Ever longed for other’s approval? Does the spin cycle of affirmation-seeking sometimes leave your heart wrung out? Today, I’ve invited my beautiful friend, Jennifer Lee Dukes, author of Love Idol, to sit with us for a while and share how we can live free from our need for approval – knowing we are already preapproved:
My 10-year-old daughter decided a few weeks ago to cut ten inches off of her hair and donate it to an organization that makes children’s wigs.
She didn’t tell me her plan until we were a few minutes away from the hair salon. I had assumed she would be asking for a half-inch trim.
It seemed like a rash decision to me, but Anna assured me that she’d thought it through.
“I’ve had this in mind all summer,” she said resolutely from the back seat of our car. “I want to donate my hair. Because it would mean a lot to me if I lost my hair and someone donated theirs to me.”
But what Anna didn’t tell me was this: She was secretly afraid that she’d hate her new hairstyle. She didn’t share that piece of information with me until after the ten inches had been snipped.
Despite her fears, she went through it. Because, inside her small self, she apparently knew this truth about a life of faith:
if you never risk the scary thing to do the right thing, you’ll miss the chance to be a part of the God Things.
In the end, she told me, she actually does love her new haircut. (And I do, too.) But that wasn’t the point. That was never the point.
The truth is:
Doing the right thing isn’t always the beautiful thing, and it might not be the popular thing. But if we set out in our life, only to be liked or applauded in this life, we will compromise anything, and thus, achieve nothing.
I don’t write these words as a way to publicly pat my daughter on the back.
I tell you this story because her actions have something to teach any of us who have been scared to say “yes” when God calls us to do something that feels scary.
I’m not proud to say that there have been times when I have said “no,” out of fear.
That happened a few months ago, when someone from a large Christian women’s conference asked me to speak at an event. I felt in my spirit that God might be telling me to say “yes,” but I was too terrified to follow through. I had never spoken to a crowd that large before.
So I told the conference organizer, “no.” Out of fear.
You want to know what made my “no” even more absurd? I had written a book called Love Idol a few months earlier, encouraging women to give God their yeses, even when they’re scared!
With my “no,” I had contradicted my own advice.
Thanks be to God, He gently guided me back to the truth. And a few weeks later, I gave my “yes” to another conference planner, despite my trembling heart over whether people would approve of me.
Most days, I know the truth about who I am. I know that I have nothing to prove and that in Christ I am already approved – pre-approved!
When I remember that, I can say yes with more “God-fidence” despite my fears.
Those yeses are important. Because the moment we stop fussing over how it will all turn out, is the moment we start actually living for God. Only then can we fearlessly love our neighbors, lead a Bible study, talk into a microphone, pray out loud, stand up for our beliefs, fight for the underdog, speak truth in love, write a book, or take audacious risks for the Kingdom.
We can give our voice, our story, our love. Our yes!
Even our hair.
His Banner Over You is Love.
The value of your yes isn’t adequately measured by the response of those who are watching. Worth isn’t measured by virality or Facebook shares. It is measured by a God who declares us incalculably worthwhile, and immeasurably loved.
When we know who we really are — approved and loved by Christ — we are no longer held back. We are free. Because we know we are His.
Not because we are viral. Or invited. Or magazine-cover-beautiful. Or applauded at the annual meeting.
But because we are His.
His banner over you doesn’t say, “Prove yourself” or “Try Harder” or “Go Viral.” His banner over you isn’t a sales report or a Facebook share.
His banner over you is simply this –
LOVE.
You don’t have to earn anyone’s love anymore. Believe this: That you are already God’s beloved.
Enter to Win
What resonated with your heart as you read Jennifer’s thoughts about being preapproved?
Share Your Thoughts and ENTER to WIN a signed copy Jennifer’s book, Love Idol, and a custom PreApproved necklace. Jennifer is giving away three book & necklace gift sets.
Jennifer Dukes Lee is a storyteller and grace dweller. She is author of Love Idol: Letting Go of Your Need For Approval—and Seeing Yourself Through God’s Eyes. She and her husband are raising crops, pigs and two humans on a farm in Iowa. Read more at JenniferDukesLee.com.
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“if you never risk the scary thing to do the right thing, you’ll miss the chance to be a part of the God Things.”
This. I was just telling God how “no” feels so much safer than “yes”. Even though I know the opposite is true: nothing is safer than my yes to God. Perfectly nestled in His arms & walking His will is my safest place.
I want to win ☺️
I always feel fearful when I have to speak in front of my peers. But I have stepped out of my comfort zone over the last couple of years. God has called me to be a small group leader for my church. Each week I feel less than qualified to share with the wonderful ladies that God has brought to the group. But He has been so faithful. He helped me to find a wonderful friend to co-lead with me, and has given me words to help and encourage and teach. He has also taught me so much. It’s hard to step out in fear, but the rewards are so wroth it!!
Sometimes its just so hard to realize i am HIS. The world has told me i am worthless and no good, yet God tells me he loves me. Thank You Lord!
Wow…I thank you for convicting me! I am not a very outgoing person but my life and the life of my family has been and continues to be a story that needs to be told…not because I want fame (believe me I run from the thought), but because I may have something that speaks to the hearts of others. Often asked…usually quiet… Forgive my fear … let me feel the unconditional “pre-approved” review of my Father.
Thank you for speaking truth
Pre-approved….not always easy to wrap your head around that one!! Not ‘perfect’ or ‘finished’ just approved, chosen, loved, accepted as we are…..knowing we can be so much more and tenderly leading us in that direction!
I love the reminder that our search for significance does not depend on accomplishments or opinions of others! Only that I am a daughter of the KING and my self-worth is found only in the love, acceptance, and forgiveness of Christ. Sometimes it’s hard to remember that or feel that way in daily life.
I have signed up for these blogs as I way to reconnect with God. I grew up in a Christian home and ran far away when I turned 17. I am now 34 and trying to get my stuff together for my daughters. I feel that I am struggling with unwillingness to follow his commands due to addictions, habits, and my controlling ways. I have been forcing myself to read all of these blogs and emails, hoping that I will feel connected again. I thank you very much for this post! It is very encouraging and helpful!
When I take my eyes off of me and them and focus on Christ and His finished work I can have “God-fidence”. I don’t have to do the toiling (work harder, do better, missed the mark, etc). Believe what God has said about me.
Thank you for your words of truth and encouragement
“When we know who we really are — approved and loved by Christ — we are no longer held back. We are free. Because we know we are His.”
This resonates with me so deeply because it is something I am struggling with right now. I have put myself in between a rock and a hard place paralyzed by the decision on whether to quit my job where I am not fulfilled and pursuing my passions and purpose full time and letting go of the “security” I think I have in my job. I really need a breakthrough…. I don’t know what it’s going to take… I am so afraid of making the wrong decision I haven’t made one at all…
Such a great reminder! I need this everyday!
What resonated the most with me is I too feel like if I say Yes, God may have wanted it but people might not. I let my fear of being approved of or not affect my obedience to God. I pretend to not care what others think about me but I actually care a whole lot. I think every one does. The difference between us all is whether or not we are brave and say yes anyway.
Because I am His, I am approved, loved, and valued. This truth means the world to me. Daily I have to cling to this truth and its implications for me. Thank you for sharing these encouraging words.
I loved this line, “the moment we stop fussing about how it will all turn out, is the moment we start living for God” (sorry if this wasn’t totally correct, it was from memory as I write). This is so true, when we finally learn to trust God to get it all right, we fix our eyes on Him and not the problem. Then and only then, can we rest in Him.
I so love that we are “pre-approved”!
Blessings!
Yes Lord I hear you, loud and clear!!! I need this book!
Thank you for these beautiful words and video. So beautiful and powerful. Over three years ago, I endeavored to share with women their worth in Christ through a powerful biblical study, such as this. I was heeded by “a friend” that if I proceeded, I would fail. That person instilled fear in me…fear of failure, fear of being judged, fear of looking foolish. I prayed long and hard. I said “yes” because of words like that was shared with me to trust God and His approval. It was a moment I started living for God and God started living through me. I have seen lives transformed as a result. It would be my honor and joy to share this material and testimony with others.
Thank you so very much for sharing this today.. I have had and still have a hard time with thinking people don’t like me or don’t approve of the things I do. It even happens with church things. I help with our youth and sometimes I feel like I am being judged because I don’t do things their way. In love these words, ” I know that I have nothing to prove and that in Christ I am already approved – pre-approved!”. These are words I need to speak daily.
what an encouraging word-thank you! so much of my life has been wasted trying to gain approval by others. when you sit and ponder that the fact of the matter is, my only audience in the Living God it sure makes life less stressful and exhausting and my heart wants that much more to please Him with my life. I realize my walk of faith is not determined by my works but when God gives me a word, i need to give Him my very best. Your daughter’s testimony speaks so clearly to me, what a great example for all of us to pattern after. Thank you for sharing. This will be a great illustration to share with the preteens at church. thank you again! <3
Thanks so much for a much needed reminder! 🙂
I am complete in Christ! I need to remind myself of the Truths that are in God’s Word on how I am one with Christ! I am preapproved!
Yes, Ma’am, Sherri! I need to remind myself of those things, too. Let’s Cling to Jesus, God’s great and deep love for us, and Their precious promises/truths for us. Thank you for sharing.
Sorry I misspelled your name. I should have looked a little more closely. 🙂
I need to daily, no minute by minute!nto,keep my eyeshot Jesus!! Trusting what HE says about me!!