since my husband was a band director, seeing Jolly Old Saint Nick with his conductor’s baton poised made my heart sing even though it was a balmy North Carolina summer outside.
I carefully carried the figurines to the cash register and made them mine.
Nearly skipping with joy down the sidewalk, suddenly I tripped and dropped my fragile treasures. My face fell with dismay as I peeked inside the bag only to see pieces of Santa and his friends lying jagged and free-floating at the bottom.
When I got home, I gently removed the pieces and lay them out on a table. One by one, I drew a thin line of glue on the narrow edges and began to put them back together.
The results weren’t altogether terrible.
Santa’s pedestal is webbed with cracks and the beaver is missing a leg, but unless guests get too close, they’ll never know the trauma Kris Kringle endured. He’s broken but still beautiful, and a smile stretches across my face each Christmas as I unpack him from his protective box.
Why do I struggle to believe that others could see me the same way?
All of us have a level of brokenness from our own sin nature or from sin leveled against us. We all have cracks of insecurity, shards of sin, and flaws of failure, but for most of my life I’ve wanted to hide mine. I’ve wanted to glaze over my brokenness with a façade of perfection.
If I had found only a perfect Santa acceptable, I would have either tossed him after his fall, or I would have hidden him away in the box with the other outdated, worn-out ornaments.
That’s ok with an object, but we’d never do that to an imperfect person. We’re all in the same boat! So why are we afraid others will do it to us? That maybe God will too?
So we keep others at arm’s length, never allowing anyone to get too close, or we hide behind our walls of shame or false perfection. We try to earn acceptance and love with our just-right words and our thought-out actions, feeling more and more lonely all the time, when in truth…
Authenticity is the antidote for isolation.
Jesus doesn’t despise us in our brokenness, tossing us away or hiding the fact that He loves us. He gently takes our pieces and glues them back together with His grace, compassion, and forgiveness. If we’ll only lay down our masks of perfection and surrender to His perfecting work, Jesus lovingly sets us out for the world to see and claims us as His own.
I’ve been on a journey to break up with perfect, and I’m finding my relationships with others are deeper than ever when I’m real about my flaws. In the process, I’m able to point to Jesus as the Perfect One, our ultimate hero, and I’m resting in the lavish love I’m finding in Him.” ~ Amy Carroll, from her new boo: “Breaking Up With Perfect”
ENTER TO WIN
To celebrate the release of her new book “Breaking Up with Perfect” Amy Carroll is giving a copy away!ARE YOU READY to BREAK UP with PERFECT? If so, leave a comment below this post where entries will be gathered and a winner will be chosen. Please CLICK HERE if you’re reading via email. All comments must be shared on my blog to be entered. THANKS!!
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The struggle of trying not to compare or matchup to how everyone else looks along with their accomplishments can take the life out of me. This book would provide a means to help many of us work through the process of recognizing that we are already perfect in God’s eyes and continually accomplish wonderful things every day.
This is the perfect book for me! I try so hard to be perfect, and I’m so hard on myself because of it! I tend to forget about grace so easily… 🙁 I cant wait to read this book! 🙂
Definitely sounds like something I need to read.
I love the connection to the broken figurines being glued back together and how God glues is back together. I am looking forward to reading this book and sharing it with a few friends who desperartly need the message.
My Mom is the perfectionist and at 53 I’ve never measured up to her ideals. I’ve tried to break that cycle as a Mother. It is a balancing act with the desire to have your children become all they can be but allow them to be human and make mistakes.
Laura, I’m recognizing a repeating theme about mothers and daughters in the comments. Lynn Cowell and I are going to put our heads together to do a post or series on her blog in a month or so. Although I see that I’ve passed on so much of my perfectionism to my oldest son, we’re now on a sweet journey to break up with perfect together. We’re going to put a stop to it in this generation!
I would love to read your book.
I would love this book!
I can’t wait to read your book. I struggle daily with the expections I have for myself and feel that others also have for me. Love your writings
Oh, how I would love to win this book because perfectionism is not my middle name but my first name. While I am responsible for my thoughts, there are others, co-workers, family, church family who expect perfection as well. So I always feel like I’m walking on egg shells and if one drops, it’s my fault. I didn’t expect the unexpected, I didn’t try hard enough, I wasn’t good enough as a person or in my walk with the Lord. I’m trying to accept myself as God sees me, knowing that perfection will not be complete until I arrive in heaven, but while in the here and now, it’s very difficult.
I write in the book about my over-developed sense of responsibility. There’s a story about how Renee was one of the forces in helping me to recognize it. I’m so thankful for her!
The daily struggle to be perfect and everything for all those in our lives is tiresome and torture. I’m currently going through this battle in my life so this speaks volumes to me. I’ve trained myself to be perfect and respond accordingly for so many years. I’m just now asking myself if it will make me happy…whatever it is. I know that I’m not alone and to hear this message shared among so many women, while a little sad, is also inspiring. I pray we all find peace, comfort and acceptance in being our true selves.
Wow! I certainly see myself here. I would love guidance in “breaking up” with all those things/relationships–whatever the case may be–those things holding me in the “must have perfection” mold/habit. How freeing to be able to live my life without those feelings holding me down and just lean on God only. Your book sounds wonderful!
Oh how we women need to hear this! As an older adult, I teach young women in Bible study and see them struggle regularly to be the “perfect parent, spouse, co-worker” etc. It is killing them. I’ve been there and feel their pain! I had a conversation with one young mother just the other day as she faced an uncertain diagnosis for her child. Her comment was, “He’s just so perfect in every way. I don’t want anything to be wrong.” Thank you for sharing this important message!
I thought I had broken up with perfectionism several years ago, but God’s been showing me that there are deeper layers yet to be discarded! Perfectionism can be so sneaky… Any help in rooting it out would be welcome! 🙂
Yep. I started writing the book thinking I had something to share. I finished knowing God is still at work in me!
I know that this book was given to you by the Lord! For years I (unrealistically) believed I was the only person who felt this way. Thank you for sharing your story and in doing so help take away the veil of guilt and shame I have been feeling. I look forward to a life changing experience as the Lord helps me love myself as much as He does!
Bless you,
Sylvia, that’s so funny! Even as I wrote the book I wondered if I was the only one who felt this way. I’m thankful to have sisters on the journey to breaking up with perfect!
Thank you for sharing. I need to be reminded that I have to stop demanding perfection from those around me. And that only God can give me peace and contentment. I look forward to reading your book!!
All my life I have struggled with trying to be perfect with my family, my friends, at church, how I look, always needing to do what I think others expect. Still at age 70, I feel this way. Your devotional thoughts are helpful in making me realize that I don’t have to be perfect all of the time and that I need to let go of this thinking, especially since as I get older, it gets harder and harder to do. Thanks for you inspiration!
Charlotte, my favorite name for God is Redeemer. He really is able to redeem, and it’s never too late! I’m so thankful.
i really Need this book thank you
i have learned from my al-anon slogan progress before perfection. I perfection when i hear my navy dad’s voice in my head that nothing is ever go enough. for i know i settle for progress not perfection
This book sounds great and exactly what I need to do. My lack of perfection is bring me down. Funny o don’t expect anyone or anything else to be perfect, just me. Thank you for your ministry. Always seems to speak exactly what I need to hear.
I would like to also break up with perfect’s cousin procrastination! I would love to read this book, such PERFECT timing with what the Holy Spirit keeps pointing out to me!
You’re so right! Glynnis Whitwer has a book coming out in a couple months about procrastination, and it has a chapter on perfectionism. I can’t wait to read her perspective!