Ever longed for other’s approval? Does the spin cycle of affirmation-seeking sometimes leave your heart wrung out? Today, I’ve invited my beautiful friend, Jennifer Lee Dukes, author of Love Idol, to sit with us for a while and share how we can live free from our need for approval – knowing we are already preapproved:
My 10-year-old daughter decided a few weeks ago to cut ten inches off of her hair and donate it to an organization that makes children’s wigs.
She didn’t tell me her plan until we were a few minutes away from the hair salon. I had assumed she would be asking for a half-inch trim.
It seemed like a rash decision to me, but Anna assured me that she’d thought it through.
“I’ve had this in mind all summer,” she said resolutely from the back seat of our car. “I want to donate my hair. Because it would mean a lot to me if I lost my hair and someone donated theirs to me.”
But what Anna didn’t tell me was this: She was secretly afraid that she’d hate her new hairstyle. She didn’t share that piece of information with me until after the ten inches had been snipped.
Despite her fears, she went through it. Because, inside her small self, she apparently knew this truth about a life of faith:
if you never risk the scary thing to do the right thing, you’ll miss the chance to be a part of the God Things.
In the end, she told me, she actually does love her new haircut. (And I do, too.) But that wasn’t the point. That was never the point.
The truth is:
Doing the right thing isn’t always the beautiful thing, and it might not be the popular thing. But if we set out in our life, only to be liked or applauded in this life, we will compromise anything, and thus, achieve nothing.
I don’t write these words as a way to publicly pat my daughter on the back.
I tell you this story because her actions have something to teach any of us who have been scared to say “yes” when God calls us to do something that feels scary.
I’m not proud to say that there have been times when I have said “no,” out of fear.
That happened a few months ago, when someone from a large Christian women’s conference asked me to speak at an event. I felt in my spirit that God might be telling me to say “yes,” but I was too terrified to follow through. I had never spoken to a crowd that large before.
So I told the conference organizer, “no.” Out of fear.
You want to know what made my “no” even more absurd? I had written a book called Love Idol a few months earlier, encouraging women to give God their yeses, even when they’re scared!
With my “no,” I had contradicted my own advice.
Thanks be to God, He gently guided me back to the truth. And a few weeks later, I gave my “yes” to another conference planner, despite my trembling heart over whether people would approve of me.
Most days, I know the truth about who I am. I know that I have nothing to prove and that in Christ I am already approved – pre-approved!
When I remember that, I can say yes with more “God-fidence” despite my fears.
Those yeses are important. Because the moment we stop fussing over how it will all turn out, is the moment we start actually living for God. Only then can we fearlessly love our neighbors, lead a Bible study, talk into a microphone, pray out loud, stand up for our beliefs, fight for the underdog, speak truth in love, write a book, or take audacious risks for the Kingdom.
We can give our voice, our story, our love. Our yes!
Even our hair.
His Banner Over You is Love.
The value of your yes isn’t adequately measured by the response of those who are watching. Worth isn’t measured by virality or Facebook shares. It is measured by a God who declares us incalculably worthwhile, and immeasurably loved.
When we know who we really are — approved and loved by Christ — we are no longer held back. We are free. Because we know we are His.
Not because we are viral. Or invited. Or magazine-cover-beautiful. Or applauded at the annual meeting.
But because we are His.
His banner over you doesn’t say, “Prove yourself” or “Try Harder” or “Go Viral.” His banner over you isn’t a sales report or a Facebook share.
His banner over you is simply this –
LOVE.
You don’t have to earn anyone’s love anymore. Believe this: That you are already God’s beloved.
Enter to Win
What resonated with your heart as you read Jennifer’s thoughts about being preapproved?
Share Your Thoughts and ENTER to WIN a signed copy Jennifer’s book, Love Idol, and a custom PreApproved necklace. Jennifer is giving away three book & necklace gift sets.
Jennifer Dukes Lee is a storyteller and grace dweller. She is author of Love Idol: Letting Go of Your Need For Approval—and Seeing Yourself Through God’s Eyes. She and her husband are raising crops, pigs and two humans on a farm in Iowa. Read more at JenniferDukesLee.com.
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Love the necklace and what a great word to have on my neck to remind me, who I am and that I am already preapproved
His banner isn’t “Go Viral” or “Prove Yourself” — it’s LOVE. Thank you, Jennifer, again. I love everything about this message — quite possibly because it’s the very practical Gospel — and would love the opportunity to gift an all-time-favorite book. xoxo
I have never heard of Jennifer’s book or even as an author. I am anxious to try this book as it sounds like something that I struggke with often! Thank you.
His love not only covers us from all of the outside stressors but it also gives us his protection to not want what others have and to believe in HIS belief in us. He pre approved us for all if this … He knows the DNA of our hearts and can breathe the Holy Spirit in to us to go and share his love. This pre approval gives us strength, perseverance and courage. It is in this that we walk with HIM !
I’m still struggling with God’s preapproving me, but today I watched the skit guys God’s Chisel on Youtube and God loves us unconditionally regardless of what we done even though He is more concerned with making us more in the image of His Son. Not what people expect to be. It really spoke to me and sort of relates to what your saying. I need to trust God more and worry about what He thinks.
Thank you for this important reminder and message. Thank you to my Lord & Savior Jesus Christ that it is become more and more real to my heart. I loved the story about your daughter’s hair! What a brave girl she is!
OMG, talk about toes being stepped on…this is a message that I most definitely need to hear, and thanx for sharing it….God has been urging me to lead a certain Bible Study but I have had so many excuses, the main one being I am not qualified….but now reading this, I’ve already been pre-approved and just need to grasp the God-fidence that you mentioned….love that word…right up there with God-incidence…definitely need to get a copy of your book to help me give God my yeses, even when I am scared…like teaching a Bible Study. I have the books, the DVDs needed for the study, but being held back by fear.
I can so relate to this, Jennifer. Thank you for sharing your heart so openly. I can relate because I’ve been asked to speak to a much smaller crowd before, and like you, I wanted to say no. It turned out that illness prevented me from taking that first opportunity anyway, but I know it’s coming. And I’m still scared, but I know God will equip me. Beautiful reminder that I don’t have to prove myself. Much love to you.
I appreciated this and feel it is critical to all ladies, regardles of their age. Battling all the ways that we may feel unloved is spiritual warfare and thankfully, victory can be ours in Christ. think about getting this necklace for my 19 year old daughter. Thank you.
That I had been praying for this certain job and when the door finally opened I wanted to say “No” because it was a new environment and new people and I started to doubt myself whether or not I was the right person for it even after the manager told me I would be a great fit for them. So instead of telling them “No” I am going to tell them yes and take that leap of faith and God will take care of the rest.
The book looks like something that we should all read. The necklaces are so pretty and send a good message!
This article really spoke to my heart when I read “if you never risk the scary thing to do the right thing, you’ll miss the chance to be a part of the God Things.” I have been avoiding taking on roles at our new church out of fear. Fear I might do things differently or not well enough and be rejected. But I have stepped up to the plate and am attempting some things that place me outside my comfort zone. After reading this I feel like with God’s help we can Knock it out of the park so to speak. It doesn’t matter if I do things differently as long as do what God has placed in my heart, His way, then I am a success in the only eyes that matter – His.
Thank you for sharing your story and thank your daughter for having an obedient spirit, she is an inspiration to me and I am sure to many others.
Thank you for this beautiful reminder of God’s love for us – that it is solely based in what Christ did for us and not what we can do for Him or others! Our worth has already been assigned to us through His sacrifice and Christ’s actions. Why is it then that we seek so much approval from others?? A large blog following, approval of our new haircut or new outfit? This world has drilled into us the notion that we have to live up to something. Everything. God’s truth reminds us that these are lies Satan uses to make us feel less than. Looking forward to reading your book and sharing with others!
Your “no” must have been a very difficult admission to make and then to write about, but thank you for doing it. We would all be braver, I think, if we were reminded of the grace that is ours when we fail.
First, kudos to your daughter…what courage that took!!! Second, kudos to you for the obvious virtues you are teaching her. Finally, thank you for sharing her and your story with us.
It is so much easier sometimes to say ‘no’ than it is to face our fear. Facing those fears is not only scary due to the thing we are afraid of, but it also brings to the forefront our fear in our relationship with God…and that’s even scarier.
At times, we all need little reminder that we are ‘pre-approved’ and you did a great job filling that order today…keep it coming!
I am afraid of failure…failing my children, my husband…because I feel like a failure…I am afraid of not measuring up to being smart enough for my husband…that someone will come along and snatch him away because she is smarter, prettier, etc…that my children still blame me for the divorce, especially since I was the one that left their dad…those insecurities are hard to reign in sometimes…I know this sounds absurd for someone who is 49, and remarried now for almost 16 years, but I feel that way…and there is a long story behind this feeling of course as there is with each of us…we all have a story of where we came from, of things we have endured in life, just things…and I guess that goes into not being good enough for God either…failing Him when I need to be doing what He wants me to do or setting the example He wants me to set…with that being said, and not really necessary, the book sounds like it could be a help for many, myself included…
We all are pre-approved, created in His image…this reminder I needed…
Hi, Deborah: I pray that you will be able to find total, complete rest in God, who He says you are, and what He requires of you. Always be reminded His love for you is great and deep, and as we are being reminded, in Him we are enough! Let’s look to Jesus, the Author and Finisher of our faith, and cling tightly to Him!
Deborah … Your comment touched a tender place in my heart this morning, and I want you to know that you are being prayed for today, by this farm wife in northwester Iowa. Praying that you can rest in the sure hands of Jesus, and the God who gives you your identity. Preapproved, friend, Preapproved. Keep preachin’ that Gospel truth to your own precious heart!
Ah! This is awesome! Approve PHOBIA ! Everyone goes through this. But our God overlooks this PHOBIA and frees us from this by approving us as we are though e go to HIM without going to a beauty parlor to make ourselves very presentable. Love this thought you have shared.
I want every single person to know this & understand our AWESOME GOD!
I like this thought you shared: “…go to Him …to make ourselves very presentable.” Selah! Stop and think of that! What more could we want to be presentable as our God defines presentable? Thank you for sharing this. Never thought of it as “Approve PHOBIA!” 🙂
Fantastic article. God’s love for us encourages me to love more.
The Spirit moves in so many ways, so encouraging to see that he moves us & our kids also:) Book souds great, always working on not obsessing about what others may or may not think about me:)
Thank you so much, I’ve always struggled with wanting approval from others. I’d LOVE to win this book!