Ever longed for other’s approval? Does the spin cycle of affirmation-seeking sometimes leave your heart wrung out? Today, I’ve invited my beautiful friend, Jennifer Lee Dukes, author of Love Idol, to sit with us for a while and share how we can live free from our need for approval – knowing we are already preapproved:
My 10-year-old daughter decided a few weeks ago to cut ten inches off of her hair and donate it to an organization that makes children’s wigs.
She didn’t tell me her plan until we were a few minutes away from the hair salon. I had assumed she would be asking for a half-inch trim.
It seemed like a rash decision to me, but Anna assured me that she’d thought it through.
“I’ve had this in mind all summer,” she said resolutely from the back seat of our car. “I want to donate my hair. Because it would mean a lot to me if I lost my hair and someone donated theirs to me.”
But what Anna didn’t tell me was this: She was secretly afraid that she’d hate her new hairstyle. She didn’t share that piece of information with me until after the ten inches had been snipped.
Despite her fears, she went through it. Because, inside her small self, she apparently knew this truth about a life of faith:
if you never risk the scary thing to do the right thing, you’ll miss the chance to be a part of the God Things.
In the end, she told me, she actually does love her new haircut. (And I do, too.) But that wasn’t the point. That was never the point.
The truth is:
Doing the right thing isn’t always the beautiful thing, and it might not be the popular thing. But if we set out in our life, only to be liked or applauded in this life, we will compromise anything, and thus, achieve nothing.
I don’t write these words as a way to publicly pat my daughter on the back.
I tell you this story because her actions have something to teach any of us who have been scared to say “yes” when God calls us to do something that feels scary.
I’m not proud to say that there have been times when I have said “no,” out of fear.
That happened a few months ago, when someone from a large Christian women’s conference asked me to speak at an event. I felt in my spirit that God might be telling me to say “yes,” but I was too terrified to follow through. I had never spoken to a crowd that large before.
So I told the conference organizer, “no.” Out of fear.
You want to know what made my “no” even more absurd? I had written a book called Love Idol a few months earlier, encouraging women to give God their yeses, even when they’re scared!
With my “no,” I had contradicted my own advice.
Thanks be to God, He gently guided me back to the truth. And a few weeks later, I gave my “yes” to another conference planner, despite my trembling heart over whether people would approve of me.
Most days, I know the truth about who I am. I know that I have nothing to prove and that in Christ I am already approved – pre-approved!
When I remember that, I can say yes with more “God-fidence” despite my fears.
Those yeses are important. Because the moment we stop fussing over how it will all turn out, is the moment we start actually living for God. Only then can we fearlessly love our neighbors, lead a Bible study, talk into a microphone, pray out loud, stand up for our beliefs, fight for the underdog, speak truth in love, write a book, or take audacious risks for the Kingdom.
We can give our voice, our story, our love. Our yes!
Even our hair.
His Banner Over You is Love.
The value of your yes isn’t adequately measured by the response of those who are watching. Worth isn’t measured by virality or Facebook shares. It is measured by a God who declares us incalculably worthwhile, and immeasurably loved.
When we know who we really are — approved and loved by Christ — we are no longer held back. We are free. Because we know we are His.
Not because we are viral. Or invited. Or magazine-cover-beautiful. Or applauded at the annual meeting.
But because we are His.
His banner over you doesn’t say, “Prove yourself” or “Try Harder” or “Go Viral.” His banner over you isn’t a sales report or a Facebook share.
His banner over you is simply this –
LOVE.
You don’t have to earn anyone’s love anymore. Believe this: That you are already God’s beloved.
Enter to Win
What resonated with your heart as you read Jennifer’s thoughts about being preapproved?
Share Your Thoughts and ENTER to WIN a signed copy Jennifer’s book, Love Idol, and a custom PreApproved necklace. Jennifer is giving away three book & necklace gift sets.
Jennifer Dukes Lee is a storyteller and grace dweller. She is author of Love Idol: Letting Go of Your Need For Approval—and Seeing Yourself Through God’s Eyes. She and her husband are raising crops, pigs and two humans on a farm in Iowa. Read more at JenniferDukesLee.com.
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A friend shared this post with me. And it was great timing. I do stress out about being approved by everyone. It was interesting to look at in a way that I am pre-approved by God. This is something that I am looking forward to the day that it fully sinks in. I want to be free from the need to seek others approval. I do not need it as child of God.
Amazing, thank you. How wonderful to know that we are God’s chosen, we are daughters of the King, free.
Anna, your beautiful and you hair looks wonderful, your story brought tears to my eyes as I remembered my little girl, cutting her beautiful long, long hair and donating it. She was so excited and I was a little sadden, but she said to me “mom someone needs my hair”. My Sara is now 18. Blessings to you sweet child.
Just what I needed — I hate that I always try to please others and expect their approval. It’s as if I think their approval validates God’s approval. And obviously that’s not true. Thank you so much for sharing.
Brenda
Great message. One we need to remember each and every day! Thank you for sharing, Renee!!
“God”fidence is so different than self-confidence the world promotes. Godfidence relaxes and gives peace. Self-confidence burdens and gives pressure. Thanks for putting words to my need today.
I needed to hear that today! Thank you for your words!
Thank you so much for this message! I am very hard on myself and allow the enemy to push me to question my value in God’s eyes. I need to be reminded that I AM “preapproved” in His eyes! If I don’t win, I would still like to get the book and necklace. Where can I order them?
Experiencing God’s love emotionally is a challenge for me, partly due to 30 years of an abusive marriage where I was rejected daily. I know His word is true, though.
The video brought tears to my eyes thinking about how God loves each one of us, individually unique.
As I’m venturing into a new business career to help women there will be many opportunities to speak out in front of groups. But that fear factor so easily crops up for me too! In spite of that, I will try to remember that God has a plan and may help just one woman then or in the time ahead for them.
And for my children and granddaughters, they too, need to hear God’s approval as this world is filled with so many challenges now. I want to minister that love of God to them in words and actions of their approval.
And for myself, I need to remember His love. Recently I have been challenged to overcome those thoughts of condemnation with knowing He does not condemn me nor say I’m not enough.
Thank you so much for this encouraging word from Jennifer! God bless you for your ministry of ENCOURAGEMENT to us women!
Thank you so much for this encouraging article. I have found myself more than once in that place of self-doubt that caused me to turn down an opportunity to use the gift God placed inside of me simply because I didn’t believe I would be accepted. I’ve also experienced the moments when I say “yes” despite my fears and God showed up! This article was a great reminder that that we are not approved of God based on what we do, say or how we look, but we are approved because he loves us unconditionally and we are accepted by Him. Thanks for sharing and I hope I am able to read the book.
Thank you so much for this message. What an incredible message for us as women. We so need this in our culture right now. I can’t wait to read this for me and for my daughters. Thank you for blessing us with your God given talents!!!
“if you never risk the scary thing to do the right thing, you’ll miss the chance to be a part of the God Things.” Saying “yes” to following God when He sent my family to Indonesia as missionaries in 1999 changed forever the way I live my life. It was such a scary thing at the time but God over and over and over again proved Himself faithful and today I am more quick to yes to the right thing whether it’s scary or not. It’s not always easy to discern the right thing, is it? To me that’s the scariest. My second thought is that I have such high expectations of myself, it’s such a joy to be reminded that I am pre approved. I will have to keep reminding myself of that.
A beautiful and inspiring post. I love your notes Renee.
I get many bible quotes and readings daily to help me start out my day, but your notes seem to touch a special place in my heart….perhaps it’s because you write from your heart. Any artist knows that those thoughts and emotions from one’s heart (filled with the spirit) transfer to the reader or viewer….you have a special gift and I honor our God who gave that gift to you. Bless you and yours…..Jean
These words of affirmation is something I need in my life so badly. I know all this in my heart but my mind keeps doubting. I pray that your book will help in clearing out the doubts once and for all. God bless you.
Loved reading this! I’m thankful that I am pre-approved in Christ! Too many times I’m distracted by what the world says to be approved, especially when it comes to my hair, weight, or what I wear. These things are trivial compared to how Christ approves me! He has made me just the way he saw fit!
What a brave young lady…it shows that no matter your age you can be a role model to others. She displayed perfectly how to “do it afraid”. Amazing what we learn from children.
What an example of fearful love in the giving of a gift that would mean so much. The chain reaction that occurs in one simple act will never be fully know this side of heaven. Being a born again believer, pre-approved are words we often forget. We need not answer to anyone but God. It cannot get any better than that. Thank you for sharing.
I tend to forget that I’m God approved. Like one could forget? Duh! He made me and some days I’m lucky my brain wirfs to remind me that I’m alive another day because of Him. But some days, like recently, fear gets ahold of me so tight I can’t let go. I recently said no out of fear to something God wanted me to do. And now I’m wondering what blessing I missed…
Laura … At times, I forgot, too. I daily ask God to remind me who I am. Do you know that song by Jason Gray, “Tell Me Once Again Who I am to You, who I am to You….” Perfect song for us, yes??
Wow, that video was awesome! I have a Bible study with two young girls (H.S. age) and I can’t wait to share it with them. God has been speaking a similar message to me in so many places, what a blessing!
Wow! This is what all women need to hear, myself included. I love how there is also a necklace to remind us of His love and what that means.