Ever longed for other’s approval? Does the spin cycle of affirmation-seeking sometimes leave your heart wrung out? Today, I’ve invited my beautiful friend, Jennifer Lee Dukes, author of Love Idol, to sit with us for a while and share how we can live free from our need for approval – knowing we are already preapproved:
My 10-year-old daughter decided a few weeks ago to cut ten inches off of her hair and donate it to an organization that makes children’s wigs.
She didn’t tell me her plan until we were a few minutes away from the hair salon. I had assumed she would be asking for a half-inch trim.
It seemed like a rash decision to me, but Anna assured me that she’d thought it through.
“I’ve had this in mind all summer,” she said resolutely from the back seat of our car. “I want to donate my hair. Because it would mean a lot to me if I lost my hair and someone donated theirs to me.”
But what Anna didn’t tell me was this: She was secretly afraid that she’d hate her new hairstyle. She didn’t share that piece of information with me until after the ten inches had been snipped.
Despite her fears, she went through it. Because, inside her small self, she apparently knew this truth about a life of faith:
if you never risk the scary thing to do the right thing, you’ll miss the chance to be a part of the God Things.
In the end, she told me, she actually does love her new haircut. (And I do, too.) But that wasn’t the point. That was never the point.
The truth is:
Doing the right thing isn’t always the beautiful thing, and it might not be the popular thing. But if we set out in our life, only to be liked or applauded in this life, we will compromise anything, and thus, achieve nothing.
I don’t write these words as a way to publicly pat my daughter on the back.
I tell you this story because her actions have something to teach any of us who have been scared to say “yes” when God calls us to do something that feels scary.
I’m not proud to say that there have been times when I have said “no,” out of fear.
That happened a few months ago, when someone from a large Christian women’s conference asked me to speak at an event. I felt in my spirit that God might be telling me to say “yes,” but I was too terrified to follow through. I had never spoken to a crowd that large before.
So I told the conference organizer, “no.” Out of fear.
You want to know what made my “no” even more absurd? I had written a book called Love Idol a few months earlier, encouraging women to give God their yeses, even when they’re scared!
With my “no,” I had contradicted my own advice.
Thanks be to God, He gently guided me back to the truth. And a few weeks later, I gave my “yes” to another conference planner, despite my trembling heart over whether people would approve of me.
Most days, I know the truth about who I am. I know that I have nothing to prove and that in Christ I am already approved – pre-approved!
When I remember that, I can say yes with more “God-fidence” despite my fears.
Those yeses are important. Because the moment we stop fussing over how it will all turn out, is the moment we start actually living for God. Only then can we fearlessly love our neighbors, lead a Bible study, talk into a microphone, pray out loud, stand up for our beliefs, fight for the underdog, speak truth in love, write a book, or take audacious risks for the Kingdom.
We can give our voice, our story, our love. Our yes!
Even our hair.
His Banner Over You is Love.
The value of your yes isn’t adequately measured by the response of those who are watching. Worth isn’t measured by virality or Facebook shares. It is measured by a God who declares us incalculably worthwhile, and immeasurably loved.
When we know who we really are — approved and loved by Christ — we are no longer held back. We are free. Because we know we are His.
Not because we are viral. Or invited. Or magazine-cover-beautiful. Or applauded at the annual meeting.
But because we are His.
His banner over you doesn’t say, “Prove yourself” or “Try Harder” or “Go Viral.” His banner over you isn’t a sales report or a Facebook share.
His banner over you is simply this –
LOVE.
You don’t have to earn anyone’s love anymore. Believe this: That you are already God’s beloved.
Enter to Win
What resonated with your heart as you read Jennifer’s thoughts about being preapproved?
Share Your Thoughts and ENTER to WIN a signed copy Jennifer’s book, Love Idol, and a custom PreApproved necklace. Jennifer is giving away three book & necklace gift sets.
Jennifer Dukes Lee is a storyteller and grace dweller. She is author of Love Idol: Letting Go of Your Need For Approval—and Seeing Yourself Through God’s Eyes. She and her husband are raising crops, pigs and two humans on a farm in Iowa. Read more at JenniferDukesLee.com.
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It’s a huge blessing to know that I don’t have to ‘do’ anything to earn God’s love, because we can never be or do enough to earn it anyway. This sounds like a great book! I’d love to be able to read it & share it with others.
I also struggle with doing the right thing even when it’s scary, but I want to model the way for my 16-year-old daughter so she can see me exhibiting the “God-fidence”, and can hopefully have it too.
Its so awesome to know HIs Banner over Me Is Love!!!
As I read through Jennifer’s statements about being preapproved, I realized that I had never thought of God’ love in that way. This is such a liberating feeling for me to know that I only need to know of His approval for me and to not need affirmation from anyone else. God’s preapproval is like being surrounded and protected, and as long as I know that He approves of me, no one else can come against me.
It is wonderful to think that the God who created the heavens and the earth loves me and that I matter to Him! I love the thought of being PRE-approved! Thank you for this devotional and the beautiful reminders that we are loved. The necklace is a lovely sentiment.
Thank you dear friend. His banner over me is love. I need the reminder I don’t need others approval because I have Jesus:). Please enter me in the drawing!
I so wish I knew HIM then….now that I know about My Savior, I do not need anyone’s approval. And that is what I am trying to teach my kids.
Just to have Jesus in their lives and that HIS love is sufficient!!
I don’t know where to begin. He is my rock and my salvation yet I try to make others happy and ensure that I am approved by them. Why? I know he loves me, I know he died for my sins – why can’t I get my heart to let go and know that he is all I need – I need to realize that I am preapproved by him, for him and because of him! Thank you for that!
Wow, what a question, Tonyia! “…why can’t I get my heart to let go and know that He is all I need. . . ” i ask that. I know in my head, but it seems my heart is not totally convinced. “get my heart to let go” is a good thought. May God help to totally let of go in our hearts of what is not of our loving Heavenly Father, and cling tightly to Him, His truth, and His great and deep love. In Jesus’ Name, Amen!
From the very start of my life… as far back as I can remember… I was trying to get people to approve of me… And it never was any good… because I was always hurting, not pleasing… somebody… but mostly me… I have had a real bad struggle trusting God… well something has came up this week that I have to learn to love and trust him more and more… Not look at the world.. but keep my focus on the one who created me.. He knows what is going on… He is already there.. Please just keep me and my health situations…. in your prayers… Thanks you so much
Thank you so much for this reminder. We are going through a tough time financially right now and it is easy to focus on the negative. The good thing is that I have a Father that loves me and has a plan for us. I will keep praying and expecting good things to happen. 🙂 Can’t wait to read this book!
I know in my head that I’m preapproved. I want to know it in my heart & live life out of that fact.
The word ‘audacious’ stuck with me. I’ve done things that are very audacious for furthering the Kingdom and then gone back and kicked myself that I stepped out wrongly and made big time mistakes that are going to be bad news. It was helpful to realize that I am not stepping out audaciously for the approval of others. I’m pre-approved by God!
I felt the same way the author did when I was asked to teach our Sunday School class at church. Even though our church is small and I knew everyone; I was still scared and nervous about whether or not they would like my lessons. I prayed over the decision until God finally made me realize it wasn’t about me at all. Everyone was just glad I did it and they all thanked me every week after class. I can do anything with God!
What struck me was the banner over me is NOT “Try Harder” or “Prove Yourself”. I have struggled with this most of my life and an emotionally/mentally abusive marriage and toxic, destructive divorce process has only reinforced my so-called unworthiness to me. Just love seems such a radical proposition! Just as I am. Preapproved. I will need some time to have this message sink in. Thank you so much for this post today!
Sounds like a wonderful book. I know what it is to be scared but still say YES to God and the blessings that come with it. But sometimes still allow my fears to get the best of me. Hope to grow in this area and be more God minded and less intimidated and fear minded.
“Those yeses are important. Because the moment we stop fussing over how it will all turn out, is the moment we start actually living for God. ” Boom!! That speaks volumes into this woman’s heart!! Wow!! Shared on my FB page 🙂 Not sure how to post the actual link, but here’s my page.
https://www.facebook.com/patricia.kettellcordell
What a beautiful and wonderful reminder!
I really need to hear this! I will liking to buy this book if I don’t win it
Sometimes when a thought pops into my mind, which is most likely the Holy Spirit, it’s easy to dismiss it because I am too fearful or I think it’s not a good idea. This quote of Jennifer’s spoke to me…”if you never risk the scary thing to do the right thing, you’ll miss the chance to be a part of the God Things.”
I never thought of that this way! It made perfect sense. I am pre-approved. So now when I’m doubting anything that may come my way then I need to remember that He who loves me says that I am ok! I really needed to hear this today!