I’m so thankful for the gift of my friend Kimberly who is with us today to openly share her struggles with condemnation and how it has made her see herself so differently than God does. Please take time to watch this less than 2 minute really powerful video message her church created, and then read what she wrote below about the way God spoke to her heart about His perspective of our failures and flaws.
{If you are reading this via email, PLEASE double click here to visit my website and watch the video).
From Kimberly…
A few years ago, if you would have asked me if I believed that God loved me, I would have told you, “Yes.” Realizing His great love for me has been one of the sweetest truths I have ever come to know.
BUT, if you had asked me if I believed God could use me or would even WANT to use me… well, I would have hemmed and hawed and never really landed on an exact yes or no. Why? Because I felt unusable. My sins and mistakes disqualified me. I looked at myself and saw all of my flaws. I saw deep insecurities. I saw my too often short temper. I saw a lack of discipline, a lack of Biblical knowledge. I saw lack upon lack, failure upon failure.
“Jesus loves me? Yes. He died for me. But Jesus would like to use me. Ummmm…seriously? I think not.”
I love how He corrects our wrong thinking through His Word.
As I sat reading the Bible one day, heart heavy from discouragement, God led me to read John 3:17. It comes right after John 3:16, one of the earliest verses we ever learn about how God loved the world so much He sent His only Son Jesus to die for us so that, believing in Him, we could have eternal life. John 3:17 goes on to tell us more:
“For God did not send His Son Jesus into the world to condemn the world, but that the world through Him might be saved.”
I felt the Lord urging me to look up the definition the words “condemn.”
Condemn- 1. to pass an adverse judgement on; disapprove of strongly, censure; 2. a) to declare to be guilty of wrongdoing; convict b) to pass judicial sentence on; inflict a penalty upon c) to doom; 3. to declare (property) legally appropriated for public use; 4. to declare unfit for use or service. (Webster’s Dictionary)
That was exactly how I felt. Unsafe. Unlovely. Unusable.
Convinced that Jesus wanted to wrap caution tape around my life to keep people back. “Stay away from this one. I love her, but she’s still too messed up to be of any use to me. Better stand clear of her.”
The words of John 3:17 coupled with the last definition released a flood of truth and healing over my heart. The Father was whispering tenderly to me. He did not see me as I saw myself. He did not see a condemned building…someone dangerous. Someone unlovely. Someone unusable. He saw someone He loved so much that He would send His only Son to die a shameful and excruciating death for her. He sent His Son to save me. To forgive me. To heal me. To set me free, fill me up, and USE me.
The tears began to flow as He let me know that I am usable. And not only does He find me usable. He wants to use me. I am not the same woman I was 13 years ago.
- I have been forgiven of all of my sins. (1 John 1:9) (even the “big bad” ones)
- I am a new creation. (2 Corinthians 5:17)
- I am complete in Christ. (Colossians 2:10)
- I have purpose in Him. (Ephesians 2:10)
Let these sweet truths wash over you today. Jesus did not come to label you unusable. He loves you and He has a purpose for your life that is of great use to His kingdom!
***
Thank you so much Kimberly for sharing your heart and being so honest with us today. I got so much encouragement from your video and writing. So many of us can relate to what you shared.
Let’s Connect: So friends…How about you? Do you believe God loves you, yet struggle to believe He could ever use you? Do you struggle to believe He would want to use you as you look at all of your sins, flaws and failures? I’m so thankful for this message that sets the stage for some real life transparency today.
Discover more from Renee Swope
Subscribe to get the latest posts sent to your email.
Renee & Kimberly ~ I am so thankful for all that you have shared through the book and blog! You are helping me to put into words the feelings I’ve always had of unworthiness ~ to own my doubts and insecurities ~ and to give them to the Lord and let Him heal my heart. There always twists and turns in the road, in my days 😉 I have found that when I stay close to Him they are easier to navigate. I’m so hopeful and looking forward to the day He uses me <3
Hi, Lorna! What is so awesome is that I feel VERY sure He is ALREADY using you! I so often catch myself thinking that being used by Him has to be something “big”. But I think He uses us daily far more than we even realize. 🙂 So don’t see it as a day somewhere far off in the future kind of thing. Know that daily He cannot help but pour out of you when you allow Him to fill you up. YOU are a vessel making a difference for His kingdom…right now. 🙂
So excited God is using Renee’s book (which if full of wisdom from THE Book!) to help your heart. He certainly used it in mine!
I sure know this feeling I know He Loves me but don’t feel worthy or good enough to be put into action especially to do good works when I don’t even have a grip on my life?
It’s kind of funny that Renee ran this post with my video at the same time that I have a devotion I wrote called “Imperfectly Usable” running at another site. And it is about exactly what you wrote here. How can God use me when I don’t have a grip on my own life. If you have a second, here is the link. Blessings to you, Donna! I know He does want to use you. Right now. 🙂
http://www.5minutesforfaith.com/7893/imperfectly-usable/
Hi, sweet ladies! I am just getting in from a week of vacationing with my family, so I apologize for being late in responding any here. And even though I know He wants to use me, it sure is still humbling to find yourself over at Renee’s awesome place. Thanks for having me, sweet Renee. Heading to read and pray back over the responses. 🙂
I didn’t know you’d be back today but I”m so glad you had time to pop over. I know you have lots of unpacking to do but thank you for blessing us with your sweet words of prayers and encouragement!
I am really struggling with this exact thing! Go God! I am a working Mom of a busy toddler, and I am also soooooooooo behind in this book! Thanks for the encouraging words, and the soul nourishment. God is never done, although I write myself out of his redemption story everyday. I’m gonna keep on keepin on!
Keep on keeping on friend. Keep pressing in and pursuing Him. He is chasing you while you chase your precious toddler. I so understand. I have one too and she can’t be let out of sight. :0) Just read a page a day. Hide it in the bath room and lock yourself away for 5 mins a day :0). He’s got so much for you and that precious little one will benefit from mommy giving Jesus time to love on her!!
I can completely relate! I have always known that God loves me, but to use me for ministry or in any way that matters??? No! I used to feel that all I could be was a mom and wife…both are high callings, but is that a ministry?? I am finding that it is, because one of my jobs is raising children with awesome faith and being a Godly wife that supports and lifts her husband up. So, I’m starting to believe He wants to use me but in a different way than I had thought.
Yes, He does. And how He uses us and what He plans is so much better than we could plan for ourselves. Praying for you Kristi!
I love this post! I, too, used to believe that God loved me, but I was not usable, and that I had meesed up the life he gave me so badly that He no longer had a plan for my life. It has only been in thye last 2 years that I have started to realize that God does still have a plan for my life, and all I have to do is follow His will. It was a very scary thought, thinking that God no longer had a place for me to fill on this earth, and I can’t even say that I was 100% sure that He even loved me anymore. The mistakes I have made, and the person I was, died 2 years ago, and a true believer and follower of Christ was born. I love the Lord with everything I am, and I am finally living my life according to His will. Funny that I could have ever thought He didn’t have a plan for me anymore, because I am feeling so blessed right now, and I know what I am doing in my life and the person I am today, is the person God always intended me to be. Thank you, Lord!
I love the NEW life you are finding in HIM!! He will never ever give up on you friend. God wouldn’t ever tell you that you’re unusable – but the enemy will disguise his voice to convince us it’s the Lords and lead us into pit of lies – which sounds like what happened.
You are redeemed, restored and even all that brokenness can and will be used by Jesus to bring hope and healing to others as you point them to Him and His hand of grace woven into your story of life-transformation. THey will want what you have found!!
Even as I watched the video and read Kimberly’s words, I find I am still struggling. Today has been a really rough day for that struggle for me. God has called me to ministry. I know this. But I still feel like I am failing my family because I cannot provide for them in the way I want. I know that I need to readjust my thinking. But this Job time God is putting me through is starting to wear me down. I don’t know what it is that I am supposed to be learning from it. Every time I think that I am making steps forward, I fall back again and fight this fight with feeling like I am not good enough. I’m worn out from fighting the same old fight over and over. The good news I always hold onto is that even though the fight crops up over and over, God is always there providing me with hope. Eventually this storm too will pass and He will help me learn what I need to know.
Father, I thank You for Nancy. I thank You that You have led her to this book. I thank You that You want to strengthen and encourage her heart. And I thank You that Your plans for her are for good. To give her a hope and a future. I thank You that she is turning to You for hope and direction. Speak to her heart. You are the lifter of her head. You are the lover of her soul. You are all that she needs and so much more. I pray that in years to come, as she looks back on this season, she will see that You were indeed using it for her good. Help her to hold on. And thank You that You are always holding on to her. Amen.
Hugs to you, sweet Nancy! You are not alone!
Kimbery thank you so much for sharing this. How often to we focus on the “Important” verses when truth is just one verse later. I had never read John3:17. … John 3:16 yes, John 3:30 yeas, but there right in the middle was a freedom verse that would change my life just as much. I have been struggling with being useless because I have no friends, which has been battling this study against worldly feelings. If I’m not good enough for friends, how can I be good enough for God to use for anything. WOW how God answers when we seek Him. Thanks again for sharing.
I remember riding home in the car with my husband after church one Sunday. We had been married for just a little while and we had moved to a new city. I had made no friends, and my heart was crushed. I cried and cried. I ached for friends I could call or just hang out with. And He did bring friends (precious, precious women of God) into my life over time. But I look back now and see that those times when friends were either few and far between or even non-existent, those were times I got to deepen my relationship with Him. When I had no one else to run to instead of Him, I ran to Him very quickly.
Please don’t believe the lie of the enemy that you are not good enough for friends. Keep praying for friends. Ask the Lord who you should reach out to in friendship. And keep pressing in close to Him. He loves you so, so very much.
Lifting you up in prayer,
K
Hi Renee and ladies!
This was a blessing. I’m just now beginning chapter 7. Condemnation…Ugh! This week, I faced such an uphill climb back to feeling worthy after letting my temper, emotions, and frustrations get the better of me. I felt so low. But, God! He coached me back to feeling better, but it took some doing and some reading!!!! I’m really trying to take every thought captive, and do as you suggest in your book, which is realize that ” because God’s love is perfect, I don’t have to be”. This was a hard thing to recall and accept because I was so busy beating myself up and weeping. God showed me that I have to be a little tougher and fight back when I’m attacked this way. All in all, I’m 35, and not where I once was. I thank God for this study…for making me read this book and do the work so I can be who He saved me to be and walk in victory everyday, even when my day is not the greatest. Anyway, I pray you all enjoy the rest of the weekend. God bless!
I could have written the beginning. Thanks so much for the wonderful ending Kimberly
I’m still working on it, can’t seem to get the condemnation out of my own head. God’s forgiven me, now I just have to let go & let God, then I someday I can forgive myself too.
Thanks you Kimberly for sharing your story. I truly understand being unusable. I feel like that too. I look at my life and wonder how did it get to this point. Then I think of all the bad decision I had made. For me the struggle I seems to have be having is how can use a single woman like me. I see everyone else and they have a husband and children that they can impart God wisdom and love on and I look at my life and say what about me. I feel like I am left out of the equation somehow. I think I am going off topic here, but this is how I am feeling. Even though this is not what you were speaking on, I look at my friends life and they have move on with husband, wives, and children, and I wonder what did I do wrong to still be single? All I ever wanted was to be married and have children and now at 42 years old, I have none of that. I feel left behind like I am not good enough to have that type of life the way God design it. What is wrong with me?
Oh, I wish I could throw my arms around you in a ginormous hug (which may be awkward for you seeing as we have never met…LOL) and tell you that there is NOTHING wrong with you! I know I cannot fully understand how much this longing for a husband and children hurts. And I do not want to say anything to belittle that pain one single bit. And so I will simply say that I am praying, sweet Stephanie. I am praying and lifting you up to the God Who loves you, the God Who created you on purpose and for a purpose, the God Who sees and knows the desires of your heart, the God Who has just the right plans for your life.
Consider yourself hugged and prayed for. 🙂
K
Thanks…i needed the message today. So appreciate your ministey in this Bible study.
Thank you so much Kimberly for sharing this real part of you with us. (me)..and thank you Renee for posting this. I have always struggled since a young girl with much of these feelings, but God has kept his promises and has delivered me from so much insecurity. Those thoughts still pop up now and again, but now I know who to go to for the truth that overcomes those lies. I will admit that I still stumble with this sometimes, especially if a trial comes along. It’s so easy to forget to give yourself grace. So grateful that God’s love and grace is bigger than my own.
♥Lee Ann
I still stumble with this, too, Lee Ann! Forever in need of His grace, His love, and His Word to redirect this heart of mine. 🙂
Thank you Renee and Kimberly…..I to struggle DAILY with my “mistakes” and wonder how ‘I” can forgive myself. I carry around guilt that haunts me everyday. I’ve asked God for forgiveness but “I” can’t forgive myself. I let my evil tongue get the best of me and talked about personal issues with friends I shouldn’t have and disrespected my husband. He say he forgives me but he never lets me forget it. He’s a very private person and we actually ended up moving out of state to start over. My kids are unhappy, I’ve left friends ( I grew up where we left) my comfort zone, etc. I feel like God is punishing me and my children. They beg me to go back even after 8 months. I’m haunted by this and feel how can God ever use me. I”ve hurt others and that is SO not like me. I feel like a disappointment, old, a disgrace, not worthy of anyone’s love. And you know what extremely lonely. How can God use a torn up soul? My guilt my therapist says is for criminals not for someone who makes mistakes. Why can’t I believe this?? Why can’t I believe God loves me and forgives me. I have to stay in God’s word daily or I get very depressed. I find hope in all I’ve learned from this book…but an empty soul . One day I hope I can move past this and find peace…
I have actually heard before, Cheryl, that it is not that I need to forgive myself when I make mistakes. Instead, it is all about me needing to RECEIVE the Lord’s forgiveness. To believe He has forgiven me and to receive His forgiveness. And, oh. How hard that can feel. It is humbling. So humbling. Praying for you. I do not have any answers for all that has happened. I am so sorry. But know that you are not the first or the last person to make any kind of a mess. AND God is so much bigger than any mess we can make. I am praying for you and clinging with you right now to the truth that He works ALL things together for our good. He isn’t done with you or with this situation. Praying for you as you CLING to Him, to His Word, and to His love for you. Much love, K
Thank you kimberly …what a beautiful testamony.
I am teacher my first sunday school class tomorrow… A little scared howerver trusting GOD…its a singles Bible study I keep saying GOD has not let me down and I know he will give me what I need to do what he needs me to do…why? I believe his word. I can do all thing through christ whom strenghten me.
That is so exciting! I know as you lay your willingness at His feet, He will indeed use you! Praying for you as you get ready to let Him come flowing out of you tomorrow! 🙂
Thank you Kimberly, I have clinical depression and 10 years ago was told I could no longer work. It was devastating to my self-worth. For me, I thought I was no longer of any value because I couldn’t bring in a pay-check. Then I began getting closer to God and have found I am blessed because I can worship and spend time with Him any time I want and need. I have also had time in developing my passion and work from home. I still struggle with thinking I am a condemned building sometimes because of sins and flaws when I do this I will remember the verse you posted and know He can use me too.:)
Reading of your willingness to open your hands humbly to Him and say, “Lord, use me where I am” encourages my heart. Blessings to you, precious Peggy!
I have a genetic skin disorder and have struggled most of life believing the lie from the enemy that I was a mistake. For many years I believed God must have loved me less because he allowed me to born like this. I made many mistakes through the years and when started studying the bible God revealed the truth of His love for me. He did this in a very powerful way in a bible study I attended on praying scripture aloud. The leader was reading Psalm 139 the words pierced my heart. 13″For you created my inmost being you knit me together in my mother’s womb. 14 I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made, you works are wonderful. I know that full well. 15My frame was not hidden from you when I was made in the secret place.
I imagined my body being formed in my mother’s womb. I saw my body being formed. God was watching me being formed. I still had the skin disorder. God was looking at me smiling. He reached out His hand and provided the grace to cope with this disorder. I had prayed for many years for God to heal me. He healed me on that day in a way I did not expect. He healed me with Love and acceptance.
I am sending this because I the Holy Spirit prompted my heart.
My God Bless You all.
You are Loved
“He healed me with love and acceptance.”
Beautiful! What a powerful and tender testimony of the power of His Word and the power of His love. Thank you for sharing! Blessings to you, Margaret!
Thank you Renee and thank you too Kimberly for sharing this testimony. It is so strange how the Lord confirms His word to us. I too felt this same way. I know the Lord loves me but could not see Him ever using me with all my faults, flaws, and failures. Yet He gave me these same scriptures and I have been sharing them with other women. Again thank you for reminding us of His love for us.
I love, love, love when He gives me the same Scriptures in different places. 🙂 Blessings to you as you trust that He DOES want to use you!
Thanks, Kimberly for your message. Your message is such a sweet reminder that God wants to use each one of us. Renee, shall pray for Aster. Blessings to Kimberly and Renee.
Anna
Thanks so much, Anna! I am so glad He has never tired of encouraging this heart of mine. That He has willingly reminded me countless times of His love for me and His desire to use me. Blessings to you as you allow Him to use you! 🙂