Ever longed for other’s approval? Does the spin cycle of affirmation-seeking sometimes leave your heart wrung out? Today, I’ve invited my beautiful friend, Jennifer Lee Dukes, author of Love Idol, to sit with us for a while and share how we can live free from our need for approval – knowing we are already preapproved:
My 10-year-old daughter decided a few weeks ago to cut ten inches off of her hair and donate it to an organization that makes children’s wigs.
She didn’t tell me her plan until we were a few minutes away from the hair salon. I had assumed she would be asking for a half-inch trim.
It seemed like a rash decision to me, but Anna assured me that she’d thought it through.
“I’ve had this in mind all summer,” she said resolutely from the back seat of our car. “I want to donate my hair. Because it would mean a lot to me if I lost my hair and someone donated theirs to me.”
But what Anna didn’t tell me was this: She was secretly afraid that she’d hate her new hairstyle. She didn’t share that piece of information with me until after the ten inches had been snipped.
Despite her fears, she went through it. Because, inside her small self, she apparently knew this truth about a life of faith:
if you never risk the scary thing to do the right thing, you’ll miss the chance to be a part of the God Things.
In the end, she told me, she actually does love her new haircut. (And I do, too.) But that wasn’t the point. That was never the point.
The truth is:
Doing the right thing isn’t always the beautiful thing, and it might not be the popular thing. But if we set out in our life, only to be liked or applauded in this life, we will compromise anything, and thus, achieve nothing.
I don’t write these words as a way to publicly pat my daughter on the back.
I tell you this story because her actions have something to teach any of us who have been scared to say “yes” when God calls us to do something that feels scary.
I’m not proud to say that there have been times when I have said “no,” out of fear.
That happened a few months ago, when someone from a large Christian women’s conference asked me to speak at an event. I felt in my spirit that God might be telling me to say “yes,” but I was too terrified to follow through. I had never spoken to a crowd that large before.
So I told the conference organizer, “no.” Out of fear.
You want to know what made my “no” even more absurd? I had written a book called Love Idol a few months earlier, encouraging women to give God their yeses, even when they’re scared!
With my “no,” I had contradicted my own advice.
Thanks be to God, He gently guided me back to the truth. And a few weeks later, I gave my “yes” to another conference planner, despite my trembling heart over whether people would approve of me.
Most days, I know the truth about who I am. I know that I have nothing to prove and that in Christ I am already approved – pre-approved!
When I remember that, I can say yes with more “God-fidence” despite my fears.
Those yeses are important. Because the moment we stop fussing over how it will all turn out, is the moment we start actually living for God. Only then can we fearlessly love our neighbors, lead a Bible study, talk into a microphone, pray out loud, stand up for our beliefs, fight for the underdog, speak truth in love, write a book, or take audacious risks for the Kingdom.
We can give our voice, our story, our love. Our yes!
Even our hair.
His Banner Over You is Love.
The value of your yes isn’t adequately measured by the response of those who are watching. Worth isn’t measured by virality or Facebook shares. It is measured by a God who declares us incalculably worthwhile, and immeasurably loved.
When we know who we really are — approved and loved by Christ — we are no longer held back. We are free. Because we know we are His.
Not because we are viral. Or invited. Or magazine-cover-beautiful. Or applauded at the annual meeting.
But because we are His.
His banner over you doesn’t say, “Prove yourself” or “Try Harder” or “Go Viral.” His banner over you isn’t a sales report or a Facebook share.
His banner over you is simply this –
LOVE.
You don’t have to earn anyone’s love anymore. Believe this: That you are already God’s beloved.
Enter to Win
What resonated with your heart as you read Jennifer’s thoughts about being preapproved?
Share Your Thoughts and ENTER to WIN a signed copy Jennifer’s book, Love Idol, and a custom PreApproved necklace. Jennifer is giving away three book & necklace gift sets.
Jennifer Dukes Lee is a storyteller and grace dweller. She is author of Love Idol: Letting Go of Your Need For Approval—and Seeing Yourself Through God’s Eyes. She and her husband are raising crops, pigs and two humans on a farm in Iowa. Read more at JenniferDukesLee.com.
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The sweet, refreshing extraordinary gift of being free because of His approval of me. Nothing I ever did or nothing I will ever do will give Him reason to take away the precious gift of His acceptance and
pre-approval me whether it be on one of those glorious days or one of those super
“I’m a mess kind-of’days”.
Thank you for being so brave. It is quite humbling to do life with you through your books and social media. Your words have been healing grace to my soul and they fight for me. When I read your posts I feel like you are fightting for me to become brave. To show up. To dream big. To give grace. This post has taught me to fight. Fight every day to know who I am. That I am not defined by my failures nor my triumphs. I am learning to love myself, learning to sing praise in the storm, learning that I don’t need answers, I need Jesus. Finding rest in the fact that I am learning how to love myself. Praying boldly for you and with you. We love you Jesus.
Pre-approved is really, finally sinking in for me in this challenging season of life. Thank you for sharing these thoughts.
I was just talking to a life coach about not knowing what my next path is. I am wondering if I really know the next step, but if I am letting fear keep me from really seeing it because I am waiting for someone else to give me permission. I want to get to the point were I know what I want to do and can “say yes with more “God-fidence” despite my fears”.
How beautiful! A reminder to us all Who our worth comes from. I can’t wait to read this book.
Too many times I had looked for approval in the wrong places and in people. I tried so hard to please and be the perfect person, everyone wanted. After a long journey of trials and tribulations and a divorce, I fell rock bottom. I not only was in a dark pit, there was a blank mirror when I looked at myself. If I could only push a button to erase all the negative and start all over would had been awesome. Yet, God(my Abba) never saw me with negativity or blackness all he saw was a huge rainbow of beauty in me. Realizing that I am Pre-Approved no matter how many times I fail, fall and be make mistakes, my Abba love and presence erases everything and tells me that I am Pre-Approved he is just ready for me to accept his plans (application) with no strings attached, waiver, or no down payment of any sort is the most free I have been in such a long time. All I am seeing is all the Love, Grace, and Mercy he has in store for me.
This is something even now at 56 yrs old that I continue to struggle with daily. The lies are so deeply ingrained in me that I really have a difficult time letting them go. This post brought me to tears since you were speaking my heart. Thank you. I am trusting and believing that God will get me through this and believing that I am enough.
After spending practically my whole life living for the approval of others and living in fear of what people think of me, I think I’m finally getting it. Perfect love casts out fear. God loves me! I am chosen and accepted. I am pre-approved. Thank you, Jennifer, for your encouragement. I can’t wait to read your book!
Thank you for sharing your heart on this matter! It’s another big drop in the bucket of encouragement I’ve gathered to push me to do what God has called me to do without any fear or any excuses.
Thanks for sharing the truth, Jennifer! When we are scared or weak, God is strong. He continues to be faithful. The funny thing is, it still surprises me! Loved your book! Take care!
Thank you for affirming who we are because of Whose we are! As I’ve begun walking in an intimate relationship with God rather than just ‘knowing’ truth but experiencing the truth of being a beloved daughter of the most high God, It has been transformational, releasing me from worrying about what others think. I’d love to read the book and be able to share it with friends/family. Thanks so much!
I’ve passed up many opportunities to serve God in my lifetime because of my fear of failure to please others.
Thank you for this reminder that God has already approved me and that is all I need.
This looks so amazing and jam-packed with the truths of God’s love for each of us! I would LOVE to win the necklace as a daily reminder to myself, as well as the book. Wow! Thank you for making the decision to follow God’s lead and write this book. Blessings to you!
Thank you for this. I still struggle every day with wanting the approval of others and constantly trying to measure up (and always feeling that I have fallen short). This was a great reminder that there is only one approval that I need.
Can’t wait to read the book!
Such a very very God-driven word…God has been poking at my heart on this very issue. I am His…His opinion matters the most He is my faithful, loving Daddy!
Thank you Jennifer for writing such a truthful book. We are approved through the blood of Jesus! There are a couple of conversations that I need to have with two different people and It is kinda scary. Scary due to the outcome. I know that God is with me and He has beckoned me to have these two conversations, I just have to trust Him to speak through me and lead me to the right time and place. Your statement, “If you never do the scary thing to do the right thing, you’ll miss the chance to do the God Things.” WOW! God was speaking to me!
Please pray for me. Please enter me into the drawing for Love Idol and the approved necklace. Be blessed!
Gerri
I loved your video and post. This message spoke to my heart. I have had issues with wanting others approval but I have been slowly taking into my heart that God already approves of me and I am His.
The value of your yes isn’t adequately measured by the response of those who are watching. Worth isn’t measured by virality or Facebook shares. It is measured by a God who declares us incalculably worthwhile, and immeasurably loved. This is what stood out to me. All throughout my life I have looked for the approval of man. I have just wanted to know and feel good enough. This reminded me that my security is tied to who Jesus says I am and that is loved, accepted and he approves of me.
You’re so right! It was easy to say “yes” to God when He brought me the wonderful man of my dreams. It’s quite harder, however, when that amazing man pursues the calling God placed on his life as a worship pastor and starts seeking ministry positions across the country. Yes , Lord—to leaving my friends, my family, my home church I’ve known my whole life? But the scary thing is so often the right one—if we weren’t afraid, we wouldn’t need God. And God promises us He will be with us always. I’m am preapproved in love….and perfect love casts out fear! Thank you for reminding me of this today.
I spent my life feeling unworthy, unlovable, unaccepted; I was not enough. I was a nobody. I can remember as a young girl my grandmother would tell each of us children that we were just as good as anybody else. But, my heart didn’t believe it.
I lived most of my life seeking a love to fill the empty hole in my heart. I though my husband should do that, but never felt “good enough” for him. I though my children would fill that love hole, but felt like I wasn’t as “good” of a mother. I knew God loved everyone, but had trouble accepting that He really and truly loved me – just me. I didn’t have to earn love anymore. I wasted a lot of years searching for what I already had – real love.