Have your kids or someone else you love been hurt by others? It’s so hard, isn’t it?. The worst is when they are teased, rejected, bullied or ignored. This momma bear has a hard time when someone threatens her bear cubs.
My first instinct is to rescue them. Now that they’re teenagers, I can’t. My second instinct is to remove them. With teenagers, I can’t usually do that either. I’m also tempted to let what is happening to them tap into a wound of my own. That’s when I need to recognize how my past experiences have equipped me to coach my child through it and pray with sensitivity. But I have to be careful not to project my emotions and fears on them.
My friend Glynnis Whitwer has written a great book, “When Your Child is Hurting” to help us with this aspect of parenting that so few of us were prepared for. And she’s giving away 2 copies to 2 of you. I asked Glynnis to share with us why she wrote this book and how it can help us help our kids when they are hurting:
What was your motivation to write this book?
My first son, Joshua, wore glasses at 11 months old.And for the next six years, my little boy wore a patch over one eye to strengthen his weak eye. As a result, I was very protective, even to the point of being over protective.I wanted to save Josh from anything that might hurt him, especially the teasing I imagined he would face.If he had any problem, I wanted him to come to me, and I would take care of it.
However, the day Joshua entered kindergarten, I came to an abrupt realization of our new reality: Joshua had moved beyond my ability to protect him. As this truth wound its way around my heart, I realized I had to find another way to help Joshua.I really wanted to hide my little boy under my wings so no one would ever touch him, but knew that wasn’t an option. 
As I wrestled with this desire to protect at all costs, God started speaking gently to me about two very specific issues.The first was trust.God asked me a question He continues to ask me today:Do you just say you trust Me, or do you really trust Me?Really, this has been a defining question for my life; one that I had to settle in my heart.Do I trust Him with the life of my children, or do I just say I do.
Through this question, God revealed that my self-sufficiency was in fact pride.I assumed a role God never meant for me, and through that role, took God’s place in the life of my child.The truth is, I am a woefully imperfect and inadequate substitute for such a holy, perfect, and powerful Savior.When I assumed responsibility for my child’s complete protection, I was in fact training my son to look to me for answers and not God.
The second issue God dealt with me about was preparing my child to effectively deal with life and all its inevitable problems.I realized I had to teach my own children to be problem solvers.By trying to protect them from any problems, I was in fact thwarting their ability to become independent.God showed me I needed instead to prepare my kids to deal with problems, because trouble will arrive on our doorsteps our entire lives.
This book is really my story about how I addressed these two issues in my parenting.
You say allowing some pain to enter a child’s life is actually good.Why is that?
There are two reasons I think some pain is good for a child. The first is that pain, or suffering, or trials – whatever you want to call it – actually make us stronger.This is a biblical principle.Here’s what Romans 5:3-4 says,“…we also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope.”(NIV)
Learning to persevere through hard times develops character, and without a challenge, we can raise children with weak moral fiber.We want to build adults who won’t give up at the first sign of trouble, who will push through to achieve a goal.And it’s great for children to learn that under the protection and guidance of a loving parent.
Second, allowing some pain to enter our children’s lives also teaches them to turn to God.If a child’s life is free from all pain, she can easily miss her need for God.Although this seems paradoxical, I have experienced this in my own life.It is in times of deep pain and suffering I seek God’s peace, and God responds by settling in close.God teaches me things about Himself that I would never learn in the easy time.
How will parents benefit from your book?
It’s my prayer that parents will be helped as much as their children. As I struggled to help my children deal with life’s challenges, I’ve realized that my own emotions and patterns of thinking can hinder that help.I’ve had to work through my own fears, failures and disappointments.I want to help parents do that.
Second, parents will find very practical help in this book.I’ve filled it with examples from my own life, and the lives of others.Plus in every chapter there are very specific steps to take to help your child deal with some hurt.
Finally, I include some extras in each chapter to add value.I’ve included some great motivational quotes, Bible verse and discussion questions.It would be a good resource for a moms group or even for personal study.
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Thank you so much Glynnis for your wisdom and generosity in giving away 2 copies of your wonderful book along with 2 weekly reminder pads with scriptures to encourage and help busy moms.
I’m also adding 2 copies of my new message on CD entitled “The Power of a Purpose Driven Mom.” We’ll draw one winner from my blog comments and one from hers. Just tell us why you’d like to win today’s gift pack by clicking on the word “comments” below. Please include your email or blog address so we can reach the winners.
Then click here to visit Glynnis blog to enter for another chance to win! I’ll announce my winner Saturday so anyone who doesn’t win can buy Glynnis’ book for 31% off at P31 since – our amazing sale ends Sunday.
I would love to read your new book, thank you.
Hi, I am the single mom of 4 boys, ages 12, 10, 9 and 7. I have been parenting them alone for 6 years, after an unwanted divorce. As the years have gone by, I have learned to look to my Saviour more and more, and to trust His secure hand. My boys have had to experience more pain than I ever envisioned for their young lives. Currently, they are dealing with more broken promises and absence, which this divorce has brought. I continually point them to the Great Healer, and thought I might gain some additional insight from your book, When Your Child is Hurting.
Thanks!
[email protected]
WOW, I needed to read this today.
I often think I'm alone when I think, "you mess with my kid you mess with me" and immediately try and rescue my children.
Trusting God with my children is an everyday thing, (who am I kidding) every morning occurrence when they walk out the door.
Thank you for sharing that God showed YOU and me I needed instead to prepare my kids to deal with problems, because trouble will arrive on our doorsteps our entire lives.
Thanks for the opportunity to win the book AND teaching my children to persevere!
[email protected]
I would really love to learn how to encourage my children to rely on God and not on anyone or anything else when challenges arise. I would also benefit from this teaching! [email protected]
I have a child on the autism spectrum and a child with severe anxiety. My natural instinct is to want to protect them and shield them from any difficulties but I know in the big scheme of things, that isn't the best solution. This mama bear would love to read this book!
This is a great interview, Renee!
Thanks for sharing!
I often struggle with feeling like I need to protect my kids and feel like I have to handle a situation by myself. The reality is that I need to lift it to God!
I love how Glynnis explained that we need to allow our children to grow in struggles and learn to look to Him. Thanks for posting this interview!
I would love to win the CD to see what I could do in my life to be more purpose-driven. It would also be nice to win the book because it's a great topic. However, I'd love for you to listen to God's voice and provide the resources for someone who is desperate for help.
Teresa
As Sarah has entered Kindergarten, with all new friends, new teachers, new school, etc., I definitely could use this read to help me guide her toward independence & strength. She has seemed to struggle at times, which I attribute to my having been somewhat overprotective. I would enjoy this read, to help me more skillfully guide her to finding her own path and to become confident and comfortable within herself.
[email protected]
It is so important that God asks us the question, "Do you really trust me?" For if He didn't we wouldn't truly be his children. Letting our children(and in my case now grandchildren) be taught by God through life's hard lessons is necessary in our own maturing in Christ.
Wow! This is so practical for today in life for moms and in my life especially. My son sometimes gets picked on and my daughter just broke up with her boyfriend and there are changes at my work that affect me personally. I like the verse she quoted about perseverance. SO needed in my heart today! Thank you!
Lynn
[email protected]
Hope Im not too late to get in on this!!
My son is 13 and is consumed with fear. We are currently working/praying and trying to parent him in a way to release him of his fears. HOwever he gets picked on badly because of it. He is terrified of bugs, heights, behing outside alone at night and many other things. So you can imagine how this cripples his life and how teens are mean with their comments.
Betty Hodge
[email protected]
My daughter is a 4th grader and her 2nd year at this school. She has struggled with girls being bullies at school. It has sure been a learning experience of how to deal with it,especially when the teacher denies anything ever happens at school. This never happened at our other school. Thank goodness our daughter talks to us about her problems. I am so thankful to see someone giving others words from the Lord to help deal with this. Our only wish is that we had had this last year when we were really struggling.
[email protected]
I can relate to the patch/glasses– My son (now 3) has been wearing (LOTS) of glasses since he was 8mo. It is my 13yo that I worry about succumbing to the bullying and peer pressures. Through his actions, I see his cry for help and I have recently come to the realization that my only real resource is prayer. Trust isn't something that comes easy to me and to leave this situation in God's hands is terrifying to me!
Thank you so much for this message! It is a daily struggle for me not to rush in and try to "fix" things for my kids!!
This is so timely for me. My son just went through bullying in kindergarten, and we ended up moving him to a new school after trying to work with the old one. Now it seems we're trying to help him transition and clean up the damage that has been done.
Now that my children have left the safety of our homeschooling environment for the public school setting, I am seeing (and hearing about) this occuring not only to my children but their friends. Thank you for the opportunity to win this book!
I really needed this message and this book! I have middle schoolers and high schoolers that are struggling through this transition in life. As a mama it is hard to watch them go through hard times and not step in and fix it for them. Daily I am on my knees begging God to give me wisdom in what to say, when to step in and when to simply trust Him.
I have four boys just starting in public school and want to help them deal with pain in a Godly – healthy manner..would love to read the book!
My oldest child has dealt with some teasing this year and I would love some strategies to help her.
I'm entering this give-away because this issue has been heavy on my heart the last few months.
We have entered into a new phase of parenting, where our oldest is now entering the world of friends and some situations have arisen to which I have been totally unprepared for.
I would love to read this book and then have my husband read it so that we can prepare ourselves for the challenges that will come our way as we raise 5 children.
Thanks for the give-away 🙂
Were the winners from last week's Friday giveaway (copies of your resources) announced?
I so need this–my babies are 3 and 1 which means I need to get ready on helping them cope with life's ups and downs!! 🙂
Prayers and blessings,
Rebecca
While I would do anything to protect my little guys, I know that they must live and learn, though the process may be hard for me to watch. They are still very young, and I know the challenges, and the ensuing blessings, are just ahead.
My 14 year old son has hit the ground running as a Freshmen and when he reached his first hurtle he just stopped running! He is adopted and has hurts he brings from before he was able to find our "forever family". We have read many books and poured our heart out to the Lord and presently have no other choice but to trust God with our sons life. He has always stopped running when the race got hard, both literally and figuratively. If I win this book, I will know God wants me to read it. I have already found inspiration just in the introduction. -God Bless
This discussion is so timely!
I have two teens, both boys have Autism. Parents struggle with the issues discussed here even when children that have NO developmental disability but when the child is "injured" by your hearts standards by something like Autism and is unable to "fend" for themselves the way that most people can (at least at some point) it makes it even more of an act of "faith" to let go of the reins a bit.
I still am doing things for my teens that most kids have graduated from by the time they are 5-6 years of age! At times it takes great faith on my part to entrust them to the process of being in this world and everything that means.
Let me NOT even mention my own childhood issues of abuse making this process even more of a challenge to "let go" and "let GOD".
I need the message that this book offers as I am at a cross roads and needing to make some difficult choices. I want to send my faith into the future with my boys and not my fear.
Jennifer
God knows we AND our kids need HIS help!!
http://www.breathedeeply1.blogspot.com
Awesome message, Glynnis….I would love to have a copy of the book. I still need help as a great grandmother…
I 15yo daughter has been going through bullying at school lately and I have had to stand back and let her deal with it. It's so hard. I want to go in there and take over and fight her fights for her but I know I can't. I wish I knew what to say to her. She asked me the other day, why is this happening? Am I so bad? Broke my heart. This book would be a definite bonus to me right now. Not only with my daughter now but to help me with my younger two. Thank you for your generosity.
Debbie
dcf_beth at verizon dot net
I am SO scared to have kids! I was balling just reading this blog post – I really want this book!
I would love to have these rescources to use I have one son that is having lots of medical issues and its hard to watch. Also my 5 yr old is being bullied everyday, he was punched in the stomach yesterday and we are having a VERY hard time getting him to tell us everything. Please pray for my children.
[email protected]
I have been parenting a special needs child (moderately successfully, I believe) for 11 years. He has many obvious differences in his appearance and many daily challenges. I pray every day for God to keep his spirit strong, and his self esteem high. He is a superstar, and in so many ways he has overcome all of his unique challenges, deafness being just one. My biggest challenge on some days is keeping him strong and not letting him wield to self-pity or self doubt because of the comments of others. Every day we try to build up his self confidence and challenge him to do and try all the things that others believe he can't. Frequently, I feel guilty for pushing him so hard, especially when my Mommy instinct is just to hug and kiss him and indulge his every whim. Being Mom is not easy. :o)
I would love to win because I am always looking to better my mothering skills and become intentional and purposeful about living the life I was given. And a mom of 3 NEEDS a planner like she needs the Word and coffee lol
I would so love to read this book. I am in currently in the trenches with this topic as a mom of two daughters ages 12 & 14. Thank you for your transparency and your Godly wisdom.
My daughter is going through a very difficult time at school. The kids are terribly to her. She is often ignored or bullied. There seems to be no middle ground. I don't know how to help. I have prayed for her, with her, and over her. We could use all the help we can get.
Dora
This was so great and something I needed to hear. I want to keep my girls from feeling pain and most times I "feel" their pain more than they do. I need to trust God completely that he will protect my children. I would love to read this book.
[email protected]
Would be a good read for us Grandparents also as the same instincts rise up for our "grands"
Thank you for posting. I am dealing with some of this with my daughter. It is so hard to know how to help them. Can't wait to read the book!
Thanks for this wonderful message of encouragement – it spoke to the heart of this mother deeply! Would love to read Glynnis' book and listen to Renee's CD message.
Great word of encouragement today ladies! I've been learning some of these lessons along the journey of motherhood as well. I have a daughter who has had some chronic health concerns since she was a baby and have spent many hours (usually at night)struggling with why this would happen to her. I'm learning God is always there carrying us through. These experiences will help us grow closer to Him. Trusting no matter what is what this Mother longs to do! I am also learning that this is a way satan attacks me and my family – striving to pull us apart and make me question my loving Savior. Well get back satan – I'm not believing those lies any longer! Would love to read Glynnis' book and listen to Renee's CD. God bless you ladies!
What perfect timing. My high school daughter was just threatened by a 17 yr. old high school drop out who showed up at her school yesterday to find her. She has sent threatening texts to my daughter's phone and plans to come back to the school today. All because she heard that my daughter said something about her.
This Mama called the school and will be taking the phone with texts to the police later.
I would love to win these products to help me through times like this.
Thank you!
[email protected]
I remember being teased in 6th grade. Next year, my oldest son, who is a lot like me, begins 6th grade. And I am terrified for him. He is a lot like me, very smart, very shy, and mostly a loner. I never thought about ending my life, but I do remember wishing everything would just go away. I carry scars (on my Spirit, and Heart) from those years.
Both of these prizes sound wonderful and I would love them!
Thanks for your daily encouragment!
[email protected]
I would love to be able to read adn share this items with other busy moms at my church. I have 2 small children and am homeschooling. We are so busy and sometimes lose site of what really matters.. loving and living the way God wants us to. This would be an awesome gift thank you.
[email protected]
I would love to win these resources. My oldest son (14) was bullied (assaulted) at school. It was really bad. My heart is breaking for him and any help I can get so that I can be there for him would be wonderful.
Cazandra@http://oozingeveryday.blogspot.com
Oh how I wish I had this book when my girls we younger. I still struggle with so many things as a parent. My oldest daughter is now a single parent to a fabulous 9 month old boy. I would love to pass this book on to her. Thanks for the chance to win!
Kim W
Oh my word….my 3rd grade daughter and I just had two conversations yesterday about new friend struggles in her life….I can't believe the timing in this post! I didn't even know what to say to help her. Thank you, and thank you for the opportunity to win this book!
I'd love to have this duo deal because I'll take any help I can get for my boys in today's world. I want biblical solutions to what they deal with on an everyday basis. I want to raise them to be courageous, fearless, ready, and Godly for their faith.
Thanks
The mama bear raises up to protect her own and it doesn't always go as would honor the Lord. I would appreciate reading this [email protected]
Oh how I needed this message today. Glynnis, your comment, "God asked me a question He continues to ask me today: Do you just say you trust Me, or do you really trust Me?" really hit home. It made me question if I really trust God in serveral areas of my life and trials that I am going through right now.